It's been six weeks since I first posted here, have been reading and offering support to others.

My son was charged with domestic violence in the first degree which occured in a accidental situation with a gun while his girlfriend when they were drinking and high now the grand gury has come back with addtional charges of attempted murder.

The Dectective in charge of the investigation is a real dick and is making this out to be some premeditated act, they were in love with each other for God's sake!

Anyway if convicted of two class A felonies he could spend his life or a major portion of it behind bars. He is 21 and just a sweet kid who got mixed up with the wrong crowd and didn't Have any parental guidiance or supervsion from his mother who I allowed him to go live with when he was 14, (I was the custodial parent) at 14 he could have a choice of which parent he wanted to live with and his reason was that "he never lived with his Mom" he was resenting me for keeping him here aginst his will and I let him go..........

I don't know that I can live through this, to go to court and watch what they will do to him. and then live with the outcome.

I really don't know if i can live through this, or if maybe it would better to say I don't know if i want to live through this,
or to say i don't know if i want to live.

Ii'm taking antidepresents and Zanax for the anxitey, I would hate to see how i would feel if i weren't taking them.

I couldn't be any lower. I have to funtion and perform at work and I have a wife and daughter to suport through this, were do you get the strength and desire to go on? how do you ever find joy again in your life?

I feel like my life is over and all the joy of life, my heart, my emotions, my soul, has spilled out pf me onto the floor

I give you all my strength and support to get through these hard times! Every last ounce!

If there is ANYTHING you need, shoulder to cry on, someone to cry to on the phone, you let me know!

Oh Hon!

My heart goes out to you. I wish there was something I could say that could take the pain away. However, the pain will remain but you have to be strong for your son and your wife and daughter. They are counting on you.

I know this is one of the hardest things we as parents have to deal with when it comes to out children. It is like a nightmare and I cannot tell you where the strength comes from because my son is 8 months into his sentence and even now there are days when I just do not want to get out of bed but I think that if I am not here for my son then who will he have to help him through this?

I just know that by reaching out and talking to others who are in similar situations have helped me cope. I am guilty of not always posting and I can tell because I start to feel isolated and like the whole world is against me. I think by sharing our pain and frustrations it helps us be strong for our loved ones.

Know that there are people who care and who will pick you up when you fall and as budwoman has said when you are at the end of your rope--tie a knot in it and hang on.

Take care,

Susan

Thank you Susan and Soul you are for real, and Soul your willingness to offer yourself for my sake and others is a act of love in it's purest form, where you give of yourself with the expectaion of receiving nothing in return..............

My Dearest Child:

I too know the hurt you feel. I have gone through this very same situation twice with the same son. I sat in a Courtroom feeling like my heart would come out of my body. It very definately was breaking. He served 1 1/2 years the first time and is now serving a 52 year sentence. He has served 12 of those 52 years. He was 24 years old when he went in this time. The actual pain never ends. It is always there, but, I have found that when I help others that it is not as sharpe. It eases quite a bit. I try to stay busy and not think of negative things.

Honey, if you really feel the way you seem to in your post, call a counselor at Family Guidance Center and make an appointment. They are set up to be able to do a reduced rate on fees. They can completely omit them if the financial situation requires. They are governed by the State you live in.

Please don't try to deal with this alone. Stay on and active here. Even tho we cannot hug you, we can try to comfort through words.

Keep your faith in God. If you don't have it at this time, seek it.

My Love and Prayers are with you Child


Donna

PAND........I REPLIED TO YOUR OTHER POST WITH THE SAME TITLE..........BUT LIKE I SAID IN IT .......I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH......BE THERE FOR YOUR SON.......NEVER....EVER STOP SUPPORTING HIM........I KNOW RIGHT NOW IT FEELS LIKE THE YOU CAN NOT GO THROUGH THIS, BUT.........SOME HOW YOU DO........I THOUGHT I WAS NOT GONNA MAKE IT.......BUT YOU REALIZE YOU HAVE TO TRY THE BEST THAT YOU CAN.....CAUSE YOU JUST HAVE TO FOR YOUR SON........PTO IS WHAT HAS HELPED ME FROM TOTALLY LOOSING IT......CAUSE TELL YOU THE TRUTH.....IF I HAD NOT FOUND THIS PLACE.....I WOULD PROBABLY NOT BE BREATHING RIGHT NOW.......I REALLY THINK PTO HAS SAVED MY LIFE......SO PAND PLEASE HANG IN THERE.......PLEASE THINK OF YOUR SON................SHERRON

Thank you, i will make it through this......

Today is a better day, things could worse, i have to live one day at a time and today is not a bad day.

I am thankfull for now that my son is in a safe, clean county jail, where he says the food is excellent (can you believe that?) he is spending time reading his bible and he said he knows the lord has a plan for him, and everything will be alright.

I am not going to be the one to tell him the reality of his charges and hope his attitude lasts as long as possible

I'm glad your having a better day, and I know there will be more to come.Your right by taking one day at a time. I understand how you feel as I have two son's and my only children in prison. I hope you find comfort and love here at PTO, as I have. God be with you and bless you, your son and family.

oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you

I feel your pain also. But your son needs you now, as do your wife and daughter. When my son was sentenced, I felt my heart had been ripped from my chest.
Please stay stong for your family... and the wonderful family at PTO will help you deal with your pain. You and your son are in my prayers.
Take care,
Brenda

I send you a piece of my heart. I know you were crying when you wrote those words. And I hope there was someone there to comfort you. Don't fall victim to guilt, Pand. You must not allow it to consume you. Please listen to Budwoman and seek some kind of help. The feelings you have do not always go away on their own. We are here for you when you need us. God Bless you.

