There must be a reason for me and this man of mine to be. I sit and try to figure it out, and Lord knows I can't. He makes me mad everyday. I sit and think that I can't imagine being in this forever. Then somehow I just get over it somehow. I mean there are big things and little things that he does to irk me. There are things that I wonder in the long run if we can overcome. I just don't know. We are different as day and night in so many ways. But, I still keep trying. This week was a trying one. I found myself talking to myself. I realized that I may be too much of a nerd for my own good. Can we talk politics? Not really. Religion? Not the best idea. History? Please. I got a little frustrated. So I have decided to feed it to him in little bits. Hey, just think...when he came home he had NO idea about anything political. Now we can discuss the basics. There is hope. We still have to get this parenting thing worked out. How many kids has he raised? None. But of course he thinks he knows how. Oh well. I am becoming the master of turn the other cheek. And I can't quite get the sex thing together. When I was sick and not desiring any, he seemed to want it all the time. Now that I am feeling better and ready to jump him at a moments notice, he runs. I have to get this man a raise so he can work less and get more sleep so he can have energy to handle this situation (smile).

Am I the only one who wants to scream sometimes and leave their man by the side of the road...only to back up and tell him to get in the car???

Honey just be careful not to back up over him. That is frowned upon in some circles although it might be tempting at times. You sound frustrated, I know I would be. I hope you are giving yourself credit for carrying so much of the emotional load.

I believe you are right there is a reason even beyond the love you feel for him, it will come to light hopefully soon and make the time spent together alot better for you. I hope things improve soon.

Best of luck,
Patty

Not sure I should say this since I know nothing of the details but you said things like...

"When I was sick and not desiring any, he seemed to want it all the time. Now that I am feeling better and ready to jump him at a moments notice, he runs. I have to get this man a raise so he can work less and get more sleep so he can have energy to handle this situation".

...he was in prison for 7 years (I read on your profile)....maybe you just both need more time for things to get on track. I hope so!

You sound frustrated and I know I would be too. You deserve a great deal of credit for carrying so much of an emotional load...but he had is own load too.


I hope that eventually both your dreams and aspirations come true.

Big Hug

Titantoo

honey as soon as i saw this, i was all over it. girl you know i love you and have your back. kace it will be ok, just hold on. let him adjust, he is still in a mode. i know it is hard but try to work TOGETHER. talk to him. talk talk talk. i know he is not like this but try. babygirl, please try to get him to counsling. i really think that would help him ans you sort our your emotions. love you bunches, pm me if you need me k? ~ashtynn

Kace,

There are times when you want to throw the towel in, leave them by the way side; then when that moment is over, you want to back up and pick them up.

There is so much adjustment that has to be done in our situations, especially if they have been away for some time.

There are times when I ask myself, can I really endure; but when I think of what we've accomplished, where we're going, our committment, I want to tough it out.

Kace, keep the faith and look forward

OOOOHhhhh he makes me madddddd!!!!!! When I say I don't want to talk....then I DON'T WANNA!!!!!! We ended up having a really bad fight. I just don't know. I am just getting tired. I just feel like weeping. My kids are starting to get like "wtf"? He said he would spend time with me and then flipped the whole thing today. Then thought cooking a dinner I didn't want would make me happy. Then I am the bad one for saying um...no that is not what I wanted. Then he kisses me goodnight after a most terrible 2 hours of mess. That is after I cough, choke, throw up and can't breathe for a while. Guess he realizes he could look around one day and I could be gone one way or the other. Oh well. On to the next episode.

Whew girl, when I read this thread I caught a flashback of me and my honey! LOL Guess what chica, this too shall pass. Seriously it will. Not sure how long your guy has been home, but my honey has now been home 7 months and the dust is finally starting to settle. Boy has it been the biggest adjustment. You just want to drop your guy off on the side of the road, honey I wanted to send mine to the moon! LOL Keep your head up and choose your battles wisely, that way you have the strength to handle the really big things.

Well...another night and I think we said about 2 sentences to each other. I am tired of arguing. He read the bus schedule for about an hour or more. The same one he read last night and the night before. We have had enough arguments and I have told this man over and over that I want more. He doesn't even say how are you doing. He may or may not give me a kiss when he comes home. So everyone is saying give it time. I wish I didn't care and could ignore him and go on with my life. Everyone says he will change and be better. So I just pray that I can keep my hot mouth shut. I just don't want to care anymore. I want to send this man to another galaxy. Ugh. I am just drained.

Um yeah, I vented elsewhere....still done with him.....oh well....

what!? did i just hear you were done with him!!???? kace! please reprase that...

You sound like me most days, the frustration anyways. Hang in there! If you truly love this man, don't give up this easily!!!! These are trying times, but like I said, if you really love him, you two will work through it.

I am done trying to get him to treat me as I want. I just don't know that it will happen. Now I am just trying not to bury him in the backyard. Maybe it is the hormones, but if he asks me one more question and then proceeds to correct my answer.....I'll get that darn shovel!

Kace ~ Just checkin' in with you, how's stuff? I've been thinkin' bout you and yours. Anyhow if you ever need, I'm only a PM away...

Stay Strong,
Patty

Well, it is pretty quiet in my house. I refuse to seek his attention anymore. I am trying to just proceed like he isn't here, just as he is proceeding. He is still getting home late most days. It doesn't matter because he will always be in the bedroom or sitting at the table reading his newspaper. He has barely anything to say and it is like we have a room mate. He is always "tired" so I just don't bother him anymore. Yes, he is tired, but he went "fishing" Friday night and didn't come home until the morning and then got ready and went to work. He got off work early, but I made sure I spent my Saturday out of the house with my mom and kids. I am tired of it. My daughter thinks he sucks. What can I tell her? My son is still trying. Poor thing talks to this man and the he barely answers the boy. I can take a lot, but messing over my kids will get you killed. Basically, I don't see us as having a relationship. We don't talk. We don't share. He is just this guy at my house. I can't say that I expect it to get better or that I even want it to. My concern is raising my kids, paying my bills and getting to a doctor. So right now I guess I more concerned with the money he gives me than anything else. That may make me sound bad, but I have tried to get this man just to say "how are you" and I think I have heard it 3 times in 2 or so months. I pray for the best for me and my kids. I pray that God helps me raise them. That is all I can do. This morning I asked God to show this man the door if he is not the one for me. So I have put this in God's hands and I am going on about my business. My son needs me now because he is having trouble at school. My daughter is at a tricky stage in her life. So they are my focus. Sorry this was so long. I just wanted y'all to know what was up.

Hi Kace!!

i totally feel for you..i don't know the backgroung..other then this thread, but what your describing sounds like a drag..like he doesn't interact with you and your children...

what was he like before he went in?
what was he like in his letters?

it sounds like your having a relationship with an annoying rock..

