I just got a call from Aren this past weekend. He hasn't called in a while. Mostly because i think he was a little ticked off at me. I send him money when i can. Which is once a month sometimes twice, because he is in a lockdown (SHU) facility in Oak Park Heights. He gets out for rec, and he says he is really trying to get some schooling, but he told me he wanted to take college courses and i had told him i would pay for them once he registered, and once we found out how much they would cost. He wants to start some paralegal courses which i will be paying for, If he can find something to keep him busy and out of trouble then i will support that. But he is ticked at me becuase i didn't make it down for his court appearance two months ago. He doesn't understand that I still have to work, I have a family to support, a one year old and my fiance. I did what i could and paid for his attorney which is alot because i didn't want him to get anymore time.
He was in Segregation in the winter of 2003 when he decided to literally kick the S*%$ out of two correctional officers in the prison he was at:banghead: , so they put him in lockdown and sent him to the state Max security. I don't condone this activity and in fact i told him that he was an idiot for doing such a thing because most Correctional Officers in Minnesota are there to help. THis is one of the few states in which correctional officers will go a little out of their way in order to help a little. Why on earth he would do such a thing is beyond me. But I scolded him, even stopped sending him money for a little while, but broke down within a couple months and no matter how much i don't agree with what he did, i will always help him out. I feel sort of guilty for him being in prison in the first place. I mean i wasn't much of a role model.
But he called, and again i send money, and pictures. Because i love him. But am i doing the right thing????


Peter

Awwww Peter, You love touches my heart. I have no siblings and I always encourage people to treat their siblings right, when mom and dad pass, they have one another. Your heart is good and in the right place. I know that it must be difficult, tough love often is. When your child is older you will experience this again I am afraid. Only you know what is best for you and your brother - do what you can, when you can - but don't take away from yourself or your family. Take care and if you ever need to vent or talk, please feel free to PM me or come to your PTO family, we are here for you.
((hugs))

Danielle

peter i know how hard it is to have a little brother who doesnt always do the right things. the most important thing is that you show him that you are there for him no matter what. when my brother was on work release i went out of my way to pick him up take him to work every morning eventhough he worked 20 miles away. he screwed up and got a dirty ua and lost his work release. he knows i dont support all his choices but i support him as his older sister.

It's a fine line and only you know how much you can give. I say if you feel like giving, do it freely and without regrets. If you can't, don't feel bad about it.

Throughout our lives, friends will come and go, spouses stay or leave, but a brother/sister is there from cradle to grave.

JJT

Support him, but not his actions. Let him know you love him and will be there for him, even if he dosen't always do the right thing. Sometimes when your younger you don't always understand that other people have expenses and can't figure out why they can't give money. Just be there for him, whether he wants to hear it or not. He'll come around eventually.

Peter- I think it's great that you are going to help Aren with his paralegal courses- it will help him so much, I am sure,to have a goal to work towards.You said you feel a bit guilty by not being much of a role model when you were younger- it's your chance to be a great one now! I really hope you will always be there for him in any way you can - especially for emotional support. As JJT said so well "a brother/sister is there from cradle to grave".

Thanks everyone for the advice

Hi all, As you all know i have posted about my younger brother Aren from time to time.

For those of you who are not familiar with Aren or myself...

Aren followed in his older brothers footsteps. (Me being that brother) and is currently incarcerated in Minnesota's Maximum Custody facitilty Oak Park Heights. He went to jail for a 2nd degree burglary which would have carried a two to five year sentence here in Minnesota but he decided to break out of jail, kick in some poor guys door, tie him up, and steal his car, All of which added time to his case. So here he is now the earliest chance to get out in 2010 and he gets into fights all the time. Now from being inside myself i know that there are times when it is totally unavoidable. BUT............ He took it one step further and assulted two correctional officers in Stillwater prison. (Which he is still going to court over because they are charging him in Washington County)
So they deemed him a threat, and sent him to Max, He spent the 18 months in the hole. He finally got out of the hole early this summer. He was taking some schooling and courses and wanted to be a Para-legal and of course no matter what I will always support him, I"m his brother, and I love him, and I'll be there for him. I sort of feel responsible for him getting into trouble being i wasn't a very good role model.
But i got a phone call this morning, and he's back in the hole. for six months this time becuase he wanted to run a 2-1 store and somobody didn't want to pay him what they owed him so he decieded to run and beat the crap out of him. Of couse he didn't think about the reprecussions of this, More time added to his sentence, It doesn't look good in court, and they confiscated all his commissary items.
WHY WONT HE THINK ABOUT HIS ACTIONS..............

I just don't know what to do anymore.... I love him to death, he's my brother. But i wish he would grow up............

Thanks for letting me vent, and please feel free to give me any suggestions you can..

I am so sorry to hear about Aren being in the Hole again. Will he still be able to receive letters from you? I would write to him and say basically what you said in the post- maybe get him to think about why he has so much anger and why he seems to be sabotaging himself. Takes some people longer than others to learn from their past mistakes - maybe this time he will. Sending you both lots of positive energy.Keep us posted.