Call me crazy but I miss letters. Don't tell me to ask him to write even though he's home, I tried that he thinks I'm nuts and it's not worth pushing in my book but I do miss them, I'm sure it will diminish in time and I believe it's because we met when he was already incarcerated so that's how I know/knew him through letters, phone calls, visiting rooms... so is there anything at all that YOU miss?

Patty

I can imagine that you don't go to the mailbox with such excitement anymore... Bills & junkmail just aren't as much fun as a handwritten letter from your sweetie!

PRECISELY why you should take up a penpal or two! :)

I never really thought of missing anything about him being gone after he's home, but now that I think about it I can understand what your saying. I bet I will miss the same thing. I know that when he calls I get all tingly right now, but I am sure I will miss the phone calls as well.

Good post... I think it will help all of us see how important those little things really are

mlg ~ Unfortunatley my man is not EVOLVED enough for me to be taking on penpals. I understand how he feels though and to be honest the thrill of a letter from MY man versus a friend would be quite different. I admire those of you that keep the letter writing up and up for your penpals, I think it is a gracious and admirable thing.

TNC ~ I get all tingly when he calls me when I'm at work or out with my girls, so I hear you loud and clear.

Patty

Patty

I guess I miss all the free time I had. :-) Now that he's home, my free time has diminished. When they first come home, they don't want you out of their sight. They are needy and clingy, but as they become more stable and established, this diminishes.

I don't miss the calls or letters, b/c it's better being able to see him and talk to him when I want (except for when he's working, etc.). When he would call, the calls would often get dropped, cut off, etc. and he would loose money on his phone card if the call didn't go through.

I know this sounds strange...but I miss that intense sense of hope for the future that comes with the anticipation of their return...still there, but when you are actually living out life together...the focus isn't on hope anymore, rather just enduring the trials and tribulations and hoping for success.

Well he isn't home yet but......once I got my line cleared to receive calls and started visiting him, our correspondence through the mail decreased. I found that as much as I enjoyed talking and seeing him, I missed the letters! Due to the fact that I have a high phone bill now, we had to star writing again:) ! He also told me that he talks better with a pen. I think I am goingto try and continue to write in some fashion when he comes home. Letters, to me. are like a persons eyes......a window to their soul.:rolleyes:

MrsMaze ~ I hear ya. Sometimes ya get bogged down in the doing and I guess that means we need to remember to stop and savor the moments. Sebastian and I like to refer to the times we are sharing together now as "our future good ol' days"...

Huggggz,
Patty

I will have to agree that I MISS THE LETTERS! Especially when I couldn't accept his collect calls while living in the transitional housing, I used to LIVE for his letters which came at least once, if not twice a week. I kept all of them and during those awful nights when I just wanted to curl up and die, I would take those letters out and read them. It was almost as good as if he were there, hugging me.

NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING, mind you. I LOVE hearing from him every day. I LOVE seeing him on weekends. But seeing our love for each other in words does something to me and for me.

I guess I haven't noticed that I am missing anything just yet. He just came home Sept. 2... maybe I'll think of something!!

The look on his face when he walked through the door into visiting- so happy to see me. And all that scheduled (6 hour visits) time together on the weekends, just me and him- wait, I forgot- I guess there WERE a few other people there, too! Wow, everything takes on a different cast when you're looking back on it. You really tend to remember the good stuff! Just like when he was in, I missed him so much because I remembered all the good times- forgot about quite a bit of the stuff that drove me apesh*t!!

sometimes i miss the letters.. mail just isn't the same anymore.. bills, junk, bills, junk.. but other than that, i don't miss much.

there's nothing better than having my baby home.

sickofprisons~ LMAO I feel you MOST COMPLETELY...


I miss the road trip there and back. Me and my best friend and fellow PTO member Shawna had wonderful visiting drives!!!!!!! I love him I'm glad he's home but I gotta say that it was because I met him while he was locked down and stumbled upon this site that I became friends with Shawna and she and I have shared some crazy, wonderful times behind all this mess, I am doubly blessed for the experience, I got a man and a best friend outta the deal. She never batted an eye as I loudly proclaimed all the way home from visiting, "I LOVE HIM"...

