I have a good friend that I've known for 20 yrs who is at John Lilley Correctional Center. His parents are deceased and I am the only friend he has and the only visitor on his list. I have been to visit him 3 times and now he has been told that I can't visit anymore because I'm married (he is not married.) The only thing I can find on the DOC policies and procedures states that if he is married, he can't have female visitors. Well, he's not, so I don't understand. Does anyone know anything about this? Thank you for your time.

I am sorry you can't visit your friend....I understand. My husband and I have a friend in prison who has only his mom & aunt. I am on his list. But I am in Texas. Sorry I can't help but someone on here will know.

Boy do we need a rule like that here in Texas. There would be a whole lot less messing around........ :eek:

I'm sorry about what you are going through. As you say, in the ops it only states that you cannot visit an inmate if HE is married, it makes no mention at all about whether we are married. I have a good friend in OSP and have not been able to visit with him yet because the prison delights in stalling foreign visitors, and supposidly we are all waiting for our interpol checks to be done.... Anyway, I am married myself, but have never been told I cannot apply because of this - I would only not be able to see my friend if he is married. It's up to you how you deal with this, but personally I would contact someone higher up, but that is of course up to you and your friend. They quote the ops at us and yet they don't stick by them. I would enquire politely and ask why this is so as it is not in the ops. Let us know how you get on and feel free to pm me if you want to talk more.

Just a thought....what if your husband would apply for visiting also? Then they would see that you are a couple. One would think if you are willing to visit him as a couple that you probably wouldn't be going after an affair with him. I mean, who in ther right mind would take their husband to meet their lover????? Hey, you don't really have anything to lose by him applying!

Just a thought. I hope you get it worked out.

I don't understand why he was told that you can't visit, when you have already been to visit him 3 times. Has DOC sent you a letter telling you that you can't visit? I think I would call his Case worker or someone at his facility and talk to them about it.
Good Luck.

With you being married the only way you can visit is with your husband being approved as well but usually they only enforce that if he has other females on his list.

Thank you so much for your replies and ideas. My hubby works so he can't go with me (it's 2 hours away) and I haven't received anything from the prison, so I'm thinking it was all talk. Either way, my husband wrote a letter that he is okay with me visiting and had it notarized. I'm going to try it tomorrow, wish me luck! This site is so helpful and everyone is so very nice. I've never had a loved one in prison before and this is all new to me. My friend has been locked up for a long time and until his mom passed away, she was his only visitor. He is a good person who made some bad decisions and I'm not going to stop being his friend just because of it. Yeah he messed up, but he's still a human being with feelings. Most people don't understand that, so it's really helpful to know there are so many people (like on this site) who feel the same way I do. Thank you again, you are a wonderful group of supporters!!!

Just to let you know also that I know there is a woman from over here who is married and yet she has had visits with her friend in OSP on d/r..... so I am sure it probably was all talk and that you will hopefully get to see your friend soon. Best of luck :-)

OMG I have NEVER heard of such a thing. Is this state in a foreign country or something. What? Male prisoners aren't allowed to have female FRIENDS?? Who made this rule?? I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I hope ALL works out for you and your FRIEND. Someone should work towrds getting this DOC out of the stone ages :(

((((HUGS))))

Stacy

:confused:
I'm in California & am married & my friend is a "guest" of the CDC :argh: .
I've been visiting him for 8 years. Did your friend tell you this, or did the visiting CO? I'd ask someone in charge if that's true. :rolleyes:
If your friend told you this, maybe he just misunderstood a rumor.
Let us know what you find out.

Well, I took my letter with me to visit, the officer said "Thanks, that's what we needed." and put it in his file so it's all fine now. Thank you for listening and for your support!

Thats weird I know here in Ohio, my mother had a friend in one of the ohio prisons and she always went and visited him because his parents lived in NC and couldn't always come up and visit him so my mother who is very much married always went and saw him she was a "friend" on his visiting list. Thats weird that they would tell you you couldn't visit him only because your married. I mean what if your friend was friends with you & your husband would they let you go and visit him then?? thats weird!! I would look into it and maybe it was just a CO that hates or is jealous of your friend who knows. I mean did you fill out a visiting form and everything. You should be able to visit him as a friend...I never heard a thing but I would defiantly look into it. Good luck & take care!

Lets face it peeps OKLAHOMA IS SCREWED when it comes to the rules basically they rewrite them to suit them selves and each casemanager, visit co, you name it makes them up as they go.

Crikey, I'm glad you got that straightened out rightsaidmeg. I'm wondering if that's the reason *I* haven't been approved for visitation. Still.<rolling eyes>

But I'll be darned if I would get my husband to sign a "permission slip" for a visit to my friend. At 53 years old, and married for 25 years, I feel like I'm past that.
:angry: It's a dirty shame they would make you feel so...I dunno...like a floozey or child? (JMO)
I think someone needs a boot in the rear to even hint at something like that to you.
Kudos for you for sticking by your friend, no matter what it takes!!!!
Lis

If it came down to it you could actually say you wasn't married, I mean how are they gonna really prove that you are? Maybe they do have their ways to prove it I don't know but it is so stupid some of the rules that they supposedly have. I agree, I think they make up the rules as they go. I've seen CO's make inmates and a friend/girlfriend sitting at a table on one side, make them move to the other side even though they weren't in an unauthorized area. And me and my finacee' have sat at the same table and they have never made us move to the other side. It just depends on what mood they are in that day.

The rule, as I understand it is that the only female visitors allowed are the inmate's wife, his sisters, and his mother. This is how I have understood it for the last 4 years from taking my wife to see her brother.

This is (or was) spelled out in the visitor forms you filled out to visit the prison.

My suggestion is don't push the note too hard, or they will make it tough on your friend in the facility.

:yes: I agree completely. The rules are there for the DOC and private prisons to change, re-arrange, and break :blah: It is so maddening to try and help my husband to do right when all around him the system is so d:mad: :mad: :mad: flawed. It makes me so crazy and he just gets more and more spun out with all that happens there at the LCF in the PC house. What a mess:blah: LCF is HUGE on telling the guys to follow the rules, just follow the rules and the guys can't even get strasight answers or help because LCF isso busy s@#$%#@ the rules themselves. Certainly makes it hard on all of us out here loving those inside. Later. HUGS:) :grouphug: :)

Well is veryone having great visits. I get to see Ronnie on Monday. I hate visiting behind glass. We have done that alot over the yeas, but since we have laid down so hard and had things going so well this is really hard on both of us. It is doubly hard because Ronnie is going through so retaliation and persectuion. This unit manager is a real piece of work. Anyway maybe we will be able to have contact visits by September. Give me a shout and let me know how things are where you loved ones are. Later. HUGS