Continued...
What was it like when they got out and came home to you? Having never been with that person on the outside and not knowing their living habits/quirks, etc., did you all find it difficult to adjust to each other in the outside world? Did you find that the person who you had met and fallen in love with while they were in prison, was essentially the same person you knew when they got out? Did things go according to your shared plans for your future together on the outside? Were either of you ever nervous or uncertain about what your relationship would be like or how it would be once you could be together on the outside? Something that alot of people ask me (and it's a valid question I think) is that they wonder if we will be a compatible couple out in the free world, being that we were not together nor did we know each other prior to my partner being in prison. If anyone has had this experience (either you being on the outside and meeting your partner in prison or if you were in prison and you met your partner who was on the outside), could you share your story and give me some idea as to what it was like for you and your relationship when it was coming home time?
Thank you!

I would say that all relationships are different and there are many people who have had successful relationships.. however, mine went down the drain.. to make the long story short.. we met before he went in briefly then fell in love while he was locked up.. The first few weeks of his getting out were great and had we actually lived together they might have continued to stay great or they might not have... that, I will never know. He lived in a shelter and then ended up getting with someone from his past (the drug world).... from there he started getting high again and things between us ended.. I would say that if there are serious addiction issues make sure he is set up for aftercare...

Good luck and hope all goes well for you!

I met Kevin while he was in work release and we were working at the same job. So, basically...we were "kinda" together in the "free world"...just being able to be at work without guards and stuff around. But, I was terrified about how it would be when he was released. I had a hard time trusting or believing what he was telling me about our future (which IMO is understandable). But, when he got out and we saw each other for the first time "in the real free world"...it was great! He showed me that he was being for real those 10 months I waited on him...ya know? Honestly...I think I fell more in love with him after he was released...then I did while he was gone. I mean...I got to know him for who he really was...not for what he "had" to be while in prison, so to speak. The hardest thing for me (and us) was him readjusting back to society. He had a hard time with that part...and he wasn't really out long enough to fully re-adjust. He got sent back 5 months after he got out.
All I can say is follow your heart, girl...and don't sit and think about all the "bad stuff" that could happen. I mean...really, in every relationship you get into...whether you meet them in the "free world" or while they are in prison...you never know for certain what the outcome will be...you have to take chances. Don't question everything he tells you...ya know? I mean...DO keep your guard up and all...just don't let it overtake your feelings. I hope and pray all works out for ya'll. Keep us posted! :D

(((huggs)))
Selena

Thanks Lisa for sharing your story. I liked what you said about how all relationships are different. I am sorry to hear about your own experience. I totally hear you on the addiction issues; have gone down that road before with a former ex out here in the free world. That is one tough battle. My partner and I actually have a very long wait for his "coming home," but we have just gotten back together and this was just one thing that I have always thought/wondered about down the line when that time does come. My partner did have substance abuse problems before he went in but that was 9 years ago, and I don't forsee that as being a potential issue when he comes out because he's not into that lifestyle in there. But, that certainly is something that could be explored a bit further. Thanks for sharing.

i agree completly with lisa about the aftercare thing if there are past addictions. my ex didn't use while he was in jail and i thought things would be ok when he got out. i also didn't want to push him to do something but he really needed help to not use on the outside. becuase we had no help or any support system he did start to use again and things went to hell and now he is in prison and my life is knida a mess.
addiction is a lifelong battle and there is no garuntee that anyone can beat it without help.

Just be sure to read HotLatina's posts for a great happy ending story... :)

I met him while he was in. One day my sister got a letter from her boyfriend and with that was a letter for me. I was single and lonely and wrote him for about 5 months straights. We wrote about everything and had agreed when he got paroled that we would meet. I was nervouse and scared to meet him, but it went way better than expected. We got along so well, it turned into a relationship right away. He moved in very shortly after meeting and things were going pretty well. However, he was an alcoholic, even after being locked up for 18 months, he still got to drinking. I didn't like it and he promised to stop. While I was working he was sneaking off behind my back and drinking, then throwing away the evidence. Anyways, he's now back in doing another 24 months. I'm sticking it out with him though. I do love him and he loves me and he's had an awakening and is now facing the addiction that he had. It's a tough decision to make, to be with someone who's in prison or been to prison. To this day, my family doesn't really approve (they did until he went back) my friends really don't approve, but to me, none of them matter. They aren't me! And that's my story, I wouldn't change it for the world, I found my heart in a man who has made some poor choices in life but I don't love him any less then the day i got the first letter.