what is going on?
sorry, you are going through this!!
francis

We ended up having a nasty fight in front of the kids and my mom Sunday night. I am just devastated. I don't see how to fix this and I don't think I want to. I just have to find the courage to tell him to get the frick out. I can't watch my child try to talk to this mofo anymore and then watch him ignore him. It happened all weekend (when he was home) and I just lost it. We had a screaming match. I cursed him out. I broke a blockbuster dvd. I slammed things. I have tried very much to control my anger over the years, very much to the point I didn't have outbursts much. But he has put me to the point that I wanted to hit him. I know if I do, he will hit me. I know if he does I will make sure he never walks free again. Yes, we are to that point. My son, my angel. How dare he ignore my child? I take a lot. He can walk on me. Ignore me. Say nothing to me. He is not good enough to touch my son. My son is one of the sweetest souls I have ever met on this earth. He is Spongebob Squarepants in the flesh. He melts you with his little smile. He has problems. He can annoy you with endless talking and playing. He can't help his problems. His father ignores him to his face. Patronizes him. Treats him rough. My child can't stand to be touched some days. He is touch and noise sensitive. He has anxiety. He has ADHD. I am sure once he is tested again they will find more. This man pokes him. Rough houses him. Yells at him while "playing". My child says stop. His father gets mad at him and ignores him from there on out. Told him not to cry because he would look like a girl. He is a baby. How can a person treat his child like this? I thought my ex husband was cold and uncaring to my daughter. Andy was different when I met him. When we met, he spent time with my daughter and took her as his own. It is one of the things that won me over. I think he doesn't like my son because he can't isn't "tough". I see that Andy is very rough and like he is in the streets (or prison) still. The term "ghetto" comes to mind. This man thinks he is so macho and so "hood". My son doesn't have anything in him to be that way. I my son sees only the good in everyone. He is so sweet. Yes, he has a temper and all, but it is part of his oppositional disorder. Then his father thinks he is a bad child and that I let him "get away" with things. He knows nothing about him. I sit and try to tell him. He doesn't listen. Every word I say to Andy, he twists. My mother was in shock. My mom loves me, but she has ALWAYS tried to be on Andy's side. When I was mad it was her to talk me down. As of last night, she is done. She saw how he talks to me and makes me the wrong one. He will take anything you say and flip it. And he follows you and keeps pushing the buttons. He makes anyone want to beat him. I can't believe he is this man. He was never perfect. But he has changed. I have been very sick since he has been home. I need to go to a doctor. I tried the social service route and I may as well let my mom treat me. So I am saving to go to my mom's doctor. I am having problems breathing, I'm coughing. I can't sleep. I have female problems. The list goes on. Far as I know, there is nothing to kill me, but nonetheless, I have been miserable. He has not shown me one ounce of care or concern. I have been awake since 2 a.m. coughing. My chest is killing me. He didn't ask me once how I was. He woke me up because I was on the couch and he wanted to cuddle. So I laid for an hour and let him hang all over me even after the nasty argument because I am still trying. So by the hour mark I am sweating, wheezing and feeling like I am gonna drown because I am on my back. I am coughing. He didn't sleep much last night so I KNOW he heard me. He made sure he was wrapped around me with his erection poking me. I had to leave my new bed in my nice bedroom and sit up on the couch so I could cough myself to death. All I thought was that he should at least say "are you okay" when he got up to eat my food and drink my coffee at 5:12. I waited. I finally said something at 5:47 which launched us into argument 2. He had the odacity to say that he was ABOUT to come ask me how I was. He stood in the kitchen for half an hour making his lunch and eating what he wanted. I was in the den which is an open space. Two doors lead from the kitchen to the den. I coughed. I hacked. I KNOW he heard me. So I said "thanks for checking on me". He went off on me. Told me I don't give him a chance to do anything. He was about to ask. He was about to do this or that. That I was mean. I lost track of his bull. I started crying and hyperventilating. He had no emotion. So then he then leans in and tells me to give him a kiss so he could leave. I told him no. He left me on my couch heaving. WHAT HAS PRISON DONE TO THIS MAN????? Whatever it did, I am tired of trying to figure out. I am trying to get my bills caught up. I just started getting support again from my ex. Honestly, I need the little money this dog gives me. I thought I could just avoid him and make do until I could see my way clear. But now, I don't think so. I have been broke and struggling all my life. I just wanted to finally get a few dollars in the bank. I think I have seen since the start that this man is so out of the ballpark that I don't need him in my life. I don't see how to fix this. Please don't tell me counseling. He won't go. I don't have another minute in my schedule. What will we talk about? How everything I do is against him? I am mean? I am crazy? I have mental problems? I heard all of that last night. I am tired and sick and to the point I want to collapse. I need sleep and rest. I don't need this mess. I can't believe I'm in this mess. I can't believe there is another man in my life who treats his child like crap. I keep praying. And this keeps coming to a head. So I don't think God can tell me anything else unless he sends Jesus here in the flesh to slap me straight. I just can't think anymore right now.

He sounds abusive, verbally, emotionally, and probably physically(if not now, later). I think you've already figured out what YOU need to do, to protect yourself, to protect your sanity, to protect the safety(emotional and physical) of your children. Who is going to protect your kids?? YOU YOU YOU.
From what I gather, you were with him before he went in and he is the father of your daughter? Was he good to you prior to going in? Was he good to your son prior to going in?
There are GOOD men in the world and YOU deserve to have one in your life. What you've got now doesn't sound like a good man to me(just my opinion). Take back your life, take back your peace, take back the sanctity of your home--for your kid's sake!
I'm saying a special prayer for you, that God's strength will see you thru.

Kace,

I am so sad for you right now...I know you know my struggles and although they are not the same when your home has turned into a tension-filled battlefield...it is time for a major change. Kace, I know you don't know how to get him out and I also know you REALLY want him out. I kept praying for God to help my family and I thought that he would help save my marriage but instead my husband "got" out of the house by becoming incarcerated. Are you afraid to ask him to leave? Would he leave if you did? Does he have anywhere to go?

Is love for him preventing you from doing it? I am heartbroken for your son, I know how painful it is to see your child hurting, especially being hurt by his own father. His poor wounded heart...I feel your pain and I feel speechless but I am worried about you.

ps...Try to get to a doctor, you sound like you might have bronchitis or pneumonia.

Am I the only one who wants to scream sometimes and leave their man by the side of the road...only to back up and tell him to get in the car???

Not literally, but i have been there and done that several times ALREADY!!! But he is my baby and love him to the fullest.

I just read the rest of your thread and i feel you and feel for you. I truly do. My sister is in a relationship because of her financial situation and her honey is the only thing she has known for YEARS. She keeps saying she wants better but she continues to stay. I told her, when she has had enough, she will know it FOR SURE. I think your honey ignoring your son has almost did just that for you.

Some are saying hang in there, don't give up, etc., but girl you cannot be stressed out all the time trying to wait for him to adjust to the "free world", relationships, etc. Yes, there IS a reason for you being with him, but God knows it is not to make you sicker than what you already are. When you were talking about coughing and throwing up my throat and chest ached for you.

I can relate to a lot of the stuff you are saying about your honey, so i think it really does have something to do with him being locked up, but i also think it has everything to do with the kind of person he really is or has become.

I have said from the bo' genning that communication was/is the key. Daddy and I only talk if i initiate the convo. And even then if it is something he doesn't really want to discuss his answers are short. And now that you mention it, i don't recall him asking me how i'm doing or how was my day either. I have a tingling in my arm and he has not discussed this with me or shown any concern. UGH!!!

But you better know MissOne is going to take care of hers Fa' sho' and Kace needs to as well. I just got off the phone with jeffsprincess talking about aren't i mad :angry: that Daddy is trippin and do i feel used. Kace i'm posting like i told her. Daddy had me floating on a cloud that had my spirit soaring and I wouldn't trade that for the world. Yes, i'm upset things aren't what i want them to be, but I got unspeakable joy. And the only way you can be used is if you allow yourself to be. I did all i did (which wasn't all that much) out of love and that's the bottom line. But if Daddy gives me money, you best believe i'm going to take it. Keep on praying and you'll be OK. If God doesn't slap you back into reality, I WILL.

Hey everybody!

Pipkin - He was never perfect, but he has really changed since his 7 year bid. I knew him for 2 years before he left. He is my son's father, not my daughter's. I feel like prison took all of his rough edges and just made them like barbed wire. I'm going to a doctor in December if God is willing.

MRSMAZE - He has no where to go and has no friends. I believe that he will eventually leave, especially if things continue like they are. He believes I am the one treating him bad. He does not see, no matter what I do or say that he is in the wrong. He claims I'm trying to make him be up my a$$. Whatever, I would hate his guts if he was. If I told him to leave today, I believe he would do whatever he thought I wanted him to do so he could stay. That would last for about 2 or 3 days. This situation is unreal.

MissOne - I don't know what keeps me hanging on. I don't know if I think he will magically change, or that he will realize what he is doing or...I just don't know. Talking to him is a one way street. He takes everything and twists it to his way of thinking. His way of thinking is all about Andy.

Last night he came home like nothing was wrong. He did his usual except he actually attempted to speak to my son. My son decided that they needed to talk about the situation and my son (don't ask me how or where I got this baby) told him that he was acting like he was still in prison and it wasn't right. My 8 year old was sitting there trying to tell a 37 year old man how to treat his woman. OMG. I luvvvv that baby!!!! I've caught a virus on top of whatever else is wrong with me. I just can't win. Found out that the sinus meds I used to be on are 80 and 60 each a month. So that really got me down last night. I'm cooking for Thanksgiving and not looking forward to it because my family is so messed up. There are only 7 people to invite, and that INCLUDES the 4 in my house. As for the other 3, my brother is a crack head who lives with my aunt and she is beyond depressed about it. That leaves my mom, who hates holidays since my dad died (14 years ago on the 30th). So this makes for a merry time, huh????

Thank you for all the love and concern. I am very strong, I have moments of weakness where I just want to cry, but I refuse to bow down to anyone. There is something going on in my life that God wants completed. He is running this. I just don't know what it all means. My kids are my everything and so I am just concentrating on them as much as possible. I've got to get my health together. That will help everything. God bless!!!!

Kace,

I have been thinking about you and what is going on in your home and worrying....may God give you the strength to endure what lies ahead...whatever that may be and I am so glad you have such a special little boy, I am sure he is making this nightmare more bearable. Have the best Thanksgiving that you can and know that many people are thinking about you.

....I'm going to a doctor in December if God is willing.

...He believes I am the one treating him bad. He does not see or acknowledge, no matter what I do or say that he is in the wrong. He claims I'm trying to make him be up my a$$. I tell him about himself and he does whatever I want him to do, but that only last for about 2 or 3 days. This situation is unreal.

... I don't know if I think he will magically change, or that he will realize what he is doing or...I just don't know. Talking to him is a one way street. And his way of thinking is all about HIM. So last night I made it clear that I would from now on be all about me.

I'm cooking for Thanksgiving and not looking forward to it because my family is so messed up. We have a crackhead in the mix as well. And the rest are straight up dysfuntional. Additionally, they will be thinking thier "i told you so's" the whole evening. So this makes for a merry time, huh???? I don't know if i even want Daddy there at this point and i'm sure he doesn't want to meet them as well. We shall see how it goes.

