When I first met my now-fiance I was a corrections officer at his unit. I was thin and trim. Almost 3 years later with no contact between us, I have gained about 75lbs. He is very physically fit and encourages me to do the same.

We are getting married in two weeks. But my question is whenever we do get to make love (we don't have family visits), what will he be thinking? Will he be satisfied with my body for the time being or deep down will he be disgusted?

He has been in for almost 7 yrs now, so I was hoping that he would be satisfied atleast until I lose this weight.

What has your experiences been with your women after coming home?

Thanks for responding!

I haven't been in your exact situation, but I have put on some weight since my husband has been gone. I have flat out asked him what he thinks and he doesn't seem to mind. I think that if he truly loves you then it shouldn't be a real issue. To help your self esteem you should probably try to lose the weight, but that should be something you do for you and not him.

As a woman who was 100+ pounds heavier when my husband and I married many years ago and now being much lighter in weight, I have to tell you that neither one of these things had an impact on how my husband viewed me. Sexuality and sexiness (if that's a word) comes from within. If you feel sexy, beautiful and alluring your man will find you that way too and it has nothing to do with what the scale says---it is all about the self-image that you display. How do you feel about you?

Whatever out look he has, is his reguardless of what you or others say, think or pass judgement.

The "if he loves you, it doesn't matter" is a cop out in my book! If your compatible, "it doesn't matter" is the situation.

Way to many people put the word love before finding compatiblity. Believe me, compatiblity comes 1st when living under the same roof 24/7 because, love is fragile and will die without it!!

My question is, why is there a question in the 1st place?

AEMS,
Well I am not gonna try and think like a man. But love is love. But you got over 600 days to loose weight and get into shape. Set a date to start and set a weight loss goal. You can do it and will feel great.

ONE

I would ask him directly because he is the only one who can give you the answer you are looking for.

As a man I've had three kinds of love and romance relationships: Passion based, friendship based, and both at once. Both at once is best.

If you are there for him during his incarceration you've passed all the friendship tests.

And for passion, Nuro's Wife is on the money. For me anyway, sexy = attitude. Think: Mae West. She was the sexiest woman in America because she said so and she believed it.

If you are strong in your love, secure in your friendship have confidence in his attraction to you, it's not only all good - it's just going to get better. :thumbsup:

As a woman who was 100+ pounds heavier when my husband and I married many years ago and now being much lighter in weight, I have to tell you that neither one of these things had an impact on how my husband viewed me. Sexuality and sexiness (if that's a word) comes from within. If you feel sexy, beautiful and alluring your man will find you that way too and it has nothing to do with what the scale says---it is all about the self-image that you display. How do you feel about you?

This quote says it all for me. Although my husband isn't home yet and he has never seen my body between my knees and armpits, he has visualized what I look like. He LOVES ME. Even though I had a LOT of fears that he would not be attracted to my body, he finally drilled it into my head that he's excited about being with ME....EVERY POUND, INCH, FOLD OR WRINKLE.

Just relax and show him what sexy is all about!

Will he be satisfied with my body for the time being or deep down will he be disgusted?
This is you talking and I think (IMO) it is also what you think. I think you should answer this question posed to yourself.
:)

It is all in how you look at it! I am disgusted with my weight. My husband could care less. He says we fit together naturally. But it is ME who is disgusted and still does nothing about it. I weight 208 and should way about 175 for my heighth. but for him he tells me that he loves me for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mind over matter honey, I am heavier now than I have ever been and it happened during his incarceration, not blaming him, not even blaming the dreaded depo provera shot, it is what it is. We talked about this before he came home and he assured and reassured me that the state of my current body shape would not affect how he feels about me one bit. I still struggle with my body image from time to time, I suppose that's only natural but yanno what? The only time that my weight is NEVER an issue to me is when we are together! Wishing the same for you.

All the best,
Patty

I have gained 40 piunds since he's been in and I too am scared I have a year or two till he's home, But I find myslef freaking out beaacuse I have gaiend a little since we haven't seen eachother in 5 months and I see him in 2..I am really self concious as it is.But he's always told me I am the most beautiful woman he's ever known.Although I don't always agree it's finding to love yourself first wether you are 120 or 220 ya know? I think a lot of us stuggle from this.You're in my prayers!