Memories,
Patty

hey baby girl! why dont you tell him you miss the letters. maybe he will write you a sweet note and mail it to you! i have thought about this too and told matt he still needs to write me sweet notes so i dont miss his handwriting :) i dont want my letter writing to stop!

I think my man sees the letter writing as part of our past, part of a time that we need to move on from because of how we met. I have to respect how he feels, I mean let's face it what I have now is much better, yanno? I do miss them though...

Patty

Patty I know this is off topic, but I just have to!! Thank you so much for sharing all of the good and bad that goes along with the homecoming. I may only have a few months, or I may have even longer to be where you are now, but all is being absorbed so that when that day comes I will know a little bit about what we will need to do. You rock, Girl! I think I will miss my road trips as I love to get in the car crank up the tunes and haul bootie past the staties, but I can deal with that when the time comes.

Angel ~ You can and will get past the things you miss. You will file them away these cherished memories of times that tested and tried us to the core. I think it is good for me to share and I hope it is helpful to others. I appreciate the friendships I've made through PTO so much and I just want everyone who is soon to be in my position to know that what they will go through while it is somewhat different for everyone shares many similarities and for everyone to know they are not alone in their feelings. I tell you one thing I won't miss ~ a 400 dollar phone bill every month, yikes!!!! Paying off my last one over the next couple of weeks, joy!!!

Patty

Thunder, he was inside for a long time right?

mine will be home 2006 after 16.5 years inside...any advice ?

Mrs. G.,

Yes, he was in for sometime, over 20 years. My advice is to start a savings account strictly for him, for when he comes home. I would not let him know about the account.

Begin networking w/ regards to employment. Many of our loved ones will get jobs via family and or friends, or sheer luck. You can also research companies, etc. that hire those w/ a record. Employment is so important for them.

You can start shopping for clothes, etc.

It's important to keep a journal of your dreams and goals for you two as a couple. I kept one and when he came home, I began to implement many of them and as things would happen, I would state that we were actually living out my dream/goal.

We do line dancing together, go to plays, concerts, the movies, play games together, visit family and friends, etc. It's so important to expose them to things that they have never done before or ever thought of. Some of them need to see/realize that there is a life outside of their safety zone. My friend enjoys experiencing the different things. When we do this, he often states that he does not want to give this up.

Being around positive friends and doing positive things (many are free, etc.) is key to their survival.

Thy only real advice that I can give you is to stay true to yourself and the course and that it is not as long as it has been, and that he is coming home soon. I once had two years to go and I kepy myself extremely busy w/ work, volunteering w/in the community, attending social gatherings, joining book clubs, etc. I wanted to build a strong networking base for the both of us.

Mrs. G, continue to stay strong.

Peace & Blessings

thanks for sharing this, I mentioned to you in another thread about the money and clothes part...
as far as networking goes, I have spoken to certain friends about his experience and also, one mother that visits her son in the same prison my husband is in, said she would help us when he got home. We know of many organizations t hat help too, like Osborne, where one of the founders of the Org. knows my husband personally. And recently mentioned that he come to her when he gets home.

I only have supportive and positive people in my life and so does he. I plan on keeping it this way. we both do! We also plan on doing many activities to keep us busy and active. He loves to work out and is also very IMMACULATE when it comes to his things and keeping the place clean. He is TOO NEAT!

The journal is a good idea. DId yours do this too? when did you start it and what types of things did you write about? Goals and dreams for the homecoming?

What kinds of obstacles did you or he encounter as far as him being away so long and then set free? You sound great! How did you do this? How did he do this? Did he find employment? Did he get depressed, scared? We live in a big city and I worry about him taking the train alone….at what point did you leave him alone to go out and find things on his own? I plan on giving him an atlas and a train map and then showing him how to take the train but when do you stop worrying? My husband worries about being able to protect himself, and even silly things like my cat jumping on the bed at night and scaring him….LOL
Well thanks for your help

Thunder: Thanks for posting about them not wanting us out of their sight. It's not just me? what's up with it, you think? If I slip off for five minutes to get on the computer, BABE! Where are you? LOL

