I almost hate having to admit this, but I have to. For my sanity. Eric is a
herion addict. For the past 2 months, a habit that unfortuntley started after
his release from San Quentin this past March 04, has gotten so worse I am
freaked out and don't know what to do. Last month he literally raped our
checking and savings accounts of 5K's. This month is no different than the
last, although this is only the 11 day of September, he has blown through
roughly 1400.00 so far. I have begged him to get into a treatment program.
Nope. His viens are completely shot out. He spends hours and hours trying to
find a vein on his body. His stomach and arms look like a war zone. His hands
are swollen from the constant needle injections. I know what it means to lose
someone that has overdosed from Herion. My younger sister did in 2001. I feel
like hell is upon us. I won't turn him in tho, as I have read in other posts. I
don't know how in the hell he has managed to test clean all these months.
I need help for him. Can I have him committed to a program against his will?
I don't know what the laws are here in Ca for married people. But I surely
don't want to go to another funeral for drug overdose. His attitude towards
me has changed too. I know that this is the drugs. He can not even face me
when I ask him if it wants to get clean and put this behind us/ him. All I know
is for every day I see what he is doing to himself, I feel like someone has
shot a bullet through my heart. Please help him, help us. Suzi :(

oh girl i feel for you. my husband is an addict to and right now prison has saved his life. an addict won't get help for themselves until they hit rock bottom! there is nothing you or anyone else will be able to do to change his mind. The only thing you can do is stop the enabling. I know this sounds harsh but he doesnt need access to the money or anything else that will give him more money for the drugs. I personally had to kick my husband out of our home, i mean litterly throw him on the street. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I could not let this man, no matter how much I loved him, ruin my life also. I basically played tough love. well things came to an end when one night I had to call the police and turn him in. Yes another hard decision on my part. But I will tell you this, it has saved his life! He isnt a herion addict but just as bad a crack addict.. Those drugs rule the person that is using them and they take control of the persons life. The only thing you can do is help him hit rock bottom.

Please pm me if you need someone to talk to. I have been there! If you need someone to talk to on the phone I am here for you also! Remember I have been there and am living with it everyday!

Let me know if you need me for anything,

Maureen

Do you all have a probate judge in Ca? In Ga two people above the age 18 in their right mind can go before the probate judge and give reasons for a person to be committed to a drug abuse facility. They will issue an affidavit, the police will pick the person up and bring them to the facility--they will not be able to leave on their own. I actually work at the facility they bring them to. Is he dening he has a problem? I am so sorry for your pain. I think I would actually look at transferring some funds so he cant touch them or he is gonna be in prison again and you will be left broke.

one

Suzi, I have to agree with the advice so far about the money; try to move the money you earn into an account only you have access to. As far as "enabling" him, I agree that letting him hit bottom is the wisest thing--even if it's painful for you. If he's on probation, then the drugs will catch up with him, probably sooner rather than later. Hang in there and try to find Nar-Anon for support and advice from others who've been just where you are now. Be strong! Ralph

(((((((((((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))))))))

an addict won't get help for themselves until they hit rock bottom! there is nothing you or anyone else will be able to do to change his mind.

I agree with mlk200 totally! I lived with an addict back in 1996...towards the end, he was literally dying and mentally disturbed from PCP...not matter what I could have done or did, he did not stop!

Maybe you know this already but if you can head to some Naranon meetings, THEY WILL HELP YOU!!! They saved my life for sure! You are not alone sweetie!!!

Suzi.. I am so sorry to hear this... Everyone has given you good advice.. it is so hard to have to do "tough love" but it is what you have to do.. don't let him have access to the money, that will at least protect your finances... as for your heart.. dang.. I don't know what to tell you.. other than tell him he has to go to a detox facility and treatment... Hugs to you!!!! I HATE drugs!!

Suzi:

I am so sorry to hear this. You've gotten some great advice here, so I won't bother adding to that, but here's another (((HUG))))!

