crstdrvn
10-11-2004, 07:24 AM
Well, my son came home 2 weeks ago tomorrow. It has been an interesting ride, let me tell you. Very stressful. But I am so glad he is home.
First off, when we got to his house, we found that he came home to no wife and kids. She told him she'd be there in her sexiest nighty, but she left him for another man, and just strung him along saying things like that so he would think she was there for him and I would continue to pay her bills.
He still hasn't seen his kids and missed his daughter's birthday because his wife wouldn't even answer his calls. You live and learn, I guess. I supported this woman and the kids the entire time he was down, and she was just playing me -- and him. Sick chic. It was the ultimate blow to a man who had never treated her poorly a day in her life, and who even went to prison so he could gve she and the kids a better life (long story.) And she screwed him over. Oh well....
We later learned that the day after he got out, she sold his car and bought herself a brand new 2004 Honda (on a part time minimum wage job). Man, the day after he got out! Is that gutzy or what? Then she told him by phone that she didn't care, never had, and it had all been a sham. But give her money. She demanded money. (Yeah, right!)
Hey, what comes around goes around, right? He knows he is better off without her, and while it is hard because of the kids, he actually feels blessed that she is out of his life now, when he is starting new since she is this kind of person. He says he doesn't need the hassle right now, just trying to get on his feet.
But the cost of a divorce is going to be a burden. I don't think he gets that part yet....
But all the sad stuff was mixed with blessings too. On the second day out, he got a job. And calls about 2 others. And he has more in the works...and the possiblity of one where he can be trained in the vocation he wants to do. So that's a positive.
Another positive is that his friends (not the bad influences but the ones with their lives together) have been around to help him through this and support him, and take him fishing and stuff. That has been good.
Then last week, I paid to get his non-op truck up and running since he suddenly had a job and no transportation...and 2 days later a man ran into him and totalled both cars. Thankfully no one got hurt. They were within inches of being pushed over a cliff though! Some question as to who is at fault, as it was a tiny mountian road and it is unclear if he was over the center of the road (no line)...it's a long story... but bottom line is that he probably won't get anything for the vehicle.
So now we are in search of another vehicle. Sigh...just another hurdle.
So all in all, the saga continues---kind of like a roller coaster ride. And it is all very stressful. But he has actually dealt with the stress better than I.
I had no idea that helping him get settled back into a free life would be so stressful. I figured it would take some adjusting for him, and that he would have to fend off the people from his old life, and probably have trouble getting a job. But no, those things weren't the problems at all.
I was totally unprepared for the kinds of adjustments that we are having to make. Nor for the cost. I had kind of figured that once he had a job, I would be better off financially (no longer supporting his family) but in the end, the burden has been even greater. But I do realize it is short term. And for a good cause! :)
I would say to those whose loved ones are coming home...don't get into a mindset about what the hurdles and the barriers will be, for they may be entirely different than what you think. And so may your loved one. Prison was hard and it sucked, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I have to say, it also gave my son some coping skills he had never had previously. And it certainly gave him the motivation to do whatever he has to do to stay legal and get out of the system. That is a good thing to come out of a bad thing! :)
So that's what it's like for us right now..just plugging along, taking it one day at a time...
First off, when we got to his house, we found that he came home to no wife and kids. She told him she'd be there in her sexiest nighty, but she left him for another man, and just strung him along saying things like that so he would think she was there for him and I would continue to pay her bills.
He still hasn't seen his kids and missed his daughter's birthday because his wife wouldn't even answer his calls. You live and learn, I guess. I supported this woman and the kids the entire time he was down, and she was just playing me -- and him. Sick chic. It was the ultimate blow to a man who had never treated her poorly a day in her life, and who even went to prison so he could gve she and the kids a better life (long story.) And she screwed him over. Oh well....
We later learned that the day after he got out, she sold his car and bought herself a brand new 2004 Honda (on a part time minimum wage job). Man, the day after he got out! Is that gutzy or what? Then she told him by phone that she didn't care, never had, and it had all been a sham. But give her money. She demanded money. (Yeah, right!)
Hey, what comes around goes around, right? He knows he is better off without her, and while it is hard because of the kids, he actually feels blessed that she is out of his life now, when he is starting new since she is this kind of person. He says he doesn't need the hassle right now, just trying to get on his feet.
But the cost of a divorce is going to be a burden. I don't think he gets that part yet....
But all the sad stuff was mixed with blessings too. On the second day out, he got a job. And calls about 2 others. And he has more in the works...and the possiblity of one where he can be trained in the vocation he wants to do. So that's a positive.
Another positive is that his friends (not the bad influences but the ones with their lives together) have been around to help him through this and support him, and take him fishing and stuff. That has been good.
Then last week, I paid to get his non-op truck up and running since he suddenly had a job and no transportation...and 2 days later a man ran into him and totalled both cars. Thankfully no one got hurt. They were within inches of being pushed over a cliff though! Some question as to who is at fault, as it was a tiny mountian road and it is unclear if he was over the center of the road (no line)...it's a long story... but bottom line is that he probably won't get anything for the vehicle.
So now we are in search of another vehicle. Sigh...just another hurdle.
So all in all, the saga continues---kind of like a roller coaster ride. And it is all very stressful. But he has actually dealt with the stress better than I.
I had no idea that helping him get settled back into a free life would be so stressful. I figured it would take some adjusting for him, and that he would have to fend off the people from his old life, and probably have trouble getting a job. But no, those things weren't the problems at all.
I was totally unprepared for the kinds of adjustments that we are having to make. Nor for the cost. I had kind of figured that once he had a job, I would be better off financially (no longer supporting his family) but in the end, the burden has been even greater. But I do realize it is short term. And for a good cause! :)
I would say to those whose loved ones are coming home...don't get into a mindset about what the hurdles and the barriers will be, for they may be entirely different than what you think. And so may your loved one. Prison was hard and it sucked, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I have to say, it also gave my son some coping skills he had never had previously. And it certainly gave him the motivation to do whatever he has to do to stay legal and get out of the system. That is a good thing to come out of a bad thing! :)
So that's what it's like for us right now..just plugging along, taking it one day at a time...