When deciding to write to death row inmates I thought long & hard about it.I thought I could bring a little happiness into their lives,brighten their day.What I didnt expect was to fall in love with one of them.My emotions are everywhere.You see ive never had Ruben here with me,never shouted at him for leaving the top off the toothpaste,never cooked him a meal.So far we have never met & to be honest I cant see this happening in the near future.It has really just hit me that im never going to wake up with him.There are alot of nevers here.I no I really do love him but what I dont no is if im strong enough to be with someone who is never coming home.Do you guys think that I am being selfish?Iguess Im just having one of those days where I think the world is against us.

NO NO you aren't selfish at all. Loving a inmate is very hard, Loving a Death Row inmate is even harder. You are having the same thoughts that anyone who has loved a DR inmate has. Those days will come and go, there will be ups and downs. Like a rollar coaster ride.

But if it is something you truely feel in your heart that you can't do. Then now is the time to step back for both of you.

But when you look in your heart if you see Ruben then you know you can do it.

Everyone has those days and every one has those doubts on those days. You aren't being selfish at all, you are being human.

Love never listens we can't tell our heart when and not when to Love, it just happens.

Try thinking of the good things, like how much you Love each other, think of the special things you share, think of how much you give to each other.

If after all that if you feel you can't do it, then it is understanable sweetie.

softie

Loving a death row inmate is very difficult. It's emotional and draining. Little by little I think it destroys a part of the families lives. Being a wife or girlfriend of a dr inmate is not fun......whatever you choose in your heart is what's right for you.....and only those who are going through it know how difficult this is. ;)

Reading the last couple of threads has helped me alot,I guess I was just stressing,what with everything else going on with me at the moment you could say it was understandable that I was doubting myself.I no that having Ruben in my life is a happiness that I havnt felt in a long time,I tried to image not writing to him,not receiving those funny & sweet phone calls & I cant.I love him.
So next time I stress I can re read your threads & I no it will help.
Thanks everyone:thumbsup:

no youre not selfish. to be in a relationship with someone in prison perisod you have to be strong enough to know theyre not gonna be there for a lot of things, but with a DR guy you know they may never come home. i didnt think i could do it in the beginning either, but i love my man so much and i just learn to deal with it. and in reality we also have to deal with the fact that one day they may be taken away from us at the states wish. i talk to him everyother day and visit once or twice a week so we keep it as close as we possibly can. so im fine with it. i just wanna enjoy my man while hes here. in the end do whats best for you. it is a lot to deal with ill tell you!!!! i cry when he leaves me on visits cuz i have to watch them handcuff him and take him away. but my love for him keeps me strong in addition to the closeness we share. so do whats best for you. you may feel different once you visit him and the real feeling comes to play. just play it by ear, but ill tell you.....if youre not ready then dont do it because it is a very emotionally draining situation to deal with it and you have to remain very strong thru it all....

Ruben's Girl - to mix/match and add to what's been said already - you both love each other then it's worth doing....and we're here when you feel alone - may not be the hug from your honey you really want - but it's still caring and support.

Take care

Francesca

My thoughts and prayers are with you that you will find the strength to do what is best for the two of you.
We only go around this world once, so it is very difficult for sure.
It does take alot of strength for sure. This is one of the hardest battles I have ever had to struggle through and my husband is coming home to me.
Good luck to you. You have alot of support here at PTO, you have only to reach out.

Hello, I am now engaged to a wonderful man on death row, we met through friends and I have found my soulmate, I know to others outside of this lifestyle it is unthinkable, but this is what it is a lifestyle, I could not imagine my life without him even if it is confined, and knowing that we enhance each others lives even through letters and visits is wonderful, I will not sugar coat this there are very very lonely days, sad days you cannot just pickup the phone and share your day, but for me I could not imagine not being apart of his life, the life he has in there, the appeals etc. We are in this forever. Best honest and truse to yourself first because you will not do him any favors if you are not, think through this weigh the options, Good Luck let me knwo if there is anything I can say to help ease your mind.

Oh Lord, ya'll just made me cry.

