Hello everyone...

I am new to this web site. I have a friend who is becoming more to me who I met through a pen pal service. He is in Lunenburg in Virginia. I've been writing to him since mid October, and talking on the phone. There is so much I like about him. I will visit him for the first time this weekend. But I know how I feel about him already. We can talk about things very honestly, and he is a good person. He has a good reputation among staff/prisoners at the prison, and this is a good sign for me.
Anyway, believe it or not, we are thinking about getting married. I belong to a Spiritual faith where the most important thing is the unification of two souls in marriage. I know that many people would not understand this union of ours; that I actually met someone who is in prison who I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I am sure you all will understand. I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

Marsha

Marsha, welcome to ptp!!!!!! :)
and Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas and best wishes. Welcome to PTO

:wave:

Brenda

welcome to PTO! it is a great site!

MARSHA WELCOME TO PTO AND MERRY CHRISTMAS.GLAD TO SEE SOME ONE ELSE FROM NC

Merry Christmas and Welcome to PTO!!!

Thank you so much everyone! May God Bless you..
Take care,
Marsha

Welcome Marsha,
Things happen that way for a lot of people. I feel that you get to know someone really better when you exchange correspondence like that. That is about all you have for so long, that if you are dealing with an honest person which most are, then you really get to know that person.
Good luck and again welcome to PTO

Marcia, Welcome to PTO. And you are so right, we totally understand. I look forward to getting to know you and reading your posts. good luck and god bless. Please keep us updated on the wedding, I love good news

Marsha,
Welcome to PTO! I am in the same situation and we're getting married Sat.!! (If no unforseen glitches!!) Follow your heart!!

welcome marsha........... this is the perfect place for you then. i know what youa re going through. i met my fiance through a friend and we met on the insides....... he was at the county when i met him. and we are getting married in april.......... follow your heart............

and congratualtions enjay let me know how your wedding goes.

daer Marsha I do understand so well...i am from Belgium and met my boyfriend through a pen pal service on the internet...he is in Virginia, Capron...don't know how far that is from where your love is? Anyway...welcome, welcome welcome....hope to see you here a lot and hear all about your wedding; as we are planning to get married in 2003 and I really read and want to know all about weddings now....Hilde

welcome to pto, marsha...you have found a wonderful spot where...i wish you all the best...

emme

Marsha,

My husband and I were married in prison almost 8 years ago. Here's a little advice you might not expect from someone who's been down that road ...

Please move slowly. You've only known this man a couple of months, and you can't possibly know him as well as you might think, even if you write 10-page letters every day. I've seen MANY, MANY woman marry inmates after knowing them only a short while and falling in love through the mail, and I'm sad to say that very few marriages lasted more than a few months. In those instances, everyone gets hurt.

I realized I was falling in love with my husband about 5 months after I began visiting him, but I kept quiet about it for several months, just to be sure I wasn't acting on emotions alone. We wrote regularly and visited together regularly for 18 months before we became engaged. We waited another 2.5 years before we got married. That gave us plenty of time to develop a solid friendship and to really get to know each other. It also gave us time to work through various issues that cropped up, and we had to learn to solve problems together. Both of us believe we have such a strong marriage because we took plenty of time to build a deep friendship and to work through some major challenges BEFORE we married.

There's no need to rush into anything, so please give yourself plenty of time to really get to know each other. You don't have the opportunity to see him in a variety of situations and settings, so the more time you can give yourself to get to know his heart, the better off you'll be.


Best wishes. Let us know how the visit went!

Hey bookgirl,

Thank you for your advice. I will take it to heart.
The women you talk about who married inmates, and whose marriages didn't last but a few months, do you know the reason why they didn't last? I'm really curious about this.
One thing about my friend is that he has good family relationships; and they visit him often. They support him a lot which I think is good. He also has a good reputation in the prison itself; he helps people with legal issues and has been doing that a long time, and also works with one of the counselors there. This counselor actually has let him call me from his phone a few times when he works late. I think this is a good thing, I just worry of course about him getting caught!
Well, take care, and thank you again!

Marsha

Marsha -

I've seen marriages end for various reasons. When the woman ended it, it was usually because she didn't realize what she was getting into. Sometimes people think that getting married helps a person get out of prison early, but when the reality sinks in, they know this is not the kind of relationship they can live with for a long period of time. The inmate usually gets blind-sided in these break-ups. They have no idea there's anything wrong, and then the wife just doesn't show up one week. He tries to call, and there's a block on the phone. The next week, his letters are returned unopened. I've seen that happen several times.

When the man ended it, it has usually been for financial reasons. In a couple of cases, the inmate's family stopped sending him money and paying his legal fees when he married someone against their wishes. The wife couldn't afford to assume those financial responsibilities, and the inmate had to make a choice. I'm watching a friend's prison marriage struggle through this very issue right now, and it's not looking good for the marriage. (The marriages I've seen end this way involve people in their 30's, 40's, and 50's!)

I've also seen them end because the man gets too jealous. He isn't there to know what his wife is doing, and his imagination starts working overtime. Even if she isn't doing anything, she gets tired of the questions and accusations.

If you take time to get to know each other, a lot of these problems can be avoided. You've got to have trust, and it takes time to build trust.

Good luck!

Thanks bookgirl for your insight. Thank God he is getting out in March 2004. We don't have that long to wait. And we decided to wait on the marriage until he gets out. thank God I have a strong spiritual faith. He realizes that I do and is more and more understanding that this spiritual faith binds me to fidelity, even if we are not married yet. I have no wish or desire to be with another man. I have the desire for a purity of mind, heart and soul, and I think he sees this in me. I just simply don't have a desire to do something immoral and impure. It's not that our spiritual leader tells us not to, we come to the realization of this on our own when we begin ascending closer to God.
May God Bless you!

Marsha

Welcome to PTO :)

Marsha,

I think you are SO smart to wait. He'll be home before you know it!

Isn't it amazing how easy it is to commit to purity and fidelity when you reach that place where love is stronger than physical urges? When God asked us to be pure, it wasn't that He wanted to withhold good things from us but that He wanted us to discover BETTER things. My father always taught me that God's laws were never intended to be harsh or punitive, but loving and protective. He gives us wonderful things when we make an effort to know Him and to follow His ways.

Blessings to you and your beloved!

thank you bookgirl! that gave me chills! it is so right! That's why I don't like it when I hear people talk about 'the wrath of God" There is no wrath of God. God does not throw any wrath upon any of his children. He only loves and cares for us.
May God Bless you

Marsha