DeniseS

Sweetheart ditto on the above advice. Before my husband went to prison I had to open my own bank account and have my check and my son's check direct deposit in my account. He will nor will he have access to my checking out. I have given him way to many chances. So far it is just pot, but he use to be a big crack head. The only thing is he was going to meetings for a long and doing pot. If nothing changes nothing changes and trust me unless he wants the help you can't help him.Sometimes tough love is the only way you can save yourself and hopefully him. This my husband's first time in prison and heaven help if prison doesn't change him will you know what nothing will. Love ya'll Jeane

I am so sorry to hear you are going through this I know it is hard. I just wanted to say ((((HUGS)))) and I said a prayer for you to make the right choice in what to do. Best wishes,
Brandi

[[[[[hugs]]]]]]

Thanks for all the words of encouragement for us. But this morning, I awoke
at a god awful hour of 3 am to find that my husband is not next to me. Instead he is back at his same ol' chit. I will take everyone's advice. Come
Monday, chit is gonna hit the fan for him. I am changing my account info,
redirecting funds from checking into my savings and I am changing my pin # too. He's gonna see exactly what the term " feel the pinch" will really mean.
Gotta go

I know your pain, my stepson and my sister were heroin addicts. Please watch out. When you cut off the funds he will then be looking to steal whatever he can. Hide your valuables, things he can hock at the pawn store ... your gold jewlery, stuff like that. He will get desperate and mean, my stepson got so desperate for $$$ for heroin he committed armed robbery about 5 times - that is after stealing from everybody, family and neighbors, friends. That's what he's in jail now for. My sister got to a point where she would steal penny jars, any and all change ... even a rib roast outta the freezer. Be careful. I hope there is some way to get him into treatment!! Of course, that ain't easy either as we went thru hell to get my sister treatment. Your man's access to all those funds will be the death of him and put you in the poor house - you must stop that now. My heart is breaking for you, be strong and reach out.

i am so sorry...i have been there, too...it is the worse when they are mia..

plz, be carefull..as cinderella wrote...addicts will do what ever they have to, in order to get more drugs...

the drugs turn lovely people into monsters.....

i didn't let mine in the house when he was using..

i totally feel for you!!!!!

i hope he gets help fast!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heroin..is as you know very physically addicting..

the amount of money he is spending..if it is all on heroin for himself..is quite a pretty good size habit...

i am here for you!!
pm or whatever!!!

my prayers are with you and him
francis

does he have the atm right now?

i would call your bank and say it is lost and close it right now?! that is what i did!

i remember the pain and anger...when they are on a mission..i am so sorry you have to live through this..

i came back to check to see how are you doing?

Erics homegirl---
I am so sorry for your pain. Take care of you. Remeber that is alot of diseases that can come along with drugs (you know what I mean----under the influence and making poor choices). You are a wonderful lady dont let him bring you down further. Did you find out about having him committed involuntarily?

one

Suzi, been there, done that... on many occasions in the past fifteen years, including during his time in prison. I can't say anything that hasn't already been said here, everyone has given excellent advice. Be careful, cut off the funds, lock up anything you don't want him pawning or hide it somewhere else.... and get yourself to a Nar-Anon meeting as soon as you can. I can't tell you how much you need it right now.

RE involuntarily committing him - I don't know what you have been able to find out about that, based on some stories I have heard I don't think there's any way they can legally keep an adult in treatment unless you go thru the court system, but I don't know. Unfortunately (as with all addicts and alcoholics) they are not going to be helped until they are ready for help.

You hang in there, and remember, Jeni and I have both been there many a time, as well as all these other wonderful folks who have posted - keep posting and let us know how you are doing and how things are going. We may not actually be able to DO a lot to help, but we can all listen because we all DO understand... :yes:

Im sorry for your pain. I have been thru this too with my ex husband.14 yrs of it. Always remember its not your fault or problem.I also burried a few people close to me from herion overdoses.They have to want to stop on their own all the treatment in the world wont help unless its their own idea.Prison might be the best place for him. They have drugs there too though. Its harder to obtain and there are consequences in there if caught.it might be the only thing that will open his eyes. Addiction to herion is a living hell to those who love someone, watching them day after day waiting to wake up next to a corpse. You need to get out of that situation girl.No matter how much you love him.It will get worse before it gets better.Be careful, he could get violent with you over money once you cut him off.Sometimes this addiction will never go away He could be an addict for the rest of his life.Only if he chooses not too will things ever get better.Take care of yourself.Be strong and look out for #1." I HATE DRUGS" it destroys familys and lives.From someone whos been in your shoes. Dee Dee