You're not selfish, you're realistic. I give you the utmost respect for even starting a friendship with a DR inmate. I could never do it...I'd be too scared of the inevitable. He's blessed ot have your friendship!

I applaud anyone who has any kind of a relationship with a DR inmate. They are human and deserve friendships as well, perhaps even more due to the situation they are in.
I think it takes alot of strength and courage to have this type of relationship, knowing what the end could possibly hold in store and yet so many of them are full of hope and I admire that as well, because for my beliefs there is always hope.
Just my opinions of course.

Some thing I have come to realize about loving someone on death row. You take one day at a time. You don't think about the "future". I use to think that we would never have "firsts" either. However, that is proving wrong. My husband is on dr in Texas and I never thought we would be able to see each other outside of the "glass" partition. But we did. When he was brought back to court for an evidentiary hearing I was able to be so close and it was awesome. Our first of being together that I thought never would happen.

I thought I would never get to talk to him on the phone. We just had that first a couple of weeks ago. I have known him for 2 1/2 years and that was our first on the phone.

Our next first that I am going to hold onto that it will happen one day is the day I can put my arms around him and kiss him. That will come.

I guess what I am trying to say is, don't give up on the "firsts". They can happen.

Take care
Joy

To (probably) misquote someone in the pen pal forum - possibly Sewergrrl ( if I remember right) - there are no certainties in this life, I could go to sleep tonight and never wake up - Love is too precious a thing to ignore when we find it. It may not be where or when we expect it, and we dont choose the shapes and sizes it comes in but it's a gift you cant ignore, it's loss hurts like nothing else on earth...but nothing worth doing is easy.

And we're here when the road is tough to walk alone.

Some thing I have come to realize about loving someone on death row. You take one day at a time. You don't think about the "future". I use to think that we would never have "firsts" either. However, that is proving wrong. My husband is on dr in Texas and I never thought we would be able to see each other outside of the "glass" partition. But we did. When he was brought back to court for an evidentiary hearing I was able to be so close and it was awesome. Our first of being together that I thought never would happen.

I thought I would never get to talk to him on the phone. We just had that first a couple of weeks ago. I have known him for 2 1/2 years and that was our first on the phone.

Our next first that I am going to hold onto that it will happen one day is the day I can put my arms around him and kiss him. That will come.

I guess what I am trying to say is, don't give up on the "firsts". They can happen.

Take care
Joy

Joy - Those are some awesome firsts and I hope they can keep coming to you in abundance. I wish you loads of them, so many you can't count.
Remember Hope is a good thing, it springs life eternal.

rubensgirl--

I'm all for whatever works for you, But:

My opinion on GIVING UP YOUR LIFE for someone on death row: If you had known him before he went in, maybe I'd be a lot more understanding, but I really can't see WHY you would want to limit yourself romantically for someone who isn't coming home? I don't know your age, but that's a major factor as well: If you are fairly young, are you crazy. If you are up there in age m"a"y''b"e?.....nah! still can't see it, either way you slice it.

Most men that go to prison are hungry for attention. They have lost most of the control over their lives, so to have someone on the outside give up his/her life really is a major contribution to his manliness, fuel to his lost level of control. If you spend major time with anyone, in word or in deed, you can expect to bond with that person ... that's natural, but it doesn't necessarily mean, love.

Being there for him, I feel you on that, but to limit yourself for someone who's not coming home, can't be there for you ... I can't see that. As said, if you knew him prior to going in ... I could respect your faithfulness, your "To Death Do You Part," but otherwise, I couldn't do it. But! it's all about what works for you. Be true to you!

>>>To love yourself ... is to know yourself ... is expect nothing less than happiness for yourself.;)

Hope it works out!
Serra,DaughterofGod:thumbsup:



When deciding to write to death row inmates I thought long & hard about it.I thought I could bring a little happiness into their lives,brighten their day.What I didnt expect was to fall in love with one of them.My emotions are everywhere.You see ive never had Ruben here with me,never shouted at him for leaving the top off the toothpaste,never cooked him a meal.So far we have never met & to be honest I cant see this happening in the near future.It has really just hit me that im never going to wake up with him.There are alot of nevers here.I no I really do love him but what I dont no is if im strong enough to be with someone who is never coming home.Do you guys think that I am being selfish?Iguess Im just having one of those days where I think the world is against us.

