Well it has been ages since I have been here. So much has been going on. My youngest son, age 4, was operated on early december for arachnoid cyst on brain and chiari malformation which is his cerebellar was growng in his spinal column so had to remove small part of skull to open up more for his spinal fluid to flow better through his body. He was intensive care and came home 4 days later but after few days home head started to swell terrible and when dr saw and took the stitches out spinal fluid began to come out in small amounts. So they admitted him again for surgery right away and what happend was the duroplasty, which is like a patch on skull from when they went in to drain cyst, came unstitch because of spinal build up again. They fixed the duroplasty and put a spinal tube in his back for a week. He was home after 7 days. He is doing wonderful now. He is delayed and seems to be doing a little better in that dept. so we have been praying that maybe the delayment was due to all his problems. Sorry so long.........lol
Anyway, my oldest son Joe, who has been in jail a year went to court yesterday and will be released maybe by summer. He sounds scared because of his drug problem and not knowing where to go. I want him to come home for few weeks to get himself together but not sure if it is good for me to help him but I am the only one he has. I get the vibes from him that he is craving his heroin very bad again. Any suggest would be great. He is 23 and so afraid this is just the beginning of a life in prison. He was only out for 3 weeks last time and began using heroin again and then robbed and ended back in. What will it be the next time? I really miss coming here and need to start again. thanks all

hugs
nancy

OH NANCY!!!!! BLESS YOUR HEART!!!!!!! I HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so sorry. Please know that your in my prayers.

wow...so much going on with you. i'm glad that your little one is doing well...how nervewracking that time must have been for you. i'm so sorry. and it sounds like mixed news for your 23 year old. is there some counseling he can come home to, and get started with right away? it sounds like it would be very important for you all to have a plan in place beforehand...instead of waiting for problems to begin. i am sorry if that sounds harsh...i don't like to assume that things won't be good...but that is what you fear...so i would thorougly investigate the support that you will have available. his recovery is not up to you...but do all that you can...i hope that makes sense. i wish you all the very best and i send you a hug from colorado.

emme

Hi. Sorry to hear about all you have been going through...that must be absolutely terrifying to have a four year old go through brain surgery! Glad to hear he is doing better now. Your older son...I think that if he is scared about getting out, afraid of what might happen, I think that may be a good thing sort of because at least he seems to be admitting to the problem, which is a huge first step. I agree with the counseling, maybe that would help. New friends, new hang outs...that should help too. I wish you luck and will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Nancy,

Wow, you have your hands full now... I am so happy that your younger son is recovering well now. You must have been just beside yourself with worry...

In regard to your older son, I think that emme is correct in saying that HE has to make the decision to change and I also think that he needs support and strength from you. Ultimately he will do what he will do when he gets out but your influence can be directing him to drug recovery programs and setting him up with positive influences in his life.

Perhaps you can be a friend to him in the mean time and not a 'mother' - and I mean that in the most respectful sense... Talk to him (via letters) really communicate with him about his options from a friends perspective. If he is scared then he is openly accepting his problem and may be at the point of seeing reason. I cannot imagine that anyone would want to return to prison if they could avoid it and maybe he is at a vulnerable stage where reaching out as a friend may help him to see his future in a positive way? He has to be in control of his recovery but you can support him and guide him there.

My prayers are with you!

Glad the little one is better!

As for your son, you've received some wonderful suggestions already. As a recovering addict myself - I can tell you it's tough. Perhaps get in cotact with a local Narcotics Anonymous area and obtain a meeting list - most of the time you can get them off the net at http://www.naws.org
It's one resource you could consider having available once he comes home.

He has to decide for himself that he wants to stay clean. It's a tough road ahead for him - and I am wishing both of you the best.

Glad your younger son is doing well. Your older son may want to look into going to treatment versus counseling. Glad you're here again!

Deb

Thank you all for the wonderful advice. I do think I am going to write him, like you said, as a friend more as a "mom". He will ultimately make up his own mind but I am going to look into options and tell him about them. My family does have to sit and decide what will be doing if he has a relapse again. You guys are so wonderful I love you all

Hi Nancy :) So sorry to hear what you and your 4 year old have been going through, I can't even imagine what that is like! I also agree that your oldest son has to make a decision about his life, I know that is much easier said than done, but it's true. It's up to him whether he stays away from the drugs or not.
I hope that everything works out for the best for all of you :)

Hi Nancy, I'm glad your little boy is doing well.You've really been through alot.I think what Monica said about N.A. is a very good idea. I'm glad your back at PTO. Best wishes to all of you.

Hi Nancy, OMG, this sounds like the story of my life. I have been going through this with my son for more than 20 years. You are one step up on me because you have already found a place for help PTO I was not fortunate enough to have found PTO until last May. It is true your son has to want to say out and I really me WANT to stay out with all his heart and soul. He is young and new to the system and this will be the best chance he ever gets to stay out. Maybe he could write my son and find out first hand what his future has in store if he doesn’t clean up his act NOW! Richard could tell him what 10 years in the SHU is like and what it is like looking forward to at least another 5 years in there at best. My heart goes out to you and your son I can guarantee your boy is not going to like going down the road my son choose. I don’t mean to scare you but he has to understand what these choices will mean to him for his future. He MUST get some kind of help NOW, young people don’t seem to realize the choices they make now are what they have to live with when they are old. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Love Barbara

What a rollercoaster you're on! Sounds like your little one's on the mend; that's wonderful. As for Joe, it's hard to know what to do sometimes to help the ones we love and yet not go under ourselves. I know I fight against it. Just pray for guidance and do the best you can do. That is all we can do. While in the midst of caring for others, don't forget to take care of yourself.

Barbara, I would love it if your son would write my son. Maybe he can help in some way. Where can I send you his address? Thanks so much for replying.
Linda, I try to make time for myself, but I guess I am like most moms and come last on the list.
hugs
nancy

Nancy, my heart goes out to you, I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Cindy

Hi Nan,
I have been thiking of you and your son since I seen your post. Would you likeme to write your son? I would be more then happy to do so. I had one credit from being an drugs abuse counselor. I also have a none profit organization that helps those with a drug proble. It is a plan to be drug rehabilation center. I got very ill at one point in my life and i was not able to contuine it. After wards I started writing to inmates. I would not mind writing if you would like.
You said in your post that you felt he was craving "his drug". Has he thought about a rehab center? I can find him one if you would like for me too.

I know that you have a lot on your plate. If you ever need me, please feel free to give me a call.

I left my phone number in your PM

Dearest Nan

So glad to see you back on PTO... I am sorry to hear of your plight.... But, I do know you to be a strong woman and all this will work out for you very soon..

May God Bless and Keep you..


Donna