Hello to everyone here on PTO. I haven't been reading the posts for sometime now, but have decided to start once again.
Life has not been easy for any of us here on PTO. If it had been, we wouldn't be here.
My boyfriend of 7 years was convicted of molesting my granddaughter numerous times and was sentenced to 12 years. He own his appeal and his case was reheard in the courts, but the outcome was the same. With many days and nights of soul searching, I have decided that it is time for me to more forward from what was. I will always love him and care about him, but the price for continuing to support him so much to high. I had always told him that if I had to chooose between him and my kids -- it would be the kids I would choose. I never understood the impact of those words until 4 months ago. I had to make a choice -- continue to support him and assist him in anyway I could or to support my daughter and granddaughter getting them through this. I need to be there for my girls -- first and foremost. What has happened will impact her life forever. She needs to know that her family loves her and supports her during those difficult years to come.
I use to try to understand why he did what he did, but have come to the conclusion that it isn't for me to understand. It has happened for reasons only he knows, if he even does. I can't change him nor can I change the past. I can only control how this effects me and my family in the years to come.
Life hasn't been easy without him, nor will it be in the years to come. He was the love of my life, my bestest friend, my confidant. I miss what we had.

Guess I sound cold to some, but each of us has our reasons why we feel the way that we do. I will always treasure the good times we had shared and all that he has taught me when it comes to loving someone.
I don't know why I am writing this now -- could be that I am letting go.
I will continue checking postings here in PTO from time to time and if there is anyone out there that needs a shoulder to lean on -- I'm here for you.

Best wishes to each and everyone of you.
Sylvia

Sylvia,
I understand your choice. I hope your family is in counseling. Be there for them and help them to heal.

I wish you the very best.

ONE

I wish I hadn't read this post. It has made me so mad and upset it's best I just keep my big opinionated mouth shut.

((hugs)) and best wishes....

Deb

Wishing you and your family all the very best

Wishing your family the best for the future....

Best wishes to you and your family. Maybe it's not my business to have opinions about this but I think you made the right decision. Your granddaughter have to know that she did nothing wrong and that you'll be there for her, rather than him.



She is in my prayers and so are you!

Syliva,
I wish you the best and your family. I can understand that it is hard to let go of him, but you do need to be there for your girls, and help your grandaughter through this. You must let her know that you don't agree with what he done to her and that is not right. I wish you the very best and stay strong.
God bless you and yours,
Brandi

Best of luck to you Sylvia. I know in my heart that Suzi would have been proud

of your choices. I remember the nights you came by the house to talk to Suzi
about Life's decisions. May God be with you, and that you will find peace in your
heart, and maybe one day forgiveness. Eric

Wow... thanks for coming back. It does not sound cold, you did what was right for your family... I do hope you stick around here at PTO and thanks for posting all of that... I'm sure none of it was easy.

"Guess I sound cold to some" [samiller]

I can't imagine who you'd sound cold to Sam as you sound very real to me. I'm sure you posted your story for a reason and what I get out of it is your reason could be to open up our "aware" senses because many peoples' awareness senses are closed.

I mean you said the man was your best friend, your confidante, your everything yet he had a side to him that you had no idea of. Many women SEEM to believe they KNOW their man because they LOVE their men, but that's THE WOMAN. My take is we don't REALLY know what's goin on in these mens' heads. In the beginning I was deaf, dumb and blind -- smitten in love with my husband as he fitted and STILL fits the typical inmate husband pattern, that being "everything a woman could possibly want in a man and more". I've learned though thru time, trial and error that while I WISH my husband was that confidante, best friend, my everything and more -- he's not -- and I ONLY know that because I became aware. He is something to me, but not these things. Many people will feel "well, that's Sammiller's man", or "well that's your man BigDaddysBaby" but not too many will say "hmmm, could MY man have a side to him that I don't know about"? To me, however, the real question is "yeah, that's Sammiller's man and/or that's my man BUT HOW WILLING ARE YOU TO LOOK AT YOUR SITUATION AND WONDER "WHAT'S REALLY IN MY OWN MAN'S HEAD?"

I know my response doesn't fit the traditional PTO standard form letter of "congratulations!, best wishes!, I'm happy for you!" as that sounds so empty to me when there's no testimony included to explain WHY they send their "best wishes", but I, myself, don't fit traditional molds. I'm happy you made the decision you did to let him go because I know that decision came from a very strong place within you because letting someone you love go takes tremendous strength. It take so much strength that many women would rather live in denial rather than accept they are in a no-win/no-good situation. I don't mean this as regards our incarcerated men -- I mean this as regards any relationship no matter what side of the fense both parties are on.

You accepted ugly truths about your man and you acted on that acceptance and for that I wholeheartedly applaud you. Good girl. It hurts and I know you miss him, but good girl for being strong. God made woman strong for a reason -- it'll take some time but let your comforts rest in knowing God made you of strong material, and that in His eyes you are a proud work of His. Amen.

Samiller2-I wish I was as proficient at putting my thoughts and feeling into words as Bigdaddysbaby, alas, all I can think of is how you seem to be getting your heart broke at every turn in this situation and how you seem to be holding it all together. After all you have been through; you are still trying to be there to help others. Your actions are admirable indeed.