Alright Honey, I am glad to see that you have had better days. May they all become better. Keep you faith. You son does have a job here on this earth. If he can help only one person, then he will have acomplished a great deal. I pray for you and he. It is hard, but, just think how strong we can become.

My Love
Donna

I am so sorry to hear about your son and what has transpired for him. Don't blame yourself for feeling like you could of done something different in raising him you did what you thought was best at the time. I know sometimes it is hard not to beat myself over things I did in the past that turned out to be a bad decision but, what I found is those decisions have helped me to make better choices today. Stay strong for your son and wife and daughter. We will always be here to helped you through so keep us posted. Best of the best for all of you during this time. My prayers are with all of you!
Cherrie

PLEASE KNOW WE CARE AND ARE SENDING YOU OUR STRENGTH, OUR LOVE AND PEACE! WE ALL KNOW THIS PAIN IT DOES "FEEL" UNBEARABLE. BUT WE CAN GET THRU THIS TOGETHER! (( )) BIG HUG! PEACE. cheryl YOU CAN MAKE IT THRU THIS, YOU MUST, YOU WILL!

PANHDICE
SORRY ABOUT YOUR SON, I HAVE A SON IN TDC IN TEXAS, BEEN IN FOR 2YRS 6 MONTHS, GOT 5 FOR DWI. I FELT THE SAME WAY YOU SOUND TODAY, BAD FEELINGS, I GOT ON THIS SITE AND THE PEOPLE ON HERE BROUGHT ME OUT OF ALL THOSE BAD THOUGHTS, WE ALL GO THERE SOMETIME OR OTHER BUT YOU MUST BE STRONG FOR YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR SON, HE IS GOING TO NEED YOU MORE NOW THAN HE HAS EVER NEEDED YOU OR ANYONE IN HIS LIFE BEFORE HE GETS THRU THIS, ESPECIALLY WHEN HE DOES FIND OUT HOW MUCH TIME HE WILL SPEND BEHIND BARS, THE WAY YOU TALK IT SOUNDS BAD. BUT I KEPT SOMETHINGS FROM MY SON AND WHEN I FINALLY TOLD HIM, HE SAID MOM, DONT KEEP THINGS FROM ME JUST BECAUSE I AM LOCKED UP, I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. I PROMISED HIM I WOULD NEVER KEEP ANYTHING FROM HIM AGAIN. YOUR SON NEEDS TO BE TOLD HOW BAD THINGS ARE LOOKING FOR HIM. IT IS BETTER HE KNOWS AND CAN PREPARE HIMSELF FOR THE OUTCOME, RATHER THAN BE THINKING EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK. IF YOU CANT TELL HIM GET SOMEONE TO GO WITH YOU AND LET YOUR SON KNOW, HE CAN DEAL WITH IT BETTER KNOWING RATHER THAN GET IT ALL PUT UPON HIM WITHOUT ANY WARNING. THAT IS THE WAY I FEEL, HE MIGHT HAVE THINGS HE WANTS TO TAKE CARE OF BEFORE HE IS SENT TO A PRISON, HE MIGHT BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF THEM BETTER IN A COUNTY JAIL NOT. YOU MUST MAKE YOURSELF STRONG ALSO SO YOU CAN STAND BY YOUR SON IN HIS TIME OF GREAT NEED FOR HIS FATHER, DONT BLAME YOUR SELF FOR WHAT HAPPENED, I USED TO TELL MY KIDS WHEN THEY WALKED OUT THE DOOR TO GO SOMEWHERE, YOU KNOW WHAT BELONGS TO YOU AND WHAT DOESN'T AND YOU KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG. BUT I BLAMED MYSELF AND WONDERED WHERE I HAD GONE WRONG, BUT THEN I REMEMBERED THAT SAYING AND I KNEW I WAS NOT TO BLAME MY SON KNEW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF HE DROVE AND DRANK. BUT THAT DID NOT MAKE ME LOVE HIM ANY LESS, JUST KNEW I HAD TO LOVE HIM MORE AND LET HIM KNOW THAT I DID LOVE HIM BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT GETS OUR LOVED ONES THRU THESE HARD TIMES, SO HUG YOUR SON EVERY CHANCE YOU GET BEFORE HE GOES TO PRISON AND BY ALL MEANS LET HIM HEAR YOU SAY THOSE WORDS THAT JUST TAKE SECONDS TO SAY BUT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE IN A DAY IF WE HAVE SOMEONE TO SAY REMEMBER I LOVE YOU ALWAYS. HOPE ALL TURNS OUT OK. PUT YOUR TRUST IN GOD AND HE WILL HELP YOU THRU THIS, WE WONDER HOW WE CAN WAKE UP IN THE MORNING AND GO ON WITH OUR LIFE WHEN WE HAVE A LOVED ONE LOCKED UP, BUT MY SON TELLS ME AT ALL OUR VISITS AND IN HIS LETTERS, MOM YOU AND DAD GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND ONE DAY WHEN I GET OUT AND COME HOME I WILL JOIN YOU IN THAT LIFE. SO MAY GOD BE WITH YOU AND WRAP HIS ARMS AROUND YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND GIVE YOU THE SUPPORT YOU NEED, AND HE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR SON. ALWAYS COME TO THIS SITE WHEN YOU ARE DOWN AND NEED TO TALK THERE ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE ON HERE. IRIST TEXAS