I am not sure if I am posting this in the right forum but here goes...

I have a penpal on death row. We have been exchanging letters for a few months and have gotten quite close. At one time he was penpaling quite a bit...but decided he was getting ready to die and stopped all correspondance. Hw was at the point that he was pleading with his lawyers to stop all appeals.

That same week...he received my postcard and we started to write. It's changed his perspective and is not ready to give up yet. HOwever he has forewarned me that we have probably 3 years at most. I know it might seem like a long time...but I am strugggling with this a lot. We grow closer and closer with every letter and at the back of my mind is the fear that I will lose him too quickly.

He's been amazing at being supportive and try to help me get through/past his execution. In a recent letter he's asked if I would be in the viewing room when that day should arrive. I was shocked that he would want me there. He said it would bring him peace to know that someone who loved him was there...so his spirit would have someone to go to. :( I am flattered and torn at the same time...

Perhaps coming to a decision about this is not urgent...I still have time to give it some thought. My initial reaction is of course I will be there if you need me there. Am I crazy ? Has anyone gone through this before ?

The thing that scares me most is afterwards...I'll be so far from home...alone and without support. I am sure I would be a mess. And to watch the life of someone I love to be taken away...and what if the family of the "victim" was there...I'd have to face them without knowing much of anything...

I am overwhelmed. Anyone have any words of wisdom ??

Thank you.

Things change, laws change, appeals change. These are things that happen everyday. When someone wins ANY kind of law on death row, it sets a new precidence in the courts. We can only hope and pray that the day will never come, and good positive changes will be made. I understand that there is fear in your heart, but take every day at a time, enjoy what you share together, and dont think to much about the future.
Someome told me once
Dont worry about the past, it is gone, we cant change it, Dont worry about the future it hasnt happened, it is beyond our control, just worry about the moment, this day, as that is exists.
Dont spend your whole friendship worrying about the "what ifs"

Hi there I have been in your shoes, I have just recently went through all that emotional roller coaster, my lifelong friend Mauro Barraza, recieved a stay 4 hours before it was to be carried out. He had me viewing also and I can say that the day was long and hard. I did not know until I got home that two of the victim's family members were there to view as well. That would have been hard, considering I still live in the same town as the victim's family and where the crime took place. We grew up together him and I, so when he asked me to view he told me he wanted me there because I make him feel comfort.
He has been there since he was 17, he is 32 now. It's just so much for them getting ready for that day, I know Morris told me after he got the stay he slept for 3 days. He was just so drained emotionally. So he is going to need you, so I hope you can be there for him.As for after wards when it's over, the hospitality house there in town, is great for support if they have one. Where is he located? Best luck to you and your friend.

Denise AlvaradoI am not sure if I am posting this in the right forum but here goes...

I have a penpal on death row. We have been exchanging letters for a few months and have gotten quite close. At one time he was penpaling quite a bit...but decided he was getting ready to die and stopped all correspondance. Hw was at the point that he was pleading with his lawyers to stop all appeals.

That same week...he received my postcard and we started to write. It's changed his perspective and is not ready to give up yet. HOwever he has forewarned me that we have probably 3 years at most. I know it might seem like a long time...but I am strugggling with this a lot. We grow closer and closer with every letter and at the back of my mind is the fear that I will lose him too quickly.

He's been amazing at being supportive and try to help me get through/past his execution. In a recent letter he's asked if I would be in the viewing room when that day should arrive. I was shocked that he would want me there. He said it would bring him peace to know that someone who loved him was there...so his spirit would have someone to go to. :( I am flattered and torn at the same time...

Perhaps coming to a decision about this is not urgent...I still have time to give it some thought. My initial reaction is of course I will be there if you need me there. Am I crazy ? Has anyone gone through this before ?

The thing that scares me most is afterwards...I'll be so far from home...alone and without support. I am sure I would be a mess. And to watch the life of someone I love to be taken away...and what if the family of the "victim" was there...I'd have to face them without knowing much of anything...

I am overwhelmed. Anyone have any words of wisdom ??

Thank you.

Thanks for your encouraging words. I do cherish every moment I have and totally agree it's not worth wasting our friendship worrying about the future...

However he just had his state appeal thrown out and things are now at the federal level...and moving quickly he tells me. However it is a request he made of me and I do have to give it some consideration...so he can get things in order for himself too...what he can expect of me. I guess his thinking is to get things sorted out now...so later when our time is pressed...we can focus on other things. Although I will never give up hope that an appeal will be successful !!!

But hey I really don't know much about time lines...all I know is what he tells me. I'm new around here...I was under the impression that death sentences are rarely over turned.

I want to be realistic...and prepared so I can be there for him when the time comes...should it come.

Thank you :)

Denise,

Thanks for the reply. I am glad your friend got a stay and he is lucky to have someone to be there for him. I think you are a great friend. I hope I can step up to the plate should the time come. *sigh*

He is in California. I was unaware of "hospitality" house...I guess it's something I should look into eventually.

Thank you.

My husband is on death row in San Quentin and has been there for over 10 years. We try very hard to live in the moment because thinking of what may be ahead of us is almost impossible to think about. I fly to San Quentin about twice a month and will be happy to answer any questions you may have as you prepare to visit your penpal.

Best Wishes!

hey there

i am VERY new to this too and i had the same thoughts and concerns BUT we have to look at it from the positive side and give all the support we can and try our best to be there for our friends to stand this time together!!! i have a friend in San Quentin so if you want to feel free to PM me and maybe we can exchange infos we have so far and help each other ;)

its been enjoyable
until & forever :thumbsup:

I know what you are talking about! I have 4 pen pals on D/R... One of them has asked me as well if I would be there on the day and so far I didn't answer his question... I help him to get another trial so I don't want to even think about the "day"... I guess if the day really comes, I will know what is right to do...

I've too have been in the same situation as you and I was far away too. I was 'lucky' because he didn't want me there. He didn't want to see sad faces because he knew he couldn't handle it. But I think in your situation the best thing to do is not make any decision yet. So much could change in the next three years, both in your friendship and his appeals. Tell him you are there for him in your letters and possible future visits and see how things go from there. The last thing you want to do is promise him something now that you are unable to keep when the time comes, for whatever reason.
As for afterwards, that is hard. I was over here (in England) and no-one knew of our relationship, and very few knew of our penfriendship. But you deal with it in the best way you can. I told him beforehand that no matter how hard it became, I never regretted getting involved. That meant a lot to him and it was true. I re-read his letters, cried buckets in private and put a brave face on in public. I know it's a cliche, but it does get easier. I wish a web-site like this had existed at the time because there are many people here that have been there and understand what you will be going through.
Good luck with your friendship and take one day at a time.

IceBlueSparkle.
None of us were ever promised tomorrow. Whether you are religious or not, the facts are ,that we live and we die. Live each day for the day. Laws change all the time and while you are worrying about a tomorrow that may never come, you are not only spoiling the day for yourself but also what you do have!Live for each day and take what happiness you can from it.
Jude

I would go. I would explain why but it's too long, weird, and complicated. :o