View Full Version : In love with a crack addict. Can u relate?


wvugirl2002
09-21-2004, 11:34 PM
I was reading the post for can u relate and noticed a lot of us are dealing with the same thing. As I read the posts and cried, I relized how much all of our stories were the same. The differences between the man we love and the man that uses. The hurt crack addiction brings to our lives and the fears. Anyway, I thought I would start this thread as a place we could all talk and support each other. I know I'm tired of feeling alone in this, tired of no one understanding why I'm still by his side, and tired of going from hope to no hope and back again.

QQin4meboo
09-21-2004, 11:51 PM
being almost 40 (( not too close lol 37 )) i will say this , recently i had a disagreement while on vacation with my best friend tee ((10 years older )) , she and her college daughter ** my play niece ** were havin a debate about crack , and how ya differentiate between coke and crack , we both told her , its the difference in what u cook it with , cooked coke is one thing , crack another , coke is a rick folks thing (( free base )) while crack has additives , (( poors mans free base )) and she was so pissed , not to mention she asked how her daughter knew how shit was cooked and different ect , i was in the middle , colleges kids know alot , and i , know alot from my past !! but she really only knew about coke free base no crack at all , so we tried to explain , and she didnt get it ..
i have inisde knowledge , about both of these subjects , and yes i could tell many stories , the main story i will tell , is until i gave all that shit up , i had no love or respect for myself !! and no one in the world could give me that , BUT ME !!
U CANNOT MAKE SOMEONE CHANGE , THEY HAVE TO WANT TO AND DO IT ON THEY OWN !!!!!! SO DONT SWEAT IT , IF THEY AINT READY , U HAVE TO DO WHAT U NEED TO DO , FOR U !!!!

impoohbearsgirl
09-22-2004, 09:21 AM
My STBX-Husband is a meth addict, he uses rigs and is a much harder core addict than I am. I was always functional, worked for my high, whereas he committed burglaries. When I'd use, I'd stay home. (BTW, I never used during our marriage, I had 3 years 11 months free from crank - used 4x last year after I left him, relapsed on it 6 weeks ago). Anyways, when he would use he wouldn't come home for days and days.

I feel in love with the CLEAN person but soon began to see him as 2 people. One I could love, one I could not. When the person I couldn't love was around (well NOT AROUND) more than the CLEAN person, I had to weigh my options. I left.

Through staying with him, I became a very depressed person and went on to do unspeakable things in my depression to my children. THEY were the victims in all this. I was trying to make a house and a home with someone incapable of it (at that time, if ever) I spent more energy on HIM, trying to get him help, trying to make him see the things he was doing to ME, all the while neglecting myself.

I now concentrate on me. I've given him away to God and I no longer am in love with him to the point where I"d want to work it out but I don't hate him either.

Loving an addict in an active addiction can zap the lifeblood from you. I never had a clean house for him to come home to because I drank wine and beer. He would drink before he came home, have a glass of wine with me then be a friggin JERK. I realize how I enabled him...never again. I'm now clean and sober, trying for the 3rd time in my life to have a fully clean and sober future. But yeah, I've been there, done that, and won't ever again...unless I see true EFFORT on the man's part.

JustLisa
09-22-2004, 11:49 AM
I used to date a crack addict.. I met him through a friend of mine who he was in jail with and fell head over heels in love with him.. He got out after being in jail for nine months and was high within one hour and that was 18 months ago and he is probably still high.. He turned my life upside down, inside out and topsy turvy in the time he was with me. I knew nothing about crack at that point, now I know way more than I should... He would go on his binges and then come back home to me and sleep... he would lay there and tell me, I'm done I promise, no more.. and then fall asleep, sleep for 12 hours, wake up starving.. eat all the food in the house, then he was right out there again.. I thought I could "save" him.. I told him he had to go out of my life. I have kids, I started using with him when my kids weren't around.... Finally he did leave and I'm telling you... the stupidest part of all of it was that I missed him... but I knew for my own mental health he needed to stay gone out of my life....

I still think about him to this day and hope and pray that maybe, just maybe he is cleaned up.. however, that drug has such a powerful pull on him that I seriously doubt that he is..

If your addict truly wants to get clean, find the resouces for him, BUT you can't make him do it.. it has to be him.. I know how you feel... good luck to you and to him... :)

impoohbearsgirl
09-22-2004, 12:31 PM
Geez Lisa Marie, you just echo'd my story, only I didn't use w/ him (well alcohol and weed, but not the meth) but wow, amazing all the good intentions they have while coming down only to repeat the behavior.


its powerful stuff - addiction!

MzBlakes
09-29-2004, 08:22 PM
I've been with my fiancee' for almost 2 years and the first year was HORRIBLE...He was a drunk and the only time he wanted to smoke crack was when he would drink.....I can't even begin to explain what I went through...
MANY nights he made me drive him to Cleveland to get it at all hours, I did it because I didn't want to fight with him more than we already were. He overdrew my bank account numerous times...sold my PS2 for $100 worth of rocks...I tried to write a check to the drug dealer (who wanted $200) to get my PS2 back...he got the check, I did NOT get my PS2 back, so I had to put stop payment on the check. He even stole his mothers car one night....got jumped, pistol-whipped in the head and face, almost got his mom's car stolen....came home about 12 hours later with blood literally running down his face and head all over his clothes....Sometimes I would call his house and he would tell his little bro to tell me he wasn't there.....I knew better so I would go there and find him locked in the bathroom..he wouldn't let me near him when he would do it, he would run from me in his own back yard when I showed up at his house!!!..he always tried to hide it..I found crack pipes in his room....one night he got so drunk and wanted to go to Cleveland...I finally put my foot down and wouldn't take him....he got angry, we got in a fight...needless to say, he went into a blackout...punched me in the face and fractured the bridge of my nose...AM I CRAZY FOR BEING IN LOVE WITH HIM STILL AND NOW BEING ENGAGED???????
Sometimes I wonder..he is locked up right now.....I feel in my heart that he never meant to hurt me, he didn't love himself so how could I of expected him to show me love? He IS different now and he sees what I went through, that I stuck by his side and it helps him even more to change. He ONLY wanted to smoke when he was drunk.... I put 2 and 2 together that he in fact wasn't a crack addict....he was an alcoholic who liked to smoke crack sometimes, but when he did.......it was ugly, it was something I would never even wish on my worst enemy...I told him, sadly, that I wished it would have been another woman I was competing with. You can't compete with someones love for drugs (I know, It runs in my family, I'm an ex- addict and my father and his 2 brothers(my uncles) and there father(my grandfather) are all in A.A., My father now owns a business and we have gone on many vacations...he is the best dad....thank god for A.A. and N.A.! Ironically, my father did the same things to my mother that my fiancee' pulled on me in the past.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, they say. He is better now and I know that because he could get anything, any one can get anything in prison, easier than on the streets.....I would know if he has been using.....I know and I feel it inmy heart that he is being honest and not using....He is taking GED, going to A.A., he quit smoking cigarettes even...I physically can see him getting healthier.....It is a long-awaited feeling of contentment after all I have been through with him....
If you truly love him, stand by his side and get him help...if not, than leave, for your sanity...
Here is something I learned in Al-Anon
The 3 C's....
You didn't CAUSE it...
You can't CONTROL it......
You can't CURE it.......so do with the advice as you will and good-luck, you will need every ounce of it.....I will keep you in my prayers...I DO know exactly what you are going through
Take Care :)

MzBlakes
09-29-2004, 08:28 PM
That was only 1/4 of everything that happened..............
I can't bring myself to tell the rest.....
Hurts to much

francis
09-30-2004, 12:40 AM
wvugirl2002!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can't believe what perfect timing=starting this thread...

mine paroled in august and now has had 1 24 hr binge, stayed clean...and just is comming off 5 day binge....of course sleeping.....he stays with his sister...

right now i am so angry, hurt...miserable, depressed...and, believe you me i am not in the mood to feel that way.....who is? ayyyyyyyyy


so like others have said he broke huge vows, promises, plans....he still expects me to marry him....

in prison he cleaned up beautifully...he stayed clean and sober through a drug treatment program in the prison...they even let him finish his sentence at a drug trreatment facility....and he is a violent offender...so usually they don't allow such an opportunity...for the door locks fromm the outside....

after he paroled he stayed there...

but, about 3 weeks ago, he decided to leave,,,he was on parole so he could...they thought he was awesome....

i told him i would not stay with him if he relapsed, he totally agreed, and humbley accepted why.....he truely is a vicious monster on crack, oh, and pcp...and, all kinds of malt liquor, and then this nasty thing called cisco...it is supposed to be like liquid pcp..

he has been an addict most of his life..he is 36....


i think i should leave...i have no hope..

i absolutelly adore him clean...we are brilliant together...truely my best friend...

but, when he goes on a binge he is meaner then a junkyard dog, and ugly as heck..

what do you all think?

much peace and love to you and yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
again thank you for starting this thread...tonight i was going to start a thread about my situation...but, i was to depressed to do so...and, then what do you know here is this thread....