Darling im going to be blunt i hope this does not offend you.
First let me say if and i say if he is not running game on you which i suspect he maybe( although i will be the first to admit i maybe wrong) if he is not and truely loves you then no mater how much weight you put on it will not matter.
Love is Unconditional Period!
Goodluck and Keep your eyes open dont be blinded by your love for him.

I know we all want to look our best for our men especially when it's time to make love to them, but I have learned if you aren't comfortable in the way you look , then change it but no matter what its only going to be the two of you sharing this special moment no one else. Good luck

Peace.....I suspect that your fiancee could not care less if you gained some weight. Don't sweat the small stuff. You can always ask how he feels about the weight gain. And if you feel uncomfortable about the weight gain....go on a reducing diet by taking it one day at a time. I, too, can afford to loose at least 25 lbs and know that my Beloved loves me in all of my "weight"....its about a battery of other stuff that sustains a relationship. Blessings....

ive lost 15 lbs since my man has been away i weight 93 but i dont see why your man would care he loves u right ? well then that shouldnt matter love is not you size so i think he will be just as happy with the new you

Here is a test for those of you supporting that body image does not matter. Tell yourself that today you will pick a potential sexual partner. Take a look around at people and make your choice. Would you pick an overweight person or someone who is in shape?
Peace

When I met my guy I weighed 60lbs more than I do now. He fell in love with me at that weight and tells me all the time that I am beautiful both inside and out. I am the one that is not happy with my body. I worry that he will be disgusted weith my body when we are finally able to be together. In my head I know that he won't care but in my heart I worry about it. I know that I have to love myself and am working on getting back to what I would consider a healthy weight but it is hard to figure out how to love and accept yourself when we have beat ourselves up for so long about our weight. I keep plugging along and I hope and pray that what my guys says is true. The he loves me both inside and out.

When I met my guy I weighed 60lbs more than I do now. He fell in love with me at that weight and tells me all the time that I am beautiful both inside and out. I am the one that is not happy with my body. I worry that he will be disgusted weith my body when we are finally able to be together. In my head I know that he won't care but in my heart I worry about it. I know that I have to love myself and am working on getting back to what I would consider a healthy weight but it is hard to figure out how to love and accept yourself when we have beat ourselves up for so long about our weight. I keep plugging along and I hope and pray that what my guys says is true. The he loves me both inside and out.
Man, this weight issue is such a big deal for so many of us. Let me tell you, I have not seen my guy for several years. The last time he saw me I had a killer figure, well that is not the case now and he says it doesn't matter, he is going to love me no matter what. I have several months to go before I see him, and I have started a diet and exercise regimen. I have lost 36 pounds so far and have at least another 60 pounds to go before I will be close to being satisfied w/myself. I already feel so much better about myself, and feel a lot sexier too, even with the remainder of the weight I need to lose. If you start now, I guarantee you will also feel better about yourself. Seeing him is a great motivator for weight loss. Good luck!

Getting to know him was a great motivator for weight loss. Prior to knowing him I really didn't care that much or at least I thought that I didn't. When I met him I just wanted to look better and feel better. I really didn't diet. I just learned that I needed to stop eating when I wasn't hungry, not wait until I felt full because by then it's too late. I had already over ate. I also started walking during my lunch break, not fast, just a leisurely walk. So far so good. My goal was to make it through the Holidays without gaining any weight. I did it. With all the cold and snow in Michigan I don't like to walk and I am not much for exercising to a tape. I have about 70 more pounds to go. I feel good because none of my clothes fit me anymore. I still worry about what my guy will think when he comes home if I haven't lost the weight. he is great and supportive. I am the one that has to change my way of thinking. I believe in what a few other posts say. If you feel sexy and confident then you are sexy and confident. Good Luck to all of us.

I was chubby before my Hubbie went in and he always tell me he fell in love with my spirit and soul. That Hubbie knows exactly what to say..........

If he truly loves you, then it won't matter. But if you feel like you want to lose weight, do it for you and nobody else. Take a walk everyday and eat a little less and the weight will come off slowly but surely. I have 80 pounds that i want to lose. I already use to weight 60 pounds more. I just started exercising and cutting some of the things i use to eat and the weight just started coming off.

