I got to see my x for the first time at the correctional facility in Osceola today, its been a couple of months since I have gotten to see him. I still love him so much. I hated seeing him in that bright yellow suite and his hair shaved. He seemed to be doing ok. I couldnt even touch him except for a hug when I got there and one when I left. I cried all the way home. My kids would not even go with me. They are ages 19 and 16 (boys). Im not ever going to make them go but I dont understand why they dont want to see their dad. :confused: I can go see him every weekend that I have the money to get there. Am I the only one having such a hard time dealing with this? I know I divorced him but it was only to make him lose something very dear to him (his family) to help him want to stay clean off meth and stop manufacturing the drug. I cant help but feel for him after almost 20 yrs of marriage. He says he has learned his lesson and will never hurt me again. How can I be sure? Do I give him another chance when he gets out? I probably will. If he gets back on that stuff, I will be the one in prison for killing him..................

Hi, my name is Vickie & my man is also in Osceola for meth. I know exactly what you mean about giving him another chance. It scares me to death! He gets out in Nov. It will be a year. The first couple of months were really rough on me then up until the last 6 weeks or so I was doing pretty good. It was the most stress free I've been in years. Not having to worry about where he is or what he's doing, if he's dead or alive, all that kind of stuff. Now as it gets closer to time for him to get out I'm getting all tied up in knots, can't sleep or eat. I'm scared to death about what's going to happen. I've told him every time I've seen him that if I ever even suspect that he's doing anything I will turn him in myself! I don't intend to live 1 more day with any of that crap in my life again. The next time he messes up he will get 28 years! God only knows if that will be incentive enough or if he will think he is invincible again. I thought loosing everything would be enough but I was wrong about that. My son, not his, has been on me to get out from the 1st day he was arrested. He has stayed pretty mad at me for trying to hang on. As he says "You're determined to ride that ship all the way to the bottom aren't you?" I promised Rod I would be here for him when he got out, once. Now I'm kinda half-ass regretting it. I don't know if I've lost feelings or am just so scared. He was arrested the 1st time in May 03', stayed clean for a few days then started all over getting arrested again in July, stayed clean for about 1 month then quit about 6 weeks before he went to jail. See what I mean? He may be one of those people who just does not learn and I'm going to look even more stupid that I already do. I just don't know what to do.

It looks like were in the same boat. I have until March 2005 to decide what to do. Im scared to. He has put us all through so much. But like your man, if he gets into it again and gets caught, he will be sent down to a "real" prison for up to 30 yrs. Im like you, if that doesnt give them the incentive to quit, nothing will. I pray for you and your family and hope all goes well when he gets out. As you know from experience, it will all be in hands what he wants most, his family or his drugs..........