Ok... I've never been raped and I hope that none of you have either but I just thought I would ask everyone's opinion on this..


If you had been raped an hour or two earlier, would you be in the mood or even the condition (mental & or physical) to then have consensual sex with someone else?

Yup, this thought came up based on the Kobe Bryant's defense claims that she had sex soon after she was allegadely raped by Coby.

I couldn't image how the heck anyone could be in the right frame of mind to have sex again with even their husband or loved one just after being raped unless it wasn't actually a rape.

Keep in mind this isn't a "is Kobe innocent or guilty thread... "

I believe I would be too freaked out and the last thing I would be thinking about is having intercourse.

that would be the last thing on my mind. it would more be like get as far away from me as possible......

Oh, (bleep, bleep bleep) NO.

Unless....... the victim saw this as someway to regain some of the "power" lost in the rape. But I just don't see that as a possibility.

Interesting question.

JJT

Another vote for freaking out here. I thought about this and the only way i could have sex after being raped is if i was trying to hide the fact that i had been raped from my husband or something. then again, i think i would find someway to get out of having sex if i didn't want too. So my vote is HECK NO!!! I can't even see myself having consensual sex with two different people in a span of a few hours for that matter.

Statistics show that a victim is not in the frame of mind for consensual after a rape. But everyone is different if it wasn't especially violent I could see someone wanting to make love to their partner to block out the rape. But in my experience that doesn't usually happen.

I didn't vote... I know for sure I wouldn't be having sex with my man shortly after being raped but not because I would be freaking out necessarily but because I would be dealing with a variety of emotions and I don't think that for me jumping into bed with my man would be the answer for me. While being raped would cause most people to freak out I can't say for sure that it would be what I felt. I guess I seem pretty matter of fact about that situation, naturally I have my reasons. The thing that would concern me most would be the idea for STD's, that factor alone would keep my legs closed to my man whom I love for a bit...

Just me,
Patty

I voted for no, I would be too freaked out. I really don't think the freaked out part really fits. I just know I wouldn't want to be touched by anyone. I think that I would try to make sure that I kept everything as normal as possible. I know I can get away with not sleeping with my husband for a day or two, but after that he would definetly wonder what's wrong. I would definetly have to do some praying.

Shona`

No asolutely not.In my opinion & every individual is different,after being raped you feel disgusted with yourself & pretty much worthless.It can take weeks/months before you'll let a man near you again whether its your husband/boyfriend or whoever & then sometimes you never get back what you had before it happened

As a victims advocate it's very common that I see victims within 24 hours of being raped. None of them every want a male within 20 feet of them. We don't even try to assign rape victims to our male victims advocates. It just doesn't work.

To each his own, but if a victim of rape sleeps with someone else within 24 hours (or even longer, most likely) of the rape, theres no way I could ever convict someone of rape if I were on the jury... It would raise my eyebrows way too much.

i know for sure i would and will not do it cuz i have been there before and to make it worse i've been raped by a person i "considered" a friend ... my mind was all confused and i had a hard time to get "busy" with my boyfriend (at that time) for a long periode of time!!!! it took few years for me to understand that it wasnt my fault and that i can NOT push every person in my life away cuz of this jerk ... today i regret to some point that i didnt press any charges but back then all i wanted is to get away from this person that sold me the illusion of being a friend and did something so terrible to me!!! i had my times where i would "abuse" guys for sex specially after being hurt by somebody and i do know that it is not right towards those ppl but i am only a human being and far from perfect ... i guess what i try to say is that it is different in each case and every person would handle it their way ... i guess today i would deal with the whole situation way different ...lets not even think about it!!! but till my last day on this planet i will be thankful for the support i had from my boyfriend (one of my closest friends now) and i owe him big time for the simple reason that he showed me that there are people we can trust and believe!!! :thumbsup:

It's an interesting topic. I would probably have some guilt [not saying it is justified] if I had been in a hotel room with a guy, flirting, kissing, whatever...and ended up getting assaulted. Of course it goes without saying that NO ONE should be raped and I am speaking only for me...I would be real hard pressed to be near any man any time soon, including my husband. But that's me.

Having sex with someone else would be the last thing on my mind.
I personally don't think that Coby raped her. I think she's just trying to get paid.

I voted NO. A violation of such could put me over the edge. Especially since I'm a one Man's Woman and have been saving all my love for my husband.

NO... :no: I would not want to be touched period!

