Sebastian and I met after he was incarcerated so obviously we don't share children in common, he has two sons one living in our city (11 yrs old) the other is in Texas(9 yrs old). I have 3 grown children all living in California (26, 21 and almost 18) plus one grandson (8 yrs old). Sebastian and I do not plan on having children together.

Wanna talk about your kids/his kids/kids in common here's a place to do it...

Patty

I think this is an important topic! Anyone out there have anything to say?:confused:
My man is not out yet, so I'm kind of cheating posting here ;) and I don't have advice, just questions of two kinds:
How do people support your man's relationship to his children (if they aren't yours?) Mine has a teenage son. Before he was incarcerated he was very involved in his life, but over the years their contact has petered out to very sporadic. T agonizes over this, wants to get back involved when he is out, but doesn't know how his son will respond.
The other set of questions I have have to do with integrating him and his son into my kids' lives smoothly.
Anyone dealing with these issues?

i have a 3 year old son and matt is definatly very supportive of him. we have talked a little about having kids of our own together but im not sure how all of that will pan out. im pretty satisfied with the one i have got! we will see later.

Patty, I have a question for you.. Have you met his kids yet? and if you have, how are they accepting you?? That is what I am most worried about.. Dough has kids.. and I am worried about how they will accept me, expecially since their mom is so PREJUDICED and since she found out we're together, all she says about me is hateful things.. I don't know how the kids will be around me, the 2 I'm worried most about are the oldest, they are 8 and 6, but when he comes home, they should be about 10 and 8.. Some words of encouragement PLEASE.. you're always so good at that.. hehehe

TeRe

Sebastian has two sons one lives here in Rockford the other in Texas. I've not met them yet. The older one will turn 11 on the 26th and I've spent alot of time looking for his birthday present. Sebastian told his son about me several months ago when he came to visit him, Sebastian's mom brought him. I asked what he said when his father told him about me and he told me that he asked if I could roller skate! LOL :shrug:

Patty

Patty, that was so cute...only out of the mouths of babes::)

I have a 13 year old daughter from my marriage and Andy and I have a 8 year old son. I don't want anymore children, but he does. Right now, my daughter could take or leave Andy. She is used to it being just us and feels there is more drama now than when he was in. My son has mixed feelings. He loves his dad, but he is having a hard time relating. My son has anxiety and adhd and so it is work to get to know and understand him. Honestly, I don't think Andy has been putting in the work. Sometimes he approaches it as if he can change our son to be what he wants. One great example is that my son is unbelievably afraid of bugs, and has just recently started spending time outside. Andy insists upon making him go outside to do stuff with him and then gets mad at him and fusses at him when he starts crying. Also for some reason he feels he has to use this harse tone with our son to correct him. He won't just talk to him. I'm doing everything I can at this point to get along and keep things friendly. Everything I seem to say now days is a correction to Andy and it is met with hostility. Right now both kids say they wouldn't care if he left. I am hoping that things will chill out. It is just drama all around.

Family counseling! An objective observer is my suggestion. Your man needs to be reminded that he is the adult not your son....

Wishiing you well,
Patty

Now I just need to find time for all of this counseling.....

I know it has to be rough on you right now, I hope things turn around for all of you real soon.

Thinking of you,
Patty

Thanks Patty.

hey everyone :)

I have a 4 yr old son from my first marriage.
My fiance has a 6 yr old daughter from his first marriage.
AND
we share a 9 month old daughter together.
I was 2 months pregnant with my daughter when my fiance went in, I did the whole pregnancy and delivery all alone. It was awful and I will never do that again. But my fiance home and we have talked about having another from the day he missed our daughter's birth.

:) Things may happen even sooner than expected ;)

Interesting topic... i need to drift away from the Washington Forums more often....

I have two kids... a thirteen year old daughter who loves Eric and has developed a close relatioship with him over his incarceration....

We met while he was in.

My Son is 16. GROWN and likes Eric but is protective and perfectly ready to kill or be killed should Eric ever do me or his sister wrong.

Eric found out 6 months ago that he has a 14 year old daughter.

He hasnt spoken to his family since he left Home back in the late eighties and now there is a reconnection with his sisters and mom and this new connection to his daughter. I love that he wants to get right with her and have a relationship with her but I have noticed since he has been out of lock up and is in work release he doesnt talk to me about the contact he has been having with her and her mom and his sisters.
and he seems to be pulling away from me more.

My fear for myself would be that he is going to go back to ST. Louis as soon as he can to stay and be with his daughter. It would be a wonderful experience for him. But it would probably be a blow that i couldnt recover from.

course i am the best at being the martyr.

If he needs to go then thats what is most important.
I'll just be alone again.

GB

so do you rollerskate?!


buffy...you should talk to him about what you just wrote to us..
let him know..

you two are a team...
much peace and love to you all
francis

LOL Francis I haven't roller skated in years but I'd be willing to fall on my butt for the kid and that's the important thing, right?

Buffy ~ I agree with francis. You should sit down and discuss this at length. There is no reason why you can't blend the families. I wish you all the best.

Patty

Patty... youre something else!! LOL :)

Even though my man isnt home yet... i thought i'd post still. :D My man has 2 teenage kids and i have 3 kids. He is building a relationship with my kids at the moment. Theyve been exchanging lettersfor the past 1.5 years. They wanna meet him and vice-versa. They see my man as more of a father figure than they do their biological dad. Me and Shaq (my eldest) are flying out in April to see my man. It will be the first time that they meet. Jerry always makes the effort with them.
Now to his kids... he doesnt really have that much contact with them. :( Personally i think he expects too much of them. Ive told him that too. I havent yet met them, although i have written his daughter a letter (at his request because he wants us to get to know one another), but she didnt reply!! He'd asked her if she minded and she said no. I send them presents at Christmas from all of us. I am really curious as to how things are gonna be once he gets home. I guess i have to wait and see, huh? I dont want to play the 'step-mother' role. I just want to be able to communicate with them on a friendly level, and to make sure that my man does right by them. I guess better late than never!

2nice ~ You have the right attitude. I hope things go well for all of you! =)

Best wishes,
Patty

Well my husband has an 8 yr. old daughter with another woman- than we have a 5 yr. old son together.


His daughter lives with her mother in Va. She doesn't remember me much. Last time we really spent time with her was when she was 3 yrs. old. We keep in touch with her and her mother and I get along. I kept in contact with her while he was incarcerated.

We are supposed to get her during the summers and we are hoping that those will start happening as soon as we get back on our feet.

As for us wanting another- We do just not right now- But it feels to me like it could be a whole lot sooner than we are expecting.........:eek:

Salena

I am hoping that Andy will try and learn more about his son and all of his quirks. My son is getting to the point that he is ready to scream. He is touch sensitive and his dad insists upon grabbing him and rough housing everyday. When my son is first feeling the affects of his meds, he can't stand being stared at. His dad does it anyway. And he questions him and picks at him. Whatever I say is met with an attitude. My son is very outspoken and his dad is very into the you will respect me no matter what thing. Wonder how this one will end? As for my daughter, she is very sarcastic by nature, and we have a relationship that goes from mother/daughter to a sister like thing. So at this point she has decided that she doesn't really want a dad per se and he doesn't seem to care about that. He barely talks to her. So basically, I talk to my kids and try to run interference on behalf of my son. It isn't all bad. Andy has days where he will listen to me and not drive our son crazy. Those are the good days.