My opinion on GIVING UP YOUR LIFE for someone on death row: If you had known him before he went in, maybe I'd be a lot more understanding

So, what are you saying, Serra....that if she knew him before his incarceration, then their relationship would have merit? That's very presumptuous.

but I really can't see WHY you would want to limit yourself romantically for someone who isn't coming home?

It's called unconditional love...and it is the sweetest love known to mankind.

I don't know your age, but that's a major factor as well: If you are fairly young, are you crazy.

That statement borders on rude, Serra....please refrain from making such comments.

Most men that go to prison are hungry for attention. They have lost most of the control over their lives, so to have someone on the outside give up his/her life really is a major contribution to his manliness, fuel to his lost level of control.

Anyone can be hungry for attention, in prison or out, man or woman. And just because someone chooses to love a Death Row inmate, does not mean they are "giving up their life". Lots of magnificent, strong women on this site are holding it down, laughing with their friends, enjoying their children, and living in the moment....all while loving their man. It IS possible to do both, you know :rolleyes:

I doubt my guy feels more "manly" because I am standing tall for him, and have made sacrifices to be with him....in fact, I know that is not the case. If anything, he feels like "less" of a man, because he knows how hard it is for me to be out here, without him. I am tired of mowing the lawn, changing the oil in my van, and killing spiders in my basement...those are HIS jobs! Still, I am with him by choice, and the challenges are part of the deal ;)

As for "fueling his lost level of control"....that's a crock, at least in my case. He has never expressed jealousy, nor has he tried to be controlling with me; I have earned his trust and respect. He also knows I will not tolerate being treated like anything less than an equal...and if I ever feel that he is being manipulative, then we will definitely knock heads. Until then, it's all good.

Being there for him, I feel you on that, but to limit yourself for someone who's not coming home, can't be there for you ... I can't see that. As said, if you knew him prior to going in ... I could respect your faithfulness, your "To Death Do You Part," but otherwise, I couldn't do it.

My fiance is serving a 15-life sentence for First Degree Murder. Although he has changed his way of living, his past will always be there to follow him, and there is a good chance he may never come home to me. Not only is he "there for me", but his love and gentle nature have changed my life. He has given me more joy from behind those walls, than the two ex-husbands from my past ever could have...and those men had the advantage of living under the same roof with me.

I didn't know him prior to his incarceration; we met as penpals years ago after a co-worker printed out his online ad and gave it to me. I am faithful to him, and always will be....why does that not entitle me to your respect, I wonder? Our relationship has the same ingredients as any other in the free world; ups and downs, laughter and tears, triumphs and disappointments. The only difference is the inability to enjoy the physical aspect of our commitment.....but, in my experience, there are more important things in life, and in a relationship, than sex. As I've gotten older (I am 37, but have been on my own for 20+ years), my priorities in life have shifted....and I find that he fills so many other needs of mine, I have no desire to complain about the lack of physical closeness.

As you and I discussed in another thread....these men (and women) are all Children of God, no matter what their crime OR sentence. He would never cast them aside simply because of their "inaccessability".

I have come to believe that God has brought this man to me, so that I might embrace the important lessons that have eluded me thus far in life....lessons I have refused to learn in the past. Patience. Humility. Gratitude. Compassion for others. And yes, unconditional love. I do not judge this man for his crime....that is neither my right, nor is it my duty. I see the "good" in him, and so many qualities that make him a beautiful person, from the inside out.

True, we may never be able to have what society deems a "normal" relationship in the free world....and that's fine; the status quo never interested me, anyway. But even if he never leaves that prison, we will have given each other more happiness than many couples on the outside.

For that, we are blessed.

I am truly surprised, Serra....I expected more understanding and compassion from a Woman of the Word.

Well said Irisheyes...im still trying to beat your frogger score...lol

irisheyes you have said it all and with much more class then I could have.

