View Full Version : Forum for Eating Disorder discussion
08-27-2004, 10:43 PM
This thread is for any and all discussions regarding eating disorders.....emotional eating, anorexia, bulemia, overeating, etc.
I ask that you keep on topic, and please respect the sensitivity of the issues presented here.
08-28-2004, 07:36 AM
susan, this is a wonderful idea!!! you read my mind!!! eating disorders are so common. there are so many different kinds, and many woman have them and dont even realize!!!!
if anyone is like me, i didnt use my bulimia to loose weight. since i have been bulimic, i have only lost 10 pounds. only 10 pounds in two years so either im a really bad bulimic or i did it for a different reason.
as most of you know, i am attempting to overcome my bulimia. i have been bulimic for over 2 years. there have been times that i have thrown up, 20 times a day. in the past two years, until 5 weeks ago today, there was only 1 day that i didnt throw up. but i am happy to say that in the past 5 weeks, i have only thrown up 4 times!!!! it is such a major accomplishment.
i had to realize that i did it for control. it was the only thing that time in my life that i had felt i had control over. you dont just become bulimic, you have to learn how to be bulimic. i had reached a point in my life, that i was actually proud of myself. i do not have to stick my fingers or anything down my throat to throw up, and if i was in a bathroom with other women they wouldnt even know what i was doing. i became so good at it and so good at hiding it. and the sickest thing is that i became proud of this. to me it was an accomplishment.
how did i maintain my weight???? well in the beginning i would eat good all day and then binge and throw up at night. but then it came to a point that i was throwing up everything. i would throw up a peach or lettuce, it got that bad. but i drink a lot of coffee and i use french vanilla creamer in my coffee. one tablespoon is 50 calories and 2 1/2 grams of fat. on weight watchers it is considered a point. well i put four tablespoons per cup and i drink anywhere between 5-7 cups a day. there was my points for weight watchers so thats how i kept my weight. if i didnt throw up everything i ate i would probally weigh over 300 pounds, but if i did throw up everything i ate, i would be dead.
the first time i person i came out about my eating disorder was right here at pto. i came out to all of you, with a thread. i got such a tremendous amount of support from all you ladies, and i also had people confide in me. there are many right here at pto that deal with an eating disorder. but we can overcome this.
what many people do is they confuse bulimia and anorexia. they are not the same. many people confuse bulimia with anorexia. what most dont realize is that many bulimics are overweight or at goal weight.
What Is Bulimia?
Bulimia, like anorexia nervosa, is an eating disorder. Both begin as a psychological problem, but over time, they can bring very serious physical effects on the body and can even be fatal.
But while there are some similarities between these two eating disorders, they are separate problems. If you have anorexia, it's likely you will slowly starve yourself to lose weight, and you may even use other methods to try to help you lose even more. But if you have bulimia, you do eat -- and sometimes much more than usual in a short time, which is called a binge. Then you purge, or make yourself vomit or use diet pills, laxatives, or diuretics to keep all that food from making you gain weight.
These binge-and-purge episodes, typically happening at least twice a week for three months, is what makes bulimia separate from other eating disorders. The purging may serve two purposes: preventing weight gain and also temporarily relieving depression and other negative feelings.
Like anorexia, bulimia mostly afflicts young women. Because binge eating and purging are practiced in secret, the incidence of the disorder is uncertain, but researchers estimate that as many as one in five of all U.S. women in high school and college display at least temporary bulimic symptoms. The average age of onset is 18.
At a recent meeting hosted by the National Institutes of Health, experts determined they still have a lot to learn about how many people have bulimia and other eating disorders.
Bulimia can occur on its own or intermittently with anorexia. In the intermittent pattern -- which occurs in about one case out of five -- a young woman will not eat for some time, setting herself up for a binge; she may use appetite suppressants during the time she is not eating.
Remember that anorexia and bulimia may have some similar characteristics, but they are two different eating disorders. They may affect your personality in different ways. Anorexia usually causes you to suppress all urges, including sexual ones. But if you have bulimia, you tend to indulge your cravings and act on impulse. This could lead to drug use, engaging in sex with many partners, shoplifting, or binge buying.