MrsMaze thanks for saying that about the anticipation, I am experiencing post-release letdown the past few days myself. Now it's just REALITY and the fantasy anticipation was a lot more upbeat. I am now trying to shift into enjoying not having to deal with prison, and the positives of daily life, of which I have to say there are many, and not focus on the disappointing aspects of this reality, which there are also many of - the trickiest thing for me is not knowing what aspects are related to prison, and what parts are just how he is ... we have not been together in this fashion before, and it's all new to us

Mary, you sound great to me, keep going girl! :)

Ms. G,

I used the journal to write my feelings of anger w/ him for returning, how could I have assisted in avoiding his return. He would talk about the guy riding him, but I would say, don't say anything, he can't do anything. We have to realize that they do know somethings. :-) and that we should listen to them at times.

I started it once I learned that he was returned. I used the journal to chart my individual goals and our collective goals. Also listed potential job sites, places that I wanted us to visit together, etc.

I met him while he was incarcerated through a volunteer program. He was already in for 8 yrs. We remained friends until he came home. The obstacles that we encountered was trying to get him not to beat up on himslef and to see that he had made progress and changed, regardless why he was sent to prison.

I think depression is something that they all experience. He hates the winter months; therefore, I have to really keep my eyes on him during this season, and make sure he's doing things that he desires.

He found employment the first day (02) when he went on employment search while in the ccc. When he was returned, I contacted his employer, and b/c of his work ethics, etc. he wrote a character letter to the parole board, etc. and informed them that he would have a job when ever he was released.

When he came home in May 04, he contacted his former boss and he let him work when others were on vacation. When a permanent spot came open, he hired him permanently. His boss also sold him a car, etc.

Mrs. G., you might want to take the train w/ him a couple of times. Maybe you two can make a date of it on the weekend and visit places, etc. Bus schedules works wonders. Just be patient. Make sure he has plenty of change to call you or someone if he gets lost. It's an adjustment, but w/ time, he'll become a pro. Just affirm his progress, etc. They need constant re-assuring and validation.

You are not jumping the gun, for his release is going to happen. It is not as long as it has been. You will do just fine, for we are on the side lines cheering you on, for where you are heading, we're are there.

Continue w/ all the positivity.

I miss the letters. It was something he did just for me. He actually took time away from whatever just to write me.
I miss my free time (as if I had any). Now I have one more person to clean up behind. And I have to cook more.
I miss not having the pressure to feel good. When you are alone, being sickly (especially female problems) don't really bother anyone but you.

Kace ~ Until or unless others come along to say different I'm thinkin' the letters is ahead on the list of common things one misses....

I read a few of his from when he was locked down tonight, just picked them at random, sigh, I loved him then, I love him still letter or no letter but uh yeah I miss that still...

Patty

Yeah, I have major moments where I wish I could just rewind.....

I hear you about the rewind! For some reason it occurs to me that while I miss getting his letters and in the first few days I missed writing to him ( I wrote twice daily). Now I don't know where I found the time! I do not miss writing to him but I still miss his letters. I still reread those he wrote. I also miss the "jazz" of picking an outfit waking up at the crack of mf dawn getting all prettied up and jumping in the car with my best friend Shawna for the 2 plus hour drive to visit my man. Afterwards we'd go for dinner and sometimes Chocolate Tall cake at Ruby Tuesday's where I would do my version of the Meg Ryan in 'when harry met sally' thang thinkin' of him sittin' across from me in all his glory, the glances we exchanged, the hug and kiss at the beginning and end of the visit. Don't get me wrong it cannot compare to having him home but let's face it I was a model prisoners girl, damned good at it and I miss some of those moments.

Always,
Patty

I miss things about the visits also, Patty. For one thing, it was all about US for all those hours and he was totally focused on me. Now we're wrapped up in getting our lives in gear and it's just not about us. At least you have that. All of us have different timing and experiences. With us, daily life kicked right into gear immediately and we had a lot of medical things, appointments, etc., moved him in, lots of household work and now he's in a program where you get paid to learn a skill (electrician) which is great, but we're up at 5 a.m. and life is really busy - and I miss those kisses too.