D.O.G. all I can say is until you have walked in another’s shoes I would be very careful judging.

As far as DR inmates never coming home, maybe you can explain that to the families of the 116 DR inmates that have been exonerated and came home after many years of being on the row.

As far as the comment about men losing control in prison, I know many that have said that is the first time in their lives they have finally had control.

We have many wonderful women on this site that Love and Support their men on the row. Those men are there for the women and the women love them unconditional.
Rather they knew them before or not it doesn't matter.

I was one of those women and I Loved and was loved unconditional. I treasured every moment I had with him and if I could do it all over again even knowing he would be executed I WOULD in a heart beat.

And no I am not young and I am not uneducated, as I suggested I would tread lightly when making assumptions that you have no clue about.

Love knows no boundaries and doesn't have conditions and anyone who thinks it does or should, is missing what life is about.

I am the person I am today because I Loved and was Loved by a wonderful man on Death Row whom I didn't know before he went to prison. And because of that man I have helped many women going through hurt and pain. And even though his body is gone now his spirit lives on in me and everything I do.

And you know what I never touched him I never woke up to him, but his presence in my life changed me forever for the good.

I wake up to him every morning and I go to sleep with him every night, because he is in my heart and part of my spirit.

softie

Serra,
You've judged another with your measuring stick. I, to would expect more from a DaughterOfGod and a woman of the word and I would expect more from a woman in love with an inmate she's also not woke up next to.

Rubensgirl ~ I know exactly what you are going through.

This past week has been really hard for me...I have met someone
on death row...and have completely fallen head over heels. Last week I
went out Salsa dancing with some friends and found myself plop dab in the middle of a couples event...a light went on and it wasn't like I hadn't thought about it before....but it broke my heart and solidified to me that he is never coming home. I was suddenly flooded by a whole series of emotions....

I posted and got some really sound words of support, maybe it will be of comfort to you too...Although the ladies here seem to have covered it all. (It was a relief to see that I am not alone...and that it can work....)

http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=79092

Now as for some of what was said in response to your post...I'm very offended... "Judge not, lest ye be judged".

Thank you to everyone who spoke up!

I know that loving someone on death row is not for everyone and everyone
is entitled to their opinion. I just think some rather unfair and hurtful
things were said and girl you are going through a tough enough time without
having to hear those things. We are judged every day...


Hang in there. No matter what you decide...you are doing the right thing *big hugs*

I am sorry, Daughter of God.....but your post has left me speechless, as I for one, am "IN LOVE WITH A DEATH ROW INMATE"!! I am sorry that you arent understanding as well, as I dont for one minute consider that I have given up my life. You state they are never coming home. When we met, he was in the middle of his appeals, and well, his sentence was reversed, he has a new trial, so the bit about no hopes (and I cant see for one minute, how any individual can possibly live without hopes and dreams),says to me, that hope is always there, and very possible.

As for my age factor, I have lived my life rather full, have been fortunate enough to travel, and see things, , to the point, that I am free to make my own decisions in life. I am not young, and yes, I do have self esteem. My reasons for loving him, and being with him, is because of the person he is.

As for him loosing control of his life, that to me is total nonsense. His reasons for being on death row, are irrelivant, but he chose that he wanted to live, and he self taught himself law, to the point, that is how he got his new trial, on his own merits. He took total control of his life, he didn't need me to do that for him what so ever. He is not hungry for attention, he has always had the support of his family and friends.

You state that men on death row "need a contribution to his manliness" Are people because they are on death row, or in prison for that matter, not entitled to love? That statement to me, is cruel, and uncalled for.

You state, that "If you spend major time with anyone, in word or in deed, you can expect to bond with that person ... that's natural, but it doesn't necessarily mean, love."
I ask you this, could you define your definition of the word "LOVE" to me? Love to me, is total unconditional, the thoughts of them make your heart flutter inside, the warmth, and caring that you feel, and yes, even though they are in prison, the security they bring you from within, with their "unconditional love"

It is my opinion, the term, "be true to you", you have to refer to yourself as well, because, I am not stating that you should love a death row inmate, but the love we feel, is unconditional, uncontrolling, and as I said, its something that people search a lifetime to find. I would prefer to love someone like that, than never love at all.