Wingy
09-30-2004, 03:50 AM
i am speaking from my own experience here, an addict (that'd be me) can not love themselves or anyone else when they are using...the drug is their love, their mistress, their significant other...its as simple as that...whatever i did, i did for my drug, until i was finally able to beat it...and the only way i did that was i was arrested and put on probation for 3 years...all my constitutional rights were revoked, and one dirty UA (UA's were weekly) and my son was gone (then 4 years old) i was 2500 miles away form home and not allowed to leave LA county...it was like being under house arrest, the Probation Officer could come to my home, at anytime, unannounced and do a search...I was scared (is there another word for chitless?)...thats how i beat the love of my life, meth, and until anyone can do that...there is noplace for anybody else, no matter how bad they want it. The drug IS their higher power.

rottn
09-30-2004, 05:34 AM
I married a crack addict. He stayed clean for the year we were together, then once we got married, BAM!!! My cell phone, pager, clothes, anything he could carry went out the door with him. I'm glad I never put him on any of my accounts. The total personality change and everything was too much to deal with. Then telling me that he owned me and everything I had was his too. I went crazy in a short period of time from just being around it.

wvugirl2002
09-30-2004, 09:29 PM
wvugirl2002!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can't believe what perfect timing=starting this thread...

mine paroled in august and now has had 1 24 hr binge, stayed clean...and just is comming off 5 day binge....of course sleeping.....he stays with his sister...

right now i am so angry, hurt...miserable, depressed...and, believe you me i am not in the mood to feel that way.....who is? ayyyyyyyyy


so like others have said he broke huge vows, promises, plans....he still expects me to marry him....

in prison he cleaned up beautifully...he stayed clean and sober through a drug treatment program in the prison...they even let him finish his sentence at a drug trreatment facility....and he is a violent offender...so usually they don't allow such an opportunity...for the door locks fromm the outside....

after he paroled he stayed there...

but, about 3 weeks ago, he decided to leave,,,he was on parole so he could...they thought he was awesome....

i told him i would not stay with him if he relapsed, he totally agreed, and humbley accepted why.....he truely is a vicious monster on crack, oh, and pcp...and, all kinds of malt liquor, and then this nasty thing called cisco...it is supposed to be like liquid pcp..

he has been an addict most of his life..he is 36....


i think i should leave...i have no hope..

i absolutelly adore him clean...we are brilliant together...truely my best friend...

but, when he goes on a binge he is meaner then a junkyard dog, and ugly as heck..

what do you all think?

much peace and love to you and yours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
again thank you for starting this thread...tonight i was going to start a thread about my situation...but, i was to depressed to do so...and, then what do you know here is this thread....


Sweetheart, my heart goes out to you. II wish I had advise. I don't know how I would handle it. I would like to tell myself that I would leave, cause thats what I have said I would do if he messes this chance up. But, I 've said that before. I do know from experience, whatever your heart tells you to do, BE CAREFUL. While you know the clean sober one you love would never hurt you, its amazing what that sh** will do to them. I can't even begin to count the blackouts mine had, times where he hit me or threatened me. And, I used to tell myself he would never let anything happen to me and that I wasn't in danger. That was right before he and his best friend got shot up in my car. What if I or my 5 week old son had been with him that night? His best friend almost died and has permenant brain damage. Top it all, the boy who did it had been at our house numerous times. I never thought that stuff would happen to him or me. so please, keep yourself the #1 priority. My heart breaks for you, knowing this could be any of us. It is what I fear most cause mine has been an addict over half his life and hes only 27. If i can help or you just need someone to listen, please pm me or e-mail me, either one. I remember those times all too well. sleep for a few days, feel bad, sad, and depressed, and be at it again by the end of the day. I hated when hed sleep forever, but never wanted him to get up, cause I knew when he did hed be gone and I'd be left to wonder if he would come back. you have all my love and my prayers.

wvugirl2002
09-30-2004, 09:38 PM
That was only 1/4 of everything that happened..............
I can't bring myself to tell the rest.....
Hurts to much

Thank you for sharing. Mine is the same way. I couldn't tell half my stories, cause I still haven't accepted them. Mine sold my computer for 100. The night CPS came to take my baby son from me, because I was with him at the hospital after he was shot, he left me to go get high. they don't love anybody when they are that way. but you look at them and you know what they are like without it and how can you seperate the two. And I'm totally with you on that girl thing. I used to tell my man that all the time. I wished it were another girl he was chasing. At least then I could compete, or get mad and leave, or beat her butt. ya know! I could have probably even stood it if I thought he liked to get high. but he didn't. that was the hardest part for me to understand. why would you do something that made you soo miserable. he was never happy getting high. anyway, if you ever need to talk, I can relate and will be happy to l isten or vent or share war stories, cause sometimes it helps to not feel so alone. I still love my man. and we too are engaged. Crazy? probably, but my heart doesn't see another way.

wvugirl2002
09-30-2004, 09:47 PM
To everybody thats posting. Thank you. I don't know about you all, but being able to talk here really helps. Everybody wants to joke about a crackhead or whatever, but when you are in the middle of it, you see the struggle and the two people it creates. I mean, how many people can u talk to it about with getting that look like "how stupid are you" or just that look of sympathy? I know my baby and I know all the good thats in his heart. I just hope he will stay sober long enough to realize it all himself. I can't abandon him cause then what chance does he have. My son and I are the only family hes got. he's mom's a crack addict and mental before shes using. his dads an alcoholic and hasn't written him or seen him in two years cause he just doesn't care enough. He is sober now, but hes locked up. I do think hes staying away on the inside causehes pretty open with me and he tells me when and what he has to do to stay away. he hasn't been written up in the two years hes been in for anything and he pretty much stays to himself. I don't know, some days are harder than others, but I hope we all bond together and keep this thread going. My heart goes out to all of us and I will say the same prayer for all of your loved ones that I say for mine, that God will heal them of their addiction, mind, body, and soul. and remember, success does happen and God is in the bussinees of making miracles.

impoohbearsgirl
10-01-2004, 08:03 AM
in fact wasn't a crack addict....he was an alcoholic

Alcohol is a drug. If someone is addicted to ONE drug, they have the potential to be addicted to ANY of them. I know alcoholics only who just DRINK and don't do drugs. If he's smoking Crack, he's beyond just being addicted to alcohol, he's an addict, plain and simple. But I believe an alcoholic is an addict because they are addicted to alcohol. Kwim?

I've been thru alot too, doesn't sound like as much as you MzBlakes but if you care to talk, I'm here.

