:confused: hi my name is aaron .iam facing up to 10 years in federal prison. in tampa florida.iam out on bond,and dont know if i can selfsurrender.or know much about the federal system,and iam gay,but straight acting.and young.please help with advice on anything.pm me

Hi aaron

Welcome to the PTO family. :)

I split your post from someone else's thread, so that you get your own answers.

I don't know much about the federal system, but I noticed you posted in the federal forum as well. There are a lot of caring people in the fed forum, and they will sure get out of their way to answer your questions.

In my opinion, you're not supposed to tell people you're gay while incarcerated. I think the less you say about yourself, the better.

Good luck, and feel free to ask as many questions as you wish, there's always someone online to help you.

Hang in there.
Phil

:confused: hi my name is aaron .iam facing up to 10 years in federal prison. in tampa florida.iam out on bond,and dont know if i can selfsurrender.or know much about the federal system,and iam gay,but straight acting.and young.please help with advice on anything.pm me
Hi Aaron---
Let me start out by sayin that im gay and also very straight actin... I did 4 1/2 yrs for the feds got out in "98".. I originally was given 87 months but had a sentence reduction that cost me a ton of money --- nonetheless i had 18 months taken off my time..I self surrendered to Allenwood camp back in "93" then after 6 months i was transferred to Fort Dix camp..That was closer to my family... You have to selfsurrender --- Trust me i use to think the same way. Dont be stupid I know you are scared but you need to just let it happen be strong and just accept it... I use to say all the time what the f**k am i doing here ???? I felt empty all the time ... But it does get better... I'm not going to bullshit you and tell you ahhhhh its no big deal . Cause it is a big f***en deal... Dude i am the happiest i have ever been in my whole life... If someone would of told me that i would of thought they were full of shit..I got out in "98" and havn't looked back... I have a ton of stories that i can share with you if you are intrested... Let me know...

I am neither gay nor facing incarceration, so maybe I'm really no help, but I wanted to throw a hug your way. Hang in there.

yes here is a big hug for you **{HUG}}

I'm in agreement that even though it'll suck terribly to have to put on an "act," I think it's best that you keep your sexual orientation to yourself. I visited a federal prison this past weekend and it bugged me like you wouldn't believe to hear inmates whisper and point to a guy saying "he's a homo." WHO CARES! Unfortunately, sometimes prisons function like high schools in the way that it can be so full of gossip. Learn who you can trust but be very hesitant to open up too quickly to anyone. I'm sure you'll be fine and find great supportive people to help you through :) BIG HUGS! :)

Also...I've heard there are things that guys do in prison that kind of "show" they're gay...like if you're clean shaven, you're gay, but if you have a lil scruff on your face, you're straight. Bizarre, I know...but just something to think about :)

Hi Aaron, I saw your post and just wanted to say welcome to PTO. You will find lots of helpul advice and support here.
Here's a ((hug)) and all my good wishes.

aaron,

I understand how scared you must be, and my heart goes out to you. First of all, you DEFINITELY need to self-surrender, no matter how scary that is. If you try to run or anything, you'll just make things worse on yourself. If they have to come looking for you, believe me, they WILL find you, and you won't be treated nearly as well. Take it from someone who has experience in this one: the only good choice here is to self-surrender.

Two of my friends (both gay) recently spent a little over a year each in federal prison. One of them knew that he could never pass as being straight, so he was open his sexuality from the beginning. My other friend is very straight-acting, so he didn't reveal that he was gay. You have to decide for yourself what is right for you; the best decision has to be based on who you are, and what you want.

My friend who was open about his sexuality from the beginning is also, shall we say, a bit "sexually adventurous." There were obviously some people who didn't accept him because of his sexuality, but we get that everywhere. There was also a group that he felt very comfortable with. He learned right away who to stay away from, and he was never threatened with any violence or anything; of course, he did occassionally get a lot of insults directed at him, but that was the worst of it. Nobody ever forced him into an agressive situation, either; however, I don't believe he turned down many offers, either, because that's what he wanted.

My straight-acting friend managed to conceal his sexuality for about 8 months, but it wasn't really easy. People suspected him because of the music he liked, or the television shows he watched, the fact that he liked to stay clean-shaven, and he combed his hair... strange little things like that. On the streets, nobody ever guessed that he was gay, but in there, people pay more attention... I guess because there isn't always anything else to do. He had to verbally defend himself against accusations a few times. After 8 months, a new inmate arrived, and it was somebody who he had met years before, and that new inmate "outed" him. Things were rough on my friend for about a week after that, because people were really angry that he had been lying. After about a week of being REALLY scared, things started to die down. It all ended up working out okay; there were a few friends who wouldn't talk to him anymore, and a few friends who started to constantly ask for sexual favors, but otherwise it was about the same. And once he made it clear that he wasn't going to sleep with anyone, most of them gave up.

I guess I'm just saying is that you need to decide what's best for you. Prison isn't easy for anyone, and it can be especially hard to find a place to "fit in" if you're gay. However, if you're facing 10 years, make sure that you could keep up the front of being straight for that long of a time. If you can be comfortable playing straight for 10 years, it would be one less obstacle to overcome when you get to prison. However, it might take more work to pull that off than you might think. If you don't think you can do that for the whole 10 years, you should consider being honest pretty early in your term. If the truth comes out after you've been there for a few years, some people will feel like you've been lying to them the whole time, and that can put you into a threatening situation. You have to decide for yourself whether or not you think you can be convincing over the long haul.

I won't lie to you: prison isn't a great experience for anyone, but both of my friends said that it was a much better experience than they had expected. Both friends have also done time in state prisons as well, and they said that federal prison is MUCH better. In the prisons they've been in, they also said that federal prisons were especially better for gay inmates, and that being gay is more acceptable in the federal prisons they were in.

I hope this helps you a little. If you have questions or anything, feel free to PM me, and I'll be glad to give you my personal e-mail from there. Good luck with everything, and be strong...