And as for happiness, I am happy with the person I am with.

I apologize if my post has offended you at all, but to all the women, that have loved, and do love a death row inmate, or women that are in love with men that are doing life sentences, we all stand proud of who we are, and what we carry inside our hearts.

Life is full of surprises, many things are guided by a higher power, no matter what we think or say.

We are all entitled to our opinions, to do what works for us as individuals, exercising freewill. FOR ME: Everything I do is guided by God (If I'm living right). God has put me in some unexpected situations, and I'm sure more are to come. As said, today, I'm in love with a man in prison; a few years ago, if someone told me I would be, I'd have called them craZZZZZZy:eek: . This man could end up being my husband (donno). I don't see that happening, but my incarcerated one does. I'm simply going with it, very slowly (there's no rush). As to the possibility of him being my husband: If that's God's blessing for me, I know it will be a blessing:) .

To all of you who live for God on a daily basis, you can relate to "Your Thoughts & God's Thoughts, Your Ways & God's Ways"--you know that you can be set on something being this way ... and God'll take you a way you never saw before ... oftentimes, it's more about the person he's sending you to, than you ...

**My spirit talks to me, gives me revelation as I type, sometimes. So I, too, learn from myself, yet, it's more about the spirit in me, than me. Praise God!**

I, Serra, adamantly say NO WAY to falling for a DeathRow man!!! My spirit, which is bigger than me, tells me: "Who's to say God wouldn't put one of his children (outside the system) with someone (in the system)? Life is much more than sex with God: The spiritual bond between men and women of God is priceless, surpasses understanding, very fulfilling." With that revelation: if God were in it, I could totally see it working----I could even rest in the hope of something thought to be impossible (him getting off death row, getting out) becoming a reality... because with God, all things are possible if you pray and believe, Matthew 19:26.

God is love, 1John 4:16: Most of these men never knew love ... maybe your role in their lives is to show them love even unto death(?). So many maybes ... what ifs .... *tearing up* ------->tissue.

Prayer Moment before I leave: I love you lord!!! In Jesus Name!! You are more than worthy to be praised. Not my will but your will be done! Amen

If you are living for self, without walking with God, be very very very careful in life about the choices you make because somethings you do cannot be taken back, changed. But, when you live for God, in Jesus name, all things become new, the impossible becomes possible, IF YOU BELIEVE.

Sincerely,
Serra,DaughterofGod:thumbsup:


Hello, I am now engaged to a wonderful man on death row, we met through friends and I have found my soulmate, I know to others outside of this lifestyle it is unthinkable, but this is what it is a lifestyle, I could not imagine my life without him even if it is confined, and knowing that we enhance each others lives even through letters and visits is wonderful, I will not sugar coat this there are very very lonely days, sad days you cannot just pickup the phone and share your day, but for me I could not imagine not being apart of his life, the life he has in there, the appeals etc. We are in this forever. Best honest and truse to yourself first because you will not do him any favors if you are not, think through this weigh the options, Good Luck let me knwo if there is anything I can say to help ease your mind.

Kyla,

I just read your post, after I submitted another post to this thread. How Ironic. One thing I want to make clear about myself, as a woman of God, I am not God, I'm not perfect. To those who are making an attempt to live for God, you know that even in our walk, we will never be perfect. God works through us, he is not us.

As said, I just submitted a second post, BEFORE reading yours. The first one was submitted last night, I'm preparing for work and my spirit lead me to go back and clarify what I said (now I know why) last night on this thread because it was written in haste. However, I make no apologies for having an opinion, if you read my posts, most of them are clear to say: I'm all for what works for you (individuals).

In my post yesterday: I meant what I said, I simply wasn't clear about how I said it. Clarification: There are some men on deathrow, in prison who are predators, playas, I mean, check the boards as to how many women have been hurt, ABUSED: PLAYED. So yeah, you take a chance of giving up your life in getting involved with a man from prison and/or on deathrow--a chance as to say "IF" it turns out he is playing you, so forgive me if I stress the importance of BEING SURE, BEFORE COMMITTING to someone you didn't know before deathrow. My post made it sound like I'd given up on all men in prison, I'm in love with one, so that settles that.