Do it for you. Start with small changes and you will see big changes. And don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day.

Your man loves you for you. Love goes beyond body image.

Mellie:)

I've lost 20# on the "prison diet," and this is the only time my husband ever said a word about my weight--he thinks I'm too skinny. He would prefer I was 20# overweight than 20# underweight.

Boy do I have opinions about this topic! :)
I noticed this orginal thread was in October, but I'll still say something. It is so difficult for any woman to be confident and proud of their bodies (at least the ones that I have talked to). One thing that I am so thankful about in my relationship is that I am so comfortable. There are things that I need and want to change about my body, but ALex would never say anything to me about flaws in appearance. The only thing he urges me to do is exercise b/c I have a mild heart problem (and that's what the doctors recommended to stay healthy). Think about this for a second:
If you are friends with someone, she/he becomes better looking in your eyes. You see not the flaws, but the good things. I had a friend with a misaligned jaw. At first it was very noticeable to me. After I became friends with her though, I never looked at it. Funny isn't it! It is psychological. I think you should feel good about yourself. You have to love yourself before anyone can completely love you. I have to tell myself that everyday. Be motivated for YOU not for him. I also think it isn't so much how you weight, but how in shape and healthy you are. If you love your body, I am sure he does too. If he loves you for you he loves every "inch" (as Alex says).

All you women beat your selves up over weight and I think that it's overstated. I've meet some amazing women who were larger but that didn't keep me from saying "I'd knock the bottom out of that!" when I met them. attitude,intelligence, and personality will always win out over 5'8" 120#'s. I think that I've dated most "types" of women and never once did I enter into a relationship thinking she was smart but big as a house so it wouldn't work out. For me not being able to have a intelligent debate with me is a deal breaker not her weight.

Thank ya'll for your comments. I have asked Matthew what he thought. He said that he finds me sexy before and now. He loves me no matter what size I am. This makes me feel a little better. I've come to realize that I'M the one with the issue about my weight. I'm the one with the problem (seeing myself as unattractive and overweight). So, I've started (trying) to watch what I eat and I bought a Tae Bo tape. My daughter and I do the tape together. It's kinda fun. I'm taking it slow. I know I wont see immediate results, but I'm taking it one day at a time.

Good Luck and Thanks!

When I first met my now-fiance I was a corrections officer at his unit. I was thin and trim. Almost 3 years later with no contact between us, I have gained about 75lbs. He is very physically fit and encourages me to do the same.

We are getting married in two weeks. But my question is whenever we do get to make love (we don't have family visits), what will he be thinking? Will he be satisfied with my body for the time being or deep down will he be disgusted?

He has been in for almost 7 yrs now, so I was hoping that he would be satisfied atleast until I lose this weight.

What has your experiences been with your women after coming home?

Thanks for responding!
YOU SAY YOU HAVE HAD NO CONTACT WITH HIM IN THE PAST THREE YEARS. I DONT GET IT, HOW CAN YOU BE GETTING MARRIED IF YOU HAVE HAD NO CONTACT WITH HIM? MAYBE I HAVE MISSED SOMETHING..AND HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE NOW? MAYBE HE IS BALD WITH NO TEETH AND 50 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT...ARE YOU WILLING TO MARRY HIM IF HE LOOKS LIKE THIS?? LOOKS ARE ONLY SKIN DEEP... AND IF THAT IS THE ONLY REASON SOMEONE WANTS TO MARRY THAN IF IT WHERE ME I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECONSIDER GETTING MARRIED...

LMAO..sorry not at this thread, but that I was thinking for some odd reason that most of everyone on here was thin, young etc. ( j/k, its actually quite comforting to hear that a lot of other women have these fears. I was very thin (94 lbs)before kids and I shudder when I pass a mirror sans clothing (155lbs)) Since Scott went in and I started working for an all male company (and all the males LIKE to eat) I have put at least 30 pounds, if not 40 pounds back. I joined the gym last month and try to go every week, if any of you live in POLK Florida and wanna go together to the gym pm me! I usually go M-W-F sometimes on Sat or Sun, but I hate going by myself. I keep thinking instead of sitting here reading I could be exercising...then I remember about that candy bar, cookie or what ever is hiding in the fridge...LOL it seems to call my name. But on a bright note, I know both my hubby and Scott love me for who I am. And even tho I put some weight on, I know that if I act and think I am sexy, senous (spelling?), and desireable..guess what so do they.

