hi..well its over =(..im shaking..its unreal to me

we had a fight..it wasnt my fault but ofcourse it got turned around on me..and he just gave up..he's the one who pressed the relationship wanted it more then anything in this world..and now he just..its done..

i tried for 5 hrs. working it out..he wouldnt listen..he was mad..he was hurt (he has alot of emotional issues)..so i kept trying..and trying..but he thinks all i wanna do is hurt him..id give the world to this man..give up all i have but he doesnt see it..just thinks i wanna hurt him and he doesnt wanna get hurt aagain..meanwhile im the one who he hurt..

i dont know wut to do..i tried getting in contact with him..but no answer..it just cant be happening..he just got home..it was bad..but it was sooo sooo good..and now he threw it out..

and i said i was there entire time u were locked up and ofcourse he goes ur using it against me??..he's not a bad person..he's just been so hurt and hurt..and i wish there was a way to show him i dont wanna hurt him..

every relationship has its ups and downs but u just dont give up so easily..i dont know what to do..my world is upside down..i tried calling but my calls dont get answered..i dont know what to think..i know his friends will tell him he's free now and can do wutever..but that'll get him in trouble..i care about him more then anything..and i just..i'm lost..

help me.. :(

Wow...I am speechless!! Keep fighting girl...don't give up. If he really loves you...he won't give up that easy either. He will realize that you do love him. He is probably acting out of emotions...not really thinking it threw. Give him some time...but don't turn away from him yet. But spend some time thinking about this...do you really want a relationship like this...is he the "one"...really put in some deep thought. Keep your head up!!!!!! I wish you the best. I am sooo sorry to hear that this has happened!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hugs:p
-Jackie

I'm So Sorry Honey!! Wow Umm I Really Don't Know What Happened To Get You All To This Point And I'm Sorry It's Come To This, All I Can Say Is Somethings Just Take Time To Heal, It Hurts To Let Go Sometimes But At The Same Time When A Couple Has Too Much Water Under The Bridge All They Do Is Hurt Either Way!!! Until Both Of You Can Relize The Faults You Have With Each Other And Are Ready To Change For Realz Then Sometimes Time Apart Is The Best , Whatever Happens Though I Wish You The Best Of Luck And Hopefully Things Will Work Out For You Two!! It Does Take A Strong Women To Stand Beside Her Man, Through Incarceration!!!

Awww :( Gurl I am sorry that this is happening to ya especially since ya stuck by his side through all of his time locked up. Like Blondie said "keep fighting" and don't stop until you know for sure that you & him won't work things out. Fight for your relationship with him and keep fighting and don't give up!! I hope things do get better for you & him and that he starts acting right in da head. Hang in there gurl & Good luck :)

i totally feel for you!!!

how long has he been locked up?

it sounds like he is feeling really insecure, and rejected..even though you have shown him the opposite...

hang in there, give this some time...

what set this off?

you can pm me anytime if you want to talk!!!
all my best hopes and prayers go out to you and your man
francis

:grouphug: I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Is it possible that he just put his foot in his mouth and will call soon wishing he hadn't left things the way they are? It sounds like this happened fast, not sure what lead up to it (not that it's my business) but sometimes we make hasty decisions we live to regret. Whatever happens I wish you well. Feel better, honey.

Thinking of you,
Patty

I am so sorry, I will pray that everything works out. I know this must be real hard on you. Just know that we are here for you.

I am with Patty, thinkin' he will live to regret this and pretty soon at that. Take it with a shaker of salt, not just a grain.

thank u ladies..

the fight was a stupid fight..i brought something up..and he got mad at the way i brought it up, i made it seem like things were fine when he was at work but brought it up when he got inn..which i thought was reasonable?

i spoke to him before..he is mad..its like he doesnt hear me..he's not upset..he's MAD..and contradicting saying he didn't mean wut he said..then saying he did..i dont know..im being so patient..u dont know..he's very very stubborn..it takes alot..but im willing to because i know how he is

i dont want to give up, because to many times before i pushed away when i wanted to hang on..but it's him..he won;t see past his anger (issues with that)..he won't feel the pain the hurt the love..just anger..

i have never dealt with someone like this before, and i am giving my all, and i know alot of people would walk away when someone doesnt wann hear them out.but i understand him..and want to prove to him that his past doesnt have to be his future

i dont know where this stands..but thank u ladiess..if anyone is dealing wit someone like this, how do u do it? please share =)

once again thank u for the great advice ! God bless

:grouphug: :grouphug: schnuckums, you deserve several group hugs.

Sorry to hear of the difficult time you've been experiencing w/ your man. I am hopeful and prayful that things will work out. When dealing w/ men that have been at the retreat, at times we have to respond to them differently.

I've noticed that they can be extremely sensitive, defensive and want to take the focus off them when a disagreement arise.

Give him some time to cool down. I am quite sure he'll come around.

Stay encouraged. :thumbsup:

My man is very stubborn, and has a past that has left him with trust issues! He even admits and recognizes that he is overly afraid that I am going to leave him, or cheat on him.