I will not agree with all the things I read, as you have a right to not agree with all the things I say, but I will respect our right to agree to disagree, in love. God is good! I can honestly see why my spirit put it on my heart to re-post on this thread.

We have freewill in life, a right to do and say what we want to say; that's not to say all we do is right. I always speak my mind, I'm far from phony, what you see is what you get, but I ALWAYS SAY, "DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU," even if it doesn't work for me. We must be objective about life: there is evil in this world, most of it in prison, but there is also love in this world: in and out of prison. So I hope and pray you have truly found love.

Sincerely,

Serra,DaughterofGod:thumbsup:

P.S.: I'm far from offended about you expressing your feelings, respectfully. I welcome the dialogue. Everyday is a new day to learn something new, to grow in love;) .


I am sorry, Daughter of God.....but your post has left me speechless, as I for one, am "IN LOVE WITH A DEATH ROW INMATE"!! I am sorry that you arent understanding as well, as I dont for one minute consider that I have given up my life. You state they are never coming home. When we met, he was in the middle of his appeals, and well, his sentence was reversed, he has a new trial, so the bit about no hopes (and I cant see for one minute, how any individual can possibly live without hopes and dreams),says to me, that hope is always there, and very possible.

As for my age factor, I have lived my life rather full, have been fortunate enough to travel, and see things, , to the point, that I am free to make my own decisions in life. I am not young, and yes, I do have self esteem. My reasons for loving him, and being with him, is because of the person he is.

As for him loosing control of his life, that to me is total nonsense. His reasons for being on death row, are irrelivant, but he chose that he wanted to live, and he self taught himself law, to the point, that is how he got his new trial, on his own merits. He took total control of his life, he didn't need me to do that for him what so ever. He is not hungry for attention, he has always had the support of his family and friends.

You state that men on death row "need a contribution to his manliness" Are people because they are on death row, or in prison for that matter, not entitled to love? That statement to me, is cruel, and uncalled for.

You state, that "If you spend major time with anyone, in word or in deed, you can expect to bond with that person ... that's natural, but it doesn't necessarily mean, love."
I ask you this, could you define your definition of the word "LOVE" to me? Love to me, is total unconditional, the thoughts of them make your heart flutter inside, the warmth, and caring that you feel, and yes, even though they are in prison, the security they bring you from within, with their "unconditional love"

It is my opinion, the term, "be true to you", you have to refer to yourself as well, because, I am not stating that you should love a death row inmate, but the love we feel, is unconditional, uncontrolling, and as I said, its something that people search a lifetime to find. I would prefer to love someone like that, than never love at all.

And as for happiness, I am happy with the person I am with.

I apologize if my post has offended you at all, but to all the women, that have loved, and do love a death row inmate, or women that are in love with men that are doing life sentences, we all stand proud of who we are, and what we carry inside our hearts.

I read your inflamed post again{**{HUG}} Kyla. I must say God is truly good. Your post makes me feel good, despite your steam, lol.

I feel even better that my repost to the thread was written and sent AFTER I read yours. Why? Because a lot, if not most, of your misunderstandings about my post were cleared up in the repost: Thank You Holy Spirit!>> Hurting someone's feelings is soooo much of who I am NOT. If my honesty hurts someone, oh well, but that's NEVER my intent.

Your post questioned me as to what I think love is, what real love is (which is God's love); that, too, was cleared up in the repost BEFORE I read your post:) . Which again magnifies the goodness and presence of God in my life as a woman doing my best to live for God on a daily basis.

Sincerely,
Serra,DaughterofGod:thumbsup:
I am sorry, Daughter of God.....but your post has left me speechless, as I for one, am "IN LOVE WITH A DEATH ROW INMATE"!! I am sorry that you arent understanding as well, as I dont for one minute consider that I have given up my life. You state they are never coming home. When we met, he was in the middle of his appeals, and well, his sentence was reversed, he has a new trial, so the bit about no hopes (and I cant see for one minute, how any individual can possibly live without hopes and dreams),says to me, that hope is always there, and very possible.