I met a man inside through a friend I was visiting. The man had transferred and my friend wanted to send him a letter so he did it through me. His friend and I wound up writing volumes, then the visits started. I thought that I had met my soul mate. I could not remember ever feeling so connected or so happy with someone....what were the odds of meeting the man of my dreams in prison.....not my first choice of places to pick up men. He was in for a white collar crime, had a wonderful family whom I adored, was stable financially....I couldn't find a thing wrong with this man. To the best I could tell, he made a bad choice and was paying for it. We made plans for a future when he came home. I rearranged my life for this man. A few weeks before he came home...he seemed to have changed a little, I thought it was just release anxiety. He got to the halfway house....I was so happy to see him, we spent countless hours on the phone making up of all of the restricted calls. The long and he short of it was that he was a fairy tale prince....once our relationship left prison and the notebook pages, I did not know who he was anymore...It was like someone had died but was standing in front of me. It was awful. We lasted about 6 months on the outside...sometimes I miss him so much but then I realize that the person I miss apparently didn't really exist.
Continued...
What was it like when they got out and came home to you? Having never been with that person on the outside and not knowing their living habits/quirks, etc., did you all find it difficult to adjust to each other in the outside world? Did you find that the person who you had met and fallen in love with while they were in prison, was essentially the same person you knew when they got out? Did things go according to your shared plans for your future together on the outside? Were either of you ever nervous or uncertain about what your relationship would be like or how it would be once you could be together on the outside? Something that alot of people ask me (and it's a valid question I think) is that they wonder if we will be a compatible couple out in the free world, being that we were not together nor did we know each other prior to my partner being in prison. If anyone has had this experience (either you being on the outside and meeting your partner in prison or if you were in prison and you met your partner who was on the outside), could you share your story and give me some idea as to what it was like for you and your relationship when it was coming home time?
Thank you!

I met a man inside through a friend I was visiting. The man had transferred and my friend wanted to send him a letter so he did it through me. His friend and I wound up writing volumes, then the visits started. I thought that I had met my soul mate. I could not remember ever feeling so connected or so happy with someone....what were the odds of meeting the man of my dreams in prison.....not my first choice of places to pick up men. He was in for a white collar crime, had a wonderful family whom I adored, was stable financially....I couldn't find a thing wrong with this man. To the best I could tell, he made a bad choice and was paying for it. We made plans for a future when he came home. I rearranged my life for this man. A few weeks before he came home...he seemed to have changed a little, I thought it was just release anxiety. He got to the halfway house....I was so happy to see him, we spent countless hours on the phone making up of all of the restricted calls. The long and he short of it was that he was a fairy tale prince....once our relationship left prison and the notebook pages, I did not know who he was anymore...It was like someone had died but was standing in front of me. It was awful. We lasted about 6 months on the outside...sometimes I miss him so much but then I realize that the person I miss apparently didn't really exist.

It saddens me to hear how it ended for you, however, perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. At least you didnt invest years into the relationship.

I am sure it is still very painful for you. It almost sounds like he turned into two different people. How very sad.

Hopefully, you will find your true love again and have a lifetime of happiness.

Remember Hope is a good thing, it springs life eternal.

Well you can read my very long thread if you want my ongoing story about how this is going. "Even my marriage counselor says I should divorce him". Anyhow I just want to add that I was very optimistic and hopeful and positive before he got out. Maybe I should add naive to that too though I never thought of myself that way; I had been around the block a few times myself so to speak. But he just showed me his sweet side before he got out and told me what I wanted to hear. I miss the person that I wrote letters to in there but like the other person posted, apparently he doesn't really exist. In real life my husband is very manipulative. Like Mrs. G's thread says, they all don't mess up when they get out and that was what I believed. But unfortunately it looks like I got one who is going to mess up very shortly if he continues this way.

