Hello everyone,

I have a confession. This is the first Christmas that my son will not be with us. I have to confess that I am having a terrible time with this.

Christmas has always been such a special time for me, however this Christmas I have not even put up a tree. I just want this holiday season t be over as quickly as possible. I keep trying to remind myself that Jesus is the reason for the Season but it is not helping.

How is everyone else doing this Christmas? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Susan

Hi Susan,
I am not doing bad. Kenneth will be home in Jan, so i think that is what is helping me. how ever, my heart bleeds for you, i know how hard it is. I had a ex brother in law that i was close too that died july, this is the firt hoilday with out him. :( it is hard to believe that he is gone.
i try to keep my mind on other things and so the best i can to be there for others. please know that you are in my prayers. you and your family

lulu

Susan, I know exactly how you feel and I feel the same.I wish it were over and it will be soon.I hope I didn't make you feel worse, I'm just saying your not alone.Bless you ....Valerie

This is our first Christmas without our son also. I feel a sadness in my heart and I could do without all this Christmas stuff too but I did put up a tree because I have other children that I must also think of. I bought Jerry a few gifts, wrapped them and put them under the tree. My daughter asked why I had done that. I told her that we didn't want Jerry to think that we forgot about him on Christmas and so I wrapped some things that he will need when he comes home like socks and underwear. I know it will be painful when all the gifts are open and Jerry's will still be under the tree but it will give us a moment to think of him and look forward to the day he will be sitting at home and opening his present. I plan to do this for his birthday too. I know he has moments where he is when he must feel perhaps they are not thinking of me but when he gets home, he will know that we thought of him on every occasion. I just dream of the moment that I can watch him open all of them. Little things like this is what's keeps me going. My dreams of the future. And I still believe in miracles. What if God had plans for him to walk through my door on Christmas day and I didn't have anything for him?

In times like these, 'we' are the ones that must be strong for our kids. Hang in there. I have you in my thoughts and prayers.

SUSAN........BELIEVE ME YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THE WAY YOU FEEL..........THIS IS MY 2nd ONE WITHOUT TODD AND I THINK THIS ONE IS WORST THAN THE FIRST ONE........SO JUST HANG IN THERE.............SHERRON

....if you need to confess...then you'll notice a lot of us doing the same-lol. Don't feel bad for being a little down it's a tough time of the year.
(((hugs)))...don't worry before you know it, it'll be February!lol ( I hope!!!!:))

Dearest Susan

It has been 13 years for me, but this year it seems to be worse than it ever has been. Oh well, tomorrow it will be gone again until next year. I will enjoy what I do have and try the let the rest go..

My Love and Have a Happy Holliday, (as much as possible)

Donna

Oh Susan I hear your pain my friend. I am sorry that this is a time that is really hard for you. I always hated holidays too and what I did is what some others have shared with you that they did and that was keep the mind busy busy. It really does help even though you think it won't it does somehow. Another thing that helped me is I volunteered on a giving a Christmas to a angel and also I have opened my home for those that might not have any family or anyone. What I am saying is I did something totally different for me than just think and it has helped me in so many ways. So as a suggestion get with friends, loved ones or anyone that can ease your mind with some positives.Also light a candle on behalf of the one that isn't there with you and let that be them for a few mins. My prayers are with you and just remember you are never alone no matter what we will always be here for you at PTO. Big hug from texas cherrie

SUSAN WE ALL PROBABLY FEEL AS YOU DO BUT WE HAVE EACH OTHER TO GET US THROUGH THIS JUST HANG IN THERE AND CHRISTMAS WILL BE OVER SOON

Yes Christmas is hard on those beyond the bars but harder for those behind the bars. We have to keep going so we can encourage our sons or daughters. Right now is the worse time for my son and we try as a group to do what we can to make things better. We were able to set up a tree in visiting room again this year. Although visiting is behind plexiglass with no contact at least we try to bring them a little Christmas. Hopefully next year we can send them something other than socks, underware and thermal underware. At least that is a gift we can send.

First year without son........... I think that one sentence says it all

Hi Susan,
I guess I am surviving...I really miss my son tonight.