As for my age factor, I have lived my life rather full, have been fortunate enough to travel, and see things, , to the point, that I am free to make my own decisions in life. I am not young, and yes, I do have self esteem. My reasons for loving him, and being with him, is because of the person he is.

As for him loosing control of his life, that to me is total nonsense. His reasons for being on death row, are irrelivant, but he chose that he wanted to live, and he self taught himself law, to the point, that is how he got his new trial, on his own merits. He took total control of his life, he didn't need me to do that for him what so ever. He is not hungry for attention, he has always had the support of his family and friends.

You state that men on death row "need a contribution to his manliness" Are people because they are on death row, or in prison for that matter, not entitled to love? That statement to me, is cruel, and uncalled for.

You state, that "If you spend major time with anyone, in word or in deed, you can expect to bond with that person ... that's natural, but it doesn't necessarily mean, love."
I ask you this, could you define your definition of the word "LOVE" to me? Love to me, is total unconditional, the thoughts of them make your heart flutter inside, the warmth, and caring that you feel, and yes, even though they are in prison, the security they bring you from within, with their "unconditional love"

It is my opinion, the term, "be true to you", you have to refer to yourself as well, because, I am not stating that you should love a death row inmate, but the love we feel, is unconditional, uncontrolling, and as I said, its something that people search a lifetime to find. I would prefer to love someone like that, than never love at all.

And as for happiness, I am happy with the person I am with.

I apologize if my post has offended you at all, but to all the women, that have loved, and do love a death row inmate, or women that are in love with men that are doing life sentences, we all stand proud of who we are, and what we carry inside our hearts.

OK: I just read ALL of the INFLAMED post regarding the post I submitted yesterday. I could respond to all of them, but I won't.

Kyla's remarks were the first one I read, after the repost. However, my response to her in addition to this one is fitting to ALL OF YOU. Therefore, I won't bother responding to all of you. I will say this, which was too clarified in the respost: DaughterOfGod is not perfect, no one is! Except God. The men we love are proof personified that we all make mistakes! So I will make mistakes, we all have and will. But, MY MISTAKES (really don't take but what I said, just how I said it) are to take nothing away from God. So the comments regarding my faith, as to say, I should be condemed, not a woman of God ... I'll take that with a grain of salt, a big grain: To those of you who live for God via Jesus Christ, you know exactly what I mean on that. It's a constant battle between flesh and spirit, or measuring stick & spirit;) . As said, if you know the Bible you know what I mean.

If my repost to Kyla is not sufficient in clearing what I said up ... there is nothing more I can and will say regarding this.

Peace & Love

Serra,DaughterofGod:thumbsup:

So, what are you saying, Serra....that if she knew him before his incarceration, then their relationship would have merit? That's very presumptuous.



It's called unconditional love...and it is the sweetest love known to mankind.



That statement borders on rude, Serra....please refrain from making such comments.



Anyone can be hungry for attention, in prison or out, man or woman. And just because someone chooses to love a Death Row inmate, does not mean they are "giving up their life". Lots of magnificent, strong women on this site are holding it down, laughing with their friends, enjoying their children, and living in the moment....all while loving their man. It IS possible to do both, you know :rolleyes:

I doubt my guy feels more "manly" because I am standing tall for him, and have made sacrifices to be with him....in fact, I know that is not the case. If anything, he feels like "less" of a man, because he knows how hard it is for me to be out here, without him. I am tired of mowing the lawn, changing the oil in my van, and killing spiders in my basement...those are HIS jobs! Still, I am with him by choice, and the challenges are part of the deal ;)

As for "fueling his lost level of control"....that's a crock, at least in my case. He has never expressed jealousy, nor has he tried to be controlling with me; I have earned his trust and respect. He also knows I will not tolerate being treated like anything less than an equal...and if I ever feel that he is being manipulative, then we will definitely knock heads. Until then, it's all good.



