09-20-2004, 09:01 PM
why is it that everything that we here from people reguarding our man is negative. i mean as soon as people find out that he is locked up automatically he is a bum, or he is worthless or he is using u. i kno that there are alot of grimy men who are using us woman and taking our kindness for weakness but there are alot of men who really do love us and want things to work out for the better. we women can not see the future but i think its best that we follow our hearts and use our minds when necessary. i am very tired of the prison bashing. hell the are human beings like evryone els e who are paying there dues to society. i believe that men can change for the better. it just all depends on the man and the situation. i have heard success stories and then i heard bad stories. i have gotten to the point i dont share my business with any one because its not a pleasureable experience its like u trial. u are defending ur man from accuser. and what gets me they actuallt truely have no idea. anyone please share your experiences.......
09-20-2004, 09:15 PM
I havent found the people in here to be very negative. I like comming here for support and u just have to ignore the negative ones i guess. But also if u post here others are gonna give their opinion and it might not be the one u want to hear so make sure u are ready to be open to many different comments.
09-21-2004, 02:13 AM
im not talking about the people and the negative comments im talking about friends, family etc
09-21-2004, 02:13 AM
im not talking about the people here at pto
09-21-2004, 06:07 AM
theres good and bad people everywhere, folk may "knock" prisoners ... but who are we standing next to , say in the check- out at wallmart? just because someone is well dressed , drves a nice car ... even claims to be religious / pillar of the community etc it doesnt necessarily mean they are "good" society at large is way too judgemental , many people have closed minds thru fear and ignorance.... i had a truly lousy experience with my "ex" (a prisoner) when i offloaded him i was given a choice...... i could either indulge myself in a life - long pity party , be consumed with hatred / bias towards ALL prisoners... in which case i would be the victim not the victor... or....... give others a chance , this time around of c ourse using the wisdom i have obtained at "the universty of life " productively.....give people a chance is what i say to the folk who carry bias/ hatred /suspicion towards prisoners and their loved ones.. look for the good in everyone whilst using wisdom and discernment... that old saying goes "there but for the grace of God go i" :thumbsup:
09-21-2004, 06:55 AM
I think the friends and family don't like seeing us go through the pain and loss of them being gone. They just don't realize that we need our friends and family even me at a time like this and when we feel they are "attacking our men" then we back off from them. I try not to talk about my husband to anyone. They now ask me how is he doing and I just briefly tell them he is doing good etc.... When they start being negative I tell them that is this is the way they are going to be when he gets home then there is no place for them. Because I don't want any negativity. But understand my husband has been in and out of jail since the early 90's and when we married in 97 he has been in 3 times. One his fault, one on a revoke from 1995 and for buying a trailor he didn't know was stolen, whick revoked his reinstated probabtion from 1995 and possibility of doing prison time in florida. He knows that this is his last chance with me. But I also believe in my hearts of hearts that being as his first time in prison that he is changing. You can tell. You know the difference.
09-21-2004, 07:33 AM
I tell you what. This used to play on me something terrible. My family just KNEW that I was going down hill fast and I'd wind up in prison, too. And, I was clean as the sun! Just the mere fact that I visited "one of those places" and wrote long letters to "scum like that" I was destined for failure in life.
For the first five years I either ignored all this or tried to make excuses...yada, yada, yada. Then, I got to where I just wouldn't talk about it and I've even denied having anything to do with him at times.
That was then...this is now.
I have learned to stand my ground and bite back you might say.
I tell anyone that wants to disrespect me like that:
"The only f--king difference between him and you is that he got caught and you never have. He at least is paying through the teeth for what he's done. You are still slimy scum. LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE WITH YOUR IGNORANT COMMENTS, since you have no idea what he's about."
I said this to my brother, by the way we were once very close, and he's decided to back off...way off. I have offered for any of them to go visit. But, they are nothing but a bunch of cowards that want to sit in a corner and run their stereotypical mouth.
I truly believe that's the only difference in most free ppl and ppl that are doing time.
Nuff said, before I get all worked up here...this is a real harsh pet peeve of mine. I have been dealing with this for the last fourteen years of my life.
At first, I tried to put myself in their shoes and realize how petrified I was the first time I ever went to a VP. I was scared of the actual compound and the thought of being in a locked area with god only knows who that was capable of god only knows what...almost caused me to turn around before we got through the waiting line outside. You know, at first, I guess we all think that our honey/spouse/child or what have you has been locked up with aliens or something. And, I tried to be patient and understanding, but after ten years and I hadn't turned into a pumpkin after all that time...hey, it's time to grow up and leave me alone or get your head bit off.
Have a good day,
09-21-2004, 09:52 AM
I understand the frustration but please refrain from using foul language to express yourselves, even with *** or .... it is still considered cursing and against PTO rules, let's try to express our feelings without using those words, thanks! ;)
09-21-2004, 07:28 PM
My apologies, please do look over my frustration...I will be more careful about posting from now on.