DiDabbler
04-18-2006, 11:01 AM
Unfortunately, I can relate. My affair left me with a broken heart, major loss of money, a dope addiction, and little if any self respect. The truth is, if his praying and teary eyed parents couldn't help him, then there was little I could do in that respects. I just kept buying his lies about recovery, and how he only does it occasionally (like you could just do it occasionally), etc. The truth is, I played Russian Roulette with my sexual and physical well being. Atleast he taught me what drugs can really do to you. I sure didn't want to be him in ten years. The truth is, there is little we can do for these addicts except pray, they must do it for themselves. And if they hate themselves, they probably won't ever do it. I hear about him every so often, as he seems to sift to and fro between recovery and addiction, getting recovered in prison and getting addicted back on the streets. It breaks my heart, but I'm glad I don't have anything to do with him. Any kind of relationship with him is risky. How can you have a lover you can't even trust around your purse? But that's the way it is I guess. And I still pray for him, doing all that I can because at this point, that is all I can do. It helps knowing he didn't want me for me, but for my money and dope. In that case, all it took was another woman with more money and more dope to take him away from me, and I wasn't going to be left alone penniless with an STD. I had to cut the strings, and that's what I did. Fortunately or unfortunately, another woman with those assets did come along, and I didn't even have to worry about him pestering me. I was a little sad, but happy to relieve my burden. I'm sorry somebody else had to pick it up though. I don't hate him, he hates himself enough and why throw a stone at a broken window? We should always love and forgive, but that doesn't mean we have to put ourselves in jeopardy to do it. Please don't let your BF use your love to enable himself.

angel12569
04-18-2006, 02:57 PM
I can relate with all of you. I have been with my husband for twenty years, married 17 and have been through a lot with him relapsing every few years. It hurts like hell, and I know people who haven't gone through this cannot relate and am sure they think I am nuts for putting up with it. But he is a really great guy and when he is not using I have no complaints and that is what has me standing by his side. We just found out he is bipolar which probably explains why he relapses every few years , since they tend to self medicate themselfs with drugs. Its scary because there is no guarantee if he will ever relapse again, but I love him enough to take the chance and support him in anyway I can. Hopefully the time will fly by and we can be together again, God willing.

tamgordon73
04-18-2006, 08:05 PM
I can relate also...About 7 months after I started dating my now husband, I found out I was pregnant and within a few weeks I also found out about his crack and drinking addiction...Before I had gotten pregnant, we would party together drink, smoke pot and occasionally do a little coke....Never crack tho...I stayed with him thinking, well he is going to be a daddy so he will have to change! Hell, I gave up all of my partying so I thought he could do too....NOPE! I remember all of the nights waiting up for him to come home or to get a call from the police with knots in my stomach. He was out the night before I was scheduled to deliver our baby! So much for my last night of peacefull sleep!
Our son was born in February and I finally left the first time in April for a few weeks, I didnt want my innocent son around that crap...I heard the whole "Im sorry, I have changed, I quit please come back" I went back...This happened a few more times. I didnt even tell my friends why I had left him...It was embarassing for me! I was living with my sister in September and he woke up after a couple days binging and looked around our apartment and realized he had sold all of our large appliances and had nothing in the fridge/freezed and he decided that day he was sick and tired of being sick and tired! He went into a program at the Salvation Army from Sept - May. He relapsed one time in July and he came home that night and said this is the last time you will ever be able to yell and scream at me because I am done with this crap!!
July 28th will be his 9 year clean date!
I am very proud of him!
In order for an addict to quit, they have to have the determination, THE HONEST WANT TO QUIT and a lot to willpower!!! I saw an AA/NA bumper sticker and I liked it...It said " You Gotta Wanna"

Yoosgirl
04-22-2006, 06:16 PM
I hear ya. It is amazing how all of our stories are basically the same.

IthinkNOT!
04-27-2006, 07:23 PM
I am going through alot of ths same thing right now. I bumped into my ex a few weeks ago, and we decided to try things again, they say 3rd times a charm, right? I first met him when I was 16, and thought he was so cool, we were friends for a long time, and then he got sent to prison for 14 months. We wrote back and forth, and when he came home, he came home to me. We were so in love there for awhile, but then he started hanging with his old friends and using coke and crack again. I was sent to prison for 9 months (not over him) and expected him to be there for me like I was for him. I found out I was pregnant while in prison, and had a miscarriage, never heard from him the whole time. Didnt see him when I came home for about 4 years. We met again one night, and thought we were gonna try things again. He had done so much with his life, he had his own business, had gotten custody of his 2 boys, had everything going for him. He stayed clean for 6 years. Then he started on crack again, and in 2 years lost everything he had worked so hard for. When I bumped into him again almost a month ago now, he was just getting out of a relationship, and about to lose what little he had left. I did help him cath up the electric bill, but figured that was the end of my responsibility. We are getting along great, he still has cravings, but we work through them together. He has had one relapse since we have been together this time, and I have already told him that I wont deal with this on a regular basis. That I love him too much to watch him destroy himself like that. I am so hoping that he can beat this once again. I am hoping for the best, but trying not to get my hopes up too much, cause I know if I lose him this time, it will be for the last time.

CONWIFE
04-27-2006, 08:33 PM
i've been through it all too, even picking up the addiction. i never thought i would. i had watched him do it to himself for 2 yrs. i don't know why i ever said i would try it. i think because i figured at least if we did it together then he wouldn't be out on those binges, he would be with me. i was so relieved when he went to prison, neither one of us could stop. i haven't touched it since then and finally after 2 yrs i can honestly say i don't want it anymore. it is a horrible drug. he says he is done with it also. i believe that crack addiction is like a possession. the addict will let you see small glimpses of your loved one when it will help him to get the drug. but that addict is not the same person you love, it just looks and sounds like him. i hope all of you take care of yourselves and that the one you truly love will be strong enough to get out.

kristinaB
04-27-2006, 09:15 PM
this thread just caught my eye. My first contact with a crack addict was right after I had my child, he was amazing, I feel head over heels with him, at first I didn't know he used crack, hell I didn't even really know what it was...he gets his first paycheck , and he asks me to go to the casino with him...needless to say we never made it there, but instead he took me to a dope house, spent 400.00 on crack and we smoked for hours, I threw up and felt misrable, but that high was great. A few weeks later I moved myself out of my sisters home and into a motel room with this guy, all hours of the night people in and out smoking, I was so wrapped, I was high all the time, I begged and pleaded with him to stop smoking, and quit offering...unfortunatley I couldn't turn it down. I think I was staying there for about 3 months, hell I barley remember that time in my life, but I ended up gettin my own place, and the night before "we" moved he stole my diposite right out of my friends wallet (I never kept money in my purse when he was around) he did borrow enough from his mom to pay me back in time and then "we" moved into my apartment and the first night there he stole money from a friend of mine and we sat and smoked all night long, the next day my "bestfriend" left to go sell magazines (easy money and shelter when your an addict) he left me high and dry.

Then I met my husband, when I met him, I knew something was funny about him, I knew the all to familiar "bathroom" trips becuz his stomache hurt, I knew the late night "please take me heres" it was all to familiar, long story short, he was addicted to crack and I think that had he not met me, he would have stayed addicted, but I got to him only a few months into his addiction........and he choose me

My "bestfriend" came rolling back to my home town after a year of not seeing him, (about 5 months ago) and he didn't change a bit, still beggin me to take him places and please give him a place to stay, he stole from everyone he came in contact with and went to rehab cuz he found himself homeless, I tried to help him, took him money and smokes, got his paycheck cashed and I really thought he wanted to quit, then he asks me for all of his money (I was holding it for him) and I gave it to him, and it was weeks before I seen him again, he left rehab, sold all his xmas gifts, cashed his daughters money order (her xmas gift) and got high, on new years eve I dusted him from my life for good, he claimed he was my "bestfriend" and he didn't see anything different then before he had left the first time, and things were gonne be the same "come on man, hit the pipe you know you wanna" he tried to talk his way into gettin me to using crack again, so he would have someone on his side. He ignored the times I told him "I dont smoke anymore" he wanted so bad for me to be head over heels for him again so he wasn't alone. It was very hard to give my friendship up with him, but I knew he was never gonna change, he stole from his parents, he left his 2 year old baby in another state and hasn't seen her since.( she is now 5) He once was very happy man, had a beautiful wife, and a sweet little girl, he really had it made, but that crack got the best of him. I hear he is somewhere in flordia, doing what he does best, selling magazines, ripping people off and living his life as a hotel crack head. I do pray that someday his wife and child forgive him, becuz he cannot control his habit, and like everyone here says he's gotta wanna quit.

