As I've mentioned several times b4, I am raising my 2 kids while my wife is gone. No big deal, they're mind also. Firstly, let me say I hate the term "single dad" being applied to me. I'm not single. I'm happily married. Anyway, once people notice that there is not woman around they ask where the mom is. If I say I have to run and take care of the kids, people ask about their mom. Even a cab driver noticing that I had my boy and girl in the car, but was on my way to a place that was clearly just for my son asked me about mom wondering why I couldn't leave the girl home (nosey). I don't think these people would ask a single mom about where the dad is. Sometimes I tell people that I'm raising them alone and they will ask "how did that happen" or "how did you get custody". I think this is nosey and prying. If it is that odd of a site, than assume something is wrong and it may be a touchy subject to ask about.

I would rather not force you guys to read a long diatribe that I planned...lol...but want to know, is it an understandable question, or plain being nosey?

Honestly, I think it's both nosey and strange !! I mean nowadays most people don't care about nobody, sometimes you don't even know your own neighbors, so I really don't understand why they would ask you this !! I can understand this irritates you.

Phil

And I don't mean just SOME people, I mean most people that are in any type of conversation. If I just simply mention I have kids, people ask if I'm married. A little more understandable, but something you don't ask a woman.

It's rude and NOBODY'S business!!! I hate when STRANGERS feel the need to comment on something that has NO CONCERN to them.

First off, It is such a foreign concept that maybe Mom is at HOME and Dad has the kids for the day...WHAT A DAD CAN'T BE RESPONSIBLE for his OWN kids!!!! I love that nonsense, A PARENT IS A PARENT for Christ's sake. Why is it SOOOOO weird to some people?

Now HERE at PTO, we know that Mom isn't home and that the situation is different, BUT that is because YOU have CHOSEN to SHARE that information with us.

I ALWAYS have this problem when my daughter and I are out, mainly because she is getting older now and is starting to look like a young lady. I had her when I was 16, and luckily I STILL look younger than my 26 years. I can't tell you how many people comment on my "little sister" and then when they are corrected have the NERVE to make a comment or ask some question that is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS....

I've learned to ignore or give them a smart a** comment...like yeah I had her when I was 5.... :D

I am the king of smart comments.

I am the king of smart comments.

HA HA HA :p You and me Both my friend!! :D

I hate to admit that when I see a Dad and children out together on the weekend, I think "weekend Dad".......... isn't that terrible of me? I will work on that perception.

Also.... I raised my son as a single mom. I don't remember getting alot of nosey questions, so yes, there is a double standard.

My own thinking is a double standard!! I will work on it......

JJT

Well, call me Mrs. Kravitz [from Bewitched] then! :eek: I think in this day & age it is still just a wee bit unusual to see a father [only] out with the kids. I would say that people that ask are just curious about the situation, myself included. Whenever I do encounter a fellow who is raising his children alone [for whatever reason], I always make sure to let them know how much I admire them. I know, I know, it should be expected...but it's not...and I personally find that a very attractive quality in a man! ;)

It's not that people wonder, it's that they ask and don't even know me. I'd agree that it's unusual, but one legged people isn't actually the norm and strangers don't ask "hey, what happened to your leg" ...lol

Lol dlyles so true. And you're right, nobody has EVER asked me, "where's Daddy" or if I couldn't have left one of them home with their father. Daddy is assumed to have an excuse. You could always just say "away on business, she works for the state and travels a lot," I suppose. Or come up with something zingy. Or if you're in the mood, flat-out ask them if they wonder that when they see a mom and kids. Answer a ? with a ? and get into an interesting chat about people and the assumptions we make about each other...

