I see many post in here, asking how we can stand by our loved ones in prison.
Well for many of us there is a lot of answers.
How can you (we) stand by: murders, thieves, drug offenders, burglars, sex offenders, etc...
Well many of us know the person and not the crime that they are accused of. Many of us have loved ones whom are convicted of crimes unjustly.
My loved one is convicted of Manslauger 1st degree, which was downgraded from Murder 1. Everyone know the conviction, but few know the story that led to the conviction. In this case he only defended his life. He finally shot back only after being shot several time himself. In my eyes " Self Defense" In the eyes of the courts " Manslaughter"
Before we allow our feelings to be dictated by society, friends, well meaning family members we should all examine our on hearts and souls.
The loved one that is doing time is not the loved one that we all know and love. When they are sent to those cold gray walls, behind that razor wire fence, or steel bars, they cease to be a human being to most of society. But for the loved ones they leave behind they are still that same person that we know and love.

Anyone can love the "Normal" person, that has the freedom to walk down the street, put their arms around the loved ones in their lives, walk into the store and make a purchase. But even these normal people have the ability to let you down without any underlying issues.

It takes a special person that has the ability to stand by the ones that society deem "UNLOVEABLE". It takes faith, and that is something that society seems to be lacking. I for one am proud to admit, and stand up and say that " I have the faith of a Mustard Seed" And I know that someday my continued faith and unyielding love with be repaid. But that is not why I choose to do this. Only one word can explain my choice and that is LOVE.

That was the best way to explain it. When I received the denial letter from the parole board for my husband I had to call them because they didn't describe my husband at all. They described some animal. Like I told my Mom, "I just don't see him as a criminal."

Thanks for putting it in better words than I could.

Babs, you had me in tears. You described exactly how we all feel. Mine is in for stupid choices that he made. But that doesn't change the way I feel. In fact I am more in love with this man than I was before he left. You know he could have ran instead of staying and waiting for the warrant to come through from texas. But he stayed. He handle everything so strong. All I know is he is not a "criminal" he was convicted basically on his past record. From 1995 and back. What is so sad is that they "the system" don't believe people can change. Thank you Babs for starting this. It really helped me today Love Jeanne

[QUOTE=babs]I
Anyone can love the "Normal" person, that has the freedom to walk down the street, put their arms around the loved ones in their lives, walk into the store and make a purchase. But even these normal people have the ability to let you down without any underlying issues.

You said it exactly right. There are many people walking around free who are not good people but it's acceptable to love them. There are many who've committed crimes against humanity (lying, cheating, dishonesty, rude, mean etc...) and it's acceptable b/c they are living in an acceptable place. A lot of our relationships are more fulfilling than those that have their loved ones with them. So whose to judge. I love your post

Babs,
Well put. Mine is in for drugs. He turned to drugs when our marriage was on the rocks during the divorce process he got arrested on several felonies. There are days that i feel like its my fault he is there. But apparently God has a plan for both of us.

ONE

Standing ovation! Very well said.

Couldnt of said it better myself.

I think that you are all right. It is easy to love the "normal" person. But I have no doubt in my mind that my man is as "normal" as he can be. I have never looked at him as what he did, I know his heart, and that is why I can love him the way that I do. I know other people think he is horrible and a monster and what not, but you can't judge, what you don't know. That is where i find my issue....How can they judge him, or me for loving him, when they don't know US....Ya know!! I love him for who he is, and that is what matters, he is not what he did....he is a man, with a heart and he bleeds just like the rest of us...I love him in spite of what other people percieve...I just love him....forever.

Babs You said that so perfectly! Brought a little tear to my eye! I felt like I should print a bunch of copies of that and everytime someone has something to say about my decision to stay I could just hand them a copy! LOL :p

I too am in a simular situation with my fiance. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. All I can say is a "goverment officer" was hurt in the middle of 2 accidents and they needed some one to blame. my man is rican/black mixed and had a prior DUI so bam breathalized him, cuffed him and told him he hit this guy. The trial happend and was proven to be an unavoidable accident. And no the guy wasn't hit by my man, debree from either his accident or the one right before my man's hit this guy in the head. Judge still found him guilty gave him 5 years @ 85% None of the witness even new someone was hurt let alone saw anything. They still to this day have No clue what hit him! My point of telling you this is because my man was 1 semester away from graduating college with 2 BA degree's. He worked hard, and is a very loving and carry man! He was the guy everyone got along with. He is not what socity believes all criminals are the same! Now he is looked at as a "Violent Offender!" That's it! It sucks how socity is so quick to judge and label and toss them aside! It hurts to know my man along with several others that didn't commit the crime they were dealt will have a hard time getting job's, and will always be somehow disabled by socity. :angry:

I needed to hear this today. My son is also in very similar situation, do to drugs. My niece just got out of prison in Spokane, WA, drugs/prostitution. It just seems like so many do not want to give them a chance to just be regular people. And that includes many "family" members. All we can do is love them, be there for them, not judge them and pray for them.