I met Sebastian when he misdialed a family members number (he was in county jail at the time) and got me. He was transferred to prison we talked, wrote letters, I visited him and over time we fell in love.

I was excited more than nervous about his coming home. He and I talked long and seriously about how our relationship would be when he came home. We were very open and shared a great deal throughout his incarceration. I got to know his family via three-way calls. Never was there the thought that he needed things from me as he had/has great family support.

Indeed I have been fortunate in that Sebastian is everything he said he was. He treats me EVEN better than he promised he would and we are both standing by the commitment we made before we ever got to spend time together in the real world.

When he got here (Sept 15th) it was as though he was coming home not for the first time but for good. All the plans we made for that first day together happened exactly as we had talked about and as the days go by we find ourselves happy and satisfied with the progress we've made.

I met an amazing man who happened to be in prison at the time. Now he's home. I love him and he loves me. I know that the odds are against this type of relationship but for us it's working out because we are putting the work in. Life is good.

All the best,
Patty

I also met my husband while he was in prison we met thru my brother he was his celli. When my husband came home it was really hard for one he had never lived outside his mother house and now he was a married man living in his own house. I have to tell you it was hard in the beginning but we loved each other enough to make it work. Right before he got home I was told I was not going to be able to have kids and that was one thing we both wanted. I wrote him a letter telling him what the doctor had told me and he called me and told me that it did not matter what matter was that he loved me. He came home believe me many times he packed his bags telling me he was going to move back with his mother but that was a boy turning in to a man. 11 years later 3 kids, two miscarriages and one of our boys our first-born passed away. Time only made us stronger and god made our love deeper. My husband is back in prison at this time but my love for him and his love for me is still as strong as ever. He is my soul mate he is my love his the father of our kids. He just completes me in every way as a person, as wife, as mother, but most of all he completes me as a woman. And also I was very excited when he got home as I am this time but this time he will have three excited people waitting for him to come home.

Thanks to everyone who have shared their stories. I guess like with any relationship whether it's with one in prison or with one out here in the free world, anything can and will happen. I mean, every person/relationship is unique and different and there are no guarantees in life. From what I can see on here, there are a diverse mix of endings; some happy and some sad. My heart goes out to the people who waited and when their loved one came home, things did not go according to your hopes and plans.

It is not a question of wanting to believe they do not all mess up when they get home, it is a fact, I have seen it here and it exists...
whether you meet a man out here, or in there...ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!!!

What was it like when they got out and came home to you?

Well it is still early for me, but there have been ups :) and downs. :(

Having never been with that person on the outside and not knowing their living habits/quirks, etc., did you all find it difficult to adjust to each other in the outside world?

We have hardly any difficulty adjusting to each other. :p But he is now a free spirit wanting to do and see all he can and I on the otherhand wanted him to be all about me. But i have realized he needs to be all about himself first so he can be MORE about me later.

Did you find that the person who you had met and fallen in love with while they were in prison, was essentially the same person you knew when they got out?

Essentially the same yes, but the communication we had through letters is not there at this time and basically has not been since about four months prior to his release. :o

Did things go according to your shared plans for your future together on the outside?

NO!!! We talked about marriage, but my honey is not ready. :(

Were either of you ever nervous or uncertain about what your relationship would be like or how it would be once you could be together on the outside?

I was... he was not. But now i'm not and he is. GO FIGURE :rolleyes:

Something that alot of people ask me (and it's a valid question I think) is that they wonder if we will be a compatible couple out in the free world, being that we were not together nor did we know each other prior to my partner being in prison.

Yes, we are compatable for the most part, but my honey wants/needs to continue a long distance relationship and i don't want to put forth the effort to maintain it. :mad:

Many different answers. I think that just like out here in the real world, all relationships are a gamble. You never know how they will go. Following your heart is my motto b/c then there are no "coulda woulda shouldas."

I have to go through whatever i go through to get where i need to be. It's all about growth and learning.