I just wanted to share my experience in this area, I havent been through all the things I read about here and I couldnt immagine a home life with someone who is addicted, you women are very strong and I hope in the end you guys get what you have been fighting for, your men or yourselves clean of this horrible drug.

notlyte68
04-27-2006, 09:18 PM
I feel like I am being unfaithful by posting here. The man I married is perfect for me and makes me feel so safe and secure, but he is in jail right now and has dedicated himself to the Lord and his family. I truly beleive that with God all things are possible, but sometimes I wonder if my husband will disappear when he is released. Will crack take over and take away my happiness once again? We talk about our new beginning and I want it so bad. I feel guilty about having doubts. It is not really doubt as much as it is fear. I don't express my fears anymore to him since the beginning of his incarceration. He says that he is done with that life and I pray that its true.

jazzjaws
04-27-2006, 10:37 PM
Speaking of crack addicts. My husband is one and has many years of prison left. I 'm tired of the whole prison wife thing and am sick of being alone all the time and want to get a divorce...He's been in and out and all about God in and using when he gets out. Just tired of it all. well actually I want him to get the divorce in there. Does anyone know about them getting the divorce in prison. I heard it was much cheaper and easier for them to get it than for us on the outside? thanx for any answers you might have.

witchlinblue
04-29-2006, 06:14 PM
I also heard that it is very cheap for them to get the divorce. Though that may be state specific, I don't know. Perhaps post a thread in the state he is in right now and see if anyone can give you advice about that.

Fashionista
05-09-2006, 10:31 PM
my b/f is an addict and i had no idea until he had a relapse and disappeared for 2 weeks. he stole my cell phone and money from me. he ha dsome story about needing to borrow moneyt until payday and i came over to give it too him. he was acting kinda funny but i didn't know why. then he said he had to drop by a friends house. well he went in the building and never came back out. so i was left outside in the roughest part of town and i was stranded cause he had my cellphone and i had no cash on me! i am lucky i didn't get robbed or something.

he also got kicked out of his residence and was literally sleeping outside on the coldest nights of the winter. he was even lying and telling folks he had AIDS and was homeless cause no one would take him in cause he was sick. so when folks did hear the sob story and take him in he would steal from them. it got so bad at one point that i was embarrassed to be seen in public cause everyone who knew him, knew that i was dating him and would always have horrible stories to tell me.

he has always experimented with drugs while trying to self medicated himself because he suffers from PTSD. sometime in 2001 he became a full blown addict.

although we have not been together for long i can only imagine what he put his ex through and i am scared i might end up going through hell too. he going away to his treatment program soon but i can't help but to be scared that when he comes home he will relapse again. the man i met and fell for is totally different from the jerk that left me in harms way that night. its amazing how drugs transforms someone into another person, almost a monster in some regards.

MonkeyBoi77
05-09-2006, 10:47 PM
My boo isnt a crack addict she is an ADDICT, drugs, booze,sex, etc! and yes I happen to be in love with her, I have seen the monster and I have seen the the sober babygirl side as well. All I know is that I love her!

maria3lynn
05-15-2006, 07:40 PM
My husband was/is a crack addict, atleast he was before he got locked up... My story has parts of all of yours and then some....Okay first let me start by saying I was a bartender/manager for 8 years and knew my husband for 7 of those years, just as friends. He shot pool on a league for my bar. From the very first time he walked into my bar, he told people he was in love with me and that he would marry me one day. I just never thought much about it, seeings how probably 1/2 the clientele always talked some kinda shit. I grew up here and have many life long friends who followed me, my sisters used to tease me and call them my "ENTERAGE", (mostly male),but friends since elem. school.I was with some one for the last 5 years of those 8 and never thought twice about anyone else, because I have morals, am very strong willed, and believe deeply in "do unto others", needless to say that 5 year relationship was truly a waste of 5 years, but I kept trying. I have 2 sons from my first husband, who always adored my friend, and would ask on occasion, why couldnt I be with "him", I explained that we were both in other relationships, and that it would be wrong to leave one and hurt one to love another, it just wasnt meant to be!!! Well my painful and struggling relationship finally ended and I remained alone for almost a year, all the while my friend being there like he always was, never ever pushy, very very shy. For the 10+ months of my single life, my friend babysat the boys for me when I went out, then one night when I came home it was nearly 2a.m. and I told my friend I was going to bed, only I dont know what came over me but I asked him to come to my room, and all but raped him.(He never would have even tried to kiss me).The next year was like right out of a fairytale, for the first time in my life I felt what true love is sopposed to feel like, so much so that it brought tears of joy to us on a regular basis, I was in awe...to say the least. We got married, then I got pregnant which we planned, but we didnt plan the monster I became. I became verbally abusive, and convinced him that he was the worthless piece of trash that I told him he was, after so long. I have obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, and PTSD, and the pregnancy just turned my world upside down. I threw him out repeatedly, at one point I told him the baby wasnt his, and the list goes on.... He was so broken and now depressed and around that awful time, a friend of his told him he was gonna turn him on to a hit of crack, that it would make him feel better and make the pain go away.He would have done anything to take away his pain, within months he was on 5,6,7 day binges, where he would go off alone, and get deeper in depression, spending thousands, our son was born in the middle of all this and now I had post-partum depression to make matters even worse. We were on the fast track to destruction. Now fast-fowarding, my husband ended up taking his parents car while they were out of town, and credit cards, then he tried to commit suicide. His parents pressed charges, grand theft auto, burglery of an occupied dwelling, he got 2 years in prison, then 3 years probation. We have talked and talked and gotten all sorts of outside help. I pray to be able to get back what I feel we were so lucky to have had in the 1st place, and vow never to take each other for granted. As long as he has us, he says hell be happy, although I was sick, I am so ashamed of the way I treated him.I understand that doesnt justify what he did, or make him do it. With all thats been said, the LOVE of my life will be home in 12 days, and I am so excited and scared as well. I learned a lot of lessons(the hard way)and know in my heart it all happened for a reason....My husband says things wont be like they used to be, but better!!! Im crossing my fingers, keep us in your prayers, and thanks for letting me get all that off my chest.(Its a good thing I only told 1/10th of the story!LOL)

Eternal Hope
05-15-2006, 09:45 PM
Maria, your story is an inspiration to us! Thank you for sharing your story. I do hope that everything goes well for both of you. You both seemed to have learned and grown a lot during the past two years, especially since you both have received outside help with this.. WOOHOO he will be home in 12 days ? WOW, happy day!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

tranniegurl
05-16-2006, 05:57 AM
I have been in the position that you ex is in. You couldn't have said it any better it's self hate. I hated myself(well I was taught to hate myself) for many years and as a result I abused myself. People can and do overcome addiction and learn to love themselves. Unfortunately some people just never get it and they die trying or not trying. Knowing what I know now I would never suggest that anyone hang around when someone is using crack relationship or no relationship.

MonkeyBoi77
05-16-2006, 04:25 PM
^5 Trannie I am mega with you on your post, it makes clear sense to me

dripper2697
06-05-2006, 05:49 PM
hello everyone, i am new to this web-site but i am so glad i found this forum. I first met my fiance in 2003, thing's started off beautiful, for about 3 month's then i found out the hard way he was a crack addict, threwout the past 3 year's i have stood by him threw 4 jail sentences, not becuase h ever got busted for drug's but because he would rob places and get arrested for that, i feel so lost and so confused as i never prior to this new anyone on crack it was never a part of my life. i din't understand how a drup could reck someone's life the way it recked our's. now he's serving a 2 1/3 to 7 in prison, yes i still love him, but will he ever changes will he ever stop using the drug, this is my biggest fear, where do i go from here please all and nay advice would be so welcome.