Smooches Kace. I can't believe how much i can relate to your posts. We all cry, but you ARE strong and God IS running this. When He wants us to know WHY? we will. He is the only one worth bowing down too fa sho. So keep concentrating on the kids and your health and...

kace, my heart goes out to you!!!
i send love and peace to you and your children!!!

i pray he either becomes a good man/husband/father/friend/lover, or leaves!!
right now he sounds horrible..
i wish i could make things better!!
francis

Well, we started Thanksgiving on a rocky note. We argued and then I had a melt down. I told him to shut up and go away. I cried for awhile. My aunt and brother (the crackhead) decided not to come. That left me, my mom, the kids and Andy. I was just hating life at this point. So after my meltdown, I felt a wee bit better. I think it chilled his dumb butt out too. From there on we started talking and acting like civilized folks. Dinner was really good, if I do say so myself. I just might be able to cook y'all (lol). We all sat at the table and acted like family for a minute. I did notice that after we said grace, he sat and stared at the table and his plate. He hasn't said a word, but I KNOW it hit him that he was home and not in prison looking at prison food. It took him a minute before he could even eat. I tried not to stare at him, but it was just so obvious. He ate his food without a word. He just listened to us talk and kept nodding. He finally talked to ask for my pumpkin pie and then seconds. I can't believe it all turned out decent. We stayed up looking at the sales papers, trying to decide where to go on Friday. He actually got up and went shopping with me and my mom. We had NO arguments and he didn't even act funky. We looked around and didn't buy anything. He ended up going off and spending some time alone. He went and joined Sam's Club. He is so proud. He attempted to watch X-Men tonight and fell asleep with his head in my lap. So I don't know if we have turned a corner or if this is just because of the holiday. Y'all know I will tell you what's up! Thank you for worrying about me. I feel like I have some sisters now, lol. I hope everyone had a great turkey day, and didn't shop too hard today. God Bless!!!!!!!!!

Kace ~ It sounds as though despite the absent family members and the meltdown (I for one believe you are entitled to a few...) regardless you pulled it off and it sounds like maybe his icy veneer is melting a bit too.

Maybe it is just the holiday (hey there's another biggie coming up!). Maybe you are on the road finally to a happy family life with this man. I'd like to think so for all of your sakes. I'm gonna keep wishing and hoping and praying on this.

Thanks for sharing and please keep us posted, sis. =)

Hugggz,
Patty

I hope everyone had a great turkey day, and didn't shop too hard today. God Bless!!!!!!!!!

had a great turkey, but did shop hard. girl i'm still tired. glad dinner was good. :)

Kace!!!
that meltdown was long in the making, and very much needed!!!

i hope this is the start of him reclaiming his humanity....
your amazingly patient!!!!

much peace and love to you and yours!!!!
francis

Kace,I hope you guys or rather he did turn a corner on Thanksgiving.I am wishing you all the best and whatever happens you always have us to talk to.Big hugs baby

If he can't even answer to your son like a loving father who has missed 7 years let alone at all.....then I have to say that I too would walk away!

Sorry but my kids.....don't dare mess with that. I don't care how long you were inside a kids a kid.......and thats his own baby too! Wow

I WROTE THIS BEFORE I READ THE 2ND PAGE OF POSTS.....Hope things continue to improve!

When you are sick it seems like everything is magnified and nothing anyone says makes you feel any better. As a matter of fact it seems like everything is against you! I hope you are getting the medical care you need. I know how much medicine is beginning to cost. It should be against the law for it to cost that much! I hope things work out for you, and you are able to work things out if you want to. I imagine your husband did feel different being home for Thanksgiving this year. My prayers are with you.

I just wanna say thank you to everyone. It means a lot that someone cares. Thanks!

Just to update....There isn't anything much going on. We don't talk. We don't sleep in the same room. I see him only like an hour (if that much) a day. He comes home and eats in our dining room. He will read whatever is around and not talk to anyone. He puts his stuff in the kitchen and goes to the bedroom. He will pick at our son, usually horsing around for a few minutes. That ends if my son objects to the rough handling. He says nothing to my daughter, and she has nothing to say to him. Usually she is on the computer with earphones on. He will speak to me by asking me some question or just announcing something about his job or whatever. I may get a kiss here or there. He doesn't come into our den with the family. He slinks to the bedroom where he will watch tv and iron his clothes. He takes a shower and goes to bed. He gets up at 5 in the morning, bangs everything he can find and leaves before 6. On the weekends (Sunday) he stays in the yard from morning until dark. So that is it. He has no clue what goes on with me or the kids. I can't say we are friendly, it is civil. Friendly would actually require talking and caring I think. I am sort of tense because I make sure I stay out of his way so he can't irk me or grab me. By this I mean, his ONLY convo is his job and the car he wants. That irritates me because it is all he will talk about. He wants me to sign for a car for him. There are problems with this idea because first of all he doesn't have a license. If he gets this car, he WILL want to drive it. He said he would get a learner's permit, but you know he is going to want to drive to work, and no one licensed will be with him. The other thing is that the last time I signed for a car for him, he stopped paying on it and it ended up on my bankruptcy that I never should have had to file. And no, he has never apologized. This car will supposedly be paid for (or is some deal he is working with his boss), but I don't want to be responsible. He doesn't have to go in for urine tests anymore, so I wonder when he will start drinking again and hanging out with his new car. He feels he can drink, and it will not affect his past drug abuse. He seems to forget it all went hand in hand. But of course I am delusional. Maybe if he went to his AA or NA meetings, he would know I am not. As far as grabbing....I don't feel well, I think you all know. He has this annoying habit of grabbing me really rough and manhandling. He calls it being playful. I am just waiting for him to pull my hair and run away. It is like we are in elementary school. If I grimace, he acts rejected. So I avoid it. I only go to the bedroom when he is out of it. Maybe every few days he will attempt to see if I want to have sex by grabbing at some body part of mine or by making some comment. There is no romance. It is like the lyrics of some bad rap song. If I were to mess with him, I feel like I would be just be a hole to plug. I am not in the mood so I don't even bother. If he can't even care how I am doing, or treat my body with care, then why should I be intimate? Oh yeah, it wouldn't be intimate...that requires caring. I notice how much louder and rougher he is since his last bid. We all sit and kind of look at each other when he starts talking loud and getting obnoxious. He used to be so quiet. I don't know how to fix anything that is going on and I am to the point, I don't know if I am supposed to. It is just an odd arrangement. I wonder how long it will be before he cheats. He has his cell phone that he hides. I have no idea who he calls or who calls him. He doesn't do it in the house, but then again he is barely here. He hides his info about his bank account. I have no idea how much money he has. With a car in the mix, I won't be able to control him at all, I fear. So I will be forced to cut him off and throw him to the streets. I just hope he doesn't do anything to get me in trouble before we get there. I think he will go on his own once he can pay all of his fines and get enough money to take care of himself. Or he'll find another woman to hook up with. That is what I imagine at this point. So how are all of you fine ladies doing???

KACE

I'm doing good. :D

Once again i can relate to your post.

We don't talk. He barely spends his nights at "home". I see him four days out of ten maybe. He will speak to me by asking me some question or just announcing something about his transfer to Houston. I may get a kiss here or there. When he is home he watches TV, eat, "maybe" get freaky, takes a shower then turns his back to me and goes to sleep. When he's not at "home" he hangs out at a frat brothers house and as he says, "CHILLS"

So that is it. It seems he does not even care what goes on with me or the kids. We try to be friendly, but it is more (as you say) civil. Friendly would actually require talking and caring. I am stressed because he has changed and he is stressed because i'm calling him on his shit.

But all things work for the good for those who love the Lord (or something like that). :) Soon Daddy will be in Houston and hopefully happy. In the meantime... I had no choice but to pull back. If i had not, that is where being used comes into play. I turned off his cell phone and get this, he calls me from a house phone and says he doesn't think things are working out because i keep trippin. :eek: LOL Can you believe that??? All i could do is say NO SHIT!!! He kills me.

NEway, i didn't mean to go into all that. What i wanted to say is if I were you I wouldn't sign for him a car either. Girl if he has no license / insurance and gets in an accident, guess who is liable. Plus you been there and done that already with the finance part so why put yourself through that again? Daddy is good at trying to turn things around whereas it seems i am trippin, but you know what you know and you have to stand on that. Surely you will be filled with regrets if you don't. Who wants a car they can't drive except for ole people, huh?

Additionally, every few days he will attempt to see if I want to have sex by grabbing at some body part of mine as well. There is no romance. It is like the lyrics of some bad rap song. And what you said about being a hole to plug when you referred to sex hit home for me. Therefore, I won't even bother. If he can't even care how I am doing, or treat my body with care, then why should I be intimate when he is NOT?

I don't know how much is from being incarcerated or how much is him being an "a" hole, but i don't have the patience or the valiums needed to figure it out. Take care of yourself KACE. I admire your strength and tenacity, but please don't let him use you up and throw you away when he finds something HE THINKS is better. Hiding his cellie and bank book does not sound like the husbandly thing to do huh?

And please know I so appreciate your posts. I can relate to you so well. I am sure if Daddy were not going to Houston, I would still be trying to get a grip on this, because i love him.

~smooches~

Oh most definitely understand that he has had none of this for 5 weeks now. I just refuse. I am done. The more I read and the more I sit and think, it is for him to kiss my butt and make me happy. I'm all about my kids now.

I'm glad that my posts help someone. I know I get major strength and incite by reading everyone here. God Bless you all!!!!!!!!!!!

Stay strong MissOne. We are too good for this mess!!!!!!