Ok ill share my story LOL I met a man over the internet and instantly there was a connection that ive never felt before...We talked online and over the phone for a fiew months(he was on probation)then one night he was going out with some friends so i thought...i kinda felt something was gonna happen...sure enough he called me that night he was pissed drunk and trying to get to the Airport,the cops pulled him over not once but twice and the second time we knew he was going away!!i decided right then and there i was gonna wait for him,how could i not he was my soulmate...
So anyhow,i accepted the calls,payed the $600.00 phone bills and did everything i possibly could to keep him happy includeing writeing everyday!his mom invited me down to spend some time with her and take me to fianally meet him,and that was the best day of my life...Unfortunately things didnt work out and i no longer have him in my life..im not sure why,but i do count my blessings everyday that i met my soulmate,and i can say that i loved someone with all my heart and soul..those were the happyest days of my life...And i would do it again,and i can honestly say that i would have waited forever and a day for him..i think nothing in life holds a guarentee and if your heart feels good go with it!!

Well, my baby isn't out yet, but he gets out in a few months. I'm going to visit him for his birthday in Feb. I have to say, I am worried that I won't be everything he thinks I am. Then again, we've built a relationship on trust and on love, not the physical aspect that many relationships are built on. I'm scared, but at the same time, the thought of him finally being in my arms is something I cannot wait for. I want to be able to roll over every morning and see him there instead of waking up to his picture. I'm definitely terrified, but at the same time, I cannot contain my excitement! Take it step by step, be patient with him and he'll have to be patient with you! :D Good luck, girl!

Many different answers. I think that just like out here in the real world, all relationships are a gamble. You never know how they will go. Following your heart is my motto b/c then there are no "coulda woulda shouldas."
I have to agree. I have been in and seen many relationships that seem great until the day you live together or get married. All of the suddon things arent what they used to be.

In some ways this is very much the same as dating prior to making that final commitment.

I know that when he comes home it will be a lot of work. I know there are little things I discover about him that are going to take getting uses to, but I know he will be in the same position. He will have to get used to me as well. I really believe it will take a lot of patients, but if its worth having then its worth working and fighting for.

I really believe it will take a lot of patients, but if its worth having then its worth working and fighting for.

I agree with that, but of course i have two cent to add once again. I know what you're saying, but i don't want anyone to be no fool either. There is no sense fighting when the one you are fighting for seems to be the one you are fighting against.

I agree with that, but of course i have two cent to add once again. I know what you're saying, but i don't want anyone to be no fool either. There is no sense fighting when the one you are fighting for seems to be the one you are fighting against.
You are absolutaly right. Its something that both have to want and both have to fight for. I have been in one sided relationships in the past. No matter what one of us has faught more for the relationship then the other. I feel very blessed that with Chris we have both fought for and wanted this relationship more then anything.

I agree that if ever a point comes when one has given up the fight then there may be nothing left. You cant fight for something that clearly the other doenst want. The saying "If you love something set it free, if it comes back then it was meant to be". OK, I know thats not exactly how it goes, but you know what I mean. lol

Miss One - I am wondering what makes you feel the communication isnt the same? You said I believe it changed a few months before release, do you know why that happened? Did you ever discuss it?

I would think and I could be wrong, because my husband isnt home yet, that if you have good communication in letters, then in person it should be either as good as if not better.

Just curious about that, as I feel we have good communication skills.

Remember Hope is a good thing, it springs life eternal.

I agree that if ever a point comes when one has given up the fight then there may be nothing left. You cant fight for something that clearly the other doenst want. The saying "If you love something set it free, if it comes back then it was meant to be". OK, I know thats not exactly how it goes, but you know what I mean. lol

Yes TNC I know what you mean. I have been posting that lil ditty across the boards. :)


Babygirl Daddy was in a program whereas he had to write massive essays and he grew weary of writing letters to Mau. And now that he's home it's as if he is down right SHY. When we (I) talk about it, he just says everything is happening so fast. And i get a lot of "I don't knows" too. In Daddy's defense he was never a chatty Cathy, but Lord Jesus... if we can't carry on a thought provoking convo then what's the use.

Still yet, it is not one thing that pushes me to bail on Daddy (even though he has basically bailed on me already). It is a culmination of many things.