Thank you for this post. There were all kinds of rumors about my husbands crime and always someone needing to tell me something about it "for my own good". I finally pulled his case at the court house and read it all myself, so now I know what happened and what didn't happen. The rumors were 100% worse than what really happened, but we lived in a small town, and I guess people wanted something to talk about.

:hifive: :grouphug: I am very glad to see that there are other that have the same feelings as I do. If we all just try to keep those thoughts in our minds when people try and bring us down or find fault, or attempt to judge us for loving, or attempt to judge when they know not the facts, together we will be doing a favor for not only us but our loved one whom is doing the time.

Love to All!!

P.S. Lets all support this wonderful place that we come together for support and understanding.......... Have you made your $2 donation??????

Babs thank you. You could have not said it any better. My guy told me last night that sometimes he feels like he does not deserve the love that I show him. I told him nothing could ever change my feelings for him I see more than what the DOC labled him. I will send him a copy of this and maybe he will understand. Thank you again and yes I made a donation!!!!!

Hi Ducky74. That is what the DOC does to our loved ones. They tend to strip them of their feelings of self worth. Our loved ones are already in the most inhumane place that they can be legally be place for the crimes against society. " Regardless of the underlying reasons or issues surrounding their crimes" After being placed in a facility that strips them of their personal self, they began to strip them of the only thing that our loved ones have........ And that is their sense of self worth. I don't know how long you have to go before you are lucky enough for your loved one to walk out of those gates. (strange how the doors are referred to as gates, seems to be a reference to the gates of heaven) I guess to our loved ones they are the gates to heaven on earth as they have already walked in the pit of darkness. Anywho back to my thoughts, we are all going to have lots of work to do to support and try and undo the damage that the DOC has inflicted on our loved ones. I think that it is going to be a task that isn't easy but in the long run we are the ones left to pick up the pieces. Our loved ones may or may not have done the crime that they are being punished for, but if we take people and lock them up, treat them like animals, strip them of any feelings of the natural human being, what are they expecting to walk out of those gates upon release. The ones that make it on the outside are those that are lucky enough to have a loved on standing by to accept not judge, love and not hate, understand and not have a pre-determinded outlook on their ability to be a contributor to the greater good of their life and the lives of those they come into contact with. I have almost 6 years to go before my baby walks thru those gates, he is in on a V/O so he has to do 85% and I would just imagine that he will max out since it is so very rare to get parole on the first attempt. In the mean time I will just pray for him and continue to love him the best I can from out here. And when that day arrives....... and he walks out those gates.......the work has just be laid before the two of us to rebuild what they have taken away. Together I know that we will surive this we have a 11 year relationship which I will not say has been a bed of roses. But I will say this to have survied this 11 year relationship with us still ending up saying to one another I love you and in the words of my infamous "FIREMAN" his nickname. In the final sentence of one of his letters when his world was shattered and his feelings were bordering on the black abyss of hopelessness, wondering what he had done to deserve someone who could love him in spite of his so called conviction (me:) ) in his final words " BABS STILL ALL I AM ABOUT IS THE FOREVER THING". And then people wonder why I have the ability to still love this man whom has been convicted of crime? Need I say more................

You will all be in my prayers for the ability to face the doubters of this world the reward will be ours some day..........................:heart:

That was great!!! Very well said! Hugs:p
-Jackie

Hooray for you Babs! So wonderfully put. We all can identify with tis post. I am elated. Thank you

Babs !! Thanks for that :)

This was very well said. I am printing this out right now.

Thank you! I had tears welding up inside and they released when I read that you are proud to admit and stand up and say " I have the faith of a mustard seed" .

I recently saw a minister for what I'm going through, and just having someone speak to me and listen to me without judgement means all the world, especially when he says that my main problem is society around me and I'm getting overloaded with "the right thing to do" and it doesn't sit well with me and he says its my calling to do what I'm doing. It just means so much to be validated as a person and also for my man as a person as well.
I also believe, yes he is an adult and should have made adult choices....but sometimes especially when you have unresolved issues from your past /childhood that is buried deep and it comes out in unexpected feelings. You are then that broken child acting out...and that is what needs to be dealt with. How many of us still have unresolved issues from the past, that haven't been dealt with yet? I will not condem my man for reacting as he did . Yes, physically and mentally he is an adult....but confronted with a situation that triggers an unpleasant memory, and he becomes that little boy again and reacts emotionally. Because that is all he knew.
Nobody seems to think he'll change....I just know he will. He seriously looks at himself and asks me how I felt. How can I condem a man who is earnestly trying? How can I turn away and ignore it? as if nothing happened.
I know his past and accepted him, I know his present and still accept him, the future is unknown, but I have faith. and I love him!

