my older brother was arrested June 3rd. He got his GF to phone me, and tell me it was assalut charges, not his fault, wrong place wrong time type of thing. I very quickly gave her $5000, which was my savings for grad school, and half of his intended bail. He was denied bail. I had to tell my family about it, which sucked. Three days later his lawyer calls and says that it was all lies, there was no assault, he made that up. The real charges are smuggling drugs across the border (hes canadian), and he will probably get a few years. I again had to tell my family. They were devastated. My parents put up 30grand for his lawyer, and I still tried to help. Flew across the country to be at one of his hearings, missed work, cost a fortune. Came home and took care of my family, listened to my father cry, went to the doctor to get my mother pills for her nerves. It was positively horrible. I talked to his lawyer daily, did as much research as I could. Finally, I broke down and wrote him a letter, letting him no the consequences his actions had for our family, how tore up our parents were, how disappointed. He decided to never talk to me again because I mentioned what a liar his girlfriend was (she denied knowing anything about it, but was then implicated in the investigation!). Anyways, that pissed me off, but I still wrote him three or four times, sent him a birthday card, stuff like that. He still isn't talking to me, and said that "maybe in time he can forgive me". Forgive me??? I've been listening to his lies all my life, and have no respect left for a man who said that because he never went to university he "had no choice" but to smuggle drugs for years. Mostly I am venting, I am set in my decision, just wondering if anyone else has a similar story, and how you handled it. I'm washing my hands of him....

I know what a devastating 'domino' effect something like this can have on a whole family. You sound as if you have done everything you possibly could for him - financially and emotionally. Maybe by not writing for a while it will finally sink in that this time you mean it and that he has to start accepting responsibility for his own actions. Are your parents still corresponding with him?

FORGIVE YOU!!!!!!!! Is this man out of his mind??? I know he is your brother and you love him but there comes a time when enough is enough and he needs some time to think about who should do the forgiving here. My best wishes for you and your family.

dear just:
don't take it to heart. My brother was arrested under similar circumstances as your. Only he was accused of assulting my mom. She now denies that he did. Anyway my brother was sentanced to 4 years 11 months flat time and thrown in the hole because of his mouth. My man was in the same hole accross the hall. to make a long story short my baby and my brother met. My brother now has disowned me for being in love with a felon. Considering where this comes from I wouldn't take it to seriously.

It sounds to me like he might also be using. He sounds like he is in serious denial of what he has done and how it affects everyone else. Sounds to me like he needs some tough love right now. Take care of you, he is a grown man and can take care of himself. He got himself into this without your help, he can now face the consequences by himself.

thanks for the support. I guess its nice to hear from someone whos NOT family, and that I am right to be upset. Yes, my parents correspond with him, my father writes him several times a day. I encourage that of course, no matter what goes on between us, I would never expect my parents to get involved and choose between us. Frankly, my only hope is that in time I can forgive HIM, for treating me and his whole family like crap for so long.

i'm sorry that you went thruogh that. you are the one who needs to be able to forgive him and maybe one day you will. my younger brother was driving drugs across the country and got cuaught. he asked me for money and i gave it to him, only to find out that he had lied about whay he needed it. he has since starightened out and is doing really well. i think almost going to jail scared him. he is only 20. i also went thruogh the same stuff with my ex. he always needed money for something. i have forgiven him but it was hard. concentrate on yourself. your brother needs to realize what he has done and forgive himself before he will change.

I have a brother that is the same way. I lent him 100 dollars that was supposed to come back to me the next week, I didn't hear from him for 2 months. Then when he did call it was to be bailed out and he needed 650. Had he paid the 100 back he would have been bailed out. The amounts have increased over the years, never coming from this way. Now he's sitting in prison on a drug charge. I don't feel bad for not giving him the money, just that it led to this point,

I understand you completely , my brother is like that . Whenever he gets himself into a bad situation he calls us puts out some boo hoo sob story and that he is innocent "wrong place wrong time or wrong person" sinerio. And we feel bad , decide to help , litterally bedning over backwards for him and later on finding out he used us and it was a bunch a b/s. Well what can I say now I am honest I love my brother but as a person I hate him and his ways and truthfully I really don't talk to him that much any more just time to time to make sure one another is still alive. I wish you the best and hopefully he grows up.

wow, it's like listening to MYSELF talk, I guess he isnt as unique as he thought, lol. It does make me feel better about the situation though. I guess everybody has a breaking point, and I reached mine. Its sad though, that even now he still has it in his head that HE'S been done wrong. Maybe this will be it though, and it will actually turn his life around.

Stick to your beliefs. Honesty is the best policy. Your brother needs to understand what this has done to the rest of the family. His excuses are useless. He committed the crime and now he must face the consequences. He needs to understand that he must take responsibility for his own actions instead of putting the blame on others or other things.

What you and your family have done so far for him is tremendous. You all went over and above the call of duty here. I am sorry he isn't thankful for it. Hopefully one day, he will be. You have every right and so does your family for being angry at him. He needs to hear that. He deserves it. He needs to know how every one of you feel.

Hi there,
Im new and i just wanted to say that my brothers problem was somewhat similar to yours. He was selling drugs as well as using them, and they impaired his judgment. My brother never asked for money, he just stole it from me, along with other items. Once he was in jail and was very remorseful for his actions, and ashamed of himself for letting his family down, I learned to forgive him. I realised it was just money and I was not going to let that get between me and my brother, whom I love very much. Although I do realise what a bad life he had, his father was an a**hole(parents divorce, Im his half sister). I know it's not my place to say this, and you have every right to be angry with your brother, but maybe you might come around and forgive him, see if going to prison changes him.
God bless,
littlesister24

. . . I heard about 6 years ago. I was working as a teacher in a program for juveniles who were adjuticated as adults, and were in the state prison for felonies. I didn't know what they were in for, unless they told me, or I went to all the trouble to hike to a file room & look it up. Mostly, I didn't want to know. This one boy informed me that he was in prison because he wouldn't hit a girl. Huh? Well, he was a drug dealer (so he deserved to be in prison anyway? --- oh no, of course not) and sold to a young girl. Her older sister came after him. He doesn't hit girls, so he hired another girl to fight her, and the other girl stabbed her. Riiiiiiiight.

Seriously, parole boards won't let inmates out on parole if they don't accept responsibility for their actions. If your brother doesn't figure out who REALLY put him in there, he will have to max out, and you won't have to deal with him for a while.