A bulimic's overall health depends on how often she binges and purges. She may vomit occasionally (once a month) or very frequently (many times a day). The health consequences generally relate to the purging and not the binge eating. Physical repercussions include swelling of the stomach or pancreas, inflammation of the esophagus, enlarged salivary glands, and tooth decay and gum disease from vomiting stomach acids. Frequent vomiting also depletes the water and potassium in bodily tissues, causing abnormal heart rhythms, muscle spasms, and even paralysis. In severe cases, some of these physical problems can lead to death. Another danger is suicidal depression.
Bulimia is a real illness. Once it develops, you probably cannot control it without help. And although family or friends may think they are trying to help by warning you about your habits, such criticism usually isn't helpful on its own and may even contribute to unhappiness or being more secretive. Support from your family and friends can help, but you need professional treatment to get better.
What Causes It?
Pressures and conflicts within the family are thought to be the primary cause of this eating disorder. If you have bulimia, it's likely you're an overachiever and perfectionist and feel you can't live up to the expectations of your parents, family, or peers. You may have problems with self-esteem and often suffer from depression. Some people with bulimia have been physically or sexually abused as a child; about half of all bulimics report a history of abuse.
People suffering with Compulsive Overeating have what is characterized as an "addiction" to food, using food and eating as a way to hide from their emotions, to fill a void they feel inside, and to cope with daily stresses and problems in their lives.
People suffering with this Eating Disorder tend to be overweight, are usually aware that their eating habits are abnormal, but find little comfort because of society's tendency to stereotype the "overweight" individual. Words like, "just go on a diet" are as emotionally devestating to a person suffering Compulsive Overeating as "just eat" can be to a person suffering Anorexia. A person suffering as a Compulsive Overeater is at health risk for a heart attack, high blood-pressure and cholesterol, kidney disease and/or failure, arthritis and bone deterioration, and stroke. Men and Women who are Compulsive Overeaters will sometimes hide behind their physical appearance, using it as a blockade against society (common in survivors of sexual abuse). They feel guilty for not being "good enough," shame for being overweight, and generally have a very low self-esteem... they use food and eating to cope with these feelings, which only leads into the cycle of feeling them ten-fold and trying to find a way to cope again. With a low self esteem and often constant need for love and validation he/she will turn to obsessive episodes of binging and eating as a way to forget the pain and the desire for affection. It is important to remember that most Eating Disorders, though their signs and symptoms (http://www.something-fishy.org/isf/signssymptoms.php) may be different, share a great number of common causes and emotional aspects.
08-28-2004, 08:36 AM
JEFFSPRINCESS-SUCH AN INFORMATIVE REPLY!! I WAS NEVER BELEMIC, TRIED BUT JUST COULDNT STAND THE THOUGHT OF THROWING UP....COULDNT DO IT. IV SUFFERED FROM ANOREXIA FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS ON AND OFF AND LIKE U HAVE NEVER BEEN GOOD AT IT CAUSE IV NEVER LOST ALOT OF WEIGHT. iv gotten down to 108 BUT ALWAYS GAIN IT BACK. I KNOW ITS A CONTROL ISSUE FOR ME CAUSE MY LIFE IS SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW AND I DOUBT ILL EVER STOP. IT JUST FEELS SO GOOD TO CONTROL WHAT GOES IN YOUR MOUTH AND TO KNOW U CAN CONTROL THAT ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE EVEN IF U CANT CONTROL ANYTHING ELSE. IM ALSO A BIG BINGE EATER-THERE ARE DAYS WHEN I WONT EAT ANYTHING AND THEN THERE ARE DAYS WHEN ILL EAT TACO BELL LIKE THREE TIMES A DAY AND USUALLY ON THOSE DAYS ILL USE LAXATIVES TO HELP GET RID OF IT. ITS A NEVER ENDING CYCLE FOR ME BUT ITS GREAT TO KNOW IM NOT THE ONLY ONE OUT THERE GOING THROUGH THIS. IF U EVER NEED TO TALK PM ME. GOOD LUCK!
