I HAVE A QUESTION FOR EVERYONE HERE ON PTO , IF YOU WERE IN A ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR AND YOUR MAN WAS INCARCERATED FOR IT , DO YOU THINK WHEN HE GETS OUT THINGS WOULD FINALLY BE BETTER AND THE VIOLANCE WOULD HAVE COME TO AN END AND WOULD HAVE RELIZED WHAT HE HAS DONE IN THE PAST WAS WRONG ? PLEASE GIVE YOUR POINT OF VIEW :confused:

No I don't think prison changes behavoir, if anything, it simply makes you fear or dislike prison, thus in some cases you try to avoid going back. There is counseling in prison but it isn't top notch and when the inmate isn't living in the same stressors that where there when the crime was committed the counseling is less productive. My opinion is that one should NOT expect prison to fix a mans problems in most cases. There are the exceptions, but please make sure you take care of yourself and any children before you worry about the abusive man and his problems.

That's A Hard One. Who Reported Him. If It Was The Person He Was Abusing You I Would Say Yes There Is A Chance Of Him Doing It Again. I Think That There Is A Chance For All Abusers To Abuse Again Really. I Hope And Pray That He Doesn't Abuse Anymore And That He Seriously Takes A Look At The Hurt That He Has Caused. Just My 2 Cents.

Shona`

Nope... He'll still be the same, most likely, when released. He's sitting in jail right now most likely letting the anger build against the person who PUT him in jail. Even if he attends some sort of anger class...it won't be enough.

Just from my personal experience, it will continue. This is a behavior that is really hard to shake loose, especially if he watched his dad and mom fight all the time. It's a control issue and the feeling of loosing control is usually what pushes them to strike out.

From past experience, once an abuser, always an abuser. Prison I think would only aggrevate the situation, because as Lisa said, it is a control issue.

I agree with 'Cracknegg' to a certain extent... once an abuser always an abuser. But saying that i do feel that people can get help/anger managment. I dont know how much of this help and support they give in prisons though. I know from previous experience that a man doiesnt change unless he gets help. I used to have an anger problem. I never ever abused anyone close to me, but i was very confrontaious. If i was wound up by a stranger, i would be ready to get physical if they irritated me. I went to anger management 3 years ago, and i havent had a fight in over 2.5 years!! So i believe that if an abusive partner gets help, he/she can change.

Having been in two extremely abusive relationships - one that nearly killed me, and the second (the father of my son who's incarcerated) wound up doing time for....no, they do not change. There are too many anger and control issues involved. Never ever again, I said - and I meant it. No one deserves to be abused, and I'm saying from extensive experience that no matter how many I'm sorry's there are - it eventually turns into their "right", and "why did YOU make ME do this to YOU?". B.S.!! I say, run and don't look back. Period.



I HAVE A QUESTION FOR EVERYONE HERE ON PTO , IF YOU WERE IN A ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR AND YOUR MAN WAS INCARCERATED FOR IT , DO YOU THINK WHEN HE GETS OUT THINGS WOULD FINALLY BE BETTER AND THE VIOLANCE WOULD HAVE COME TO AN END AND WOULD HAVE RELIZED WHAT HE HAS DONE IN THE PAST WAS WRONG ? PLEASE GIVE YOUR POINT OF VIEW :confused:

Honestly I don't think he would change. He may stop for a while once he is released but he will eventually go back to the abusive behavior. If you really want him to change go to some anger management classes with him. Just think of yourself first and do what your heart tells you

My stbx-husband only abused me when he was drunk.

He couldn't stay sober, therefore the abuse continued.

I guess its hard for me to tell you if he'll do it again. Odds are, YES unless he does some serious changing and addresses why he uses power and control!

If he WANTS to change his behavior he will seek the right help.

The once an abuser always an abuser is only true in SOME cases, we can't lump all men into one big basket. SOME stop. My first husband "woke up" when he thought he may have killed me and our unborn child. He never touched me after that - I did leave the marriage. He remarried and NEVER even lifted a finger to his second wife.

You can't judge one man by all just as you can't compare one man to all. Will the individual in your situation stop? Only HE can answer to that. If he's working toward learning to alter what makes him violent toward others then maybe, just maybe he will stop.

mrsd

I am not going to sugar coat this one for you sweetie!

I was in a VERY abusive relationship for 4 years, I ended up putting him away for it. (I tried to walk away but the nightmare followed I had no choice) Anyways he was gone for 9 months. One of our very close friends had died so we had come in contact again. He cried, I cried things started to feel "good" again. Well only months later he started to trip! Not so much physical but a lot of mental & verbal and then the Controlling came into play! Before I knew it He contolled My whole world again (not by choice) There was still enough physical abuse to keep me scared but not so much to press charges! I was re-living a nightmare that I had thought I ended! Everyone talked about his "REFORM" heck I even believed it. In my opinion I believe that he might be able to have a non abusive future with someone else but with you there is a pattern and patterns are way to easy to fall back into. Once a man felt okay to lay hands on you the boundry of "don't you dare" is broke! Abuse is 1 of the most prodominate forms of disrespect and prison or no prison the respect is not there! :( I would advise to RUN and never look back! You may love him but if you do give him a fair chance to never do it again but with someone else!

PM me if you ever need to talk!
Sorry about the harshness I just have been there and know the feeling!

I don't think abusers ever change. I was in a very abusive relationship with my ex. I stayed with him for way too long. He used to verbally and physically abuse me. He'd put hands on me for the dumbest little things like turning down the tv or changing the channel on the tv. I was scared of him. I left him 3 times and always went back with the I'm sorry's and I won't do it again's. When I got pregnant with my son, things got better for a minute, then all of a sudden, all hell broke loose again. Finally, I left about 2 1/2 months before my son was born. I'd had a enough. I wasn't going to let him hurt my child for nothing. I left for good the 4th and final time. How could any man, put hands on a pregnant woman, especially a woman that's pregnant with his child? I don't understand. I never called the police on him. If I had, I wouldn't be alive today tell about it. The day he tried to take my son is the day I called the cops and I"ve had a no contact order against him ever since. He'd been in prison before we got together, so had he gone to prison for abuse, prison wouldn't have changed him. He's one of those that thinks the world owes him something and if they don't, then he resorts to violence. I've never looked back and wondered if things had been different, where woudl we be now. I dont' care. To me he's just the sperm donor.

My husband was abusive to me when he drank. If he didn't drink he wasn't abusive. His behavior would ONLY change if he could stay clean, which he has yet to prove.


I don't believe Prison changes anyone for the "positive" if you want my honest opinion. I think it brews hate and rage and addes trauma to ones life. I believe counseling and working on oneself to change their character flaws is the only true medicine to initiate change.

what I do now is I close my ears and I open my eyes. Change isn't in the "I love you baby...sorry, it won't ever happen again!" Its in the actions and that can only be SEEN over time!

Honey, no man should ever abuse a woman, physical or mental. And I think they will ONLY change when and IF they are ready to change. Good luck to you and do what's best for YOU.

I agree that prison is probably not going to change him in a good way. It really does depend on the individual situation so it's hard to say if he will continue to be abusive or not. In general I would say I think he probably will be; just that there are certain exceptions to this.

I Truly Believe That There Is One Thing That Can Change Anyone....better Than Prison...better Than Any Counseling Or Anger Management Class...it Is God. The Lord Can Change His Heart In Ways You Could Never Imagine...he Can Change Yours Too.

I would like to thank everyone for there opinions and honesty , it means a lot to me . Thanks again.