I think it is very nosey. It is no one's business as to why it is just you and your kids. Yes they do ask the same thing if it is a "single" mom. I mean people that know it is just my son and I often tell me well it must be tough being mom and dad. What the h***? I just look them dead in the eye and say will I wouldn't know because I am just his mom. Then they shut up real quick. You know my husband, his dad might be in prison but he is still his dad. We still pass decision through him, via letters, and we ask his permission if my son wants something that he only feels comfortable asking dad, he is 14yrs old, and if anyone wants to know any different well personally I don't really think it is any of their business. I don't think it is strange at all to see a dad and his kids with their mom. see it all the time in my neck of the woods. Just don't let them push your buttons. Just look at them and say and this would bother you why? Just wondering because you seem awfully concerned about something that is really none of your business. That usually shuts them up real fast as well. Jeanne

Both. Nosey because it is none of their business. I think it is understandable though because MOST men do not raise thier children without a mom presence or shuttle their children places. So I can see people thinking it is unusual. Have a pat answer like "she's a work" or "she's sick" or 'WHY DO YOU ASK?"or something. Then just say that and go about your business. People ask all kinds of things.

Well it might be nosey it might rub you the wrong way but here's a thought, the more open you are with people the more opportunities you avail yourself to meet supportive individuals and let's face it who among us couldn't use another friend and lets be real friends come out of the strangest places (said the woman who got a wrong number guy from jail and some 15 months later has him home with her! =) )

Good stuff happens if you are open to it,
Patty

When my fiance was out...not in...he had the boys all the tme. I don't find it unusual. Try not to let it get to you though. And I'm PROUD of all the MEN who can step in and be dads, we've got too many sperm donars out there. You are doing a great job, so keep your head up and keep on keepin on.

dlyles,
I will reply from a step-mom's point of view. Maybe those people who appear to be nosey and rude are: a Dad who should have custody of his kids; or the sig other (step parent) of a Dad who should have custody of his kids, or a Mom who lost custody of her kids. They wonder. It is human nature to see a Dad (unfortunately, moreso that a Mom) with their kids continually or in unusual situations...and wonder...for whatever reason, where the other parent is. They have no clue where your wife is or that you are happily married. Maybe the reason they ask is because they see what you are doing and respect you. Please don't take it so personal as far as your wife being in prison. People have no clue. Those questions people ask (Dad's and/or their current wives) may be wondering how you got the kids, with no idea of what's going on. Shoot, tell people you and your wife are taking care of your family. I mean, she is doing what is right and so are you.
If I may say it seems from your post, your kids are okay, you love your wife and your kids, your kids love their Mom, and she loves them. Don't worry. Your and your family will be okay. Take care. Sue

Well it might be nosey it might rub you the wrong way but here's a thought, the more open you are with people the more opportunities you avail yourself to meet supportive individuals and let's face it who among us couldn't use another friend and lets be real friends come out of the strangest places (said the woman who got a wrong number guy from jail and some 15 months later has him home with her! =) )

Good stuff happens if you are open to it,
Patty
Very true.

people who make the kind of remarks you refer to are probably the same people who have made it impossible for a dad to be with his daughter without thinking child abuse. What a sad society we are in where this sort of conversation can exist. What is so unnatural for a dad to take his child out? when I was a young man ( a lot of years ago) dads used to come to collect their daughters from a dance or a cinema and even take them thereto without any comment. My son takes his daughters and son around without the remarks you seems to attract. If anyone asks where mum is the reply is "At home with the others".That usually shuts them up

I live in a fairly big city and never hear of anyone asking those questions to anyone. Most people here just go with the flow and mind their own business. You might respond by asking them "why do you ask." Put it back on them. See if they are willing to respond. I bet they can't come up with an answer. If they are bold enough to pry into your life well then lets see how they react to replying to their nosiness.

I think it's them being Nosey, w/ a capital N. Why is it any of their business. No one asks me why I'm a single mother. I only refer to myself as a single mother, b/c I'm not legally married yet. I know it bothers my man that I do that, but it's habit. I would never ask anyone why they're single, man or woman. It's rude and none of their business. I'm with October on this one. Put it back on them, why do you ask? I'd be real surprised to see if they answered you. It's none of their concern. If someone asked why I was a single mother, I'd ask them why they want to know. Most likely, I'd tell them b/c I want to be. I wish people in society had more sense, but we're not that fortunate. I think it's wonderful that you take care of your two kids and don't complain about it. It's not an easy task as we all know. I wish you and your family the best.