Who is this man...I'm pretty sure this was my second husband? Have you taken your Valium b/c if this is my ex, you will need them!

Seriously, this sounds sooo familiar! My ex was exactly as you describe! I felt like we just went through the motions. He would want my son to play this sport, that sport, but my son only likes basketball. So, that made him "weak"...my son is like you describe yours, kind, tender hearted, sensitive and that was just unacceptable to this FireFighter/Paramedic ex! Do not and I repeat, do not screw with my kids...I will turn on you like a bad dream!

I know I will catch plenty of flack for saying this, but it doesn't change. And, yes, he will find another women to help "take" care of all his needs! Not saying my ex couldn't support himself just fine, but he lived well above "our" means!

I just say this story scares me with the similiarities! One day you don't just start talking, having great sex (and when you are tired or sick, sex is not good...maybe for the one feeling well!), being the Cleavers! I say cut your losses now, and okay, if you want to keep the door cracked, great, but I promise that door would only be cracked! And, yes my ex loved my girls, but got to the point where he spoke to no one unless there was a fire! (just a little humor there!)

I certainly hope you start feeling stronger soon.This is a miserable state to be in and drags you down deeper and deeper. I will say I don't know, and can't speak for him being incarcerated for 7 years, and the amount of time he has been out, to adjust. I just know, I feel ya!

Hey Kace, I hope that you are feeling better today. I have been keeping up with you and checking this thread to make sure you are okay. You are living in such a stressful situation right now, and I fear if you are like me, when you get extremely stressed and are not feeling good physically, my game is severely throwed off! I can't think and maneuver like I usually would. I am confused and have a hard time focusing on what is right there in my face screaming the truth! I have this saying that people will show you exactly who they are by their actions and this man is showing you he does not give a rats ass about you or the kids. And with him stressing you about signing for him a car after the stunt he pulled the first time is ridiculous! Then hiding the cell phone and the bank account is just wrong. I really wished that we could talk one on one. I can pm you with my info if you are open to this.

I sit and look at him and just wonder if he is clueless or crazy. I mean, he seems to act like things are just fine. His favorite thing now to ask me is if I am pregnant. I even got the 3rd degree about my cycle last night. I want to know if I am, what does that mean to him? I mean he seems to love bringing it up. I basically let him know last night that I wanted no part of the car situation. I mean, as I think about it, I can't believe he would even ask. My mom asked me does he have amnesia. Before he was getting high, he was getting drunk. He took my car and went and partied on the weekends. Stupid me let him. But I was nervous. He didn't have a license. Then I went and signed for him a car. He was never home. He spent more time with the car than me. Then came the drug abuse. I had to file bankruptcy and take that car on that. He NEVER apologized. That bankruptcy is still kicking my butt. Then he stole my car twice. Grand larceny was one of the things that gave him his 7 years. I was left with a job, two kids, schools to go to and babysitters to go to and NO car. But I guess he thinks I should be willing to help him because he is so different and good now. You would think he would be kissing my butt and doing everything I want just to get my help. But he is not. So either he thinks I adore him beyond breathing or he is just plain clueless. When I started telling him how I felt, all he could say was you right, you can't ever tell what is going to get into my head. He was upset, but he didn't get mad. I am waiting for him to throw it in my face though. I wish I could support this man. I wish he supported me. It is draining not having him to lean on. I just don't feel right sitting in a house barely talking to someone here. That is not me. Isn't he unhappy? He spent Sunday playing with our son (SHOCK). He could leave on Sunday's, but he stays home. I mean, is this man brain dead and clueless? I mean if I didn't care two sticks about the people I was living with I would leave on my day off. I am exhausted pondering this. I don't know if I am missing something in all of this. Maybe I am expecting more than this man even has a mind to give. Maybe he is just a caveman and that is all he will ever be. I just don't know.

Kace- It really sounds like you are at your breaking point, which could be a good thing because that could also mean you are ready for a major change.

It sounds like he is in desperate need of serious counseling and from what I have read about him, he is not willing to go that route. It is exhausting, to the heart and mind, to analyze their crazy irrational behavior, but when you are confronted with it, day in and day out, how could you not?

I am thinking about you and your kids....

Okay, let me tell y'all a little more about this man. He is not all evil. Weird, maybe. I have come to learn a lot about him recently. The biggest things that I think affect my relationship with him is the fact of how his mother has conducted her life. I think he viewed me and all women as suspect when he met me. Like his mother, I was a single mother. His mother went out of her way to land a husband. She didn't care who as long as he had a job. She solidified the situation by getting pregnant. She married a very strict, stereotypical (meaning chauvenist and old school) Puerto Rican man. This man wanted his food cooked. He wanted his house clean. He didn't and does not to this day want Andy's mom to even have friends. He he was extremely hard on Andy (one reason he left home at 15). All his stepfather did was go to work for most of the day and come home and sleep. He had no real dealings with the family. Andy's mom raised the kids and ran the house. She was the only one who really had dealings with the dad. Andy's mom, is the only married woman in the family in this point. Most of his aunts where either caught in the drug game, or with a man who was, or they are dead. He has no idea of how to have a relationship. When he was in NY, before I met him, he was a drug dealer. The girls he met only wanted him for the roll of money he kept in his pocket. There was no love. The only girl he cared about cheated on him and got pregnant as soon as he got in trouble and went to jail. He never expected me to wait. Never expected me to be here. Now he is trying to recreate his parent's life. I don't know how to break the cycle. He is not evil. He is just twisted in his thought processes. I just don't know what to do with him.

Kace I'm still feeling you.

"So either he thinks I adore him beyond breathing or he is just plain clueless."

My vote is for clueless AND brain dead.

OMG....you are cracking me up!!!!!!!!!!

Well, has anyone ever taken a home pregnancy test and one of your pink lines turned out lighter than the other one? And you know on the insert it says you are probably pregnant......woohoooo!!!!!!!!!!!! Somebody in heaven (or hell) is laughing their butts off RIGHT NOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! My mom's pharmacist told me to give it a week and do it again.....FUNNNNYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am laughing so hard I think I might fall over. Come on and laugh with me ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmmmm, a faint pink line could possibly be a baby on the way! I'm not sure if you really want me to laugh, but I understand why you are laughing. I've had those days where either I laugh, because if I cry I may never stop! The background info on your guy explains a lot of his actions! I guess you gotta figure out if you want to stick around long enough for him to start believing that what he has in you and the kids is the most wonderful thing that could've happened to him! Keep your head up!

I'm not laughing, because if you are pregnant... that's NO JOKE.

Still yet, when i had my last child it changed my life (for the better), and everyone (but me) thought a baby was the last thing i needed. Keep us posted.

Kace, I work at a Pregnancy Counceling Center, I do preg tests all day, if you have two lines on the test, you are pregnant.Its like we tell the women who come in, you cant be kinda pregnant cause the line is kinda faint :o But, like my mother told me when I got pregnant at 19, God dosent send children to the earth on accident, he makes no mistakes.Every child concieved is supposed to be here, and has purpose.My heart breaks for you, I have read all the posts, and I really feel for you.My third son was born 2 months after I found out my husband cheated on me and was going to go to prison for a year.I wished I wasent pregnant, I felt like things would be so much easier if I only had the two children not 3,then my Aiden was born.Like the song, the moon and the stars were the gift he gave to the dark and endless clouds.You situation can get better, mine has, and a year ago, no-one would have belived my life could EVER get better.You are in my prayers, as well as many others of us here on PTO.Merry Christmas................ :o

I took a different test, one known for being more accurate than the other one I took. It was the digital kind, so there is no doubt. I am pregnant. I am not overly excited. It is my baby too. Take care everyone!

I pray The Lord's blessings over your health and the health of your baby, congratulations!

Kace...

Congratulations...you are a good mother..Best of Luck and happiness to your guys.

I took a different test, one known for being more accurate than the other one I took. It was the digital kind, so there is no doubt. I am pregnant. I am not overly excited. It is my baby too. Take care everyone!

YAY!!! i ALREADY KNOW THAT BABY IS GOING TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE :thumbsup:

Congrats on the baby news!

Thanks everybody! I haven't told the father yet. Everyone knows except him, lol. I don't feel like sharing at the moment. He is still on his planet. Yesterday, he decided to whine to me about his cold and one little cough. So I asked him if he had an idea how I have been feeling? If one cough made him miserable, how about coughing non-stop until his stomach was sore and coughing all night so he couldn't sleep. Of course he changed the subject. I kept bringing it back, but then he just physically walked away. I keep asking him why he can't show any care or compassion for me, and he says it is just how he is. He seems to be content with that. I don't want to have any negative feelings about the baby, but it just seems that is all he has been asking me about. If I would have another one, why I won't have another one and if I am pregnant. He never understood or cared that the very last thing I wanted was a baby. So I don't feel like seeing him gloat, or his pretend happiness. God forbid if he acts "proud". He needs to go spend time with his son. He needs to learn to treat me better. Oh well. Things will work out somehow.