08-28-2004, 09:29 AM
billyspincess - i feel for you girl... been there with both disorders. see with me, it was more like telling people that i didnt do it to loose weight. if i wanted to, i could have. i just did it for control and not to gain weight. thats why i would say to people, come on, if i did it to loose weight dont you think i would have lost more than 10lbs in two years??? either im a really bad bulimic or there was other reasons why i was doing it. it is all about control. i got to the point where i thought my kids were going to find me dead over a toilet bowl. 5 weeks ago, i was drinking a glass of water and i felt it, i cant explain it, but i felt it go the wrong way. that scared me. the thought of having a hole in my esophogas was scary. trust me, i have my moments where i have slipped, but overall i think im on my way to recovery. its a long process, but i think i am ready now. before i wasnt ready. now i am. maybe we can find support here through one another. me to girl. if you ever need to talk, im here. i wish you the best also.
08-30-2004, 09:59 PM
Well I have always had a problem with emotional, and stress eating which climaxed at worst to a problem with binge eating. I am overweight but not obese. Anyone who has ever struggled from binge eating will know that you eat for no reason and don't stop because you never feel full and don't care. Eating becomes a habit, something to use as an escape from life. For my part there has never been purging involved.I have a very close friend who has suffered from anorexia and has been hospitalized on and off for years. Eating disorders of any kind are horrible and controlling and I send out all of my prayers to anyone suffering from one.
08-31-2004, 12:54 AM
I can't imagine going through all these issues. Wow.. I'm overweight right now, yes, but i have never had an eating disorder, thankfully. I can't imagine what you must go through.. the fight for control.
I do know that the more you talk about it and the more you make it aware, the more you are probably helping yourself. So keep talking about it. It takes a very strong person to admit they have a problem. In fact, isn't it said to be the hardest part?
08-31-2004, 01:08 AM
Wow !!! What a great idea...
JeffsPrincess/BillysPincess...thanks for sharing that. It's not easy...I can relate to what you posted. I am currently battling bulimia myself...although I gone through anorexic phases. I have been bulimic for 15 years and I have only just come to realize I have a problem in the last 3 years. I have sought support and medical help and things are coming along slowly but surely...
Oddly enough, it's my Mark (deathrow, San Quentin) that has helped me the most and in such a short time. He has created such a supportive environment for me to discuss things. Like many people, bulimia for me is not about weight, it's about control...and being able to release the things that fuel my eating disorder has done wonders. I can openly talk about my "demons" with Mark and know that I will not be judged. I started my journey with my penpal thinking I would be there for him...and it's amazing how much he's been there for me. He likes to call it "unsupport" :) because he isn't there to comment and judge....
Reaching out to someone is a great place to start the journey to recovery...
09-06-2004, 04:35 PM
I was anorexic in high school didnt get any better until I got in nursing school. I actaully wrote a paper in nursing school about my anorexia and how I planned to over come it. And I have. I think. I currenlty am 29 5'4" and weigh 125 most I have ever weighed and I feel so obese. I want to loose I try and try but in the back of my head I am really afraid of the anorexia reappearing! But I really feel uncomfortable at 125.
i was anorexic in my late 20's --- which is rather old --- but disorders like anorexia and bulemia are rarely just about weight. they are about control...when eveything else is going wrong what and how much we eat is usually the one thing we can control. i was trying to become invisible...my family treated me that way already so i was making it complete. it became a challange to see how little i could eat and survive. everyother day i would just eat bean sprouts and drink water. i'm 5'6" and at one point was down to 95 pounds and no one noticed! i realized on my own that i had a problem. i still have a distorted self image. i weigh 140,which is a little overweight, but when i look in the mirror i see something in the area of 300 pounds. i trade one destructive behavior for another. which finally landed me in prison for 2 years! :eek: oh well.....
