hey ladies..well hes back !!!!! and im so happy =)

but i'll be honest with u, and share my experience..my bf's been gone for a couple of years and in that time you're pretty much on ur own, independent, having ur own life, doing ur own thing..

thats the problem, i got so used to just "doing me", having my own life that now it's as if i have to "fit him in", i dont mean to sound cold hearted but its the truth, we don't live together so it's not like i see him when i wake up or go to bed..

u set ur own scheduale, u made new friends, and i kno we all say we will drop that the second they come home..but i'm not going to drop everything for him..those things helped me survive the past couple of years..so thats where the trouble is

before he comes home..think about the changes u will have to make..HE WILL WANT TO SEE U 24/7..if ur tired from work and just wanna go home and sleep he might not understand and WANT TO SEE U, ur busy with school HE WANTS TO SEE U, u have plans to go out with friends HE WILL WANT TO SEE U

i know i might sound selfish..but its the truth..i'm so happy i have him back, i am willing to change and make room for everyone..but remember..u have time to think now..i was so happy dreaming of the day he comes home, that i forgot about the reality of it all...

i'm just sharing my experience..he's my everything, i'm so thankfull that he is home and with me, but everyday is brand new, and we are taking it day by day and adjusting to eachother..

keep ur head up ladiess..because the day he comes home, u can't even define the feeling, it's pure heaven... :D

Thanks for the advice!!! That is very true!!! I won't be living with him either (if he gets paroled...keeping fingers crossed) and he will be living 45 mins away...luckily only 20 mins from my job!!! But he was always very needy when he was home...always wanting to be on the phone or me over there by him...and now with working that's going to be hard!!! But that is something I am going to have to work with...I want to be with him 24/7 too...I just wish we could live together!!!!!! But besides work...it's not too hard to "fit" him in...you know somewhere between eating and sitting on this computer all night...LOL!!!!! I can't wait!!!! I don't have any friends that I hang out with...so that part isn't to worry about!!! Thanks for the advice again!!!! And CONGRATS on your man being home!!! Hugs:p
-Jackie

Thanks for sharing :) I am so glad he is home and things are going well even with all the adjustments you have to make.I think it will be a little weird for me as well having to make all these adjustments because I am so used to being on my own but I'll gladly do it :)

that is so awesome! i am glad things are going good for yall and that he is WANTING to be with you 24/7 some girls didnt get dealt those cards so consider yourself a lucky one ;) i am glad you shared that story with me, is it cool if i pm you i have some coming home questions!!? ~ash

Congratulations on the great news. Having them home can often bring about mixed emotions.

You are not selfish, b/c when they are away, we do go on w/ our lives. I was extremely active and busy by choice, and when he came home, I had to re-adjust my schedule to meet his needs (constantly adjusting). He tells me to do me, but I have to use discretion and judgement w/ this statement.

What you're feeling, the majority of us have felt/feel, but many times, we don't want to vent, b/c others might think we're complaining and should just be thankful.

Please don't beat up on your self. Enjoy your honey and continue to make quality time for your self.

schnuckums ~ Congratulations on your happy homecoming!!! I understand how you need to make an effort, so does he but just take it one day at a time and keep the communication flowing. I'm so happy for you!!! =)

All the best,
Patty

Good news and good advice all rolled into one post- way cool! congrats I bet it will work out just keep communicating!

I am not sure I am reading this correctly since no one else has said anything but I get the sense from what you have said that you are having conficting emotions and all is not heaven as you close your post with and that somehow you feel it should be? Maybe I am reading it wrong, but as i am reading that is what I hear you saying. If this is in fact what you are saying I just want you to know what you are experiencing I think is perfectly normal. You have had a life independent of him and you have gotten used to doing things without him. I see that as being very healthy and choosing to live as normally as possible even though your loved one was in prison. I think it would be normal to want to continue to do what you have done as well as make the most of the time you have with him. Maybe including him in some of the things you have been doing alone will strengthen your relationship and continuing to do some of the things you enjoy doing alone will keep you from being threatened that you will lose your independence. The reality is you do have to have balance in your life, and balance is whatever keeps you feeling at peace within yourself. I wish you both happiness.

Im also nervous how things will be when my man comes home. I am "use" to doing for my self and being independent. I hope I can adjust when he comes back home and trys to "run" everything the way it was. :)

thanx ladiess..i know u'd understand =)

Maidenheart- it is heaven wen he gets home..the second u see him ur in heaven..wen ur wit him its heaven..but then u gotta leave..

i cant include him in my activities thats the problem..he has conditions to follow since he's been released..he cant go certain places, cant go out for a drink, catch a late dinner, go away for the weekend, has to be around home a certain time..

thats where the trouble is..i wish it was easy and i could take him everywhere with me, but i cant..i want to be with him 24/7..who wouldnt?..

but sometimes it gets hard..if its ur friends bday and she wants to go out for drinks and shes been there the entire time he's been gone..but he's not allowed to ..who do u choose??..those are the problems im talking about

i guess it takes time..and we're making it work..im so happy to have him home that i wont let this bring me down..just wanted to let the other ladies know that they have time to think now and adjust their lives..

schnuckums,

You are really posting. :-) You've said a mouth ful. There are many activities that they can not be included in is they are on parole and want to abide by the conditions.