So to all of you girls who have gained a few pounds, go find you some sexy shoes, get your hairdone, and find your "hottie" outfit! Accent your best features and say to your self in the mirror "I am woman hear me roar! An you go roar girl!" (Believe me he will think your sensational! and so will you!)

155???? Sorry but anything much smaller then that I tend to break.:D I can tell you that having bones hips digging into ya isn't very "sexy". Great size!:thumbsup:

lol... thanks . My problem is that I was so used to being really thin. I am trying for 125 to 135. In other words getting rid of my "spare tire" :) My heaviest I have ever been was 210 after my last daughter was born, for some odd reason I have a bad craving for peanut butter and chocolate. I managed to pull that off down to 132, and like I said put some back on. I tend to lose quickly from my legs and rear..just not the tummy and arms.

For me not being able to have a intelligent debate with me is a deal breaker not her weight.
That is EXACTLY what my husband would say.

I weight a lot more then when we first met. After he was in prison and we started writing I was scared to death to tell him that I had gained weight and not what he remembered. He assured me that it didnt matter.

After he was sent away to another prison farther away he kept bugging me about why I always sent pictures of the kids and not me. I told him that I wasnt camera friendly right now. He asked if I gained weight again and then told me he loved me for me.

Just the other day he told me that he married me for ME. He never would have married someone he couldnt have wonderful conversation with.

I wont lie and say we never talk about my weight because we do, but not in a negative way. My weight isnt an issue because of looks, but he does want me as healthy as I can be to give us as many years together as we can get.

Sometimes I do get worried about what he will see under the clothing, but at the same time thats more my issue then his. He is my greatest supporter and my inspiration. He is wonderful when it comes to making me secure about who I am

My girlfriend is a "husky" corn feed girl who likes to eat which is just the way I now like them and I have no problems with. You just have to remember that your 100bazillion times better looking then what he has been looking at.:D

Beauty is not seen with the eyes, but seen within the heart,
If its real love then weigh will never be an issue, I am about 75lbs over weight
but get told my heart is more beautiful than anything the eyes can behold. good luck!

I understand completely where you are coming from, I also met my man while he was incarcerated, I am a nurse that worked at the facility where he is located. So we have never been together intimately but this is where our situation lies. My sweetie is 10 years younger, very good-looking and physically fit. I am overweight, I was when I met him and even though I have lost some I am still. What he tells me about what attracted him to me in the very first place is my self-confidant, cocky, strong-willed attitued. And the fact that I am a very intelligent woman who can carry my end of an intellectual conversation. When the subject of nudey pics came up I explained my body-image issues, which have as much to do with size as it does with stretch marks from birthing 4 babies,and surgery scars. And he doesn't care. In the end it is me he is in love with, not my body. As a woman we will always have body image issues, I know very thin women who still do, just wonder what exactly about the issues that are a concern and deal with them and don't sweat the small stuff....good luck with your marriage.

