I thought I had my 'ensemble" for my visit all picked out, but as time approaches, I think I will go a lot more casual.
The Dress Code thing that I got from Conner said no black, grey, or white t shirts. My question, do they mean PLAIN colors? Can you have a logo in the T shirt? (Not anything nasty or offensive or anything like that.) But can you wear a t shirt that's , say, black but has white lettering and logo?
I really hate to phone the councelor anymore, my cousin's mom is in critical condition after her surgery for lung cancer, and I've called the counselor a couple of times, trying to relay info so he doesn't go crazy with worry.
I think she's getting tired of me<G> ...every time I call, it's some catastrophy, it seems, and I am not one to be too diplomatic, at times. I seem to be a tad pushy.:eek:
And while I'm here, does anyone know what the scenerio is for an inmate to get some kind of leave to see a dying(?) mother?
Thanks,
lis

More than likely, no on the logo shirt. The reason they don't allow those colors is because that's what our loved ones wear. So on camera, it's hard for them to tell if it's a visitor or inmate if they wear the same colors. I've gotten by with it a couple times but they really shouldn't have let me in (I didn't do it on purpose...lol).

I don't have any answer for the leave question. I would guess you would have to talk with the case worker or warden but I'm not sure if Ok even allows for that.

And I've bugged many a case worker too :D

Lis, it really depends on the facility whether they make arrangements for the inmate to visit a loved one. My fiancee' was to go visit his mother last year when we about lost her, everything was all set up, he was told he would be leaving the next morning to go visit her and they never took him. Now if he would have been at the facility he is at now then he would have went no doubt about it. And I know a guy that his wife got real sick and didn't know if she would live and they took him to visit her and that was about 3yrs ago. I would ask the case manager if there was any way for him to come visit her. I know last year the deal with us was there couldn't be no one there, he was supposedly gonna be in cuffs and the whole nine yards. That is what was really breaking my heart cause I didn't want his mother to have to see him like that, or anyone for that matter. His mother is terminally ill and lives in a nursing home at the age of 54 she has been there for 2yrs. She has her good days and bad days. One of his wishes is for her to live to see us get married. I think she hangs on to see her son out of that place. She does go and see him about twice a year, it's very hard on her but she does it. We are now in the process to get him closer to home so she doesn't have so far to travel. Good luck

About the shirt, bummer:( My favorite color is black and most of my shirts are either black, white or gray.<sigh> I'll figure something out.
I have talked to the case manager, and that's why I say she's about had it with me. I am a very strong advocate for what I want done. (Having several severely handicapped kids, and heading the local Autism Chapter.)
I can see that prison isn't a place where a strong advocate is necessarily an asset to the inmate.
I'm almost to the point that I'm afraid I'm doing more damage than good.
I'm going to visit him this weekend, so I guess we'll talk about it then.
I sure don't want things taken out on him for MY being pushey.
I thnk that's an absolutely terrible thing that was done, telling the person they were going to visit their sick mother and then not takng them. Despicable.:angry:

lis

Yea, I could be pushy to but I always have to step back and think what the outcome could be on him. No it wasn't right the way they did him, his mother (still to this day) never knew he was suppose to come and see her. We didn't want to get her hopes up just in case they didn't bring him. Hospice is the one that set the visit up. They are the ones that called the prison and talked to someone up there. I don't know if ya have hospice or not but maybe they can help with trying to get him there to see her. They should be able to do something. You have some places that just don't care though. That's just like we were getting ready for him to sign his lower sec. packet and I had thought about emailing the warden to see about getting him moved closer to home but I didn't cause I didn't want anything to hold him up there or anything else. The warden can denie his packet for lower sec. That was the last thing I wanted so I never emailed him. I've only talked to his case manager once and she was really nice and didn't treat me like I was a piece of crap and that I owed them something. Hopefully everything will work out for you. I know we can wear t-shirts with logo's on them no matter what color they are. It all depends on the facility. Some people get by with it at the facility while the next one in line is turned away. I don't agree with this at all. It should be the same for everyone.

Well, they are NOT going to let him visit his mother. Geesh! The woman has been in ICU since September 17th, and she's in critical condition, and when he wrote me, he had called the hospital to find info via the chaplain - (privacy act, they wouldn't tell me much.) He says it doesn't look good for his mom.
I just don't understand this mentality. I KNOW the inmates have done something to end up in prison. I don't think they should be able to go to DisneyLand, or a world cruise, but even tho you're in prison, it doesn't mean you've stopped loving your mother, ya know? This is his LAST relative. He's not married, has no childen. His mother is the last family he has.
Anyway, that's the final say. NO SEEING YOUR DYING MOTHER.
I'm so sorry for all those who are treated this way, and doubly sorry for the family member who passes away, or is so very ill, and cannot see their child.:mad:
I am not interfering anymore, cos like 'gator said, I don't wanna make things worse with my big mouth.
I will see him this Saturday.
Thanks y'all for your support.:grouphug:
lis

lis sorry to hear the bad news. At least you tried. That's all you can do. Did they let him call her? Or is she even able to talk? It's a sad situation, and I know how you feel cause I have been there myself. Ya will be in my prays that things will turn around for her and she will pull through it. It can happen I have seen it many times with my fiancee's mother. Just keep in touch with him and keep him posted. God bless ya'll.

I'm sorry to hear that they wouldn't let him see his mother. That is just awful. My brother, Jimmy, just passed away on October 15 from Cancer and my other brother, who is incarcerated at Taft, never got approved for the terminally ill relative visit. To top that off, they didn't even allow him to go to the funeral or to the funeral home after Jimmy died. It is just crazy. I agree that maybe if Hospice is involved, they might be able to help get some kind of visit set up. In my experience with the Oklahoma DOC, you have to keep calling everybody you can get a number for until someone helps you. Jimmy was incarcerated up until August 5th when they released him on Medical commutation since he was dying of cancer.

I guess you already found out about the logo shirt also. I had worn a gray one with Reebok on the front when I went to see Jimmy in Lex. in July. I had to change. Luckily, my suitcase happened to be in the pickup so I had a different shirt to wear. I guess it all depends on which facility, but I know Lexington won't allow any logo shirts in the forbidden colors.

I hope something changes and he gets to see his mother.

Well, this whole thing, and reading what others have gone through, it breaks my heart.
I'm so sorry for the ones who are treated like they are nothing, I'm so sorry for the ones who would long to see one they love just one last time...or even hear their voice.
When our daughter died 4 years ago, as she was dying, we spoke to her and called other family members to say goodby to her on the phone. Hearing is the last sense to go.
About clothers, I'm not gonna take any chances, even called the prison today to find out what's what, and have decided to leave my necklaces (they are very special to me) at home. Also won't be taking my watch into the prison. Also won't be wearing an underwire bra,. I WILL be wearing my wedding ring, tho!
And my meds, I can leave at the desk and go take it if I need to.
Flyin' in from Texas, and sure don't want to screw this up, especially with all the dumb stuff that's going on. He needs someone to talk to desperately, I know.
lis

lis, I'm glad you found your answers even though they weren't the one's you wanted to hear. I will never understand the thinking of some of the DOC's rules either :(

It's smart thinking to be extra careful this first time. Once you're there, take a look around at the other visitors to see what they wear for the next time. And I'm LOL'ing at being careful about the underwire bra! Can you believe that I actually had to BUY a bra for my first visit...hehe. I was a free hanging hippie girl and didn't own a single one. Oh well, they needed to be corralled anyway :D