I just read these msg's and have to say Thank You!! It's trully difficult to go through these months and years w/o someone trying to 'force' their opinion on us. It's not easy to accept that the 'LAW' has limitations too. That the system isn't good. My man's face was plastered all over the front pages and the whole thing was a lie. He never had a chance for a fair trial. He fought anyway. It's so true that when people don't know you they take a 'mental image' of some kind of negative person and condemn. When the people are looking for a 'scape-goat' or 'someone else to blame' they can find them. It's a sad thing to say but true. Most people don't want to hear or know the truth or the facts, only want to 'feel superior' to someone else.
May all of you just keep the loving going, be blessed, and stay w/PTO. It's a blessing for all of us.

I applaud u Babs! This was one topic that needed to be cleared up and u did it perfectly!

[QUOTE=babs]I
Anyone can love the "Normal" person, that has the freedom to walk down the street, put their arms around the loved ones in their lives, walk into the store and make a purchase. But even these normal people have the ability to let you down without any underlying issues.

You said it exactly right. There are many people walking around free who are not good people but it's acceptable to love them. There are many who've committed crimes against humanity (lying, cheating, dishonesty, rude, mean etc...) and it's acceptable b/c they are living in an acceptable place. A lot of our relationships are more fulfilling than those that have their loved ones with them. So whose to judge. I love your post
Yes I agree. Well said.

I see many post in here, asking how we can stand by our loved ones in prison.
Well for many of us there is a lot of answers.
How can you (we) stand by: murders, thieves, drug offenders, burglars, sex offenders, etc...
Well many of us know the person and not the crime that they are accused of. Many of us have loved ones whom are convicted of crimes unjustly.
My loved one is convicted of Manslauger 1st degree, which was downgraded from Murder 1. Everyone know the conviction, but few know the story that led to the conviction. In this case he only defended his life. He finally shot back only after being shot several time himself. In my eyes " Self Defense" In the eyes of the courts " Manslaughter"
Before we allow our feelings to be dictated by society, friends, well meaning family members we should all examine our on hearts and souls.
The loved one that is doing time is not the loved one that we all know and love. When they are sent to those cold gray walls, behind that razor wire fence, or steel bars, they cease to be a human being to most of society. But for the loved ones they leave behind they are still that same person that we know and love.

Anyone can love the "Normal" person, that has the freedom to walk down the street, put their arms around the loved ones in their lives, walk into the store and make a purchase. But even these normal people have the ability to let you down without any underlying issues.

It takes a special person that has the ability to stand by the ones that society deem "UNLOVEABLE". It takes faith, and that is something that society seems to be lacking. I for one am proud to admit, and stand up and say that " I have the faith of a Mustard Seed" And I know that someday my continued faith and unyielding love with be repaid. But that is not why I choose to do this. Only one word can explain my choice and that is LOVE.Amen sister friend!

For me, I have never seen the man that committed the violent offense- I don't even know that person. I think it's easy to judge others and not realize that most people are capable of doing all kinds of things in certain circumstances that they'd rather not think about. Also, for those of us standing by these people, remember the best chance they have to be able to get out and not re-offend is to have love and interaction with the outside world. Our love can help them be successful!

Well, you definitely spoke the words of truth. I was just talking to Waa about this & he was telling me how worthless they are led to believe they are. I get so emotional & passionate about this subject of "self worth" and how prison robs a person of any chance at developing or maintaining worth. Thanks for saying what I think most of us already know...just wish education for the "who cares, they committed a crime and ought to be put away" could happen! I hear those words so often, until I have become desensitized to societies non-caring attitude! Bravo!!!

Anyone can love the "Normal" person, that has the freedom to walk down the street, put their arms around the loved ones in their lives, walk into the store and make a purchase. But even these normal people have the ability to let you down without any underlying issues.
You know...there is no telling how many times I have tried to explain this to the people I know. They just don't seem to understand the concept...ya know? Yes...Kevin made a mistake...yes, he is considered a "violent offender" (violent..HA! I've never seen him "violent") :rolleyes: but, he is a better person than the guys my "friends" date. He respects me, he loves me...but, no...he's in prison...therefore, in their eyes...he is this horrible person. They don't look at how much their guy cheats on them...or beats them black and blue...they are a "great man" because they are in the free world...and that just makes me sick. :blah:
So...I want to applaud you for posting this. I don't know how I missed it right when you posted...but, I'm so thankful I ran across it now. So...thank you, Babs...for "hitting the nail on the head" :thumbsup:

Selena

that was great and so true. i am crying now. the bad ones still get to walk around and have a life. No one knows the real truth. They don't want to investigate. They just have an attitude and say you did it.