OH MY!! CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BABY NEWS!!! HEY HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF GOING TO GET SOME COUNSELING WITH HIM? MAYBE THE BABY WILL HELP SOFTEN HIS HEART...ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE WITH GOD! DONT GIVE UP :thumbsup:

Honey, I'm with you on this one! Sometimes I get so mad and so frustrated because I think that maybe he really doesn't care and I want to walk away so quickly, but I can never bring myself to do it. I can't actually leave no matter how badly I think I want to. I don't have it in me to leave because I do love him so much and, in the end, that's what truly counts. I will not ever leave him because I love him, even though sometimes he makes me so unbelievably frustrated, angry and hurt!

I took a different test, one known for being more accurate than the other one I took. It was the digital kind, so there is no doubt. I am pregnant. I am not overly excited. It is my baby too. Take care everyone!
Congrats on the baby news!

Latest update....We went to Walmart last week sometime and he bought some clothes. Got home and none fit. Meaning he needs to go back to Walmart. Now he asks me to do it. I say no. First of all, with my job, I can't. Second of all, how do I know what to pick in it's place, if he can't even get it right? So I'm expecting him to want to go to the place. I have told him NOT to ask me. I don't own a car. I drive my Mom's car and usually only with her around. I mean with my work schedule, I don't leave my house a lot. If I do go shopping, I take her so we both can go. She does't drive. Anyway. He never says a word. He sees her daily. Acts like he loves her to death. Whatever. So last night mom needs to go to Walmart and I take her after work. I noticed his bag was gone that day so I figure he will be late coming home because he is going to stop at Walmart after work. So I joke to my mom that we may see him there. Well, I may as well get my crystal ball. But here is the thing. He has had some woman from work take him. When I first saw them, she was helping him look for his sizes and he was just chatting away with her. I walked away and told my mom he was there. Finally, went back and said hello. He goes "oh you knew I would be here huh?" I said that I figured but I hadn't come because of him. I kinda paused and he continued looking for his stuff. She stayed with him. I walked away. He DIDN'T SAY A WORD TO ME. He ended up leaving with her and going through the checkout. He gets to her car and calls me on his cell and wants to know where our car is. Then he wants me to come out and let him in our car. I said you left with your ride why don't you go home? Not nasty, but I said that. He says well I don't want her to have to go out of her way. I said I wasn't coming out. We hang up. I call back 2 minutes later. He is out of the parking lot and on his way. It takes forever to get out of that parking lot, so I figure when he called me the first time he was already on his way. He called me again later after he got home and wanted to know if I was jealous. On top of that, she took him to get food, and he only bought enough for him. Now I had fed the kids, but he DID NOT KNOW THAT. The set up is that I cook and leave his food in the microwave. So if I had cooked, it would have been for nothing since he got his fast food. That in itself is a mess, because lately due to little bun in oven, I don't wanna cook. I am not jealous of whatever he is or was or not doing with the lady. I am hurt because if I had gotten some man to take me anywhere there would have been hell to pay. If I was somewhere and saw him in this circumstance, I would have introduced the person and left with him. I would have thanked my ride and told them they could go. He did none of that. If I had gone to a place for food I would have called him and seen if he had fed the kids at least. I would have bought food for everyone. I am hurt because he is a selfish, self centered butt hole. To top off the night, I asked him to sleep on the couch. I have been sleeping there for a month and a half. I wanted my bed so I could stretch out. He had told me before that it wasn't a problem. As of last night it was. He got angry. I am tired of this situation and I need it to end. We are NOT a couple. He barely talks to me. He shows no care or compassion. He can talk to some woman from work, but he doesn't talk to me like that. He can call his sister and talk her to death about her kids, but asks NOTHING about the ones in his house. I nearly choked last night and he didn't budge from the room to see about me, although my kids and ANIMALS did. But he can ask me how his pants fit. I don't see what can be fixed. He has made it clear that he does not care. Why do I have to deal with him? He has no where to go to my knowledge, and so I think that is why he is here. He sure isn't here for me, or my kids. I don't see how I am going to get myself in a good place about this pregnancy that I did not want with the stress of him hanging around. I just have this feeling that things are going to get nasty somehow. I feel it is going to get way more painful before it ends. I dread that. I think his new home will be the couch though. It felt good to stretch out in the bed, lol. How is everyone doing?

Greetings Kace :)

The more i read your posts the more i know Daddy is not the man for me. :( I guess i should be thanking God it didn't get so painful whereas it had to end.

But I feel God working this out for you Kace. I'm not going to say what i see in my crystal ball... I just want to see how it plays out. Keep me posted honey. I'm still here now. :)

Now you have my interest peaked!!!!!! I just hope for some answers soon. I just want to wrap myself around good things. I want to enjoy this pregnancy.

You already know, just really... ;)

smooches to you and the baby and to good things coming your way.

Sending big Hugs your way Kace.

Kace,

I am sorry that this is happening...this new life that you have created is a blessing and I wish you were able to enjoy your pregnancy.

I can't even imagine how hurt you must have felt to see him with another woman and barely acknowledge you...I would have flipped out and embarrassed all of us. You were mature, but I know the pain was deep. You just keep on enduring and you don't have to...you are doing well on your own and your a good mother.

It is just so sad that our spouses/partners/boyfriends that actually live with us on a daily basis can live their lives as if there is NO ONE else to consider...such selfishness is sickening to me, I could not treat the one I am supposed to love with such disrespect.

Stay strong Kace.

Joy

Well, another weekend gone. We ended up "discussing" recent events and he saw nothing wrong with getting a ride from her. I swear this man is LD. It seems as I "explained" the errors of his ways, and his every defense was blown up in his face, he finally started to see that he sucks. I swear it is like a light goes on and then he looks like he needs some short bus to come pick him up. I think he was raised by hyenas. I have two brothers who were raised that way. I know my mom is not responsible. In the course of our "discussion" he found out about "Nugget". Yes, that will be the baby's name until we find out what it is. Anyway, I also informed him that he needs to find another place to live, because his services would not be needed here. Well, as with all the men I know, if you want a man to leave, I guess you have to pack him. He got up the next morning and made breakfast. He tried his best to be as nice as HE could be. That means he is still kinda annoying. Still says stupid stuff. But he thinks he is being good. I guess there is nothing else to say for the moment. But y'all know I will keep you posted.

so what did he say about nugget!? lol that is cute kace :p well girl you are doing the right thing in my opinion. either he comes round or he hdoesnt but you are staying strong and that is what matters. good to see you put YOU first!! :thumbsup:

Hang in there sweetie!!!!!!!!!!

You know I have to agree with Missone- somehow I don't see the end here, either, in spite of the fact that I practically come unglued reading about some of the stuff he does- or doesn't do. So much of it would be so simple to fix if he would just pay attention, and I know that feeling all too well- if he cared, he WOULD pay attention!:mad: I thought it was OK that he got a ride to Walmart since it was an imposition on you, but I also agree that he handled things badly after the point of your arrival. I am not by nature a jealous person, but sometimes those little workplace friendships blossom quickly out of control, especially if a manless female smells blood in the water. If he's got her sympathy because he really needs somebody to help him out and his mean wife isn't there for him....well, you know the drill. I wonder what their conversation was after you walked away? I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one!
Anyways, that is water under the bridge- the news about Nugget is far more exciting. This could be the turning point. He has a new chance now to straighten up and fly right. We can't expect miracles, but if mine can change for the better (and I hate to jinx it by saying the words), yours can, too. Try a lot of positive reinforcement. I know that isn't easy when they rarely exhibit proper behavior, but taking him aside and saying something like "you really made our son's day when you spent all that time with him on Sunday- I haven't seen him that happy in a while" generally works better than "ever since you've been home all you did was spend one day with him!"( my usual mode of communication). Maybe you are already good about that, but I have made a conscious effort and find that often they want to do the right thing, they're just not sure what is. Hang in there, Kace- you've put so much into this, you deserve a good outcome.

Sickofprisons that was an awesome post. And i'm not saying that because you agree with MissOne. :D LOL

Well honey, i agree with you. Especially about my "usual mode of communication" which you described. I tried to "sugarcoat" what i wanted to say to Daddy, but he still took it very, very personal. And when you mentioned the manless female smelling blood in the water i almost fell off my chair. Girl you ain't wrong. She will fill his head up with her strengths and his womans weaknesses. But overall I think MOST do want to do the right thing. Only thing is... what is right to one may not be right to another.

Sorry to ramble in your thread Kace, but you know me. :)

Kace ~ I was in a marriage that sadly had pretty much run it's course after many years. While I am not saying I did not have a hand in it's ending because I truly did the final nail in the coffin was a co-worker my husband met. She was in a bad marriage and they ended up leaving the marriages to be together. If she had not been in the picture chances are my husband and I would have stayed together. Now I'm not saying that would have been the best thing for us. In hindsight we might have worked things out however I am happy all these years later and I hope that he is too, however were it in my power I would have at least given it a shot.

I would not have made a scene in the store and I'm glad you didn't. I would have had a whole lot of words for him later though. You've been through so much. I really hope that the happiness that lies around the corner finds you.