Fashionista
06-05-2006, 07:09 PM
hello everyone, i am new to this web-site but i am so glad i found this forum. I first met my fiance in 2003, thing's started off beautiful, for about 3 month's then i found out the hard way he was a crack addict, threwout the past 3 year's i have stood by him threw 4 jail sentences, not becuase h ever got busted for drug's but because he would rob places and get arrested for that, i feel so lost and so confused as i never prior to this new anyone on crack it was never a part of my life. i din't understand how a drup could reck someone's life the way it recked our's. now he's serving a 2 1/3 to 7 in prison, yes i still love him, but will he ever changes will he ever stop using the drug, this is my biggest fear, where do i go from here please all and nay advice would be so welcome.

only you can decided to stay in the relationship or leave. sometimes its worth staying in the relationship if you can see that the person is actively trying to live without drugs and make past wrongs right. sometimes you can't wait around for someone to want to get clean. its ok to love an addict but not put yourself in constant harm standing by someone who does not really want to get clean.

some people on this board have stuck with their man through thick and thin and have found success while others have not.

has he tried to get professional help before? does he even acknowledge that he has an addiction problem?

i know for my situation i didn't know my b/f had drug problems until the relapse. i see on a constant basis that he is struggling and wants to live drug free and have a good life. if i didn't see he actually working toward that goal along with re enforcing those ideas verbally i don't think i could stay because all the love and caring in the world would not make him get clean unless he was ready.

i hope the little bit of advice helps you in some ways

need2bwanted
08-05-2009, 09:03 PM
WowJustlisa, our story sounds so similar. I fell inlove with a man much lilke you describe. In fact it makes me wonder if it is the same man. He had a girlfriend named lisa that he had a baby with not to long after he got out of jail in skagit/whatcom county. I met him in a bar in 1997 where he worked called Hooligans. I fell head over heels also . I knew NOTHING about the drug lifestyle, I wanted so much to save him, to show him that he was worthy of love. In 2001 ... I had a baby and he was there for me saying he would be her Daddy I let him move in , he had no where to go and no one who wanted him , he was barley over 100pounds and he is 6'4 . I fattened him up got him to lay off the drinking and the crack for awhile I did everything for this man put my life on hold just to help him even getting custody of his daughter but he never stopped the crack or the womanizing , ever night he would go off to work and then not come home for days and when he did it was as you said ...sleep, eat , say all the loving things and then off again while I stayed home and payed ALL the bills and bought ALL the food and took care of his child rescuing her from her Mothers abusive boyfriend . But he still would use and then cheat and then lie and then hurt me over and over again , people just don't understand why I loved him and still do to this day. But one day last year I went over to his place or pick up my/our daughter(6years old) and found him locked in the bathroom totally tweaked out on crack... It broke my heart more than anything else he had ever done to me b4. I tried to get him into treatment again but he once again cheated on me and said that it was MY fault... it was too much so we moved i hid from him , i didn't talk to him for over a year and did not allow him any contact with my daughter. But a couple months ago I saw him in his yard and my daughter wanted to say hi to him . He seemed better, but I can't really know for sure as he was always excellent at lying to me, I think because I wanted so badly to believe him , that he loved me enough NOT to hurt me with more lies... Anyway he says he is clean now and I allow my daughter to visit him and his daughter . My mind is so much better now and I am in a good place but why do I want him back , why do I miss him when he hurt me nearly every single day for 11 years. I pray for him everyday as well , just like you .. Maybe this is the same guy , how could there be two men with so many problems be loved and forgiven so many sins by so many women (and he has had LOTS of women) and they, as well as I still love and miss him .. it so hard for me . How do did you do it get away from your troubled lover... ? I don't know that I ever will. :(

I used to date a crack addict.. I met him through a friend of mine who he was in jail with and fell head over heels in love with him.. He got out after being in jail for nine months and was high within one hour and that was 18 months ago and he is probably still high.. He turned my life upside down, inside out and topsy turvy in the time he was with me. I knew nothing about crack at that point, now I know way more than I should... He would go on his binges and then come back home to me and sleep... he would lay there and tell me, I'm done I promise, no more.. and then fall asleep, sleep for 12 hours, wake up starving.. eat all the food in the house, then he was right out there again.. I thought I could "save" him.. I told him he had to go out of my life. I have kids, I started using with him when my kids weren't around.... Finally he did leave and I'm telling you... the stupidest part of all of it was that I missed him... but I knew for my own mental health he needed to stay gone out of my life....

I still think about him to this day and hope and pray that maybe, just maybe he is cleaned up.. however, that drug has such a powerful pull on him that I seriously doubt that he is..

If your addict truly wants to get clean, find the resouces for him, BUT you can't make him do it.. it has to be him.. I know how you feel... good luck to you and to him... :)

TZT4$ure4Life
08-13-2009, 02:19 AM
Wow!!! How I can relate to each and every story post on this subject..
I even have posted a story right here in this forum .. that I have been adding to for almost 5 yrs and thats only half the time, that I have been allowing this..
I love the statement " You gotta wanna" that is so very true!!! As I have been reading all of these posts on this subject .. some have left, some stay, and some are not sure.. And I can relate to them all.. but just as we can not change an addict to want to be clean, others can not change us to make us love ourselves more either.. It has taken 10 yrs for me to know that I have to love me more.. and trust me when I say.. that everyday is a struggle for me..
Because one thing that I have learned is that my husband is my addiction just as his drugs are to him.. I waited and what did he do gone and I would let him come back.. ( just go and read my story and you will see all the bad things )
I let all those years pass me by because I didnt love me like he didnt love himself and when you dont love yourself, well you can allow just about anything to happen to you...
Addiction is an ugly thing.. and I hate it.. no matter if its crack, crank, meth, pills, what ever the drug of choice might be.. now of it is worth selling your soul to the devil..
PLEASE take a look and know that you can make it without him and know that if they are on the inside and not doing any programs or AA/NA chances are they are going to come home and be right back in the streets again... I am just being real with you all..
Step back and love yourself a bit more than you do them.. I love my husband very much and I never want or wanted anything other than the best for him, and in doing this .. I lost me... I look in the mirror at times and just as an addict looks at themself. I look and wonder where that woman I use to be went too??? I am finding her little by little and I do pray each day that someday my husband will get it right.. He sits in county and is going back to prison and I know thats the best place for him..He stays clean in there but as soon as he is out... that white girl calls his name and he is gone...
I had to stop visiting him and I had to stop worrying about him, I gave him to GOD and I gave me to GOD and I am doing what is best for me .. for once in my life.. its true .. YOU GOTTA WANNA.. and I wanna.. I pray many of you will want the samething for yourselves and reliaze you cant save them.. so save yourself....

Be Blessed

Tina

ladymaravilla
08-13-2009, 03:40 AM
I just want to thank all of you. I to am new to this site and god I'm so glad I've stumbled upon it. I sit around all the time wondering if there is anyone else who can understand my pain. I met Kenny in 2006 when we were 16. Everything was perfect until he started smoking meth. Everything got ruined from there. Our relationship was shitty, we broke up and his addiction got worse. He'd go through spurts of cleanliness and always want me back in his life. We are perfect for eachother when he is clean. We've tried to amend our relationship but everytime we do he gets busted for some dumb shit he did while he was high. I too have sat thru more than one sentance, but this by far is the longest. In the past it's only been months. We were seperated when he got locked up this time and I fear so bad that he's going to use again, he swears he's not going back and part of me believes him because he's never had to do more than 3 months or gone to real prison, let alone federal prison and I know it's scary to him. But I'm so scared he will slip up. I love him when he's sober and hate him when he's high. If he can stay clean I could marry him... but I fear that just like every other time it won't last.