I have thought alot about this this morning, seeing how I have been wide awake since 3 am. I have thought about his past reactions too. A few days
ago I walked in on him as he was sitting on the bed trying to find a vein, and
he got real nasty with me. I am fed up with his bull. I have heard the lies of
how sorry he is, IF he was that sorry he would do something to change himself. I know that I can't change him, but I am gonna give it one final attempt to make him realize the consequences for his actions. If he gets any
ideas about harming me so help me god that will be it. I won't tolerate any
form of domestic violence directed at me. The first time will be his last time.
I cut off earlier as he was roaming around, and I didn't want him to see what
I was doing. I have taken away his money that he had left over from yesterday, and I have removed his AtM card from his wallet, which I think I will walk to the dumpster and toss it in. I have erased his drug connections on
his cell phone as of this morning. If I have to like I was telling Val, I will handcuff his azz to the refrig. and let him kick the hard way. It takes approx.
4 days of the hardest part to kick off of it. Although the cravings will remain
with him for a lifetime, that is the worse part of herion he can make a difference. He said yesterday that he has always been addicted to some form'
of illegal drugs. That shows me that he is weak. Where I was once addicted to coke, but have been clean and sober for 19 years. :) I have been through
hell and back in my 45 years of life. I am not about to go down without a fight. He thinks this is all about him, excuse me but the last time I looked down on my wedding band finger I still had a wedding band on it, and this
damn drug although is in the first stages of destorying everything that we have had together, is not gonna win with me. My time is short at this moment
in time. He can either pull his head out of his conjested a hole and listen to
reason and get his life back together or he can screw it all up and kiss his
life good bye. But not while I am still standing strong. Suzi

A lot of good advice has been given here, and they are all right. Even if you have to send him to jail or prison, he will thank you someday. If he continues, he will be in jail anyway, but with more, and maybe "more serious" charges. My heart and prayers to you.

I hope you are doing better today, I don't blame you for doing what all you are doing. But like others said he will start to steal and if not from you from someone/anyone. I know cause Mike was shoting up pain pills and well he would steal anything he could pawn inculding my enagment ring and someone at the time Mike was out and on pills broke into my son's piggy bank and stole almost everything in it including change. I don't if it was Mike for sure cause I didn't see him do it and he won't admit it but in the back of my mind I know it had to be him. He even told me he was doing whatever it took to get money for the drugs, if he couldn't find something to pawn to get money then he would do the selling to make money for the drugs.
Please be careful in whatever you chose you do and how ever you chose to do it. Just please be careful. And no matter what you do until he wants to be clean he won't be as you already know that. And if he has always been on some kind of drug a program would be good for him if he would go. I wish you the best you are a strong woman. I kind of know what you are going through, but I have now choosen to walk away me and mike were not married though. He couldn't stop using got caught in Work release with a joint so I decieded to walk away and say good bye for I have stayed too many times and I don't want that type of life I hated every mintue of it while dating him and darn sure don't want to be married to it. I feel for you hon, I really hope your husband will get clean. Maybe you buckling down giving him the tough love will work for him and he will get into treatment program and you yourself you need Nar-aron it will help you so much.
May God be with you,
Brandi
Remember we are here for you. Best wishes

I will handcuff his azz to the refrig. and let him kick the hard way. -I have been through hell and back in my 45 years of life. I am not about to go down without a fight. He thinks this is all about him, excuse me but the last time I looked down on my wedding band finger I still had a wedding band on it, and this damn drug although is in the first stages of destorying everything that we have had together, is not gonna win with me. My time is short at this momentin time. He can either pull his head out of his conjested a hole and listen toreason and get his life back together or he can screw it all up and kiss his life good bye. But not while I am still standing strong. Suzi

Suzi, while you are still standing strong, you have the wisdom to know...
no matter what you do he will remain on drugs until he wants to be clean, meanwhile, you are still left to be taken care of as well. darn, this is hard...and I know I don't really know you but please take care of yourself.

(((((((HUGS))))))))))

Please try to get to a Naranon meeting, can you get help for you right now?

