Hey,
I feel as if I am living a double life. My fiance went to jail just after I left to start med school. :mad: It was so hard for me to deal with I wanted to drop out but b/c my family also means so much to me I didn't. It's been a little over a year since he has gotten locked up. He took a plea for 9 years and in now in Sing Sing. My phone doesn't allow for collect calls so all we have are letters. I don't know how I am going to do this. This wasn't part of my plan. I am living a double life b/c when I use to come home for breaks I had to lie to my family about where I was going while I was going to visit him at Rikers. Now he is upstate and I can't wait to see him when I come home but I keep thinking about what's going to happen when he comes out and I am a doctor? How do I explain where's he's been for the past 7 years? I don't want him to feel as if I am ashamed of him but I don't want people hiding the silverware when he comes over either. (He got locked for 3 counts of robbery).
Any advice out there?
My baby comes home on June 17, 2011

This is just my thoughts. If you really love this man who cares what others think. I don't care what my family, friends or whoever thinks about my man and that he is locked up. It wasn't in my plans either to have a husband in prison. No I am not going to school to be a doctor, but sweetheart if you love him quit living the double life. Sooner or later someone will find out. They always do.
But hey I am proud of you that you didn't give up your dream of becoming a doctor. My hat is off to you, and I wish you the best of luck in your studies. I bet that you will be the best doctor around.....My prayers are with you on this matter. Because I'm sure it is hard. Sometimes when we look in at someone, we are quick to say this and that, but then when we step back and take a look at the "Big Picture" it is hard to say what to do unless you are in that person's shoes. Just know that we are here for you. Love Jeanne

Its my feeling that we should be admired for serving time with the ones we love...what they did is to get them locked up is HISTORY and the poeople that know me should know me well enough to know that i wouldnt invest my time and heart into something or someone that wasnt worth the investment...those that truly love you will see this even though sometimes it may take awhile... I can tell you this from experience, although my loving husband is still incarcerated, when he gets out anywone who does not KNOW this to be true will get the boot....love me, love my man...

I Always Feel Like I'm Living A Double Life As Well Because Not Everyone That Knows Me Especially At Work(i'm A Physical Therapist In A Hospital) Now Our Current Situation. My Family And Friends Outside Of Work Know But That's About It. It's Hard Putting Your Business Out There Because You Will Come Across Those Who Like You Said "would Hide The Silverware" Because They Are Ignorant And Then Their Are Others Who Will Not Judge You For Your Husbands Acts. I Willpray For You And I Hope Everythign Turns Out Okay. My Husband Will Also Be Out Around That Same Time ,well 2015 Ans He Is Also In For Robbery So I Feel Everything You Are Saying. Good Luck And Keep Up The Good Work With School :-]

I have always been very open about my relationship however I know that for many the less said the better. Say what you are comfortable with and nothing more. People are only allowed to know what you tell them. I think that in the years ahead you will come to terms with what is and what isn't and I am certain that you will find the answers to your questions well in adavance of the need.

All the best,
Patty

Many that I work with professionally and many extended relatives have no clue... That's fine although hard on me at times.... It would hurt me professionally etc.. if they knew and it's really none of their business anyway...

Deb

Real friends shouldn't condemn you for loving somebody in prison.
I am impressed that you are willing to wait so long (and already have)...I am sure you are strong enough not to have to lead a double life....and I think its great you are studying to be a doctor...I am sure you will be a generous and caring one!

I wish you lots of support and success

Hug

Titantoo

Thank you to everyone that wrote and I'm taking a piece of what everyone wrote. I have been through so much with men in my life that when you meet someone that you love and that loves you 120% 365 days 24 hours a day what do you do? You wait! And that's what I am going to do. And as for telling people it will be a know as you need to know basis.
Anyway thanks

Anytime Mrsrodriguez!!!!!! I Agree With You 1000000000%. Once You Find That Special Someone Who Loves You For You It's Not Difficult Waiting For Them To Do Their Time. In A Way It May Be Difficult But In Your Heart You Know That He Is The One And Only For You And That Feeling Alone Makes It Easier To Wait It All Out. Best Wishes And Keep Up The Good Work In School. Maybe You Can Be My Doctor???? Hahahahahahhahahaha

I guess I lead a double life too by my choice...and because I accept it that way and it is my decision...I don't really think about it much anymore...and I know it wouldn't mix very good with my professional life either...it is not other people's business...good luck with school!

