Part if me says to run before you fall in love with them. , I met my Love in Prison. we wrote talked and waited 14 months to see one another, it takes six months to ask for a visitor change in her prison. They took me off the list twice, 14 months I waited to see her because I made the mistake of calling the Prison and taking to the Warden. My love has paid for that ever since because the more they did to her the more I called and wrote and emailed. This woman who had always had Honors and lived outside the fence, suddenly after the call, became a disiplinary problem to the prison. Through 3 hard years I have watched the place destroy her beautiful spirit and change the one I love. She still loves me as much as I love her which with our Faith is all that can keep us going. I once introduced a friend of mine to one of my girls friends, He rote her,went to visit her and decided by watching what we were going through, he best not ge involved, probably a wise choice for him. As for you, follow your heart but know it is a tough road to handle. People here will give you advice and some of the best advice comes from those who have traveled the road. Be careful, think everything through before you do it. It is hard not to listen to your heart, but you must still keep your eyes and ears open. This is a deady serious situation they live in, and you can help decide their treatment inside by what you do or don't do.

wow, that is a hard situation. so let me get this straight, you called the warden to get on the visitation list and they started coming down on her about it?? thats horrible!

oh by the way, i also got reunited with my love while he was in prison. i ave not been able to visit b/c of the 6 month rule either. but he comes home in 4 months so that will be ok with me. it is hard, but i think these hard times turn into rewards and thats what i am waiting for!

Moving to H&B for discussion.

I understand what you are saying. This is a hard road to go down and never in a million years did I ever think that I would be going down this road!! But when he got in trouble is does not mean that I stop Loving him!!!! Please keep your head up and Love in your heart!!! I hope that they stop messing with her... By the way it is great that you are waiting for her. It is wonderful to see a man waiting for a woman cause no one thinks that a man would wait like we do

Being one of the ones that met their guy after the fact and also with being a ex-CO I understand how hard it it is, matter fact we had it double hard, but I am a strong person and so is he, and no matter what they put us through we fought it TOGETHER. I wouldnt let him give up and he wouldnt let me. Yall just have to be strong and show then that yall are not going to take it. If yall give up, your just showing them you didnt care and thats just something else for then to smile about. Learn the rules front and back, even left to right if you have to. You just gotta keep fighting.

I had a very big hassle getting back on Will's list, but I never gave up, I let them know he had someone out here that was not going to sit back and take what they are saying at face value, even through it took me two months to get back on it was all worth it when I walked in there and saw his smiling face.

I agree with the post about it being good to see a male standing by their women since so many people think they cant do it. Again hang in there and be strong for her, when she cant be.

I love her and miss her since the Prison would not alow us to marry we Married ourselfs before God I will remail faithful to my wife I must admit most men are Dogs but many of us are not.

this actually is a girlfriends/wives discussion

I met my man after the fact... it isn't easy but nothing worth having comes easy. You can whine and moan all you want but the truth is only the strong survive. This is not a lament for prison lovers it's just what it is...

Don't get bogged down in the negative. It never helps and sometimes hurts.