RT39322
08-13-2009, 07:11 PM
Its so odd how all of these stories have some part that sounds just like me and the stuggles that i have went through with my boyfriend.there has been times when i left him where he was after a binge wen he would slip up or when he spent the very last dime that he had to his name and i meant it everytime i would tell myself that this is it.i have had enough and i cant go through this anymore only to find myself listening to his promises once again that he was through and how much he hated hiself for what he had done. There is no doubt in my mind that he means what he says at the time.but he couldnt overcome the hold that it had on him.evryime i would bail him out of the jam that he was in owing money to people or not having money to go to work for the week,and i would think this is it.i allways thought he would be so disgusted with what he had done that he would eventually stop,and that he would love me enough to stop.i was only enableing him .i love this man with all my heart aside from the drugs he has the biggest heart,and is so loving and kind but he can be like jeckel and hide.my biggest fear is that after i stick with him ,wait on him ,and put my life on hold,that he will end up slipping once again i want to have faith in him and i do to a point,but i would be so hurt if he goes back to the same ways.cuz i know that i can never live like that and i would loose the love of my life.

Lostwife
08-15-2009, 09:58 PM
You are not alone in the way you feel, I feel some people (my husband) is totally a hopeless case. The lies he told me are totally outrageous, he was gone off and on since last October running around with a female crack user, he identified as his girlfriend. He has done so many HORRILBE things to me and now he got himself back in prison, and his is SO sorry now, and he loves me so much, only becasue I was there for him the last time and everytime he was in trouble. When we first met he did 3 years, got out violated parole went back again using crack of course, he got out again on parole and violated again, getting high stealing cars. He is 43 and been using cocaine since he was 23. I do not believe anything he says now, his mother puts money on the phone because I refuse to, I have wasted so much time and energy on him, I love myself finally and he loves crack. Before he got locked up he was with that girl and I did not see him hardly at all. I think some people can change but in my case there is no way he is EVER going to be an honest hardworking respectful husband. Crack is the devil and it has him I think sadly forever. There is a post on this site about the "cloak of addiction" it is really a good read. I wish you all the luck in the world, go with what your gut tells you, I always felt like my husband was dying to get out to smoke crack not to be with me like he was telling me. I hope your man does what he says, but only you can decided to hang in there. I just know for me, I want a divorce and too much damage has been done, I cannot forget but I can forgive him. I remember something he said once, he is a prisoner either way, when he is a free man he is a prisoner of cocaine and if he is not free he is locked up because of cocaine .. Pretty sad stuff

loving my kids
12-22-2009, 08:54 AM
ok i just found out my bf is a crack addict, i have no idea even what that means can someone out there help me please? I don't even drink or do any drugs so I am clueless:(

neccomamma
12-22-2009, 05:57 PM
Sounds like this is the forum for me to post to!! My husband is a fiend, has stolen from me, caused me to lose my home, my job and possibly my freedom. But that is my husband who is the addict who has done all that. In the two years he has made tremendous strides to be clean, has even managed to stay that way for 6 months on his own. He REFUSES to get help, absolutely certain that no one can understand him. "It's all BS and nothing will work with me." Which is true because he won't let it work!! Anyway, until now, he has always managed to stay with misdemeanors with maximum of 1 yr in county jail but NOW he has a felony with a VOP so will serve the WHOLE 4 yrs and then face felony charges that was the violation. When he is not on crack he doesn't get in trouble!! ONLY catches charges when he high or looking to get high or looking to stay high. I know he doesn't want this, sober he knows it's not good for him so I have HOPE. Which NO ONE understands. Maybe just Maybe THIS time will be different.

That all said, for those of you who have stayed with your active addict, what precautions do you take? Do you live with them or not? I don't even really know how to word what I'm asking. I just know I'm am ready to be his wife in name only and let him sink or swim on his own. Just not quite sure how to do that. I have 4 years at least to figure it out.

kanae21406
12-22-2009, 09:04 PM
I am so happy I found this forum! Man do our stories sound a lot a like but they are all unique in thier own way! I am only 23. My hubby is 38. I met him while he was incarcerated and we formed our relationship. I knew nothing of an addiction or drug problem until he came home and used for the first time. He did respect me enough to tell me. Well I went through a major depression after that and thought a lot of it was my fault when it wasn't. I got pregnant by him and he started using more. He stole from me pawned his valentines present which was a highly expensive watch with our names engraved in it for $20 to buy crack. I left to go to my moms for a few days for an appointment and our house got "robbed" but he sold everything to get high those two days. I go through hell with my family and stuff for sticking by him but everyone has left him but I refuse to. I love him and thats what most people don't understand about a marriage! Its through the best of times and through all the hell in the world! And ladies let me tell you something crack and all those other drugs have spirits attached to them and its manufactured right from the pits of hell! The devil knew he had to send things to really devastate and destroy families. But I gotta say satan is a Liar and my God can release those demons from him and make him STRONG enough to fight the battle everyday and overcome it... so good luck ladies! all of you are in my prayers and please pray for me and my family. Who said life was gonna be easy?? No matter how hard it gets, his love is worth the ride! A lot of these men never had someone show them love through everything through their most beautiful moments and their ugliest. I aint perfect and I'm certifiably crazy at times but hey he's ok with it!! lol.... good luck ladies!(and men):thumbsup:

princesslizx0
01-12-2010, 01:35 AM
wow. its nice to have a forum like this.. on drugs my boyfriend broke into my apartment (before he lived with me, stole from me, pawned his mothers jewlery and stole from friends. he was to be able to drink socially and just not do drugs.. but i dont think that will work. i want his completely sober.. he is at a RSAT program right now..

lostinsystem
01-12-2010, 12:00 PM
lost cause ladies move on

InLuvWithD
01-31-2010, 09:10 PM
I've been with my fiancee' for almost 2 years and the first year was HORRIBLE...He was a drunk and the only time he wanted to smoke crack was when he would drink.....I can't even begin to explain what I went through...
MANY nights he made me drive him to Cleveland to get it at all hours, I did it because I didn't want to fight with him more than we already were. He overdrew my bank account numerous times...sold my PS2 for $100 worth of rocks...I tried to write a check to the drug dealer (who wanted $200) to get my PS2 back...he got the check, I did NOT get my PS2 back, so I had to put stop payment on the check. He even stole his mothers car one night....got jumped, pistol-whipped in the head and face, almost got his mom's car stolen....came home about 12 hours later with blood literally running down his face and head all over his clothes....Sometimes I would call his house and he would tell his little bro to tell me he wasn't there.....I knew better so I would go there and find him locked in the bathroom..he wouldn't let me near him when he would do it, he would run from me in his own back yard when I showed up at his house!!!..he always tried to hide it..I found crack pipes in his room....one night he got so drunk and wanted to go to Cleveland...I finally put my foot down and wouldn't take him....he got angry, we got in a fight...needless to say, he went into a blackout...punched me in the face and fractured the bridge of my nose...AM I CRAZY FOR BEING IN LOVE WITH HIM STILL AND NOW BEING ENGAGED???????
Sometimes I wonder..he is locked up right now.....I feel in my heart that he never meant to hurt me, he didn't love himself so how could I of expected him to show me love? He IS different now and he sees what I went through, that I stuck by his side and it helps him even more to change. He ONLY wanted to smoke when he was drunk.... I put 2 and 2 together that he in fact wasn't a crack addict....he was an alcoholic who liked to smoke crack sometimes, but when he did.......it was ugly, it was something I would never even wish on my worst enemy...I told him, sadly, that I wished it would have been another woman I was competing with. You can't compete with someones love for drugs (I know, It runs in my family, I'm an ex- addict and my father and his 2 brothers(my uncles) and there father(my grandfather) are all in A.A., My father now owns a business and we have gone on many vacations...he is the best dad....thank god for A.A. and N.A.! Ironically, my father did the same things to my mother that my fiancee' pulled on me in the past.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, they say. He is better now and I know that because he could get anything, any one can get anything in prison, easier than on the streets.....I would know if he has been using.....I know and I feel it inmy heart that he is being honest and not using....He is taking GED, going to A.A., he quit smoking cigarettes even...I physically can see him getting healthier.....It is a long-awaited feeling of contentment after all I have been through with him....
If you truly love him, stand by his side and get him help...if not, than leave, for your sanity...
Here is something I learned in Al-Anon
The 3 C's....
You didn't CAUSE it...
You can't CONTROL it......
You can't CURE it.......so do with the advice as you will and good-luck, you will need every ounce of it.....I will keep you in my prayers...I DO know exactly what you are going through
Take Care :)