Some times I get angry when I want to plan a get away, and I realize that I can't b/c his po might come by un announced, etc.

There are times when you don't want to go to certain venues, b/c it might cause them to have flash backs (if drugs and or alcohol were a problem). Since I have decided to yoke up w/ someone w/ this type of condition, I have to make a conscious effort to adjust my life style at times. I would never take him to a bar or a club where alcohol is serverd, b/c you never know who you will run into. One day we were grocery shopping and his po saw him and did not say anything. At his next visit, she questioned him about me, etc. I didn't see her, but she described me and my outfit to a t.

We are extremely happy that they are home, but at times we are anxious and our emotions are constantly going up and down.

Thanks so much for this post, for what you've said, I've felt but couldn't find the words to post.

I had the same experience that you did. He always wanted to see me, didnt understand when i wanted to just go do my own thing with my friends, etc etc. But its changed alot in 5 months. I've slowed down on all the friends-every-night thing. It wasnt on purpose and i still talk to everyone, it just isnt all the time. My time away from him is at work or occasionally when i spend the night at my home and not his. But the weird thing was... after i slowed it all down... he sped his side up. I started to see him less, he always had friends calling to hang out and i had already turned everything around to where i didnt have anything to do on the ngihts he went out, and the tables had turned. We've both settled down. We try to arange things to where he'll go hang out while i'm at work, and vice versa. Its nice to read the way i was feeling not too long ago.

Congrats! :)

hey ladies..Well he’s back !!!!! and im so happy =)

but i'll be honest with u, and share my experience..my bf's been gone for a couple of years and in that time you're pretty much on ur own, independent, having ur own life, doing ur own thing..

thats the problem, i got so used to just "doing me", having my own life that now it's as if i have to "fit him in", i dont mean to sound cold hearted but its the truth, we don't live together so it's not like i see him when i wake up or go to bed..

u set ur own scheduale, u made new friends, and i kno we all say we will drop that the second they come home..but i'm not going to drop everything for him..those things helped me survive the past couple of years..so thats where the trouble is

before he comes home..think about the changes u will have to make..HE WILL WANT TO SEE U 24/7..if ur tired from work and just wanna go home and sleep he might not understand and WANT TO SEE U, ur busy with school HE WANTS TO SEE U, u have plans to go out with friends HE WILL WANT TO SEE U

i know i might sound selfish..but its the truth..i'm so happy i have him back, i am willing to change and make room for everyone..but remember..u have time to think now..i was so happy dreaming of the day he comes home, that i forgot about the reality of it all...

i'm just sharing my experience..he's my everything, i'm so thankfull that he is home and with me, but everyday is brand new, and we are taking it day by day and adjusting to eachother..

keep ur head up ladiess..because the day he comes home, u can't even define the feeling, it's pure heaven... :D

I CAN RELATE TO YOUR STORY. Only thing is... I'm the one wanting to be with Daddy and HE is the one able to walk in your shoes (so to speak). I recently posted a thread about Daddy being selfish because he wants to do his own thing without MAU!!! :D Your post has given me more of a perspective as to where he is coming from. My baby wants to do HIM. I on the other hand, want to see him when I wake up and when I go to bed. :D He wants to set his own schedule and make new friends. Once again, I on the other hand expected him to be all about ME once he was released. And in my defense he said he would be in his letters, because I helped him survive over the past year. :) We were both so happy dreaming of the day he comes home, that we (kinda) forgot about the reality of it all...

But I will say... that day he came home WAS "Pure Heaven" and I will cherish it along with a lot of other memories for the rest of my life. We too are taking one day at a time, trying to find our rhythm.

Now since you helped me see Daddy’s side. I’m going to try to give you some insight as to your honeys.. He simply loves you and you are his everything. He needs to recognize that even though you are one, you are still individuals. Patience and understanding is needed on both ends and adjustments should be made accordingly. Try some compromises with your time. And when you do get together, make the most of that time. I told Daddy as long as Moma was taken care of beforehand, he can go kick rocks with whomever he wants. I trust him to behave because anything else would be uncivilized. :D But I do call him on the cellie in the morning, at noon and at night.

You just got to find your rhythm honey. My baby is getting ready to move three hours away I ain’t feeling it. But God knows and I do too that that is the best place for him to be. But that a whole different thread. Let me go read your other thread and see what else YOU talking bout. ~smooches~