Ok Ok I admit I am having a rough time! I wanted to and had fully planned to start back on my diet and excercise on the 1st BUT I haven't even tried :( I am in such a funk lately and just basically feel like I don't give a sh*t if I continue to eat and blow up into whale size.Which really I do care deep down I want to loose weight and look and feel better about myself.I'm just in this no motivation,eat crap mode!!! Don't know how to pull myself out of it!
I had wanted to try and loose 15 before my guy came home but its getting close and instead of loosing I am sure I have gained although I haven't stepped foot on a scale!

Help? I don't even know if what I need is help as I KNOW what I need to do I am just not doing it so I don't know just hit me with whatever your thinking when ya read this!

(((Cali)))

As you see by my pictures, I am the Queen of Yoyo Dieting...LOL!

But what I do know is that your guy's harping may very well be what's keeping you from making that final step. I know if I had ever felt like my husband was "disapproving" of my weight, part of me would want to eat even more, just to show that I could...I've never liked anyone telling me what to do, especially when it concerns my appearance.

I know you want to do this, and you know we are here to support you. We've all been through this, some of us over and over again. This time, I intend to make it stick like never before, because it is just too much work to do again.

Get honest with yourself, and try to figure out what's holding you back from living a healthier life....sometimes the answer is right there, it's just not the one we wanted :rolleyes:

PM me anytime, and I really mean that ;)

Get honest with yourself, and try to figure out what's holding you back from living a healthier life....

Gods honest truth? On one hand I want to be thin and hot :) on the other hand I want to eat and be happy I dont mean I want to be huge but I want to be me as I am and continue to eat crap if I want and not have to worry about what I look like because the man I love loves me and is attracted to me regardless.In saying that seems to me I just admitted my issues with motivation are mainly how I feel as in not a lack of motivation but a lack of wanting to worry about what I look like and just be me and be happy with me as I am and obviously looks like I have some issues with my man that are going to have to be dealt with because really the way I feel tonight this isnt good for me and I'm beginning to wonder if I just havent wasted half of my life only to have it not work out in the end.


I had to come back and edit because I realized just how scary and profound those words I just spoke were! When I get to the point of actually saying out loud that I wonder if I haven't wasted my life on him then I know deep down there really is something wrong with this picture!! UGH I can't even begin to put into words what I mean exactly or what all I am feeling right now but I know I'm at a bad place right now.Not only with him and us but with myself.My depression plays a huge roll in my life and unfortunatly all of these years I have never been able to overcome it,I can keep it at bay for awhile with meds,therapy,keeping myself busy and so on but the underlying factor is in all honesty I am not a happy person,I have never felt truly content in my life and that is all I have ever wanted.I can put on a damn good front on this pc being Miss "Sunshine" but in real life somehow it alludes me......

...but in real life somehow it alludes me......
Me too honey. I was raised by a self taught nutrition expert. There was a time in my past that I could carry on a converation regarding manganese and its function in the body.

I can take a swig of Dr Pepper or a drag off my smoke and know exactly what it is doing to my body. My mother is diabetic, my father died due to smoking.

Yet, I don't seem to give a rip about either my diet or my smoking. Maybe it is some sort of twisted prolonged death wish to get off this miserable rock called Earth and all its ugly ugly ugliness.

I don't know.

Two years ago, I had everything I ever wanted out of life. I was healthier than I had ever been, gave up smoking and literally looking at life through rose colored glasses.

I was kicked to the curb, had every dream stolen from me. I can't seem to find my way again.

I am afraid to be happy again. Does that make any sense to you? What if I put all this effort into getting thin, quiting smoking, getting an education, etc., etc., and I get hurt again. It is easier to stay miserable and unhappy.

I can use my misery as a shield against the unknown future. IT doesn't allude me. I avoid IT.

I hope you find your way. I really do.

Why 15 pounds? Why not 5? Tell you what. I don't even want to or care to lose any weight. How 'bout you and I just try for 5? By the end of September.

Then we can both suck at this!!

JJT

Aww you girls can do it! I know what you mean by wanting to be thin and hot but u want to eat what u want and be happy. Im the same way. I figure this though. If you eat right you lose weight, if you excersise you lose weight. Alot of people do both. Why not just try one and just excersise a little more then and eat what you want. Last friday for lunch I had a double cheseseburger and fries and a milkshake from mcdonalds but i exercised it right off. When your ready to get back into try for something less like JJT said. you'll reach your goal of 5 pounds a lot quicker than 15 pounds, then from there set a new goal. I hope it works out!

Thanks Johnnys :)

JJT,Thank you very much for your post! I'm glad to see I am not alone,I wish neither one of us felt like this though!

Cali, I think some of us -- especially me -- like to think in extremes, like I've got to lose this weight FAST, or I need to be THIN, instead of just slowly getting trimmer and firmer.