WOW THIS IS ME!!!!!!!! 10 times over this is me.. i never thought I could admit to anyone but here I am, I have lost friends, family members etc because of my sticking with him. I don't know how or why I do, that's a lie, I do know, I love him!!! and my vows said for better or worse through sickness and in health. I will continue to be there for him as long as when he comes home he gets the help he needs, he tells me he will and I hope and pray to God that this time he really will...Thanks for that post!

rhewsbbgurl
03-07-2010, 11:24 PM
Wow lady's thank you I really needed this tonight. My fiance is also a crack addict an I truely felt all alone. I have no one to support me in my standing by him. I am told I am wasteing my time an that I will only be hurt again an again. See me an rhew have spent more time apart than together due to his addiction, his last binge lasted 6 weeks an landed him with a stolen vehicle charge, he was still on parole for the last same charge ....its quick cash for the crack he says. All the promises you all speak of I have heard them over and over. This time when he was finaly arrested he called his father, who called me an said "girl I found him" it was the first night in 6 weeks I slept thru the night with out haveing a horrible nightmare or wakeing up thinking I heard him trying to get in the house. I decided when I went to visit him in jail that I was going to be strong stand my ground an I did told him stop promiseing me things you cant deliver. It doesnt matter I love him as all of you speak of when they are clean they are amazing he is so kind an involved with our church an a wonderful father ....what I dont get an he cant answer is why ..what triggers him to rush back out an use again. I sometimes wonder if it was something I said or did or the pressure of just being tied down to a family. I am getting ready to uproot my kids an move to Illinois I am catching alot of flack from my family an honestly I dont care I love him. But I wont lie I am scared to death that he will get out an start useing again, I talk to him about this alot that it will always be in the back of my mind when he is late or runs to the store, I know I will wonder if he is really doing what he says or if he is getting high. I cant see myself with anyone else I just pray I am strong enough to survive this ...

LaNenaDeBebe
03-24-2010, 08:50 AM
Unfortunatley, I know exactly what your going through. My fiance is in jail now, and I am praying that it helps. When I met him, I met him in a half way house. I had friends in there and would go to see them. I met him through them. Me being the girl I am with clean shoulders and a future ahead of me go for the "bad guys". When I met him I knew he had a problem and I knew it was with crack. He told me what it would be like if he went back to it. One night about 6 months after we got together,he didn't come home one night. I would wake up every hour, calling and him not answering, but I didn't think nothing of it, I thought he might be drinking over at his brothers house. So I woke up the next morning and of course, no answer. I went to school that day and found out he was at his dads. I went down and talked to him, he told me he was done. Never believe that!!! So the next couple weeks was a living hell literally, it got to the point where he was spending 900 dollars a day or more. I told him he needed rehab or jail or I was leaving which was the last thing I wanted to do. He finally did go to jail. But the reason why I think I stayed is because I know how he is when he is sober. Does anyone think the same as me? Or could it have been something else???

secondtimer
03-25-2010, 02:42 PM
hello ladies,
ooh how i can relate to this thread. It has been such a roller coaster ride in and out of rehab. I love my husband and I know he loves me. His addiction has had us at opposite sides of the fence so many times. I have always been a strong will woman so during one of those worst times when he thought he could take from our home and leave us with out i packed his bags and told him i love him but i don't like him and he had a choice us or drugs. Of course he has relapsed a couple of times since then. when he relapsed the first time i decided to go to al anon of course kicking and screaming. My thing was i wasn't the one with the problem he was. I remember the days of waiting up all night for him to come in, calling him and him not answering, when he finally would answer it was come get me then the arguments would start and his blame game which just added fuel to my fire. Once i joined al anon and they told me the only person i could change was me. He was an adult he had to make his own decisions and fix his own problems, that he made. A light bulb came on. This time when he relapsed if he fell because he was high and drunk that is were he woke up at. When he would call for me to pick him up, I told him the same way you got where ever you are that is the way he had to come home. or when he couldn't call he found me sleeping like a baby. He saw a change in me. This time i detached with love. This time i say what i mean, mean what i say, I just don't say it mean. So yes i did stay because i know who he is sober. This time i will only stay if he remains sober. God bless and best wishes to us all.

crisco
03-25-2010, 05:23 PM
Crack is bad disease. He needs to see the sunshine on the other side. Their is a new life, life with filled with hope and love on the other side. Spirituality will come into his life and wipe away the character defects, the hate, and anger.

He needs to be let loose and let him his bottom but he needs to be told their is a new path if he surrenders his soul to a higher power, which can be God or not to be "God'. God does not have to exist, and you would still have a higher power.

rhewsbbgurl
05-27-2010, 07:47 PM
I remember the days of waiting up all night for him to come in, calling him and him not answering, when he finally would answer it was come get me


This rings so true for me! Rhew callin at 2am ..."baby I f-d up again can you please come get me I am freezin, broke, out of gas, hungry" the list goes on an on. I of course drove two hours in the rain the last time to another state to an area I should have never been in at 2am to find him dirty and strung out, flat broke whole pay check gone an him stinkin to high heaven! Brought him home bathed him, fed him, and watched him sleep for 16 hours and then listened to him promise how it would never happen again he was so very sorry and never ment to hurt us.

That was November 16th, 2009 on November 20th, 2009 he called me on his way home from work said hey I am gonna grab a beer, I pleaded with him to come home an have a beer or come get me cause in the back of my mind I knew what he was doing he was goin to go smoke crack. I sat there an cried cause I knew he would be gone again I did not hear from him till December 14, 2009 when he called his father an told him he was in jail for stealing another car.

This is his third bit he was faceing 30 years, we got 6 by the grace of GOD. This time seems different, he requested treatment and is in Turning Point Treatment Center for the next 31 months. I am hopeful that this is it because clean he is an amazing husband, father, and friend. High he is MIA for days and even weeks. I am worried though because today the prison annonced that they are stopping the college classes he was attending for his associates degree due to budget cuts. I hope he doesnt slip back because of this, he is easily frustrated. All I can do is pray because no matter what I love him an I will be here waiting no matter what the out come.

gods mercy
06-13-2010, 10:45 AM
crack is a MONSTER!!!!!!!!! the most addicting drug and changes a person, and their mind ability i want to say god touch each and every person on crack to rebuke it and with gods help to stop.... i rebuke it come against it in the name of JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! amen!!!!!!!