Best of luck,
Patty

I Met My Boyfriend Thru A Friend Of Mine Who Was Dating Him At The Time. It Wasn't Until After He Went To Jail, That My Best Friend Told Me To Write Him Because His Girlfriend Cheated On Him And Got Pregnant And Left Him. We Wrote For 6 Months Before Finally Seeing Eachother Face To Face In A Contact Visit And Let Me Tell You, That Was The Best Contact Visit(actually, 2nd Best, 1st One Was When He Told Me He Love Me) Because When We Gave Eachother A Hug, All I Heard Was Bells And Whistles Going Off. I Knew Deep Inside There Was Something Between Us But I Couldnt Make Sense Of It. 2 Months Later, Tony Professed His Love To Me And So Did I. Since Then, Its Been A Wonderful Relationship. But.....with Tony In Prison Is The Hardest Thing In The World That I Could Ever Endure. I Never Would've Thought That I Would Go Through This, Especially With The One That I Truly Love. We Both Almost Broke Up Quite A Few Times When Things Got Really Tough Between Us With Court And All These Horrendous Things Going On In Our Life But We Both Wouldnt Let Eachother Give Up On Eachother. We Both Thought, What If....??? We Believe That Our Love Is Rare And I Believe In That Too.
The Night Before His Conviction, I Had A Talk With His Lawyer. His Lawyer Told Me Things Werent Looking So Good For Him. I Talked To My Baby That Night And I Cried My Heart Out To Him Saying That Hes Never Coming Home And That No One Wants To See The Truth About Him, And So On. My Baby,my Poor Sweetheart, In The 5 Years We Have Been Together, Has Never Cried Tears Till That Night, Begging Me Not To Give Up On Him. And I Didnt. It Was The Most Profound And Painful Moment In Our Life And Its Not Something That I Will Ever Forget, Especially His Conviction.
Having Someone In Prison Is The Most Painful Thing To Endure But Always Make Light Of It And Dream You Are In A Different Place With That Person, Its The Only Way To Make Things Easier.i Love My Boyfriend With My Heart And Soul And Nothing Could Tear Eachother Away But To Take It Step By Step Each Day And Reflects On The Good Things.

i met my man after and feel head over heels for him. it is hard very hard both emotionally and finacially. but true love will be there in the end.

well i must reply first of all i meet my guy i saw a special on him i wrote him and wer start writing each other for almost 6 years we will meet face to face in november

I don't think it should matter if it is a husband/boyfriend or wife/girlfriend what he is sayings goes of eithere of us.. We all are in the same boat Loving an Inmate!!!

Hopeless you are right alot of men are dogs... I think it is great that the two of you married yourselfs and when it is allowed the two of you will be married!!!Keep your head up...

I posted this in the girlfriends/wives section, but the moderator said she wanted to get this out and placed it in the boyfriends/husbands section. :) I want all to read it because some of us are not strong enough to take it and I can't imagine the heartbreak of having to let someone go from either side of the Walls. It is best to let the know it is not easy cheep or for the easy to give in and up people. So that being said for the ones who are strong. I just want them to be warned that in some institutions there is retaliations Calling the warden can make your nondescript low keyed Inmate a new disiplanary problem so you say they can't do that and you call or trite someone again. If you are lucky enough to get something done and the CO is talked too, they will resent it and his or her CO friends will not look favorably on your Loved one. They have to live with them watching everything they do.
My girl would have been out had I not made the first call to the warden because that set up a chain of events where neither side could stop. She is a class D non Violent given a 10 yr sentence missing parole twice by 90 days of cell block time each year and lots of little write ups, one of them stating that she was attempting to sun bathe,(damaging state property) and the write up stated it happened at 11:50 PM.
issued at at Catagory 6, dropped to Cat. 1 20 hours extra duty to be completed in 16 days and increasing to 60 hours of extra duty in that 30 day period. So you tell me if you don't think she won't make parole since they time the cell block time just after she starts an Insititution Class or one of the spacific programs (THis year it coinsided with her moms death from cancer she couldn't even talk to her mom the last 3 months of her life.) the parole board tells her to attend the next year. She is sad broken sick, maybe dying since they still have not sent her to an outside doctor to look at the growth on the ocular nerve into the brain ( found in May due to her passing out). The fact that her mom died from cancer the month berore concerns me. but not them. I had to get more People involved to save her life if it is not too late. she is tired and wants me to do nothing but I already know that the warden told the Rep she would not parole this year due to her institutional record
What would you do if you knew this? I must live with the outcome if she doesn't survive this. And how will I explain this to her 12 yr old son who will be an orphan since his father is Dead.

Hopeless, my heart goes out to you. In all your posts you speak so lovingly of your wife, and you are a good man to stand by her through out all the struggles. I have no advice other than to keep bugging them until they do something to help her. I wish I could say more.