But I learned a lot this summer living with my aunt who's lost a lot of weight. I just ate what she ate and I lost too. Bascially, she's not on a diet anymore, this is how she eats every day. She eats more or less the same thing every day... and she almost never eats out. (If she does, she always orders a salad WITH dressing.)

So I FINALLY decided I just want to change my eating habits to be healthier. That's it!! I've had it with diets, I just need to eat better for the rest of my life -- like you said, dieting's no fun, and you don't want to spend all your time worrying about food (what a bore!).

Plus I really believe in exercise. Not so much to lose weight, but just makes me feel so much better, healthier, and I can carry the weight I have better.

I think JJT has hit it right. How about we focus on the next 5 pounds, see if changing our habits can get us there?

Don't get overwhelmed, just try to think of being healthier!!

Thanks Johnnys :)

JJT,Thank you very much for your post! I'm glad to see I am not alone,I wish neither one of us felt like this though!Ahh... little grasshopper.... the difference is...... I don't care if I feel like this!! I have my good days, and my bad days, and every type of day in between.

Whatever my mood is at the momment....... I do it 100% and give myself permission to be IN that mood, and to walk all the way through it.

I have 2 insperational notes on my wall by my computer desk. One is a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt:

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are albe to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along....You must do the thing you think you cannot do." (You Learn By Living, 1960)

**thinks to self, Ya, ya, whatever. been there, done that**

I do not know the author of the other one:

Regardless of the circumstance,
Regardless of the fear,
Regardless of the pain we bear,
Regardless of the fear.
Our God is ever in control.
Performing as He should.
And He has promised in His Word
To work things for our good
But as a loving Father would.
He sometimes lets us cry
To cleanse the hurt out of our heart.
To wash it from our eye.
Yet gently gathers the tears
Within His hands to stay
Until He turns them into pearls,
and gives them back someday.

Now, please keep in mind that right now, I see whatever God is, as a mean, spiteful, angry, bitter, old man who has nothing better to do than to mess with my life...............

It is the hope of ever getting to a place of wanting something better. Someday.

**stuffs another slice of pizza in mouth, and follows it with a swig of Dr. Pepper**

JJT

**stuffs another slice of pizza in mouth, and follows it with a swig of Dr. Pepper**

LOL oh my you just cracked me up as I sat here reading this with a cig in one hand and DR.Pepper in the other !!

Ok ladies I am not even gonna pretend to think of dieting until Tuesday as I have a long weekend with plans that involve shopping and lunch with the girls etc but come Tuesday it is back to my healthy eating habits and using the treadmill as well as another two calls to my two docs because a) I think the female problems I have been having play a part in my moods perhaphs and B) I am on an anti depressant I do not like and want to either stop or try something different so Tuesday Cali will start trying to get the old mind and body in better shape :)

Qwerty,Thanks....I'll be focusing on a few pounds at a time not going for the gusto all at once!

Whew... looking back I think i sound a little self-righteous in that post -- oops, didn't mean to. (blushes)... But what I do want to say is that your man is coming home soon, I know you're stressing and also very excited about that, and dealing with depression (been there, too)... and that's already a lot to deal with. So I hope you just take good care of yourself and don't stress too much over the food thing... it's a very special time for you! :)

Qwerty you didn't sound bad at all!!

Unfortunatly while I am thrilled my guy is coming home HE is part of my issue,just being a butthead and making me feel insecure which is NOT good

Allrighty so TOMORROW I'm starting fresh,working on getting myself in better shape both body and mind!!

Threw out all the junk food tonight!

Good for you, Cali....you know what to do. And we're all just a click (or 9 digits, lol) away if you need some reinforcement!

Well it took a week longer then I originally said but I started today.....Did really well had cereal and fruit for breakfast,plain bean burrito for lunch and chicken and veggies for dinner.Instead of soda tonight I am drinking grape juice!! I didn't cut out my morning or afternoon soda and I won't but the evening ones I will.I also walked at break 15 minutes.I started taking Cortislim that I didn't like at first but now it isn't so bad,it helped my appetite.
I go to the Doc tomorrow for my test results so we will see what if anything is wrong (Haven't been sleeping well,no periods for a few months etc.)

Cali -
Are you drinking diet pop? Be careful not to drink all of your calories in one day. Not sure how many calories/carbs are in grape juice, but I'm sure it's a lot. Go for water. It will flush your system and help you to lose any excess water weight.

I started to buy either a bag of miniature candy bars or a bag of M&M's. When I want a little chocolate, I will eat from that. BUT...I don't sit down with the whole bag. I have a secret hiding place in my cupboard and I will take from there, but just a small handful.

Don't stress, girl! We're here with you.