tekela
12-21-2010, 06:10 AM
I can totally relate to being in love with a Crack Head. I just believe there is hope and happy endings. I am also a realist. I will have to wait to see just as with any addict, you have to always fear relapse.
I am married to a kind, decent loving man. He was raised in a great home by loving parents who were college professors. They stressed honesty, hard work and being a decent person.
He partied until he was 23 years old. He became a Christian, on fire for the lord, He got married and had two beautiful young daughters. He had a great job as a manager in a Japanese factory making close to six figures. He had it all house, rental properties great credit and un-limited boy toys… boat, rv, Harley.
He used is vacations to spend time with is family or to be a missionary for his church building missions in foreign countries. He was blessed with awesome parents and sister and a large church family.
The marriage had a wife with an odd personality, poor communication who had a family full of un forgiveness, Numerous miscarriages. Then the church had a big split. My husband jumped on his Harley to start partying, booze and coke. He was introduced to crack. Jails, half way houses and numerous rehabs, all money, possessions, savings, wife, daughters and church gone!!
He ended up in prison/half way house for six months. He had a live in girlfriend from the previous half way house (recently released from a four year prison embezzlement sentence) who had new embezzlement charges pending.
I met him while he was in the half way house. My company employed him. I felt instant bond with him. I could only see that good Christian man, I could not imagine the stories he told about himself, his addictions or his crimes.
I never made my feelings for him known. He decided to stay in the town where the half way house was located and keep his job. I found out and looked him up the week he was released. In the first ninety days of release an OVI, many women, booze and partying. He had felony paper hanging over his head.
He had four relapse on crack (four days total). He hated himself for it. He had not held a job, an apartment or any acquired possessions for years. He wanted that an to re-establish a life with his family and daughters.
He received an ankle monitor (alcohol detector) for seven months for the OVI. I stayed his best friend through all of that, partying and women. I worked on helping him find his way home to himself and family.
We were married in August. He has a great relationship with his oldest daughter, a fabulous relationship with his family. He is off felony paper. No new crimes. He kept his job for close to two years quit for college full time. He has been crack free since March 2009. Crime Free since August 2008 minus the OVI.
I am completely optimistic. I believe in hope. I will love and stand by him and fight for him. He was a crack head now he is just himself, A wonderful man.

Kimi06
01-12-2011, 10:02 AM
I was reading the post for can u relate and noticed a lot of us are dealing with the same thing. As I read the posts and cried, I relized how much all of our stories were the same. The differences between the man we love and the man that uses. The hurt crack addiction brings to our lives and the fears. Anyway, I thought I would start this thread as a place we could all talk and support each other. I know I'm tired of feeling alone in this, tired of no one understanding why I'm still by his side, and tired of going from hope to no hope and back again.


Yes! I grew up with this guy from around the way.
He was a beautiful person and very nice looking guy.
Incredibly smart and we liked each other since 12yrs old.
However our relationship would never be anything more
than friendship because of his addiction. I always had
a great love for him and his family. His mother was the
sweetest Italian lady loved to cook and his dad hard
working and very stern and I never will forget the look
of uncertainty as they watched there son trickle down
to nothing. I moved away from home and years later I
found at thru a friend that he passed and it just hurt me.
I cried and just always thought back to the good times
when we were just innocent children it broke my heart.
I called his parents and visited them when I went home
to visit and to this day my heart bleeds for the mother
the pain one must feel to loose a child that way. He
stayed on crack from the age of 18 until 32yrs old.
RIP MARK ANTHONY!

Blessings and Grace
KImi06

Angels&Demons
10-06-2011, 12:14 AM
I'm crying just reading all these messages, I have never felt so alone in my entire life. My boyfriend is a recovering crack addict, over the last two year's he's relapsed about 15-20 times. When he relapses he only relapses for 2-3 days, the most has been 5. He relapsed a month ago, and last week and now for the last two days. He won't admit it, even though all his jewelery is gone and all of his money. I tried so many different approaches in talking to him about it, I can accept that he's relapsed and i want to help him move forward and get treatment, but how can he deal with it when he won't even admit he's using. I'm trying to live my life (we live together) and do what I have to do in hopes that he'll eventually come to me but I am just so heart broken over this and I'm wondering if this is going to be what the rest of my life will be like if I stay with him, if there is even a light at the end of the tunnel I feel like I'm going to lose him forever. I know everyone is going to tell me to leave..I should have left so many times ago I just love him so much but at the same time I am so hurt by everything he's done. He wants to pretend that nothing is wrong but I know the signs and he gets so angry when I try to talk to him about it and then he won't talk to me and I feel so goddamn alone. I feel like such an idiot too, I grew up with a sister who was a meth addict from when I was six for almost twenty years and she's 150 days sober now and somehow I managed to end up living with a crack addict. I just feel so lost. I"m sorry for rambling, its the middle of the night and I just have no one to talk to and you seemed like the people who would understand and not ridicule. If anyone would like a friend or someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to email me.
thanks for listening.

mithuthecat
10-06-2011, 01:44 AM
Big hugs to you,yes it is hard to accept that once a addict always a addict even if clean because you never know what is around the corner to make the person relapse, and as much as you love that person until they want to come clean then we have to accept that the evil of crack will rule there life.If you read my story you will see that like yourself I am in love with a addict as well,yes at the moment she is clean,it took a spell in prison to do that,and myself,family and friends have spoken to her regarding her addiction,she has now understood why and how se became as she is and we are working on it together,they say tht you cannot help who you fall in love with and this in my case is very true as I have left my marriage for Rachel, but there is hope and with love and all the necessary support groups we can help a addict walk away from the devil and become a real person again,if you want pm me and I will tell you all about our story and how we met

Niki
10-06-2011, 05:43 AM
Welcome to PTO Angels & Demons. I'm so sorry for the circumstances that brought you here but you'll find lots of understanding within these forums. The sad reality about addicts is that until they can admit they have a problem AND they make up their mind that they want to change all we can do as their loved ones is protect ourselves from becoming an enabler, offer our support and pray for them to realize what they are doing to themselves and those who love them. My husband was just like your man for 10 long years. It wasn't until he went to prison for a year that he sobered up long enough to realize the damage he was doing to himself and his family. There were many times that I thought about leaving and those who knew about his problem thought I was a fool to stay but I just couldn't find it in my heart to desert the man I married at a time when he was so obviously in need. Was it hard? Very. Did he get angry when I wouldn't enable him and begged him to get help? Always. Would I do it again? Yes. Did it forever change our relationship? Sadly, yes. But only you can decide what is right for you. What I did find that worked was once he went to prison and I made sure he never had enough funds to use, I gave him an ultimatum. Get help, commit to sobriety or I will be gone. I only mentioned it one time and then let him think about it for a good long time. By the time he was released he knew that he had reached rock bottom and the only way to go was up. He went to meetings, changed his playground and playmates and finally got the help that he so desperately needed. I would suggest that you attend some meetings yourself so you can better understand the mind of an addict and how you can best help him. I'm available anytime if you need an understanding ear. Hugs...Niki

aggies2009
10-22-2011, 06:34 PM
Well my story sounds a lot like some of the others, but here it is. Richard has been addicted to crack for about 15 years now. The time he's out of jail or prison, he finds his way back to the horrible drug. I've experienced it from him stealing the car late at night when I would fall asleep, him overdrawing my debit & saving accounts, selling my laptop for $50 worth, running out of the house at night when he couldn't find my keys, almost stealing his sister's boyfriend's ps3 and games (we caught him that time), waking me up in the night to take him somewhere ( and i did because i rather me take him then him get hurt). See, Richard can spend over 500 on crack and he still doesn't have enough. The night he stole my debit card, he spent 700 dollars! And then he found the credit card, maxed that out too. Only to come home and try to commit suicide when he was out of money & gas! I'd see him lay in the bed for hours, shivering, throwing up, gagging, quit breathing and when he would wake up he'd eat sweets! He stole the laptop twice & I bought it back once for 100! But the second time was a failure. And that laptop cost well over 1000. He has robbed, he has beat up drug dealers, and he has forged checks. With his ex wife, he even sold the baby's formula. He is such a wonderful guy without the drugs. And I love him so much. I couldn't see my life without him. You just have to be careful & not give up. He has to want to change before he will. And the one who posted "A drug addict will not love you nor himself when on it"...SO TRUE! They will lie and manipulate you just to find their drugs. I promise you that. Just have faith. And never give up on yourself either. But never let him bring you down! I've learned from my mistakes.

aggies2009
10-23-2011, 07:51 AM
And always remember, never give up. When they are ready to change, they will!