Best wishes,
Patty

Update time. Not much to tell. We barely speak and he is on the couch by his own choice. He irritates me when I see him. My son has a "Father's Luncheon" today. I kept putting the paper on his things for over a week. He would put it right back on my stuff. Fine if you can't get the day off. YOU should tell your son and apologize. He didn't say a word to me or AJ. So my brother went. He should feel low. But knowing him, he sees nothing wrong. Night before he wrote me a letter asking me if I wanted him to leave. He said something about he just doesn't know how to be affectionate as he should. Yeah, he can call his sister and talk to her and her family about everything under the sun, but he can't say hello to me or ask me how I am. Yeah, he doesn't know how alright. Last night he saw me crying. Didn't ask me one thing. He just went about his way. I even went to put cover on this a$$ and he just layed there with his eyes closed. I was still crying. He didn't say are you alright? He didn't say thanks or goodnight. And I have the nerve to sit here and think we can make this work? What fricken planet am I on? I just need to find the strength to let go. I fought for this through everything. This man has not changed. He never will. It is so over it is sad. I just have to let him go.

BTW, I haven't been on because I have had a massive headache and y'all know I can't take medicine right now. So it has been hard to type or even see for that matter. I hope everyone is doing good and getting ready for Xmas!!!!!!!!

as much as i hate to say this, kace, it might be better for you if you just let go and moved on. god has better plans for you honey :) you are a very sweet person and i hate to see him treat you this way. i am proud of you sweetie...love you, ashtynn

Kace, I feel so bad for you and your little boy.You both deserve better!!! I have a six year old, and I cant imagine seeing him treated that way by his own father, its heart-breaking.I hope things change for you and him, and if not, maybe he is not whats best for you, or your son. :( Hope you have a Merry Christmas anyway................. :o

Kace, when you get really angry it is going to increase your strength in letting go. Although the pain is going to be very real, keep in mind that you are/will be better off in the future.

Day two of my pity party. I keep having all of these emotions. I know it must be the pregnancy thing, lol. One minute I am looking forward to reclaiming my old life and just erasing him. The next minute, I feel used and abused and I am angry. It will be my luck that he will leave me and do just fine. Here I am left with 3 kids and the bills. Then, I get this thing where I want to bake cookies and have this little family. I know it won't happen though. So I end up sad. So basically I am miserable. I feel like all I have done in my life is wait for some man to do right by. Meanwhile, I have struggled and scraped. I don't know what it is to feel loved and I don't know what it is not to worry about the bills. I find myself wanting my baby, although I wish it wasn't by the man it is by. I also know that once again a baby will be all on me in every way. I wonder when I am just going to crawl somewhere and die. I know I won't. I am too stubborn. But I am just tired. So tired of this mess I keep stepping in. And what is it with the cravings for mashed potatoes, spinach and chicken? And why is it I smell EVERYTHING????? Trust me, it can be annoying. People stink. hehehehehehehe. Have a nice day everybody!

((((Huge Hugs to you Kace)))....

I am so sad for you...seems to just keep getting and making you feel worse. You are a strong woman, but you deserve to be cherished. I pray for you to receive enormous amounts of strength. I hope that AJ is doing well...then again, he is lucky to have a mom like you.

Girl you are crazy talkin bout people stink LOL

Kace i feel you on him going on with his life and doing just fine. But i believe if he doesn't do right by you and y'alls children, he will suffer, one way or another. Just start focusing on you, nugget and the children. Pull back while you get yourself together. He will then either try harder or leave (or both). Either way, i think it will be for the best.

I'm still hanging in there with you KACE.

heheheeee

I'm sorry. This baby thing has got me crazy. I swear I can feel the blood flowing everywhere. I get hungry, think I can pig out, but I can't. Then I get nauseated. Then heartburn. Then I just sit there like a zombie. Even the baby has it in for me. But that is okay...payback is coming for that little Nugget!

He is supposed to tell me what his plans are tonight. I guess I will find out if he has saved enough money to leave. I'm sure that he wants to. Oh well. I will not ask him to stay. He always chooses everything over me anyway. I should be glad and let him stay wherever he lands this time. I can't fix this or change things. So there is nothing to do but let it happen. Thanks for the love y'all.

God, grant Kace and myself the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference. AMEN!

(((HUGS)) I REALLY FEEL FOR YOU GUYS. NOW THAT THERE IS A BABY INVOLVED I HOPE IT GETS BETTER BECAUSE THE BABY WILL NEED BOTH OF YOU. I HOPE YOU TWO CAN COME TO TERMS AND THAT THERE CAN BE SOME PEACE.

Kace what's going on with you. Are you sick in the morning yet? Are you craving pickles and mayonaise? lol Is your honey getting any sweeter?

In any case,

God, grant Kace and myself the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference. AMEN!
i needed that prayer today to...thank you miss

i needed that prayer today to...thank you miss

we all need it just really.

Kace,How are you doing???????? I hope things are ok!
Congrats on the baby to be :)

Just curious! Where is Kace? I have been keeping up with her journey. I'm really concerned about her. I hope GOD is working out her situation as we speak.

I agree Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace if you're out there please pop in and give us an update or just say hey. We are here for you.

Hugggz,
Patty

Hey everyone. I hope the holidays were good for y'all. As for me, it was like a rollercoaster. I did all the planning for Xmas....did all the shopping and wrapping. I had to lug it all from my mom's house to mine. Thank God she lives across the street. He went out and got drunk Xmas Eve. Then he went to bed leaving me with cleaning and cooking and all of that. Xmas morning, I was up with the kids, doing the mommy thang. He was in the bed. He stayed in the bedroom most of the day, as my family came over. They were put off by the fact he had nothing to say to anyone. He got drunk for New Year's too. He made it in the house at 12:01. It seems like whatever we do as a family, he has to be separate. I have ended up telling him to get out twice since Xmas. Last night was really bad and he has been gone today looking for somewhere to go supposedly. I just don't know what else to do. I know I have been really moody and evil. Part pregnancy hormones and part pissed female. Maybe I could have been nicer. I just don't feel like "raising" him and "teaching" him how to be the man I need. I needed him to come home and take care of me. I needed him to cook, clean, spend time with the kids, spend time with me, and love me. I needed TLC. The last thing I wanted was a baby. With all the other things he is not doing it is like insult to injury. It is like another nail in our coffin. I went through 2 hard and lonely pregnancies. I don't want to do it again. I can take pain. I can take whatever comes physically. I just didn't want this emotional bull. I just don't know if I am throwing in the towel too soon. If he acted like he wanted to learn, I would hold on. But this stubborn man walks around like okay I'm messed up...that is me....nothing I can do. I can't deal with that. I have changed my life for my kids. I am no where near the person I used to be. He won't even try. That makes me angry. I feel wasted and used. That makes me want to take a baseball bat to him. It makes me feel like I am not good enough to be loved. Either that, or he is just a sick puppy. I would rather go with the sick puppy one.

As for the baby, I haven't been to the doctor yet. I need to go get on medicaid and all of that. So hopefully I will get some things done this week. I figure I am between 9 and 11 weeks. I am already getting a little pouch on the belly....as if I needed that! I am tired all the time, but already having trouble sleeping. I get hungry all the time, but don't eat a lot anymore (thankfully). I have a bit of dizziness. No real cravings anymore though. The minor spotting and cramping seems to have passed.

Any thoughts or comments are welcome. Thanks for caring!!!!

Hi Kace...

You just keep on and so does he....some things, unfortunately will never change...Thank god you are such a positive and good mother.

He doesn't know what he is about to lose and that is such a sad waste of your love...you need to get proper medical care for you and your baby-to-be so hurry and do that quick.

I am sorry for all this drama in your life, you certainly don't deserve it.

My mom tried to come over and reason with him last night. It was like talking to a wall. He shows no emotion. It is just done. I am so sad. He would rather live in a rooming house with a bunch of men than with his family. All we asked for was a bit of attention. Not even a lot. He acted like we wanted him to wait on us and follow us around. I gave up. He upsets me to the point that I cry and get cramps. He has to leave. It is a very sad thing because this man cannot see how to simply TRY. It was all we asked. Say hello when you come home. Ask me how I am doing. He shakes his head and says no.....so what else can I do? He got drunk each weekend in December. What will be next? How long before everyday. He will be living in a rooming house. How long before he just doesn't care anymore? I don't worry so much for me and the kids. I feel like I am watching a train wreck in slow motion. And if by some blessing he does well, why couldn't he do it with us? He is just sad and this is sad. I have to think about my kids now. He is supposed to leave this week. I know I will cry. But there is nothing else to do.

Kace-

(((HUGS))) I know you are needing one!

I know how physically painful a broken heart can be...gut-wrenching, isn't it? Exactly what you don't need...I really feel for you and I am so sorry, wish I lived closer so I could be of more help. I don't have any words to comfort you...I know you need those from him and I can only wish you and your children peace and calm once he leaves your home, I am sorry.

i wish i lived closer as well. i just want to rub your head (and tummy) and tell you it's gone be ok. I feel you on his lack of emotions and attemp to even TRY. Kace you know it his lost. But go ahead and cry. It will make you feel better if you can get it all out. And I'm still here for you if you want to vent. K

What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the one who made you cry? You ask God to give you strength and focus on YOU and your babies. Take care Kace. Those babies need your strength. And lil nugget needs you to be healthy so he/she can be healthy OK.