Staci

I can relate easily, as so many here. I was not thin when i met my man 5 years ago but i was in much better shape. he always dated thin women but he thought i was beautiful. For the longest time I knew my weight was an issue. We split several times but got back together 5 months before he went in. We got to know each other very well. We had lived far apart before and he moved in with me once we got back together. I was still very concerned about the excess weight. He wrote me a letter about a month ago telling me that he loved me for me and he has come to realize what love is really about. He wants me to be healthy but the weight is not an issue. He said love is not about body size. It is about compatability and comes from the heart. He is very good looking and tall and thin. I am short and overweight but he loves me no matter what. He has gone through a lot of changes while in there and I truly bellieve that he has realized that life is about deeper, more meaningful things. At the moment I can't work out because I have an injured leg from falling down two sets of stairs in four days (LOL) that will take at least another month to heal and I have an injured shoulder from shoveling mountains of snow a:( . I have no idea how long that will take to heal and i may have to have surgery on it. this is very discouraging for me but i am watching what i eat and just taking it one day at a a time. I saw him on Saturday and the look in his eyes told me that he loves me so very much it was breathtaking. He has also told me that as soon as he gets out he wants to marry me :D . It is really us that has the issues more than the men. From previous experience ( I lost 60 Pounds a few years ago) just taking it slowly and making small changes here and there will boost your self confidence and make you feel very sexy even if you haven't dropped any weight. Do something nice for yourself and it just comes naturally. If this helps...when I lost the 60 pounds...to keep from eating junk food (which I love!) i just envisioned it attaached to my hips or thighs LOL! I am now in the process of working on the last 50 pounds. Good luck and keep it all in perspective. Attitude is everything and you are a beautiful person inside and it comes through on the outside. Take care and good luck in your journey.

Jerri :)

I would think that 75 pounds on a once skinny frame would have you lookin right nice so I don't think you need to lose as much as you feel you do. It's always been my conviction that in relationships women worry about weight and age when men cluelessly don't get what our problem is because for them these aren't really issues for them. You want to be sexy for your man then what you really have to do is work on your confidence because what a man really digs is a confident woman.

I would be more uncomfortable about marrying in two after no contact has been made in three years rather than my weight. If he ain't going no where I guess you waiting a little bit on that is out of the question, huh. You may want to give some consideration to what Oz said because I like where he comes from with his.

I heard a nice saying the other day

We don't love the beauty, but love dictates who we find beautifull

Ok Look Iam Not Very Skinny... Lol But Iam Not Really Fat However I Am Chubby My Boyfriend Is Very Skinny And Now Iam Sure Is Built Anyways Hes Very Cute Too So Iam In The Same Boat As You Iam Wondering If He Gets Out.... What Will He Think Or Say.. So I Am Trying To Lose Weight Not Only For Him But For Me To Feel Better About Myself As Well.... But My B/f Loved Me Before He Went In Which Was 5 Months Ago And I Havent Gained Much Wieght Since Then...lol And He Still Loved Me....

I know most women have issues about their appearance but doesn't it come from inside? The happier you feel and the more positive your attitude the better you look. I don't think it's about size .... so many larger women that are happy with who they are are absolutely beautiful and radiate that.

My guy has told me more than once that it isn't the way I look but the way I think that attracts him. It really is your vision on the world and on yourself that makes people see you for who you are : a total person and not just the outside. :D :yes:

I'm a BBW and I know how it feels to doubt that you are pretty or that you are too fat to be with someone. But what I have discovered over the years is that most folks may look at your body the first time you meet, they look inside you from there on. I still have little nigling doubts once in awhile and I am still surprised sometimes when a hot young thing comes along and thinks I'm sexy. But most of the time I can honestly look that sweetie in the eye and say "don't I know it"! ;) What I know is that I am sexy and sensual and it shows cause I truly believe it! Can't answer for you...but I'll bet your man thinks that you're the sexiest thing goin! And ya know what? Take a look around at women who are considered to be some of the sexiest women in the world...women like Mae West, Jane Russell, Gina Lolabrigita, Kirstie Alley...even Liz Taylor, Jayne Mansfield, and Marilyn Monroe where not ulta thin...they were rounded...well voluptuous...I like to refer to myself as Rubenesque....Think of the classics...

All I can say is that if he is going to Marry you he loves you for you if he didn't accept you for who you inside and out he wouldn't be willing to spend the rest of his life with you! If your not happy with yourself and with thoughts like this than your not really happy, change! have the will power and just do it.

Darling im going to be blunt i hope this does not offend you.
First let me say if and i say if he is not running game on you which i suspect he maybe( although i will be the first to admit i maybe wrong) if he is not and truely loves you then no mater how much weight you put on it will not matter.
Love is Unconditional Period!
Goodluck and Keep your eyes open dont be blinded by your love for him.