Uh, I'd be too busy at the emergency room and the police station for a few hours. ergh. getting date raped (and I have been there) does NOT put one in the mood. When it happened to me I was young and just shut up, but nevertheless, I certainly wasn't up for makin' whoopee for a day or three.

Never happened to me....but I can only imagine feeling so violated that I'm not sure a hug from someone close would even feel welcomed!

Not a chance. In fact, it would be a long while before I ever wanted to.

I know that I could not have sex after being raped... Then again I would not have sex with 2 guys with in hours of each other!!!!

Rape is violence against an individual, emotionally and physically, no matter how "gentle" the rapist was. No way, two hours later; I would also be too busy at the ER and police station to make sure that every shred of evidence was documented.

Like someone else said...No I wouldn't! I've been there...and well, let's just say it took me alot longer than a couple of hours before I even THOUGHT about having sex...more like ummm...say 2 or 3 months! :( It happened to me by someone that was supposed to have been mine...and my boyfriends friend...some friend, huh?
Anyway...no way would I or could I have consensual sex after that. And like the others have said too...for that matter...I couldn't/wouldn't be with 2 guys in the same day PERIOD...whether I had been raped or not. That is just ummm...disrespecting yourself to me...IMO.

Huggs,
Selena

im with everyone else ... no way in hell would i be in the right frame of mind to have sex with my partner.

i dont think he raped her either, and i hope they nail her to the floor.

I have never been in that situation but I would think that would be the last thing on my mind

Sex would be the furthest thing from my mind if that situation happened to me. I've supported Kobe from the jump and I think this girl on some b.s.

freekobe.com

Well, personally, I'd say NO NO NO---and probably for a long time afterward, too. But having been a cop for over 20 years, and currently working in the ER, I HAVE actually seen a few people who HAVE had sex shortly after they were raped. I think the motivation was trying to wipe out or undo the rape in their minds, and also, if they had a strong relationship with someone at the time, for comfort, and to feel that they were still desirable, not "dirty" or "used". My two cents' worth, anyway...

I don't think I would be able to. But I voted for not sure, because I haven't nor do I ever want to be put in this situation.

I haven't read all the responses, but I've been raped more than once and NO, I wouldn't under any circumstances be "in the mood" to have consensual sex after a rape. You don't "block out" your rape by having sex with someone you love. NOT! For a lot of women, it's hard to ever have consensual sex again after a rape without therapy.

I have to add here that I've seen on a news item that something was said about her putting on dirty underwear before she went to be tested, too, and I don't buy that, either.

Can someone please tell me who Kobe Bryant & Coby are.Im sorry I dont no about this case.

Rubensgirl Kobe Bryant is a basketball player who played for the LA Lakers. He has been accussed of rape. If you google his name you will find every thing on him.

softie

ok thanks Softheart:)

ok, I have also been there myself. It was two years before I let anyone touch me again. I agree. No way, no how, no reason. Would I have consentual sex after being raped. It just doesnt' work that way.

Just my 2 cents....Kat

NO NO NO!! I would be in a horrible frame of mind and the police would be called as soon as I got away. It would be awhile before I felt sexual again.

good point toi. Who puts on dirty underwear to go get examined? Icky yuck.

After I was raped it was months before I had sex with the one I loved and over a year before I could have sex with my loved one and not have the rape crawl horribly thru my mind during 75% of our sexual encounters. NO way could I have had sex with my man shortfly after the rape.

Granted, I've never been there. But I think I would be freaking out and that would be the last thing on my mind. You know I said the exact same thing when I heard that about Kobe's accuser.

No way ... I have a friend who was raped recently ... she can't even look at men. she throws up and can't even eat let alone have sex!!!

That has happened to me. It took me 4 months before I could have sex again. I wasn't with Daryl at this time but he was my best friend. the guy that did it was supposed to be one of my best friends also one of my exes. Neeldess to say a lot of bad things happened to his pride and joy (truck) by Daryl and his friends. It happened about two years ago but I've finally gotten to the point where I can actually do things without having flash backs. Daryls been very supportive and helpful to me throughout it all.

No freakin' way... I couldn't imagine wanting to be with anyone after going through such an experience.