09-14-2004, 02:19 PM
I have a big problem with weight. As JP wrote: Pressures and conflicts within the family are thought to be the primary cause of this eating disorder. If you have bulimia, it's likely you're an overachiever and perfectionist and feel you can't live up to the expectations of your parents, family, or peers. You may have problems with self-esteem and often suffer from depression. That is what I have a problem with. I have really low self-esteem and I am a perfectionist. I weigh 108 and I am 5' tall...and to me that is too much!! I have always had a problem with eating. I usually only eat once a day and when I was bulemic I was only eating once a day...but still throwing that up. I barely lost any weight though. No matter what I do I can't manage to loose any weight. I know to most of you 108 might not seem like a lot...but to me, it is too much. I don't know what I would find good. I am never happy with my apperance no matter what I do. Dave gets mad at me b/c he says I am tooo skinny and I am gonna end up killing myself before I am happy with myself. Hugs:p
09-14-2004, 05:20 PM
That is the one thing I can control. No one can make me eat or not and even though my body has reached a plateau, I maintain. It's not about the weight anymore with me, it's strictly the control issues.
10-17-2004, 02:37 AM
it is good to be open about this i think??
of course it relieves the dark secret...
i don't know though...i started throwing up when i was 15, i remember the first night i got on this i am going to be so thin and there is nothing you can do about it thinking...i literally said that to myself....so perhaps it is control when everything around you is out of control..
interesting enough it also was the one thing my mom couldn't do is be or stay thiin...yeah, definite mother issues..
my throwing up and being skinny became a slave to many masters...
for me throwing up did wonders...yes, i became very skinny, it relieved all my emotions...and, i could throw up all the things that upset me...but, that were never going to be resolved..
for some they can stop, and for some of us it does become an addiction...i also had that extreme anorexic thinking that some of you mentioned...every night i did a bone check, to make sure all were protuding enough, and i had to be able to put my thumb around elbow to my index...i had tons of these little rules if you will...finally when i was 20 ii was hospitalized for 3 months in a lockdown facility...
anyway, i am now 41...and, still have the issues not as bad...where i couldn't weigh over 90 now i am 102...i go through phases, from about the age 31 until i was 38, i don't know i wasn't hungry...i lost my womanly, which is not good=bone loss...
ohhhhhh, gurls, it is a challenge...for food is so primal...it is meant to nurish us...how such a fundamemtal act of life gets so twisted is baffeling...
and, unfortunately, much of society rewards you for being so thin...guys always like you..women want to know your secret...oh, your so lucky etc.
i do believe in harm reduction.....meaning, once a day is better thenn 5x, or if you can stop the laxatives, but still throw up that is better, you with me?!
since, i quit smoking back in 1995, i chew sugarless bubble gum...when i am needing the hand to mouth thing...and oral fixation, if you will=}
ii am proud of all of you women who are opening up about this...it isn't ez..but, were never alone..
anyone can pm me anytime....
just be ez on yourself..
i noticed i'll over extend myself, over work, etc. and then that sets up my thinnking , i've accomplished all this, and at the end of the day i can buy my binge food and throw it up..and then all is well...
much peace and love to you all
11-17-2004, 09:56 AM
I have had several eating disorders in my life, and yes probably like the most of you it probably comes from women in my family, both my older sister and my mom are thin, my mom is 5' and weights only 110 pounds, her sister is 5'4" and weighs 102# and 10#'s of that is breast implants(she is thin but its all muscle there not just skin and bone) and my sister is a mix between those two.
I guess it all started when I was a kid and wanted to be like my dad and started to try to imitate him and how he did things, this also included how he ate....well before too long I was getting to be the pudgy kid. Well allot of people think heck he is a kid he will just burn it off. Nah not true, by the time I was in the 2nd grade I had broken both my arms, my tail bone and my nose (3 times). needless to say I started to become very used to being in a cast so I got used to not being very active....well here comes high school....and I thought kids could be mean in Jr high and elementary school. People who were your friends suddenly turning on you calling you names because you didn't fit their new friends views of what people should be or look like.....well needless to say this caused allot of issues with me...