They are getting married in two weeks. Idon't think he's running anything on her. I

I too have gained some weight over the 20+ years we have been together. And although I feel like crap sometimes when I walk by a mirror (clothed or not) I can tell you that even with my insecurities, when it's that time of night, his hands still caress me in the same loving way, he doesn't run across one of my newly aquired "speed bumps" and pause with a disgusted look on his face, watching him I see the same man loving the same woman he always has.

I can also tell you that the beauty truely does come from within and your confidence level. I can put on an outfit when I am in a blue or foul mood and feel like I look like crap, but a month later at the same weight but a good mood the same outfit "fits me great" and I feel like a million bucks walking out of the house in it.

I still have my hangups on my weight. But it's because I want to look different, not because of anything he has ever said or did.

Since I have started this thread, Matthew and I have had long and deep conversations about this issue. He has told me that he loves every part of my body and would kiss every inch of it with the utmost love. He would not feel awkward or disgusted with the many, many extra pounds that I have put on. He would like me to lose a little weight for health reasons though. But even if I did not lose any weight, he would still love me and be exremely proud to be my husband.

For me, that is hard to believe because I wont even touch my extra rolls. It disgusts me to look at myself in the mirror. But this is an issue that I have to deal with and come to terms with. Matthew is being very supportive and loving.

We have been married for 5 months now. We still have not had the pleasure of making love yet. I have started to take more control of my weight through some diet and exercise. When that special day finally arrives, I'll be ready physically and emotionally.

Thank you all for your input.
Take Care.

I don't have the weight issue, but i have the body issue times 1000. I had 3 kids and lots of stretch marks and sagging boobs. the last time he had seen my body was when i was 16 so things weren't exactly where he left them. I am still self consious, extremly so, but he has no problem with it, he gets frustrated with me because i am always covering myself up and not lettin ghim see all of me. But he tells me that he loves the way that i look and he wouldn't change anythign about me. Myself on the other hand have been contemplating the boob job. I watn one but he doens't want me to get one, but right now he is in jail so i thnk that come next year i will get one and suprise him when he gets home. but don't worry about what he may think, i am sure that he loves you for you not for your body. When a man truly loves a women he sees you for you not for your body, the body is just and extra incentive. Besides you are probably well endowed upstairs so i am sure that no man in their righ tmind would compalin about that.

I have not gained weight since he has been in, but I feel gross. I have had another baby, and I just feel disgusting. I know my husband doesn't have a problem with it, but still, I need to feel comfortable with myself when we are intimate...and that is why i am trying to lose 25 pounds...but then if I don't lose the weight, then I have to think, I guess I am o.k. with my body since I won't lose the weight...weight problems SUCK! Just not being comfortable in your own skin, whatever the reason is, SUCKS! I am sure you and your husband will be fine!!

I have not gained weight since he has been in, but I feel gross. I have had another baby, and I just feel disgusting. I know my husband doesn't have a problem with it, but still, I need to feel comfortable with myself when we are intimate...and that is why i am trying to lose 25 pounds...but then if I don't lose the weight, then I have to think, I guess I am o.k. with my body since I won't lose the weight...weight problems SUCK! Just not being comfortable in your own skin, whatever the reason is, SUCKS! I am sure you and your husband will be fine!!
There are health consequences to being overweight that everyone who is in that situation needs to consider.

This is coming from someone who is most likely 35-55 pounds overweight (I am currently trying to lose). My cholesterol is also through the roof (about 290) and my doctor is talking about putting me on Lipitor (at age 28, I am ashamed to say).

I have managed to shed 20 pounds since the beginning of the year. WeightWatchers seems to be working for me. If you want more information about how it works, PM me.

Well I personally do not have any health problems with being over weight! I am sorry that you do! Good for you for losing the weight! That is wonderful!!
There are health consequences to being overweight that everyone who is in that situation needs to consider.

This is coming from someone who is most likely 35-55 pounds overweight (I am currently trying to lose). My cholesterol is also through the roof (about 290) and my doctor is talking about putting me on Lipitor (at age 28, I am ashamed to say).

I have managed to shed 20 pounds since the beginning of the year. WeightWatchers seems to be working for me. If you want more information about how it works, PM me.