I met my friend while He was locked up and actually he is still locked up, When I first seen him I was with his mom and I couldnt say anything and then when he called the house, I was so happy and I told him How I felt one month later He told me He felt the same and we still talk He is in Maryland I had to move I am now in Pennsylvania !!
We still keep in touch and there is things he told me that he does not tell his mom !!!

Carol

we have to remember that men who are incarcerated for long periods of time cannot or have a difficult time expressing themselves at all. They are not allowed to for so long it is something they need to learn. Even in their childhoods, we are talking about men who were not taught how to express feelings and feelings that were not cared for ...He can be expressive in letters even, and still be afraid to open up. I am even like this myself...I can talk up a storm in letters and not be able to say it to his face...it takes time.

I agree, you should not have to fight all alone. If he is not fighting to make it work, then why should you? Totally, but I think we all give up too easily on things, and relationships fail because we don't stick around to try and work things out. Relationships are hard work. everyday working, and this goes for ALL, not just men who have been incarcerated. Just my two cents.

Many thanks to all who have shared their stories in here.

I am waiting 16 years for my fiance to come home to me. I think that the length of time we have may have doubled my concerns because that is a really long time to wait for someone regardless of whether you knew them or not beforehand, and hypothetically speaking, if it doesn't work out in the end (when he gets out) and I had waited for all this time, I would be utterly devastated.

Just curious, to those who have posted already, how long did you wait for your significant other before he/she came home?

Thanks again for all your stories. I have been learning alot.

We met in 1998; married in 2000; and he came home in 2004; so I waited 6 years for him.

I met him in 2000, he will be home in 2006...so then it will a bit shy of 6 years...he will be home before the 6 year mark....god willing!

14 months... don't hate me cuz I got lucky!

Patty

And out of the three of you who have responded, how many of you is your relationship working out?

Samanthalee is away this weekend and just trying to ask for her.

Hi my name is Patty and my relationship with the wonderful man I met while in prison is working out just great now that he's home. Sometimes I feel guilty. I wish it were that way for everyone. Still, I'm happier than I've ever been. He shows me so much love and respect it's even better than he said it would be. Our collective friends and family are so supportive and encouraging and I guess you could say I got lucky!!!

I love him & he loves me,
Patty

Thanks Patty, you bring hope and encouragement to us all.

So glad things are working out so well for you. So glad things are better than he said they would be. That is exciting to hear, music to your ears I am sure.

Remember Hope is a good thing, it springs life eternal.

You are so welcome and yes I remember every single day.

Happily,
Patty

:( Continued...
What was it like when they got out and came home to you? Having never been with that person on the outside and not knowing their living habits/quirks, etc., did you all find it difficult to adjust to each other in the outside world? Did you find that the person who you had met and fallen in love with while they were in prison, was essentially the same person you knew when they got out? Did things go according to your shared plans for your future together on the outside? Were either of you ever nervous or uncertain about what your relationship would be like or how it would be once you could be together on the outside? Something that alot of people ask me (and it's a valid question I think) is that they wonder if we will be a compatible couple out in the free world, being that we were not together nor did we know each other prior to my partner being in prison. If anyone has had this experience (either you being on the outside and meeting your partner in prison or if you were in prison and you met your partner who was on the outside), could you share your story and give me some idea as to what it was like for you and your relationship when it was coming home time?
Thank you!

Hmmm how was it when he came home? Wow I would say great for a minute in the beginning but horrible afterwards, so horrible I'm considering writing a book about my experience. This man made me feel like the world was created for he and I and then to rip it out from under me. He told me everything I wanted to hear, and yes I too believed he was my soulmate and visa versa. I started writing every day; I started driving over 700 miles every other weekend to visit him. I started sending him money. I rearranged my entire life for 18 months. I bought him his clothes to carry home. I relocated to Hawaii leaving my family behind, and for what? It's been 7 months and we are no longer together. He is like Dr. Jeckl and Mr. Hyde. He just "dogged" me and never let his conscience bother him. He couldn't even tell me why. His mean and rude and no longer the man I knew. I'm trying hard now to walk away but I'm stuck in his territory of Hawaii. Oh yeah you're probably saying, she's in Hawaii and crying. Well yeah, I may be in a "supposed" beautiful place but I'm alone with my feelings. He obviously isn't suffering. Not only that, I relocated my daughter and I commited to a job I now want out of. I commited till June but I want out. I just can't understand how someone I knew for 18 months can be so different. A counselor I talked to said that I'm going through a grieving process; I agree. My warning if an inmate wants to write, Don't! unless you knew them from before. This man promised me the world, told me his medling mother would never get in the way, and now I'm the medler. I pray not all your relationships end the same, but believe me I would never in a million years guessed that I would be sitting here crying. He even convinced my family.