Erics Homegirl I have been through this all as well. My boyfriend is a coke/herion addict. He has many scars on his arms that will never go away. I cut up his credit and ATM cards as well as threw away his check book. In the end all that I did didn't matter, and I realized that I had lost myself in the process of trying to fight off somebody elses problems and addictions. After flushing hundreds of dollars worth of drugs down the toilet, throwing away needles, threating drug dealers that I would call the cops on them, making doctors appointments, ......... I realized that the drugs where more powerful than my love and that I was just as sick as him. Telling a person to do something once is a suggestion and telling a person to do something twice means you are trying to control them. I finally kicked my boyfriend out of the house and now he is in prison for possession. I am thankful that he was arrested and so is he. He would have been dead by now if he wasn't. I lost myself in the process of his addiction. You can stop enabling a person, but you can't stop there addiction. I attend Nar-Anon meetings and they help a lot. Just don't lose yourself like a did in the process of loving an addict.

I lost myself in the process of his addiction. You can stop enabling a person, but you can't stop there addiction. I attend Nar-Anon meetings and they help a lot. Just don't lose yourself like I did in the process of loving an addict.

this is right on flecky! so true!

Good morning! I was thinking about you and your posting here and wondering how you are making out. I guess worrying too. I'm hoping things are going well. One thing I wanted to mention that I don't remember reading about in this thread is forced intervention. I never believed it worked ... I was always taught you had to reach the very bottom before getting better. Maybe this sounds crazy but I heard Dr. Phil talk about it ... he said that rock bottom for some may mean death. He said forced interventions can work - he had an example on his show, the kid fell off the wagon but for the most part it worked (at least the couple shows I saw on it). I know a guy that forces addicts into rehab but he is on the east coast. I need to talk to him about how successful this is, I will next time I see him. Just wanted to mention that in case you hadn't heard of it before (like me). Best of luck, I know this has to be very hard.

Gosh Flecky

You are SO Right and you said that so perfectly. I did alot of the same things you did and completely and totally lost MYSELF in the process (and my children :()

As of a week ago, he told me that he wanted to get into treatment, that is
the Eric I know, but as time passes away we are still in round one. I realize
now that I can't fight the demon within, and I am frighten to think that one
day I will wake up and he will have died in his sleep. I don't quite get it, why
does this drug take hold of person like this? I had a very serious addiction to
coke many years ago, I didn't go through any drug programs, I just had enough and got my chit together. I worry all the time about his condition.
He recently had a huge messy abcess on his arm, and thinks that he won't
get blood poisoning. He has these hard bumps all over his body under his skin.
Will those too, turn into abcesses? I was talking to him the other day and
told him, well at the rate your going we will be flat broke in a year and a half,
then what? As soon as I am well again, I am returning back to work. I am
hoping that if he see's me doing something worthwhile with my life, he will
follow suit, get into treatment and get back into the field of work that he used to do, and was happy and well balanced. I am going to check out the
Nar-non program that all of you have been telling me about. I am also going
to be attending a class to help me with my panic disorder problems as well.
I know that I can only do so much for one person, but for now that one person is me. Love, Suzi

I battle both addiction and had problems with my husbands so I understand both sides of the coin and your very last statement is all you can do - take care of YOURSELF!

I don't know much about this subject but I wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you. I'm sorry that you have to go through this but it sounds like your best option right now is to turn him in girl.. Don't wait for him to hit rock bottom for him to realize... Turn him in. the more he does it the worse it's going to get why wait until he hits rock bottom... Give him an options get some help or turn him in... Don't kick him out it just gets worse for him to catcha case and do more time... Rather than a parole violation that will give him time to get clean... good luck!! I'll be praying for you...

Suzi- Boy do I know your pain. (as so many other people here too)
All I can say is that I have been down the road of waking up at 3 am alone, empty bank accounts, used atm cards, and stolen checks. Before my boyfriend got clean this last time, he did it all- and I screamed, cried, did everything BUT take care of myself. He went to prison thank God, so I didn't have to kick him out, and I learned how to live my life for me!
He is clean now, but I will NEVER go through what I went through before, ever again.
Your life does not belong to him, it belongs to you. As far as we all know (depending on what you believe) we are only here once. No one has the right to make your life miserable, whether they do it intenionally or not. I know that your husband doesn't want to hurt you- of course he's not doing it on purpose, but that doesn't matter.
You sound like you have your head on straight- so please be strong for you!
I hope he goes into treatment- and I hope he gets the tools that he needs to live a better, healthier life.
Even though my boyfriend is clean now, he (we) still has his demons that he deals with all the time. I hope your hubby realizes how important his life is!!!
Good luck and keep us posted!

You have already received excelllent advice so i will only add (((hug))) and I will pray for you.