I do understand his issues, and can't say if I had experienced some of the things he has, I wouldn't be distrustful. At least you say you do understand him and since this did come up really sudden, I would give it a cool down period and go from there. We can help with their issues but only they can change their views of trust. Sounds like he's issues are with himself, not you. Just give it time.

I hope things work out for the best for you. It is hard to work things out when people cannot communicate, and it sounds like he is shutting you out. Hopefully he will feel he is able to come and talk with you, and maybe get things on the right road again. Sometimes it is extremely difficult for men to say they are sorry. Good luck.

I am so sorry this is happening to you but don't give up too soon. If he really loves you it will all work out eventually and if he doesn't it is better that you find out sooner rather than later (easy for me to say, I know, I don't have to live through it).
Hope it does all work out for the best. Big Hugs

I am so sorry you are going through this. Keep fighting for him. I can feel your pain just reading your posts. I am sorry I don't have any advise for you on this but I will be praying for you that this all works out.

Keep your head up!

Salena

Broken Beyond Pieces. I THINK NOT!!!

Maybe you and he can be friends instead of boyfriend and girlfriend and start over.
I'll PM you more about where I'm coming from if you like.

Your honey has had it like I had it with Daddy. He frustated me so much that i said F' it and was ready to throw in the towel as your honey has. However, i called Daddy back and we talked about it, because i feel you on not giving up so easily. Have you heard from him yet? If not... let that man go and Let God. If he comes back to you he is yours, if he doesn't he never was. Daddy is getting ready to go to H'town and neither one of us can predict or know what the future will hold for us once that happens, but we do know we love each other. Ask yourself is this what you want? and go from there. Ask him too if you get back together. As long as you're on the same page you'll be ok with the ups and the downs. But if you are NOT on the same page, i would let the chips fall where they may. Tell him if goodbye don't help you, i'll help you pack.

Sorry... I keep digressing towards myself. Give your honey time to calm down and get his mind right. All you can do is share the love God has put in you and rest in that. Let me know how you are OK? You've gotten all into my spirit now. :)

I am not in the relationship anymore but my x guy was locked up for 2 years in texas and then when he was released i went back home to him and he acted like i owed it to him. He was very edgy with the things that were said to and about him I also have a father that has been in prison for all my life (26 years) and he is like that to certain things set him off I no longer speak to either of them but you have to realize been with a x con there are certain boundaries and words that can no longer be used even tones of voice can be takken the wrong way good luck and keep fighting he is still in the mode you have to be in on the inside it will take a while but he will slowly break out of that role they play on the inside mr tough guy nuthin hurts me

I understand completely when you say you have never dealt with someone like this before. I have no answers, sorry, just want you to know I feel you.

It sounds like he's been playing you while he was in jail. Did you know him before he went in or did you meet him while he was incarcerated. While he was in prison, he needed a life rope, you were his life rope. Some gratitude that he would blow up on you shortly after his release, but I honestly think some of these men are thinking only of themselves...what they want, what they need, when they want it, when they need it, etc. YOU are a strong woman, your heart is breaking right now, but you will triumph over this. God wants you to be happy, pray and trust in HIM to put peace in your heart--and a man in your bed that HE approves of for you(his child).

I have to follow this up with another post. I have a friend who ran into an old friend from 12 years prior. She had a home, he had nothing. Seems he had just gotten out of prison and had been in for 10 years. He quickly moved into her house, she bought him lots of clothes, got a mortgage on her home and bought him a big shiney new harley. He got a job, but it caused him to have to travel. He called on the cell phone all the time which ran up a 3500.00 cell bill in 1 month. Needless to say, phone was cut off. I guess he stayed with her for about 8 months, ran up astronomical debt (in her name of course)...then he skipped out...taking his shiney harley with him. Was she played? I think so. He came into her life quoting scriptures and on the surface he appeared to be a spiritual person, but it wasn't hard to see he was institutionalized. She's surviving, he's back in jail, she's got the debts, he's got nothing.

OMG pipkin I think you are talking about my husband! Guess he is not the only one like that! A true player.

Pipkin that's real good. Sounds like my honey too. I was his "life rope", but he is not a player. Still yet, he IS trying to have his cake and "eat" it too. But i ain't going into debt and kissing no butts. I've done enough. It's time for him to take up the slack. Truly my heart is breaking because my man is going to be with his family who lives three hours away, but God knows that's the best place for him right now. I'm curious how long he will profess his love now that visits and letters are not important and he HAS to do for himself.

All I can say is wow....
My man just wears me out and I just don't even know what to say to anyone. I just hope everyone stays strong and keeps their head up. That is what I am doing. Don't be a doormat and look out for yourselves. Keep praying!

Schnukums!!!!

how are you doing?!

have you two spoke?!

is there a lot going on..it sounds like it..i mean withiin him..

is this how he usually handles conflict?
my heart goes out to you!!!
francis

I'm with francis on this one, schnuckums how ya doin and what's the update?

Thinking of you,
Patty

(((MissOne))) I'm prayin for you girl...I love your strength and honesty.