I met my sweetie through a friend that I go to visit. We write letters to each other every week and I speak to him at least 6x a day. He seems like a really nice guy and I hope that once he gets out and we interact in the outside world everything will work out ok.

excerpt from my auto..

5 years...This Sentence was to be the longest I’d done, by now, I should have been getting used to it all, but this time, I didn’t let myself become Institutionalised, even though nothing had changed, the fights continued, the standovering, the bullying, the terror and fear of everyday life within the sullen grey walls of Coburg’s Bluestone College of Advanced Criminal Education, now I had a 5 with a 3 and a half to do..with 2 years parole...
Time went by pretty slow, but this time, I looked at life from a different perspective, I stayed in my own void, this time I occupied my head with different things like crafts and such, I joined A.A. I read a million books, sat a long time and went over my life, there are a million things in my head that I wanted out, but we all must live on the path we have paved, I suffered along with my time, and eventually the months turned to a year, and the year went by into the next...
And then one day, I bumped into this guy, I found he lived near where this lady i met twice before i landed here this time, she had no idea about me, and was still waiting to hear from me after our couple of dates...so I sent a letter to her,
I never really expected to hear from her, especially now, but I did, and we started off a relationship through our letters that were to last a lifetime, we wrote each other shoeboxes of letters, I didn’t want her to visit me, It would have just made things harder for me, and I didn’t want her to see this side of life, this side of life wasn’t living, it was primaeval existence, this was in the late 60’s, early 70’s, existence was dog eat dog, but this lady kept me sane in there for 3 years with words of innocent love, plans of the futute, warmth and tenderness, and with her patience and understanding I was able to blur out all the shit of daily life in there and wait for the big day and look to the future, I had gone through a whole change of being, I knew that before I came in, and the time I spent there was time to mould myself into my new being, and it eventually came, after a couple of false starts resulting from old fines coming in at the end of my time, I couldn’t pay them, so I was given more time again,
But early one morning, I walked out free,

With my cat I adopted, I left behind that other person I used to be, along with all his ways of life, now all gone, now I am a person of self respect, something I had never experienced in my life before, I felt really good about myself, all I needed now was someone to feel good about me, and who and what I am now, and as I walked to the gate, and there she was, my darlin was waiting for me, with a bottle of my favourite drop, Ouzo,
I know I went to A.A, but you got free coffee there man, and ciggies...:p

I had to go into the city to the Parole office and pick up my wages, and sign up for my Parole, I was a bit drunk when we got there, but all went well, I was to be on a permanent psyche list and not report every whenever, on the dot, or I’ll be back inside before morning, I never heard from them again, I had to contact them and try to sort it all out, they had no file, couldn’t find who was looking after me, in the end they decided to give up and finalised my parole early, no one gave a shit !!

That was over thirty year’s ago, my lady and I set up house together, our love for each other could not be greater, life was pretty hard for us, there were a lot of hurdles to cross, but together we managed to keep me out of the Prison system,
I really had no cravings for the violent and criminal way of life that I had lived in the past, my way of life had changed, once, it never really bothered me too much about going back to jail, but the last thing I wanted now was to be back inside again,
Since my change, I have never been violent or have returned to any of my old ways, I feel I have become a very passive, warm, emotional, human being, and I like it.

We travelled about Australia as I just couldn’t stay in one spot for too long, she understood that I think, plus she got a tour of this beautiful country, and then children came along, which was really something for both of us, life became a bit more of a struggle, and as they got older, we had to think of their Education, so we decided to settle a bit more, we managed, we make a pretty good team, I feel very close to her parents, they seem sort of my parents as well, I find them understanding and loving people, they helped us out over the year’s in many ways, they accepted me and gave me the chance to prove myself, I think I have.
We now have three children growing up and starting their own families, we have our own home, life is good.