~smooches~

Daily Nugget: Lose the weight
Don Clowers Ministries
Sep 19, 2004

No, dear friends, I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven. Philippians 3:13-14 (NLT)

Consider: Those who travel much on commercial airlines quickly learn that one of the most costly mistakes you can make is to take baggage that exceeds the weight limits. Yet many people make the same mistake in life and carry the excess weight of the past as they try to move forward. Paul says that you have to forget the past to reach the end of the race in victory.

Challenge: Have you been carrying the heavy weight of your past mistakes? You need your energies to be focused on the future not the past. Forget your past and leave the baggage behind. So run the race today with joy, knowing that the prize is already yours because of Jesus.

Man, y'all make me cry. Thanks for caring.

I can't get a pregnancy test through the health department until January 18th. That sucks. I was hoping way sooner. Far as I know, I have to have proof of pregnancy to qualify for medicaid. By the time I see a doctor, Nugget will coming out, lol. I don't understand how I can be so sleepy all day, but not able to sleep at night. It sucks. I guess I need to make a new thread somewhere else for my new journey. Until next time...thanks and much love!!!!!

On the rebound myself, I began dating a man who was raising his five kids by himself. All hearts and flowers, I married him after three months of dating and the minute we married he changed. I should have found out why his first wife had left him and five children before I got married. I suddenly was pregnant and nothing more than chief cook and bottle washer, raising his kids while he golfed or played with his friends. Violent when he drank I was scared each night when he came home never knowing if I was simply going to be ignored, screwed (sans any emotion), or beaten up. After going public with the abuse, it stopped but there was still no affection, no interest in me or the kids and every holiday or occasion he would become suddenly sick and excuse himself to the bedroom for the remainder of the day, talking to no one. After every beating, I would get a nice piece of jewelry, flowers or something and a promise it would never happen again. I finally decided after fifteen years of this that I needed and wanted more out of life. When I left him, he tried to put it back together but had only one question for me: "What didn't I give you?" How about holding my hand, not bringing friends home for dinner the night I came home from the hospital with a new baby, how about doing things as a family, how about participating in the food prep and cleaning of a five bedroom house with six kids living in it? It was one of the saddest moments of my life and simultaneously, one of the happiest when we split. My daughter and I lived in a little apartment while he lived in that big old house by himself. I found out from his sister I had never met previously that he lived exactly the way his parents had lived. His dad was an abuser and his mom an enabler. They never saw affection, never spoke at the dinner table, etc. Did he love me? Probably. He just had no clue how to show it as he had never learned how to show affection. After fifteen years of trying to show and tell him, it became clear that he didn't get it and never would. Now I have been married to a man for 18 years although the last five of that he has been in prison. He was and is my best friend, a great cook, never thought a thing wrong with pushing a vacuum if he wasn't working that day but I was and took turns with me cooking and doing the clean up afterwards when he cooked. I would rather do another five years even with him in prison than I would to have done another five years in a loveless marriage like my first one was. You cannot change anyone nor should we have to try. It hasn't been an easy ride, but I love and I am loved in return now. I'll take that anytime. My first husband shut everyone out of his life and drank himself to death a few years back.

Wow Kace, my husband was bad when he came home but not as bad as yours. I know my husband's problem is he's issue-ridden and has twisted thinking, and I think you said the same about yours. We are not alone there -- many don't talk about it but the vast majority of inmates have issues.

The woman is always expected and coached to hang in there, to be strong, to give him time, etc., etc., etc. always surrounded by what we should do for them. It would seem if the men could get similar coaching to do right by their women after release, to pay attention to her because women love that, to keep on doin on the outside in your marriage what you were doing on the inside that things can work out fine, that the adjustment period will move smoothly, and that if he's prone to go back, that he may not even return to prison. But sad to say, it ain't like that -- men don't get coaching to hold a relationship together. We get it, and we do it, and when we women can't hold it together, then it discombobulates.

I'm sorry your knight in shining armour turned out to be a rusty can. I'm sorry for the pain and frustration you have and continue to experience. Thank God for senses of humour because yours plus the arena here to get it off your chest seems to be what's keeping you going.

It seems things are taking it's course, naturally, which is better because to rush his exit by you clubbing him over the head with the cast iron chicken frying pan and then pullin out the shovel you spoke of as you head toward the back yard -- well girl that's just not the move -- natural is always better. LOL

Just trying to bring a smile to your face, something I think you should make a practice of doing because the last thing you need is stress and frown lines taking complete control of your physical beautification as it sounds like you're living in a nightmare. I, myself, know prison dreams become society nightmares -- I'm sorry for yours, I'm sorry for mines, I'm sorry for every women who's experienced it, and I'm sorry for the millions of women who unknowingly at this point will experience it when their time comes too because women like you and like me are not the first or the last that things like this happen to.

Just do me one though -- please try to keep a happy persona about yourself this way when your baby comes out it'll come out happy and bouncing, rather than lookin around in the delivery room talkin bout "yo, where he at -- where my daddy at -- somebody find him and get him here NOW cause I got words for him!!" Nugget -- with a name like that, cute is what it's gonna be. Keep a smile on ya face and in your heart because for the time being it's all about Nugget.

************
To HotLatina -- forgive me if I got the name wrong but I think I got it close enuf: I truly do believe if your ex didn't leave for the co-worker that it would of been someone else so don't ever beat yourself over the head about that. A lot of these men have women who hold them down and then when they get out the men act out and take up "company" with the local scaghagwhore or, the infamous co-worker who comes across to them as the woman they can talk to, the woman who can understand them because their wife doesn't, like then who the frig were we for the past so many years when we were talking to them and expressing understanding and pouring out our hearts. Good riddence to him HotLatina as seems that's your past and a done deal.

Wanna hear somethin funny? When my husband was last out he absolutely forbid me from going to his job (he worked in a club) and when he moved out because he preferred to pay a landlord than me he forbid me from going to his dwelling place. So now that he's working and living at a state prison since 2002, 2005 makes me feel like forbidding myself from going to his home and workplace. One visit a month is more than enuf rather than my usual making every visit. Who knows what tomorrow will bring for I may then decide to lean toward 6 visits a year (bi-monthly). This may sound monstruous to a lot of women, but when you get to the phase in this thing that I am, it sounds just about right as I done been thru the being all I can be soldier style repping with him. It's been said that when what you've been doing doesn't work to try something different, so this bid is about trying a lot of things different.

I just wish it didn't hurt. This is my second cold and closed off man. I never fully got over that one. I woke up this morning and felt like I had been punched in the stomach. He doesn't seem to be bothered by anything at all. Part of me wishes I could cause him pain, but it wouldn't be the same. He would actually have to love me and care about me to hurt like I do. His dreams and hopes would have to be smashed. His life would have to be interrupted and destroyed through no fault of his own. No, I can never give him that kind of pain. And if someone else does down the road, it still won't be good enough. Because that will just show he could love somebody else, and not me. I'm just stuck with all the memories and pain. All of the misery and doubts. I can try to focus on the kids, which I will, but the pain will always be there. I know I am better off without him. I know the kids are. I know all the reasons why he has to go and all of that. But it still hurts like hell.

Kace, my heart goes out to you..it is hard to comprehend such a cold human...he sounds depressed, shut down, bitter, and drowning his sorrows in alcohol..
i know this is hard to see..

but, you must move on and take care of you and your family..you deserve a man who is open, lively, loving, nurturing...with a heart!!!!

and, take good care of your health...you know we are all here for you!!
much peace and love to you and yours!!!
francis

Kace...

If it makes you feel any better...you took the words right out of my heart...the pain is real and I pray for you to have serenity in your lives.

If it didn't hurt you wouldn't have a heart.

The pain may never go away completely but i promise you if you keep on living it will get get better.

Now let me go look for the other thread you mentioned starting. :D I want to hear about Nugget. :)

Hey y'all....haven't done a thread for the Nugget yet....just where would I put that? Okay off now to find out! Kisses!!!!!!!!!

i want to hear about nugget too! cant wait till you get back :thumbsup: be up, stay strong girl...ride to that appt on your high horse ;)

HEY KACE! :wave:

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and your family a lot! did some praying on yall too!! :) You will be ok hun!!

I'm thinking of you too Kace and hope you can find peace and some happiness in all of this! HUGS

Y'all are beyond sweet. I think I will keep everyone updated here, so you know where to find me. I might mention things over in the "what's happening" thread in the lounge once i get used to it.

I finally found somewhere to give me a urine test. I get to go today and it is free!!!!! Once I get my paperwork, I can go to social services and apply for medicaid. I already have a doctor lined up. I just need the insurance. So wish me luck and that this can go fast!!!! I can't wait to hear the heartbeat!!!!

Andy is supposed to be leaving tomorrow, but I get this sneaky feeling that he might try to "forget" that he said he was leaving. I don't know. I will keep everyone posted. He is now on the couch, so I have my bed back. It sucks because we all have to go to bed early, but we are counting down for him to leave. He doesn't say much of anything to me at all now. If he does it is like some joke to him. He says he is not happy, but he sure seems happy to be leaving. He is weird. I just need to keep my distance. I don't want to cry in front of him and I don't want to beat his head in, so hopefully he will just go.

Love and kisses everyone!!!!!!

First I was afraid, I was petrified,
kept thinking I could never live without you by my side.
But then I spent so many nights, thinking how you did me wrong,
and I grew strong and I learned how to get along.