The first thing I did was stop eating.....I would get up in the morning and go all the way to dinner with no food, and at dinner I would only eat enough to make the hunger pains stop...once they stopped I didn't eat any more...I would then normally go to bed about an hour or so after eating so I wouldn't get hungry again and get tempted to eat again. I repeated this process for about an year...needless to say I didn't lose any weight, in fact I was gaining weight.....I have no idea how but I went from being 200# when I was a sophomore to being 217# when I finished that year...so when I saw that I knew that wasn't working so over the summer I stopped doing that and then learned about laxatives.....that august I started to abuse them. I was eating about a half of package of exlax(the chocolate bar type) a day and drinking allot of water so that my liver wouldn't keel over on me. well the weight came off that way I went back down to around 200# again. so over the coarse of the school year I fluxuated between using laxives and trying to get by at school. It finally happened at the end of my Jr year I was old enough to get a job so I stopped using laxives because I was up to taking 2 whole packages to just have the same effect.
My senior year I was just too busy with school and work to give a damn any more...by this time I had found some good friends who didn't care what I looked like and I was dealing with other aspects of my life.
Well graduation day came and went and I found out my parents well still very adamant of refusing to help me with college. They don't feel that college is important and that if I wanted any more education that I should go to trade school and do stuff like cooking(which was my job all though school) or do the same kind of work my dad did which was an electrician. Well I didn't want any of those to be the rest of my life....I had applied to places like Dartmouth, Purdue and the like, well I was already accepted to Purdue and Dartmouth by the time I was graduated and had partial scholarships....well with out my parents help I couldn't get student loans or grants because the made to much money at the time. So my only alternative was to join the military....so I started my regimen of laxatives and eating very little and running my butt off every day...the running part I quite enjoyed. well after three months of constant running and abuse I had dropped 20 pounds and was in their weight limit.....the day came where I went to meps and they body fat tested me.....I was too fat!!!! they said my body fat ratio was still obese....I was the skinniest I was in my entire life, you could count my ribs, and see both of my hip bones...yeah I still had some of the gut left but nothing like before....well I was devastated...so I gave up....Thank goodness for the internet boom the next year...I joined a company that has been good to me and have been here ever since....I don't fret about my weight as much any more but the temptations are always there to go back to what I had done before. Expertly now since I have meet some one on the inside and they are quite the athlete. So I have set goal again and this time I hope to do it right...not concerned about the weight or the looks part just what I am able to do. Run again, he likes to run, become flexible like I was, and not feel like crap at the end of the day from sitting at my desk at work for 10 hours.
Sorry for this being long and probably boring....but its helpful for me to say it
01-28-2005, 12:38 PM
I would just like to give you all a little update. My "five week practically bulimia free", well that came to an end a long time ago. I am back to throwing up all the time. Everything.
I had a scare a few weeks ago. It was late at night and my heart wouldn't stop racing. I was scared to go to sleep with the fear that if I did, I would never wake up. All I could do was look at my little 5 year old boy sleeping and cry. The thought of him waking up and finding me dead.
So for a few days I was ok. I was determined that I could do it. I even went as far as to calling treatment centers here in Baltimore. Eventually, the fear subsided and I was back to throwing up again.
I have come to realize that I can not do this on my own. I have checked our the Radar institute in California, and am seriously considering checking myself in this summer.
I have tried on many different occasions to stop, and the truth is I just cant. I cant, and I hate myself because of it. No one understands. All I hear about is how perfect I am and how I am beautiful and have a great body, why do I feel the need to loose weight? And I just want to scream!!! My bulimia has nothing to do with loosing weight and no one gets that. In the past 2 years of me being bulimic, I have only lost 10 lbs! I could loose weight if I wanted to from it, but that is not the reason I do it.
I have just had enough, you know? Thanks for letting me vent ladies!
04-24-2005, 03:58 PM
I am an overeater. I ahve been most of my life and continue to be. I ahve found a way to do different things to help myself though. I don't keep chips, pop, junk food in the house. So now when I overeat I am overeating fruits, vegetables, and meat. I have a problem with too many carbs. I am thinking if i can get the right combinations of those foods and stick with my therapy I ahve been doing once a week to work through some of my other issues I will finally see some success with my weight.
