My boyfriend just finished alcohol treatment. We were friends before he went in and became a couple while before he was sentenced. We made plans to move in together when he got out. We've considered moving out of state because we thought it would be easier to maintain sobriety. I received a letter yesterday saying that his #1 priority has to be sobriety and he can not maintain a relationship at this time. I've stood behind him through all of this! I want him to stay sober and find happiness more then anyone. I'm so hurt!

Maybe he was just having a really rough day?? Maybe you can some how talk with him and make him see that you guys can work at this as a team:) I would think it would be much rougher to do something like this on your own.

I know that it sounds harsh but sometimes you have to work on yourself and it proably what he is doing. They tell you not to be in a relationship for at least 12 to 13 months after being sober.. Relationships are hard to maintain with out fighting the battle of addiction along with it!! I wish I could make the hurt go away but I'm real sorry that your in such pain!! Maybe you can go to Al-anon and get help in learning how to deal with a recovering addict!!!!! I wish you the best of luck!!!

I agree with Louis'sgirl... go to alnon. I know that it hurts and seems like he is pushing you away, but he's really not. He's just trying to change himself and his life. He can't love you if he doesn't love himself first. It's really all for the best. Just stay by his side as his friend and let him know that your going to be there for him. Love is strong and you guys will get through this. Good luck and God bless.

I am attending Al-Aon meetings myself. I just started last week. I have only been to one, but I have already gained a lot of insight into this whole process. At least you can see that he wants to be serious about maintaining his soberity. My boyfriend is supposed to be going through a Substance Abuse Program in prison soon. He feels that he needs to move into a half way house once he is released instead of moving home with me at first. I told him what ever he feels will help him heal is what I want. I was sad at first that he wasn't going to come home directly to me, but I would be even more hurt if he came home and started using again. I hope everything works out for you.

If he is serious about his recovery then he will make soberity his #1 priority. What we have is a life and death matter. I say we because I am a recovering alocholic and addict of 7 years. The first year of soberity is the most important because first they will be getting all of the drugs and alochol out of his system. After about 6 months he will start to come of the pink cloud as they call it. He will have to work very close to a sponsor and do meetings every day if he wants to make it. Just because he said that he could not maintain a relationship now does not mean forever. They say don't even get a pet the first year because you can't take care of it. Your first year you are learning about you, and there is a lot to go through. But if you really love him go to al-non just like he is his program. Take this time to learn about the disease and about enabling and what you can do for you. Al-non is just as important for you as is AA is for him. Trust everything will work out just the way it is suppose to if you both work on yourselves. Jeanne

teebell- as heartbreaking as it is- what everyone here has said is right on.
He is making his sobriety his #1 priority, which is wonderful. (for him and for you!)
When he feels strong enough, he will come back to you, and your lives together will be so much better for it!
Go to al-anon, understand what it is that he is dealing with, and take care of yourself!
We are here for you!!!