I see the papers and i see all of the old time gangsters that kept on going...most are dead or in prison....

I only have one confession to make, and that is I’ve always smoked a bit of pot, because I know that was part of the key that started to let out the real me in my head, from even the first experience of what is called a stone, I experienced more of an insight, and the more I experimented with it, the more I was turning away from Criminal activities, and still after 30 plus years, this herb is still an illegal product, and some people are going to jail for having a lot of it,
but I don’t look on it as committing a criminal act in just smoking it, since it changed me way back then, I smoked it, and I always will, no other drugs interest me, I have no problem with alcohol, I have no problem with staying out of prison,
I have no problem being who I am.

take care..phill/729

Hmmm how was it when he came home? Wow I would say great for a minute in the beginning but horrible afterwards, so horrible I'm considering writing a book about my experience. This man made me feel like the world was created for he and I and then to rip it out from under me. He told me everything I wanted to hear, and yes I too believed he was my soulmate and visa versa. I started writing every day; I started driving over 700 miles every other weekend to visit him. I started sending him money. I rearranged my entire life for 18 months. I bought him his clothes to carry home. I relocated to Hawaii leaving my family behind, and for what? It's been 7 months and we are no longer together. He is like Dr. Jeckl and Mr. Hyde. He just "dogged" me and never let his conscience bother him. He couldn't even tell me why. His mean and rude and no longer the man I knew. I'm trying hard now to walk away but I'm stuck in his territory of Hawaii. Oh yeah you're probably saying, she's in Hawaii and crying. Well yeah, I may be in a "supposed" beautiful place but I'm alone with my feelings. He obviously isn't suffering. Not only that, I relocated my daughter and I commited to a job I now want out of. I commited till June but I want out. I just can't understand how someone I knew for 18 months can be so different. A counselor I talked to said that I'm going through a grieving process; I agree. My warning if an inmate wants to write, Don't! unless you knew them from before. This man promised me the world, told me his medling mother would never get in the way, and now I'm the medler. I pray not all your relationships end the same, but believe me I would never in a million years guessed that I would be sitting here crying. He even convinced my family.
KEPOLA, I AM SO VERY SORRY TO HEAR OF YOUR EXPERIENCE. I CAN FEEL YOUR PAIN AND HEARTBREAK. IT SOUNDS AS IF YOU DID ALL YOU COULD TO LOVE THIS MAN AND YOU THOUGHT HE WAS ON THE SAME PAGE. I KNOW THIS MAY NOT SOUND HELPFUL BUT ALL I CAN SAY IS AT LEAST YOU FOUND OUT WHEN YOU DID AND DIDN'T SPEND ANY MORE TIME WAITING ON HIM AND WASTING YOUR TIME. IF YOU EVER NEED SOMEONE TO VENT TO OR AN EAR, I AM HEAR FOR YOU; YOU CAN PM ME ANYTIME. I KNOW THIS SOUNDS SO CLICHE BUT YOU WILL BE STRONGER OF A PERSON FOR HAVING GONE THROUGH THIS AND YOU ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM. TAKE YOUR TIME TO GRIEVE YOUR LOSS AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF AT THIS TIME AND I WISH YOU THE BEST OF WHAT YOU CAN MAKE OUT OF THIS EXPERIENCE; LIVING SOMEWHERE WHERE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE; BEING AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY AND REARRANGING YOUR WHOLE LIFE AROUND SOMEONE WHO HAS LEFT YOU. IT IS HEARTBREAKING FOR REAL. PERHAPS YOU WILL FIND THAT YOU END UP LIKING IT THERE AND YOUR JOB AND WILL WANT TO STAY; THEN AGAIN MAYBE NOT, BUT JUST TRY TO TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME FOR NOW AND KNOW YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR STORY AS PAINFUL AS IT MUST HAVE BEEN.

and what about those who met them inside and had children while inside? anyone?