08-04-2005, 07:25 PM
Jeffsprincess...i Havnt Been Back To This Thread In A While And I Just Read Ur Last Reply. How Are You? It Made Me So Sad To Hear U Were Back To Throwing Up. U Should Really Think About Getting Some Help Or Atleast Talking To Someone About Your Disorder; If Not For U, For Ur Son. If Your Heart Races Like That When Ur Trying To Sleep At Night Thats Pretty Severe. Im The Last One That Would Sit Here And Criticize You Cause I Too Still Have My Ups And Downs..i Still Cant Break My Laxitive Habit And Really Have No Plans To Yet But Ur Story Really Makes Me Worry. Im Here If U Need Support And Please Keep Us Posted On Ur Progress....good Luck!
09-28-2005, 11:12 PM
hmm well isnt this interesting i have been thinking all night about a thread like this then i find it
i am mia or bulimic... i have been for over a year now .. my mia is what keeps me sane these days.. i have no intentions right now of recovery.. i am a full fledged mia supporter i sport my mia bracelet everyday... i know lots of you dont believe in this ..but this is me ... someone in another post stated that it wasnt about the weight ..adn thats how it has become for me .. i mean a small part of it is always about the weight ..but for me its more about the control my mia is the ONLY thing i have complete and utter control over these days ... i was just wondering if there was anyone else out there who was pro mia or pro ana ? id love to chat with you so pm me if your out there
10-16-2005, 02:11 PM
"Eating Disorders Among College Women"
11-27-2005, 05:19 AM
I have seen alot of good information here! Just don't want you to think you are alone, I too suffer with bulimia, I have for 14 years. I was in a eating disorder clinic before I went to prison for close to 6 months. While I am doing better now, I have no support in my area, the closet group is 3 hours away. And the holidays seem to be the hardest on me.
05-10-2006, 01:47 PM
I, too, was bulimic and still tendencies every now and then.
I grew up with a mother that CONSTANTLY harrassed me about weight and a super thin sister. Our kitchen was "closed" every night after dinner and I wasn't allowed to eat. I got guilt trips after eating things that were "bad" for me. Everytime she saw me, her first comment would be about my weight...(SHE went her entire life eating 3 crackers in the morning and 3 crackers at night...why couldnt I do it?!)
I, too, got to where I didnt have to put my finger down my throat and could do it where no one could hear.
It took a couple tries for me to stop, but everytime I eat a lot of something bad for me, I still do double takes at the bathroom and consider it. (and 90% of the time, I will do it).
01-27-2008, 08:25 PM
Well reading this thread actually made me cry. All my life I've been an emotional eater. My weight was a problem in 6th grade (I was less than 5'0 tall and wore a 16W). My mother has me even to this day terrified to go shopping for clothes and I'm such a girlie girl. I actual break down and cry in dressing rooms. I remember my mother yelling at me because she couldn't buy me clothes on sale or in a certain section of the store. That still haunts me. I've always felt uncomfortable with my body, especially around people.
To this day I never really thought about me having an eating disorder, but now that I think about it I do. I've noticed that when I work out, I lose weight sorta constantly. My problem is that sometimes I eat when I'm sad, argry, bored, or whatever else. Just a few weeks ago I ate so much that I made myself sick, literally I was throwing up and using the bathroom for a day and a half.
I guess the first step for me is to say that I have a problem, an eating disorder. Now I just need to fix it. Thanks for listening that was really great for me to let that out. WOO HOO!!!!
01-30-2008, 06:55 AM
Welcome Pearl_rose! You have taken a tremendous step and things can only improve from here. You are not alone!
Last night I ready some writings of a friend of mine who is a food addict. Reading her thoughts and words made me realize that what I was calling emtoional eating was really the same thing as a food addcition. I have always used food the same way an alcoholic uses alcohol to try to numb themselves from the pain of the moment. I started thinking about what my "triggers" are so that I can be mindful of them when situations arise that cause me stress and anxiety. Knowing what to do and watching closely for our triggers can help us overcome.
02-20-2008, 03:18 AM
I have been anorexic since I was 14. Sometimes I think I am done with it but then it comes back again. The problem is that when you once had an ed, you will never fully recover from it.
02-22-2008, 04:59 AM
Reaper07 - I hope that isn't really the case. I hope you can and will one day overcome it permanently.
I have to think this about food addicition because I would feel doomed from the start. I have to believe that recovery is the finish line for this and that one day I will arrive!