And so you're back from outer space.
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face.
I should have changed that stupid lock. I should have made you leave your key.
If I'd had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me.

Oh now go, walk out the door.
Just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?
Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no not I.
I will survive.
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive.
I got all my life to live
and I got all my love to give.
I'll survive. I will survive. hey hey

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart.
Just trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart.
And I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself.
I used to cry but now I hold my head up high.

And you see me, somebody new.
I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you.
And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free but now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me.

Oh now go, walk out the door.
Just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one who tried
to break me with goodbye?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no not I.
I will survive.
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive.
I got all my life to live
and I got all my love to give.
I'll survive. I will survive.
HEY HEY!!!


I will survive!
by
Donna Summer

Kace- what (if anything) does he say about Nugget? Sounded like he wanted a new baby for awhile- does he even mention it? My heart goes out to you, but I find myself feeling unexpectedly sorry for him. It seems that a group of strangers are getting more joy out of the upcoming arrival of his child than he is.:confused: How sad.

Hey everybody! Well, I knew in my heart that Andy would try his old routine to change my mind. It wasn't even well thoughtout, executed or genuine. I looked at him like he fell from a tall tree. I doubt he will go anywhere today or this weekend. His "room" he found won't be ready until the 17th. I wonder if that is even the truth. He came in the house last night with his big kool-aid grin and started rubbing me on my arm. He then proceeded to ask me how I was and blah blah. It was so phony. I just looked at his hand on my arm and wondered if he would just stop touching me. Then he gave my butt a smack and started staring at me. I was like what do you want and he kept looking down at my pants. He is SICK. What planet does he come from. Why would he think that I would sleep with him last night if I haven't in 2 months? Why would I want to? What has he done to make even a dog in heat want him? And what is with the phony grin. I have told him for years that he stopped getting to me in '97 with that. Ugh.

He does not mention Nugget. He knows nothing about it or does he ask.

Looks like social services won't recognize the group who gave me my urine test because they are a christian outreach program and the lady giving the test is not a doctor. So all I can say is that Nugget is still inside of me and that I will still have to wait until the 18th for the health department. Based on my last cycle though, it looks like my due date is July 20th. Woohoooo. One website said Nugget can hear me and moves to sounds. I cried like a baby, so now Nugget knows mommy is nuts. I am excited. My daughter told me to break out the punk rock so the baby will be ready to hang out with her. She is ready to take the baby to Hot Topic. My son is my little protector and he is so cute about it all. It will be nice to have all of the negativity out of our lives.

"....Go on now go....walk out the door....don't turn around now.....cause you're not welcomed anymore!!!!!!..."

Thanks for being my sisters! Love y'all....

you go with your bad self kace! i am so proud and happy for you, you have really turned this mother out! love ya, ash

Kace...You are amazing and you are handling the suprise addition of nugget so well!:)

He/she is lucky to have you...

I am adding another musical quote to yours...

"but now the up is down and the silence is sound..I hurt you too, too many times...now I can't come around" from "When a woman's Fed up"

Hey Kace

Girl you sound good. :D
Men can be so dense sometimes. I bet they say the same thing about us. LOL

You cracked me up about his phony grin since 1997. I rolled.
But you gone be OK. Maybe since he knows you ain't playing it may have woke him up. I mean stranger things have happened. But WE ain't holding our breath huh?

I'm glad you're excited about the baby because I'm excited for you. Please keep us posted. I feel like i'm expecting. YIKES!!!! But i'll be mor ethan glad to live viacariously through you.

Smooches Kace.

MISSONE I LOVE THIS SONG!!! I WAS JUST LISTENING TO IT A FEW MINUTES AGO!!! I LOVE IT !
First I was afraid, I was petrified,
kept thinking I could never live without you by my side.
But then I spent so many nights, thinking how you did me wrong,
and I grew strong and I learned how to get along.

And so you're back from outer space.
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face.
I should have changed that stupid lock. I should have made you leave your key.
If I'd had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me.

Oh now go, walk out the door.
Just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?
Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no not I.
I will survive.
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive.
I got all my life to live
and I got all my love to give.
I'll survive. I will survive. hey hey

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart.
Just trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart.
And I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself.
I used to cry but now I hold my head up high.

And you see me, somebody new.
I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you.
And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free but now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me.

Oh now go, walk out the door.
Just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one who tried
to break me with goodbye?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no not I.
I will survive.
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll stay alive.
I got all my life to live
and I got all my love to give.
I'll survive. I will survive.
HEY HEY!!!


I will survive!
by
Donna Summer

Well, he left Friday as promised. He went and stayed in a Super 8 motel. He says he hasn't found anywhere permanent to go yet. But he is going to get a loan at his job so he can get an apartment. I know I made the right decision, but I am still hurt beyond words. I spent so many years waiting for him to come to me and finally love me like I needed. He is just not capable. It is so sad because he says he loves me and I know it is true. I just can't deal with his kind of love. He still can't see any fault in his actions, so he just goes on with things and I have to try not to cry in front of him. It doesn't do any good. So I must just leave it there. He has either let me leave or has left me 4 times now. I am never his number one choice. It hurts, but what can I do? Good night and take care PTO...

((((Kace)))),


I am so sorry....I know how you are feeling...I hope it stops hurting soon. (((hugs)))to you and your children.

I pray God's peace upon you and want you to know that I am praying for you and I am sure without a doubt everything will be ok!

Kace I just read all 8 pages of this thread... I'm so sorry about all this man is putting you though.. You are a strong woman and you and your babys will be fine. I'm glad that your son has such a loving heart and that you are keeping it that way.. please keep us updated on you and your family..

Hey everyone. Thank you for your best wishes and prayers. I feel blessed for that. He called last night and still wants me to insure his car that he is trying to get through his job. He neglected to tell his boss that his license is suspended in NY and likewise here in VA. He is in the process of trying to get it taken care of, but there is no telling when he will be able to get a license. Therefore, he wants me to take responsibility for this vehicle so he can go to and from work and "park" it the rest of the time. Now, I don't know if I mentioned that this man has had me sign for 2 cars back in his glorious past. One of which he left me hanging with. It was nearly repossessed, so I had to take it in my bankruptcy (the one I wouldn't have needed if he had been about anything). This is also the same man who stole my car twice, leaving me to walk to and from work and for my mom to have to get my daughter to school and son to her house for daycare. Yes, and he did catch a nice grand larceny charge for this and my car was a total loss when he was done. I don't want nothing to do with his situation. I know he has no one else to help him. But suppose something happens out of even his control? I mean, if he gets caught driving "my" car, and he is in the wrong, and this is the same man who has stolen a car twice from me.....oh yeah. I know Geico made my mom sign an affidavit saying she would never let my brother drive her car again after he messed it up and left it sitting. I can just imagine what the insurance companies will think of this. Y'all know he is not going to look at that car just sitting outside of his room and NOT drive it! I mean, come on. I am not an idiot. Well, not today. Oh well. I must just tell him no. This should go over well. The "good will" will surely end. Hmm.

I am still waiting for the 18th so I can get my urine test. They want it done at the health department or a doctor....so I am just waiting. I guess I am that much closer to getting an ultrasound, so that is great. I am dying to see my Nugget, even if I get one of those black and white tadpole thingys, lol. I just want to see my baby move. I have the pic of a 12 week old fetus as my desktop. I think I am obsessing. Y'all keep praying for me because I need it. I was so detached with my son. I am overwhelmed with all of the choices now. I spent hours yesterday looking for a portable crib. Then this morning for a stroller. I gave up in dismay. How do you decide? And then there are the career mom's on the message boards talking about products like they rep for the company. I mean I do home daycare and I am lost....how do they know so much?

Then there is my 14 year old who has to make a choice about high school. I mean when I went to school, you went where they sent you and then you had to worry about college. But oh no. Now the high school recruit the honor students. They even offer to come to your house. Everyone has a program. Everyone says they are the best. My daughter loves 2 shows. CSI and 24. She decided she couldn't deal with the CSI stuff, but would love to work in intelligence. Anything computers. She is a computer nerd after all. So I guess I need to research this now. Decisions, decisions.

As far as my son goes, I am just trying to help him get back on honor roll. He fell off when his father came home. I have been trying to put stability back in his life. Hopefully now I can fully achieve that. He doesn't seem to too shaken about his father leaving so far. His dad made him anxious. So we will see. I refuse to up his medication again. In fact I took him off of one of his ritalins. It would be nice if one day he will function on no medication at all.

Sorry I went on and on. I did ramble. I hope everyone is having a great day, and that you are all alright. Kisses and many thank you's!

Hey, Kace,
Sounds like he hasn't figured out yet that you need to follow the rules. No license, no driving- not even to and from work. He needs to work something else out until he handles the suspension. Even if he DID leave it parked the rest of the time (and my experience tells me you're right that he'll have a hard time resisting temptation), who's to say nothing can go wrong while he's driving for "legitimate" reasons? And then who is left holding the bag? You, of course. It is definitely too much to ask, especially when he isn't even willing to make the effort to pay attention at home. How dare he even ask? Let him get a real feeling for life without your support. MEN!:blah:

Kace-

I am glad that you sound so clear-minded and positive...you just keep doing what needs to be done. You will survive and we are all thinking and caring about you.