(((Schnukums))) My heart is pumping heavily for you girl...I know everyones situation is different. The other ladies have given you some lovely food for thought. Personally, I'm stubborn too and I wouldn't be able to throw in the towel without a fight. Time heals all wounds. We can only make assumptions about your Boo's intentions. You must do what is best for you. I pray that whatever happens, God keeps His loving arms around you. You are not alone. Please keep your head up. Peace.

God bless u ladiesss..

MiSS ONE - thank u..ur words truly inspire me..time is the key..God bless

Crash- u r completely rite..some words cant be used around them they have a diff reaction to them then we do..i thank u for that nd ill keep it in mind..ur a strong woman !

Isadora- ur not the only one baby..im speechless too =)

Pipkin- ive known him since we were like 9..nd that was a longgg time ago..when it comes to friendships he's diff.. he has never cheated..he's very royal..relationships he's been hurt before and doesnt want to be hurt..and shuts every1 out wen hes in pain ( i just learnd that )..he rather take time nd think things thru to himself then discuss them (opposite of me)..thank u for the great advice..u really got me thinkin,,i wish u the best !

Kace- hold ur head up ! my prayers r with u ! i wish u the best always

Francis & Hotlatina- things r ok now..not perfect..but good..we started sayin wut we want, wut we expect..we're diff. people..we deal with issues diff.. hes very closed..yet im open to discussion..he said today he;s willing to do wutever to make me happy..he is willing to change..he wants to show me how much i mean to him..and that im his world..Francis yes this is how he handles conflict..i just learned..i guess i have to adjust ? i cant change him..this is him..i just need to be patiend nd learn..thank u for ur caring thoughts..how r things wit u?? ur a strong woman ..
Hotlatia..Thank u for ur kind words always Patty..really u ladies make my day..

MsChiku- u couldt be more rite..time heals all wounds..patience is the key..thank u


So as u see ladies..everyday i learn how he was before when he was out..how he was wen he was locked up..how he is now..it's all diff..its all new to me..ive known him for the most part of my life..but its like im gettin to know him all over again..time is the key..i know we all have expectations to how we want things to be when they return but it doesnt always work like that..we gotta take it slow..and let them adjust as well..theyre adjusting we're adjusting..all i kno is if u wanna keep tryin dont give up..

thank u for the advice..its always appreciated it..u kno u girls light up my day =) ill post again soon with more detail..once again i cant thank u ladies enough

all my love <3

snuckums....
((HUGS)) to you, and hoping you give it time and give him time and hoping it works out for both of you...sounds like you both need time and support.
Keep sharing with us. . .
---

but it wasn't hard to see he was institutionalized.

pipkin, that was not "institutionlized", that was down right disgusting behavior, period!

I totally understand your frustration. My boyfriend just got out and we have some of the same issues. Sometimes I want to give up but I want to show him that I love him unconditionally. It is draining being the one to hold the emotional pressure but I will continue to do so until God shows me he has other plans. Sometimes the best way to deal with a man like this is to keep your mouth closed when he looks like he is starting to get angry and allowing him to calm down, clear his head and come to talk to you on his own terms. The more you pressure him to talk the less he will want to.

I'm so sorry to hear about this. But be strong and know that you will be ok. We are all here for you if you need to talk.
((((hugs))))

Hey honey! I think that he'll realize what he's left behind. But like the other girls said KEEP FIGHTIN for him! He may need a minute by his self to think. Keep your head up boo.

love christina

I'm glad you are talking to each other now and both working on it.

Yours sounds just like the blow-out fights I used to have with my ex husband and he was never even locked up -- some couples just have a certain something that puts you through those rocky times.

Stay strong, sounds like you know what you want, that's half the battle! :)

(((sending hugs)))
hoping the communication is better :)

My heart goes out to you. So much trust violated and so much time sacrificed. Some of these guys are for real and some are not and some might not know how they will really feel when the free world and all its choices become assessible again. The tricky thing is that they all sound sincere and are really grateful and might truly feel and be in love while they are going through hell on earth, loss of freedom. This happened to me, oh we were to be married. Not. I couldn't quit my job and sell my house in time to move to his state where he had a large supportive family and a history as a womanizer. Well the women finally came sniffing around, and so goes the course. One is now living with him and they are talking marriage. Try to dialogue them from time to time about "what's the first thing you want to do when you get out?" If its head to Nova Scotia to be a high priced fisherman or see the faces of his grown sons who have abandoned him and changed their phone numbers, you can get an idea you might be with a "risk of flight" prisoner or not top priority which you deserve to be to submit yourself mentally and emotionally to a prison while living without a man on the outside. He'll take your heart, time, and money. "Seeing your face at the prison exit," then you might have someone who is your "prison love" but is he your realistic "love for life?" I am no quitter, some of these guys are gorgeous and brilliant. So I feel there is someone I will find who will be committed to me when he gets out. Hang in there and keep trying is good advice until you feel you have exhaused your efforts. Then the best thing for a broken heart is a new love. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go find your TRUE love. If it wasn't meant to be, cut your losses and be glad you didn't marry a cheater or someone who was using you for shelter, money, etc.