Ronnie and I were together for four years before this, and I never thought my life would take us here. It is a long hard road, but I will let yall know when I get there if it is worth the trip! (i'm thinking yes!)

help i have fallen in love , i have never met him face to face ,but i feel like i have known him all my life. how do i know he feels the same way

MeekersG -- First of all, welcome to PTO!

I would say just relax, take your time, keep getting to know each other. In my opinion, trust has to come slowly, with time and with all the little tests that life throws your way that show what a person is made of.

There are plenty here who might think I take it TOOOO slow, but that's me :D Enjoy getting to learn more about him...and about each other.

Dear Hopeless55.
I Have Just Read Your Post And I Rearly Feel For You,i Have My Girlfriend In Texas,on 30 Pluss Life,and It Is So Hard To Try To Help From The Outside,so I Tread Very Carefully So As Not To Make It Hard For Her, But If You Have To Rock The Boat Some Times Then You Have To Do It,hope All Will Go Well For You,yours Sincerly Jeeej,england.

I met my man after the fact... it isn't easy but nothing worth having comes easy. You can whine and moan all you want but the truth is only the strong survive. This is not a lament for prison lovers it's just what it is... Best of luck, Patty
That is the truth 100% and I only know that because I've walked those shoes. Me and my husband have survived the storms because I was the glue holding us together with God's guidance and today, I can say that we are on Cloud 9. Can't get no higher than that -- I don't care WHAT you smoke, sniff or inject!! Love conquers all and WILL get you to your vision IF YOU DON'T GIVE UP AND STAY STRONG. The weak will fall off and the strong WILL survive.

You know Hopeless, I have to give you credit for calling the warden ... the only time I ever did that was when I was asked to call (in a letter) on the inmate's behalf. I don't really know what it is like "inside" so (I think) there are some things you just need to let them resolve on their own - it's their environment. You may have had good intentions, but the road to he|| is paved with good intentions.

I don't know how the visitor list works ... It seems like the different facilities ahve their own policies (Texas) about visitors. As I recall, I had to write at least once a month for 3 months or so, then she had to add me to the list. After being added to her visitors list I had to continue writing letters for antother 6 months. Then a non-contact visit was allowed every month thereafter. Since I was coming from quite a distance, the "special visits" were monthly for 4 hours on both days of a weekend. Normally, a visitor is allowed 2 hours weekly.

I would echo your friends sentiments about "he best not get involved", but it's too late for me.

She was out in the summer of 2001, we got engaged, the engagement ended, she's back in - and was in for about a year before she decided to write. This time, I think she realizes ... well, let me just say that she's been in and out enough since she was 17 years old to know how the system works - she is 37 now. I think she knows that the "system" isn't going to tolerate too many more infractions, and there won't be any parole after just a couple of years the next time.

I hope things work out for you (and her).

Regards,

Navaja

I am the new kid here..but haveing a relationship is hard enough, but this makes it harder. I never thought I would fall for someone who was locked up. I dont think any of us do. I have had a lot of people that tell me Im crazy for doing this. They dont walk in my shoes. Not all of us have a brandy bunch life. I wish it could be solved in a half hour...lol :) I just keep my head up and keep his up. We only got a few more months..hopefully

For me any road you take or water you cross, no matter how bumpy or choppy is worth it for love. Even if things do not work out the next time you will be a bit wiser. Life is an adventure and each little twist and turn in that adventure is how we learn and grow.

~Nikki~

Without a doubt, a tough road it is, My sweetheart, though staying busy is drifting into a depressed state and I feel helpless. she writes less all the time but wants me to still write as much as I always have. I have learned how limited my volcabulary is. She says she needs the uplifting letters I send but it is difficult writing to someone who writes less everyday. I do what I can for her, but I see her slipping into doing her time hard. and she seems to forget that it is tough out here trying to get things done. I made a promise to see this through and see it through I will. She is a beautiful, wonderful woman and having me giving her my support keeps her somewhat level, but it is tough not having her being who she is. One thing I fear is the woman who will come home to me will not be the same woman I knew before. Love is taking it's toll.