Hi Susan, this is my eleventh Christmas without my son Richard. I must say it has been the best of any of them. I am sure it is because I have found my PTO family. I have received thirteen cards and thank you's for the Christmas cards I sent from our list here. They are just great some of them have been three and four pages, I can't begin to tell you how wonderful that has made me feel. I really didn't think it would ever get better but it has and I am so glad. Love Barbara

I feel the same way as you all do... this is my first Christmas without Joey and I feel like I am just going through the motions... I have little ones that need me and that does help but I hurt so bad for my Joey... Patty

Susan

This is the hardest time. I cried the first few years but time has healed some of the hurt. Butch now gets to call home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and talk with all the family. That really helps because he feels like he is at least still a part of the family. He actually got to call and talk 20 min on Tuesday. He only talked 10 yesterday.

God bless and keep you all. It is hard to hurt so very bad

My Love
Donna

SUSAN
YES CHRISTMAS IS THE HARDEST TIME OF THE YEAR TO BE AWAY FROM A LOVED ONE, BE THAT THEY HAVE PASSED AWAY OR THEY ARE LOCKED UP. I TRY TO DO SOMETHING FOR ALL MY LOVED ONES THAT ARE ON THE OUTSIDE WITH ME AND WHEN WE DO SOMETHING TOGETHER WE TALK ABOUT MY SON CHARLEY, LIKE CHARLEY WOULD LIKE THAT OR THAT IS CHARLEY'S FAVORTIE FOOD, WE INCLUDE HIM IN OUR HOLIDAYS THAT WAY. IT SEEMS TO MAKE HIM A PART OF OUR HOLIDAYS AND BRINGS HIM CLOSER TO US. CHARLEY HAD SOME FIRECRACKERS IN HIS HOME AND HIS BROTHER WENT AND GOT THEM AND GAVE THEM TO CHARLEY'S NEPHEWS AND TOLD THEM TO POP THEM AND GRANDMA COULD TELL CHARLEY ABOUT HIS FIRECRACKERS ON HER NEXT VISIT. THAT HELPS US TO MAKE IT THRU HOLIDAYS AND EVERYDAY BECAUSE WE INCLUDE CHARLEY INTO OUR EVERY DAY LIVING. SO YOU MIGHT TRY THAT IT WORKS FOR US. BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG WE DEARLY MISS HIM AND YES I CRY FOR HIM BECAUSE HE DOES NOT HAVE ANYONE TO SHARE US WITH LIKE THAT. SO FIND SOMEWAY THAT WORKS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY, BECAUSE EVERY TIME I VISIT MY SON CHARLEY HE TELLS ME, MOM YOU AND DAD GO ON WITH YOUR LIVES AND ONE DAY I WILL BE IN IT AGAIN. SO MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND HELP YOU AND YOUR FAMILY COPE.
IRIST TEXAS

Jerrys Mom--
That is the sweetest thing to do for your son. I just can't stop crying today!! Seeing all of ya'lls posts knowing that we are all feeling pretty much the same... and if ya'll are feeling anything like me... well, like i said, i can't stop crying.
That was such a nice thing to do for your son!! I wish all of you a better day...
diane

Susan,
This was my 3rd one without my son, the first one was most definately the worst! I wish I could ease the pain for you. This last one wasn't so bad because I kept thinking 6 more months till he's home (that's if he can stay off drugs and out of trouble!!)
My sister in law has her church send out cards to people that won't be home for Christmas. She started when her son went into the military. The church sends cards to everyone (including inmates!) My son gets more cards than anyone else every year. It's something to look into starting!
What s*cks the most is not being able to do anything for them. Here I can't send packages just cards and they limit pictures!! This year we picked a name off a tree and brought a little boy named "Andrew" his Christmas. I told my son about it and told him to wish Andrew a Merry Christmas on Christmas Day.
I didn't buy him gifts, that may sound cold, I love him but he put himself there not me. Now when he gets out and wants to start over, a new life, then I'll help him. We have a two of everything in this little house so he'll be set when he's ready to move out and move on with his life. Right now we are saving $ for a used car for him when he gets out. So I don't feel bad about not getting him anything for Christmas. We've spent so much on the drug rehab he walked out of and the lawyers to keep him out of prison or (lighter sentence). He realizes what we've done for him that should be enough. But I know I miss the little devil to!! Hang in there, this too shall pass. Sending you peace and comfort. (( )) Big hug! Cheryl