I can tell you this you look at sex a whole diffrent way and not a good way and it sure does take away from the old saying making Love that is no more after a rape ever.

well, i guess i am the lone dissenting nutcase. Because there are circumstances under which i could see myself having consensual sex right after being raped. Mostly because I react to trauma by havign sex because it is mainly how i feel close to the men in my life. But i could only do it that soon because i was abused as a child and have some automatic dissociative defense mechanisms as a result. So the rape just wouldn't get to the 'real' part of my brain right away. The thing I COULDN'T see myself doing is actually ever going and filing charges for the rape and all that. I think unless it was really violent, if it was something that grew out of flirtatious behavior I'd probably just go along anyway and not really consider it rape. That is also part of my history though, because it is hard for me to feel like I have a right to say no and to believe it would actually make a difference if I did. When you are constantly overpowered as a 5 year old it is hard to grow up believing your wishes count for much. So to me her behavior seems inconsistent. If she accepts it as rape then the reactions described by these other women seem normal to me and if she is dissociating from it then going to do something about it doesn't seem likely. Just my 2 cents.

grasshopper ~ I don't think you are a nutcase, I can relate, different story but same outcome, it is what it is for some...

Patty

That was a well-made distinction, Grasshopper. Haven't seen you in forever by the way!

I think she just wants money. I wouldn't go alone to a guy's hotel room and not expect him to make moves.
I want to say though that I did something very weird at 19. I was a virgin, and was set up and raped by a 23 yr old co worker, just back from vietnam. I had refused to have sex with him several times before. It was planned out ahead of time by him. I was not physically hurt, but was a mess for a long time and promiscuous. he was probably a solid 220 pounds. I was crying and he said "well let's be adult about this". I knew I wouldn't get anywhere in those days with the police. the weird thing is that I had consensual sex with him the next day. It was like, since I wasn't a virgin any more and couldn't wait for love, I at least wanted decent sex and to sort of erase the memory. somehow the second time hurt like hell and that was it. I found out the man had a girlfriend! I wasn't really prepared for dating after attending an all girls school and I left home at 19. I just saw wuz fuzz's post. I guess I am not the only one to act like this. I tell you i would only go to the police if it were an extremely violent attack because I would feel violated all over in the ER having people observe me getting that type of exam. no way.

I have been in that situation, and I voted the freaking out and no way, cause that is how I was feeling. I was a teenager at the time, and it didnt sink in what had happened to me, I was afraid and just wanted to stand under a shower for the longest time, because I felt "dirty and awful".

I was raped by one of my brothers friends and I did have sex with my boyfriend with 2 days. The only thing I can tell you is that I was in complete denial. For the longest time all I couldnt even remember any details. I remember he asked me to come to the apt and I remember leaving. I kept telling myself over and over, "you're okay, you made it out of this alright so it doesnt matter." I cant explain it but I was fighting for normality and to convince myself that I was alright and that I would be alright. I was not "into it" or "in the mood" when I did it afterwards, I was simply going thru motions trying to convince myself I was okay.

Only to add I recently read an interesting article, some of which said:

"... but prosecutors have filed a document that says cotton cloth can retain semen even after it has been repeatedly soaked or washed. ..."

and

" ... This does not explain sperm and semen on the swabs from the woman's body, but SI has learned that besides being a small sample, the DNA from Mr. X consisted of only the portions of sperm that remain after it has degraded over time. 'Generally, when degraded sperm is all you see, it means several days have gone by,' ..."

From Sports Illustrated article: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2004/magazine/08/31/scorecard0906/?cnn=yes

And, one more thing very interesting ... Dr. Henry Lee was on Court TV talking about his new book. In the book he talks about the Ramsey case ... he believes the unidentified DNA in the underwear little Jon Bennet was wearing came from the underwear manufacturer!!! Believe it or not he traced the underwear to a manufacturer overseas. That one made my jaw drop to the floor, but that's what he said. :eek:

I wa raped 17 years ago by 2 men, both of whom I knew as one of them lived in my house as a roomie. NEVER did I, nor would I have gone out and had sex with ANYONE after the rape. Not only physically are you tormented, but mentally you are so messed up, your emotions are at an all time high, the range is immense! So I vote NO!!!! And I speak from experience.

I wouldnt want to be around a man neverless one touch me even if it was my husband.

No I would not have consensual sex after a rape. I am a survivor of sexual abuse and would react SO POORLY to the rape that I probably would end up putting my life in danger, I think. If the situation were to occur (GOD FORBID), I'd either be locked up in a santiarium for losing my mind or in prison for the murder of my rapist.

Okay, so I have some issues with this...

Rape is a violent, brutal act. For me, I couldn't imagine even having sex after something so horrible like that were to occur to me.