Take care.
Tana

My opinion is a little different. Please don't be offended as its just my opinion. I feel the men in our society cause this on themselves. I'll go to work Monday morning and listen to guys moan and complain "I had to babysit the kids Saturday for four hours!! while the wife went shopping" I look at them and say "aren't they your kids??" and then listen to them backpedal. Our society still see's the mother as the caretaker for the kids. So your asking if its plain nosey or an understandable question. I really don't feel they are purposely being nosey, they are just trying to have a conversation. I look them straight in the eye and say "she's in prison". Its so much eaiser that way. I'm not fumbleing around with a lie and all stressed out because they asked. Besides, if I don't tell them, I get that panic stare from the kids, that says "What do we do???". I lay it on the table and put the uncomfortable feeling on them. Some will give you the simple OH! and be silent, but most will be very compasionate and try to be understanding. I need that!

I would consider those comments nosey. When I see only a father out with their children I think it is sweet. You sould like a very respectable man.

id say tell them the truth. I never lie about my husband being in prison. im not ashamed of it. when they ask where your wife is, say' she's in the state pen, now what???' lol!

no really, id just say she is in prison. who cares what they think. its your life and you shouldnt have to think of something to tell complete strangers. like someone else said, if you are honest then you just might find someone in the same situation or something, and it could turn out awesome. :thumbsup:

You're right and I usually tell them. After I posted this I started always telling them. Sometimes when they ask what she's in for, I tell them for killing a nosey person than I laugh and just let them know I'm kidding. I don't always tell them, becuase that's just too many questions. I don't like questions about anything from strangers in general. I'm just not that trusting of a person. That's just me and may be something I need to get over. The cable guy asked me the other week when he was installing and I told him. Turns out he had just come home a year ago after doing 8 years. We exchanged numbers and got cool.

wow, so excons can get jobs as cable guys?? good to know, i'll keep that in mind! lol! i know EXACTLY what ya mean, some people dont have the nerve to ask any further, but the majority of them do have the nerve....then you get into (for me) whats he in for? how long has he been in? how much longer? do you get to see him? do you get to be, you know, *alone* with him? why did you marry him while he was in prison? do you really feel like you know him? on and on and on. i personally, even though id be curious, would never have the guts to be as nosey as most people. but others arent that tasteful! good foryou, tell the truth and dont be ahamed. and dont let your kids be ashamed either. God bless! :thumbsup:

dlyles,
This is my first time posting. I am writing from a grandmother's view. My son has been granted the residential parent of his son. After having his ex wife basically running with his son for 3 years and not being part of his life he absolutely loves it when someone sees them together bonding, and having a wonderful time together. I feel each circumstance is different and if these questions are asked in front of the children that is the main concern. Perhaps you might ask that question of them yourself at the time they question you"why would you ask something like that in front of a child?" I will pray for you and your family. Char

Peace to Dlyles
Todays mathematics is Knowlege Wizdom which borns Understanding. So allow me to build upon the ideas you presented with knowledge wizdom and understanding fulfilling 360 of righteous love to you.
Remember that 85% or the population is blind deaf and dumb to the realities of this world. In the wilderness of north america the black man has been placed second in the lives of his family. The norm of society is that the woman raises and nurtures the child. How often do YOU see a black man toting a child or children around? Now if you subtract 85 from 360 you would find you get the number 275which borns 14 which borns 5 which means absolutely nothing.
But if you take the sum total of these numbers 27514 and 5 u get the number 24 which bornes 6 and at that point you can understand that 6 repeated 3 times is the number of the beast and that the beast is ever present

Learn something everyday. I guess I am a weekend dad...it's my third wife that's in prison. I never gave it any thought to seeing a man alone with children, I guess because it is a normal thing with me. I really don't think much of seeing a woman alone with children either...hmmm. Like I said, I learn something every day.

I personally think that it's nosey and disrespectful.
I am happily married, my husband is in a state pennitentiary, and they label me as a single mum!. Like you said i am not single, i am happily maried!.
I always get asked where thier dad is and when will he be back. I simply answer away on a buisness trip, "who does he work for?" "when will he be back?" NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUISNESS is now my general reply, no matter who it is!.
It used to be a double standard but now i think that people just like to pry into others buisness no matter what the situation may be.