My fiance is serving a 15-life sentence for First Degree Murder. Although he has changed his way of living, his past will always be there to follow him, and there is a good chance he may never come home to me. Not only is he "there for me", but his love and gentle nature have changed my life. He has given me more joy from behind those walls, than the two ex-husbands from my past ever could have...and those men had the advantage of living under the same roof with me.

I didn't know him prior to his incarceration; we met as penpals years ago after a co-worker printed out his online ad and gave it to me. I am faithful to him, and always will be....why does that not entitle me to your respect, I wonder? Our relationship has the same ingredients as any other in the free world; ups and downs, laughter and tears, triumphs and disappointments. The only difference is the inability to enjoy the physical aspect of our commitment.....but, in my experience, there are more important things in life, and in a relationship, than sex. As I've gotten older (I am 37, but have been on my own for 20+ years), my priorities in life have shifted....and I find that he fills so many other needs of mine, I have no desire to complain about the lack of physical closeness.

As you and I discussed in another thread....these men (and women) are all Children of God, no matter what their crime OR sentence. He would never cast them aside simply because of their "inaccessability".

I have come to believe that God has brought this man to me, so that I might embrace the important lessons that have eluded me thus far in life....lessons I have refused to learn in the past. Patience. Humility. Gratitude. Compassion for others. And yes, unconditional love. I do not judge this man for his crime....that is neither my right, nor is it my duty. I see the "good" in him, and so many qualities that make him a beautiful person, from the inside out.

True, we may never be able to have what society deems a "normal" relationship in the free world....and that's fine; the status quo never interested me, anyway. But even if he never leaves that prison, we will have given each other more happiness than many couples on the outside.

For that, we are blessed.

I am truly surprised, Serra....I expected more understanding and compassion from a Woman of the Word.

Girl I give you alot of props. Cause me on the other hand there is no way I could ever do that. I am way to emtional and to know one day that man is not going to be here and not to health reasons would tear up so bad. I give to all of you that can stay strong with them DR's though cause I could not do it.

Ghettogyrl1976 no everyone can be with a DR guy or a lifer and everyone totally understands that.

softie

Now Sieera I am going to do my Adminstrative duties here and remind you this is a support site.......PERIOD. Not a site for flamming other members not for drowning us in your beliefs, it is for support PERIOD. Everyone that responded to you responded to your remarks in this thread.

I will tell you as I tell everyone if you don't agree with a thread or can't say something nice in the thread then stay out of thread, pass it by.

PTO is not about Judgement it is about support period. Of course we all have different opinions on things and can't always support someones elses opinion, that is when it is time to not go in the thread.

If you haven't done so already I would suggest that you become familier with our Policies and Rules
http://www.prisontalk.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23755

softheart
PTO Moderator

I just want to say I applaud all of you fine ladies and gentlemen who are with a Lifer or DR inmate. It shows you have great strength and I always thought I had strength, but I just couldnt do it. As Softie said it is not for everyone. I loved your post Irish, you speak of love and hope.
May all of you find peace with your loved ones. I applaud each of you.
Remember Hope is a good thing, it springs life eternal.

Loving a DR inmate can be very hard and very stressful, but also very rewarding. The only way that I know of to do this is to take it a day at a time, and sometimes, believe me, you're gonna have to do it an hour at a time. But if you love him then it will be worth it. Oh, and don't think that your family or friends will be too accepting of this situation either, especially if you and your man haven't actually met, so you'll need all the strength you've got to be able to handle that too. But it can be done, and if he means enough to you then you'll do it. Good luck and God bless you both.

Joy, I just read your post and skipped the others.

I was already having a long distance relationship with Ray before he was arrested, and we knew we would have to wait and put a lot of work into things to make it happen even then. I too look forwards to our firsts, we'd talked about our first date so many times, and it will still happen, just not quite as we'd planned it.

Ray may or may not end up on DR, but it's more likely that he will. But he is still the Ray I love, and the happiness he has already given me is worth any amount of waiting.

Silva, don't ever give up on hope, nor those firsts. Your post made me cry....Your love will last through anything. I always tell my husband that when we get through this, there will be nothing we can't ever handle in our marriage.

Stay strong girl.