I see many post in here, asking how we can stand by our loved ones in prison.
Well for many of us there is a lot of answers.
How can you (we) stand by: murders, thieves, drug offenders, burglars, sex offenders, etc...
Well many of us know the person and not the crime that they are accused of. Many of us have loved ones whom are convicted of crimes unjustly.
My loved one is convicted of Manslauger 1st degree, which was downgraded from Murder 1. Everyone know the conviction, but few know the story that led to the conviction. In this case he only defended his life. He finally shot back only after being shot several time himself. In my eyes " Self Defense" In the eyes of the courts " Manslaughter"
Before we allow our feelings to be dictated by society, friends, well meaning family members we should all examine our on hearts and souls.
The loved one that is doing time is not the loved one that we all know and love. When they are sent to those cold gray walls, behind that razor wire fence, or steel bars, they cease to be a human being to most of society. But for the loved ones they leave behind they are still that same person that we know and love.

Anyone can love the "Normal" person, that has the freedom to walk down the street, put their arms around the loved ones in their lives, walk into the store and make a purchase. But even these normal people have the ability to let you down without any underlying issues.

It takes a special person that has the ability to stand by the ones that society deem "UNLOVEABLE". It takes faith, and that is something that society seems to be lacking. I for one am proud to admit, and stand up and say that " I have the faith of a Mustard Seed" And I know that someday my continued faith and unyielding love with be repaid. But that is not why I choose to do this. Only one word can explain my choice and that is LOVE.


I am soooooooooo feeling you!!! This is love!! :heart: :heart: :heart:

My experience is that other people judge w/out having feelings attached. I am the kind of person that will never tell you to leave a situation. I will only give my experience but I'm not emotionally involved so its easy for me to tell you what to do.

In my case with Pooh, I loved him before he got arrested and I know his past...he has a violent strike. I also know the circumstances and why he took the strike. I can look at the entire situation, from all sides. I also know him to be kind and loving. If he were violent to ME, I'd be singing a different tune.

Pooh's in for self defense and fighting very serious charges. Like I said, I loved him before. I believe my love to be PURE and TRUE. Its (right now) without condition. To leave him because I didn't like the charges wouldn't be very fair to him. I also don't share what happened with anyone close to me because, again, they are not emotionally connected and all I'd hear is "How can you love someone accused of (a)187?...you deserve better!" I Deserve to be LOVED and in Pooh I've found that. I don't believe he committed the crime of (a)187 - what he did was use force to ward off an attack. I know that won't be his conviction. It will be less. I love him, more now that yesterday. And if I were in this situation, I'd need people that believed in me. In him I believe! So that's why I've stayed and I don't share this with people that I know won't understand. I'm a grown woman and I know what I'm doing. I'm showing someone I love unconditional love. Isn't that what life's about?

I do not know how I ever missed this one. Great post Babs....
My loved one is convicted of Manslauger 1st degree, which was downgraded from Murder 1. Everyone know the conviction, but few know the story that led to the conviction. In this case he only defended his life. He finally shot back only after being shot several time himself. In my eyes " Self Defense" In the eyes of the courts " Manslaughter"
Before we allow our feelings to be dictated by society, friends, well meaning family members we should all examine our on hearts and souls.
The loved one that is doing time is not the loved one that we all know and love. When they are sent to those cold gray walls, behind that razor wire fence, or steel bars, they cease to be a human being to most of society. But for the loved ones they leave behind they are still that same person that we know and love.

Anyone can love the "Normal" person, that has the freedom to walk down the street, put their arms around the loved ones in their lives, walk into the store and make a purchase. But even these normal people have the ability to let you down without any underlying issues.
My story is similar..and I agree! Great, thanks for posting!

Babs,
This is a great post. To anyone outside of his family and myself there is a mean and violent man. With me, I see a fun, playful guy. His family sees the kid he always was. Just because people don't take the time to know someone dosen't give them any right to judge who they truely are.

Uhhhh...that strikes me as a little naive. on what level have you actully dealt with the legal system?

The idiot a few posts above has been banned. *Troll*

My husband was initially charged with accessory but since the other guy who the state actually wanted killed himself it was changed to Agg Robbery. (3 counts). At first my family asked me how could i be with him. I was pregnant but like i told them this is my husband and my world. He got high took pills and was drunk which all altered his mind and ended up doing something totally out of character.

Like i told my whole family this is my choice cuz if one of them got caught up in the same scenario you would want everyone to give you another chance, and forgive you. You would want your family to stand by your side and support you no matter what the charge was.Then i proceed to tell them that:

NO ONE IS WITHOUT FAULT; SOME FAULTS JUST HAVE A STRONGER REPRECUSSION THAN OTHERS.