Oh, nice. I typed a real nice post then I pressed the back button keyboard shortcut. Argh. Put a full-length mirror by the door and look at it before going out. If it doesn't flatter you, change the clothes by all means. They'll understand waiting 10 extra minutes. Your esteem is important, if the mirror flatters you, you'll be worry-free most of the day. My point is that you should get rid of the clothes that made your nose wrinkle or stings you in the heart. Wear lipliners with clear lip gloss. Make your hair nice before visiting. Smile. You're your own worst enemy. Tell our men not to ever comment on our weight again because that lowers the esteem we have or what's left of it. Use smaller purses to avoid shoving food in for later. We all look better clothed, don't we all know it. Dim the lights (so he can see your face) instead of a total pitch black room. By all means, wear loose lingerie. They're better than "birthday suits". If you have 4 boobs, buy a larger cupped bra and take the wires out, 'kay? Those who gained weight due to a loved one's incarceration, you aren't fat. You're lovesick and that love weight is because you are sad so you eat. Don't worry, you'll lose some weight when they come home... *hint hint LOL.

What everyone has said is right :) It's how you feel about yourself, yes there are some men that want only tall, thin people but I'm sure he isn't one of them. I too, have gained weight. Neither of us has been in prison but we met when I was 17. Now I have two children and of course do not look the same!! My husband still loves me, I find it hard to do some things we used to.. but now I buy lingerie that covers the spots I don't like and shows off the ones I do. If you find ways to FEEL sexy he'll catch right onto your vibe..

As far as losing, I think you'll only suceed if you do it for yourself. That will keep you motivated, if thats what you want to do. My husband and myself just started going to a health club together to encourage each other. Is it something you want for you? or just for him?

Good Luck :D

I feel you! When me and my husband met seven years ago, I was fifteen. I thought I was fat then, boy if I only knew what was to come! Anyway..I have always been thick, even when he met me, I was about 170 lbs, which was fine for my height. After having my daughter, I kept some of that baby weight, and I was disgusted. He didn't mind at all, I did. I got into some bad habits, and got into a size 5, if you catch my drift. Okay,got into trouble, got a nice 180 day vacation-courtesy of the the state of Ca. When I got out I had gained about 45 pounds! He still didn't care. He said he couldn't stand it when I was so thin, he liked the me that I was when he first fell in love. Then he got locked up, and I put on ANOTHER 45 lbs!!!!! I was disgusted, so I did something about it, before he comes home. I joined the gym, and watch what I eat, and I only have 87 days left before he comes home! I have lost 17 pounds so far, the goal is 23 more before that first time we make love again! You'll be just fine, and he will be satisfied! He loves you, and i'm sure in his mind you are what he wants, not some Barbie doll! I worry about the same exact thing, but we don't want being paranoid about our imperfections to over power our first night home experience! Wish you the best!

I've gained weight since we have been together and he says that is just fine and he encourages me to eat.

I was watching a talk show and these guys were talking about the wives were to fat..blah, blah. So, i asked Donald if he would leave me if I gains a few hundred pounds. He told me no, cause he loves me for me and to stop talking like that before I did gain all that wieght. I recently lost 20 pounds. He doesnt want me to lose anymore cause he dont want a "little wifey" :)

Finally, someone in the same boat. I met my baby in the "system" too. Trust me, even though he isn't home yet...he will love you no matter how you look. I have major body issues, and I just know, from all that he has said (and if we love them, we have to believe them!) that my stretch marks were just a sign that my children were a gift of God. Wow, huh? Trust me, if he loves you, it won't make a bit of difference. The funny thing is, that when we think about them (at least me), what he looks like, doesn't make a damn bit of diffence to me, the fact that I love him, is all that really matters. If we could only be on that same wavelength....

Lisa

When I first met my now-fiance I was a corrections officer at his unit. I was thin and trim. Almost 3 years later with no contact between us, I have gained about 75lbs. He is very physically fit and encourages me to do the same.

We are getting married in two weeks. But my question is whenever we do get to make love (we don't have family visits), what will he be thinking? Will he be satisfied with my body for the time being or deep down will he be disgusted?

He has been in for almost 7 yrs now, so I was hoping that he would be satisfied atleast until I lose this weight.

What has your experiences been with your women after coming home?

Thanks for responding!