Congradulations on continuing with your dream of becoming a doctor. Keep on keepin' on! I know how you feel about leading a double life. Only people at work who are close to me know the circumstances of my guy's incarceration. And frankly it shouldn't matter what the others think (though sometimes I do have my low esteem points in my life.) As long as I do my work and do it well, nothing else should matter to them.

And as far as waiting a long time for your loved one? I've waited over 5 1/2 years for my guy while he was locked up. Now he's on parole and our love is as strong as ever. He was WELL WORTH THE WAIT. So blessings to you for your love and patience for your guy. And good luck in school. Have you decided on a specialty yet or do you have to wait until you get into a residency program to do so? I work at a hospital here and one part of our division deals with med staff and the residency programs.

Patty:

I note that your husband has been released.

How are you? I hope well.

Please let us know.

If not good, we all stand ready to help.

abner


I have always been very open about my relationship however I know that for many the less said the better. Say what you are comfortable with and nothing more. People are only allowed to know what you tell them. I think that in the years ahead you will come to terms with what is and what isn't and I am certain that you will find the answers to your questions well in adavance of the need.

All the best,
Patty

Patty:

I note that your husband has been released.

How are you? I hope well.

Please let us know.

If not good, we all stand ready to help.

abner


Abner ~ Sebastian was released on Sept. 15th and things are going quite well I have ongoing threads about it in both the Coming Home and Now that your loved one is home forums.

Thanks for asking,
Patty

Hey,
I feel as if I am living a double life. My fiance went to jail just after I left to start med school. :mad: It was so hard for me to deal with I wanted to drop out but b/c my family also means so much to me I didn't. It's been a little over a year since he has gotten locked up. He took a plea for 9 years and in now in Sing Sing. My phone doesn't allow for collect calls so all we have are letters. I don't know how I am going to do this. This wasn't part of my plan. I am living a double life b/c when I use to come home for breaks I had to lie to my family about where I was going while I was going to visit him at Rikers. Now he is upstate and I can't wait to see him when I come home but I keep thinking about what's going to happen when he comes out and I am a doctor? How do I explain where's he's been for the past 7 years? I don't want him to feel as if I am ashamed of him but I don't want people hiding the silverware when he comes over either. (He got locked for 3 counts of robbery).
Any advice out there?
My baby comes home on June 17, 2011
I like what you said in your last post and you will know more about how to proceed as the years go by. There are people who won't want to come see you as a doctor if they knew about your man but there are many who will WANT to come see you because of your man! Think about it. Maybe you can be a dr. helping people who are incarcerated or formerly incarcerated. Of course you can be any kind of dr. you want to me be:thumbsup: . You're now in a unique situation to help those who are usually forgotten.

Ciao Bella.

That is a really ood way of looking at things. I actually do want to work with those that are incarcerated or were at one point. I want to work in an under privlegded community. I think those people need good doctors that are not only willing to heal them but offer them some education as well to prevent incidence. Thanks for the reenforcement



I like what you said in your last post and you will know more about how to proceed as the years go by. There are people who won't want to come see you as a doctor if they knew about your man but there are many who will WANT to come see you because of your man! Think about it. Maybe you can be a dr. helping people who are incarcerated or formerly incarcerated. Of course you can be any kind of dr. you want to me be:thumbsup: . You're now in a unique situation to help those who are usually forgotten.

Ciao Bella.

My wife is a Financials Advisor. She worked for a stock brokerage in dallas and had to go through the whole investigation process for the job. She was afraid of the review because of my background, and she had reason to be because of my past crimes.

What we found out though is it has little to do with the crime, but more to do with the present. People who get out of prison can remain convicts, or they can shed that skin and emerge better for having done so.

You can't erase the stigma of incarceration, but what you make of it and where you go from it is the real test.

My wife and I own a very successful technology company. I deal with security issues, highly privatized data and many of our clients are medical offices and professional companies. We even provide services for several law firms in Dallas now. Not once has my background disqualified me from my duties or my interests. Once I stopped talking about it, it stopped being a part of my current life.

When someone asks me about my background, I comment briefly that it was an unfortunate sabbattical but I learned a lot from it and grew up.

What people know about you often comes from how we feel about things. If you are ashamed of his incarceration then it will eventually come up in a way that compromises you.

BTW, just for the heck of saying it, Costa Rica needs doctors. They say the health industry there is poor and while it's american, most people often move back to the states when they get old because of medical issues. They need good doctors to come live in their island paradise.

Oh, please forgive my typos. I should probably start using spellchecker.

Ronn

Mrs. G with regard to any advice to you I say don't concern yourself with 2011 until then or either 2010. In the meantime, live and let love.



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