(((((Mary)))))

One day a few weeks ago before his outta mama's house time became more liberal (YAY) I cooked and me and my best friend stopped by to drop him off a plate, we only had time to talk for a few minutes, as we drove away i sighed and recalled all those vending machine meals, the kiss and hug only at the beginning and end, sigh... I feel ya.

Patty

Well, My honey is just in Work Release... hasn't even had his first social pass and i already miss a few things... for me i am not sure if it means that things are doing the ending thing or what.....

I miss him calling me. He doesn't anymore. he did at first but its long distance and collect for him to call and i can call him for free cause of free long distance.

I miss letters. I miss his being excited to see me.

I may be trading off for other things i was missing for years.... but I am missing alot of our relationship.... it STARTED in there. We were always us.. locked up. never have been us....OUTSIDE.

I don't know how it will work but i am ready for either way it could go.

GB

what do i miss ? i miss alot of things but i think what i miss the most is him being here by my side for hugs and kiss and and doing things with him.I really miss the fact he can't be here to help me out with his girl raising her and putting her in school.She miss's her dad and that hurts me no it don't hurt it kills me everytime she looks at me and wants dad to come home.thats what all i miss the most.

Buffy ~ I can relate. I met Sebastian when he was locked down. That's how I knew him, yanno? It certainly is different now, better of course but still I miss the way I felt when he called and I knew we had only a certain amount of time so we had to say everything and we had to say it NOW!!! It's a trade off worth making though. =)

Patty

now that my fiance is home......
I miss how sweet he was, the poems he would write me, the wonderful things he would say and write in his letters. Now things are just normal and some days I don't even want to talk to him! I miss the days when I would have given ANYTHING just to hear his voice. LOL

Hey PJ ~ We're right in it with you. Sometimes I tease my man and say, "Remember when you reeeeealllllly used to like me?" LOL

Patty

so how can we get back those things? is there not a way to take time out for those things we miss, like romance and alone time, intimate time?

Well, I love reading this thread because it helps me enjoy what we've got right now... seeing as we have at least another 30 years of letters, collect calls and prison visits ahead! It's nice to know there are a FEW perks!

To be honest, I have always believed that I am lucky to have these things: great friendship, the letters, the calls and all the incredibly precious moments that prison makes you appreciate as if they might be your last. Like in wartime or any other extreme circumstance I think you get a real deep sense of what's really important when times are so hard and it can bring something wonderful in people if they're open to it.

MrsG ~ don't get me wrong, Sebastian treats me even better than he promised he would, emotionally, physically, spiritually... There is much romance to be had here. It's hard to explain. I certainly didn't know I would miss certain things, much of which I chalk up to the fact that I met him while he was incarcerated...

qwerty ~ you are counting your blessings, I love that about you! =) You have something so special that bars cannot eliminate what is in your heart. I'm so pleased that things are progressing....

Hugggz to both of you,
Patty

I know I will miss the letters, but we said we would try to leave eachother a letter once a week, like under the pillow or in our bag...LOL...it is an idea. Hey, I know life out here is busy, and we all get busy, but hopefully we will not lose the romance and sweetness and intimacy, and not forget, this is how we met too. I hear ya Patty.

Mine seems to express himself better in letters. He just can't get his thoughts together otherwise. I asked him to try to write me once a week, but I just don't know when he will have the time. Oh well.

Sebastian doesn't want to write to me. He reasons that is part of our past. We all respond differently to stuff. If he wasn't so good to me I might push the issue but even though I miss those letters I'd rather have him home...

Patty

i miss running to the mail box..

but shhh i still do..hoping a letter got lost or sumting nd it'll come noww..lol

LOL schnuckums ~ I know the feeling. A few weeks ago I got a letter with the familiar DOC stamp on it for a second... well yanno it was a letter from one of his friends.

Patty

will he be able to go see his friends Patty? It is nice he can still write to them.

I miss getting all excited when the phone rang at 9 p.m. I won't miss that huge bill though. I have one now for $250, and the next will be half that bad, and the next - nothing ....

mrsg ~ no he can't but we write to them...

mary ~ I hear ya girl, On the 16th I will pay off my last HUGE phonebill, can't wait!

Patty