I am hoping someone can help me with some advice with my brother in law. He is 22 yrs. old. He is shooting up meth. This is my husbands brother. My husband usually handles him very well but he is doing 5 years in prison right now. So I am here feeling like I should be there for him since my husband isn't. My brother in law , Gary, is facing charges right now for second degree burglary, cultivation of Marijuana, posession of a sawed off loaded shot gun (sorry i don't actually know the charge), burglary of tools, and so many more. He is facing a long time. He has 3 kids - 2yrs, 1 yrs., and 1 month. His wife left to California with them. I bonded him out of jail - which i feel is the biggest mistake. But I felt if he had a job and was trying to do good the judge would see that before sentencing him. Well he went 2 weeks of not touching anything and this weekend he finally did. I want to help him because he is like a little brother to me. But how? How do I help him with out him thinking everyone is against him. I know jail time is good for him but I do agree with a lot of you that jail is not a rehab. If anyone has any suggestions to help me i am all ears. Thank you.

wow- well, when does he go to court? Does he know how much time he is looking at?
You bailed him out cuz you thought that was the right thing to do- and that is the decision that you made. Nothing wrong with that.
However, if he doesn't want to stop using, he won't. When he goes to prison (which i am assuming he will be???) maybe that will help him get his head together.
Unfortunately honey, there is nothing you can do for him. He knows you care for him, but this is HIS to deal with, not yours. Is he actively using right now? Is he doing any NA groups or anything like that? What does he say about all of this?

Well his next court day is next Thursday. It is only his preliminary. Right now he has his probabtion officer on his side. They are trying to drop all of the gun and drug charges and just have the burglary of tools and second degree burglary. Then he could get off very easy. But if the DA doesn't go for that he is looking at worst case 25-40yrs. He has previous gun and drug charges. And this does make him special offender and aggrivated. He is not doing any NA classes or anything. Honestly I don't know what he thinks about the whole situation. I think he just feeds us (me and his family) what we want to hear. I don't know if he thinks this is some kind of joke. Or if he just thinks he will get away with it like he has everything else. He is using again. I have seen him on it so many times I know what he looks like on it. His wife always believed all of his lies so I guess he thinks I will too. But do I confront him about it or do I just let it go so that he keeps in contact with me and goes to court? I don't want him mad at me. I really don't know what to do.

wow- well- not to sound mean at all here, but whether or not he will be mad at you shouldn't be a concern of yours right now. He needs help, but he doesn't seem to care about it. You can't do anything for someone who doesn't think they have a problem, or doesn't care that they have one.
Are u able to talk to your hubby about all of this?
It sounds to me that it is time that your bro in law starts taking care of his own life, and not depend on other people to do it for him.
I don't want to sound harsh, but you can't put this all on you- this isn't your problem, it's his.
If you can talk to your hubby, maybe he can give you some insight on what to do-or not to do.
Don't take this on as your problem honey- it's his. Does he live with you? I would confront him on this and tell him that you know he is using, and that if he wants any help from you at all, he needs to get his life on track. You can't make him go to court- you can't make him do anything. What he chooses to do will determine his fate.
Good luck to you and keep us posted!

Thank you Jeni so much for all of your advise. I know I shouldn't care if he is mad at me but My main concern about him going to court is I have the $2000 signature. Meaning if he doesn't go I have to pay the bondsmen that amount. I can't afford that right now. I am striving to support my son, my husband, and I.

As for my husband - that is a whole other issue. I am upset with him because he is the one who guilted me into bonding him out. I didn't want to. I knew it was too soon for him to get out of jail. But big brother is always there to bail him out. (this isn't the first time we have put our lives on hold to bail him out of jail.) When I do talk to my husband about it all he says is - "Maybe it wasn't time for him to get out". Then I just want to strangle him for saying that.
I want to revoke his bond too but I have to know where he is at that exact time. It costs $110 too, but his mom already said she would sent me the money to do it. My only problem there is finding where he will be at.

But again Jeni I do thank you so much for your advise. I think it is easier to talk to people you don't know - I think they give the best advise. Thank you again and I will definetly keep you up to date.

I was reading this and wanted to offer the opinion of a person that has been in your position. I have 3 close cousins, 2 aunts and a few friends in jail because of meth. You can not make him stop using, it is even available in jail. I have bailed people out only to have them steal my money, my car, and just about anything they could sell or trade for meth. He will only get help when he's ready. My youngest sister has been on it for about 3 years. I've sent her to rehab,I've even locked her in my house for weeks at a time. I did this to help her get clean and as soon as I thought she was better she would go right back to it. She was making it for a while, so it was always available. All you can do is be there when he's ready for your help. One day he will thank you for not giving up on him. Maybe his attorney could ask for court ordered rehab instead of jail time. Well I hope this all works out for you and your family. Just do what you feel is right. You have already done more for him than he deserves.

Thank you aclark3. I have now come to terms with it. And the rest of the family has as well. I did talk to him last night (finally after 4 days). He sounded good. But it was over the phone so who knows. I have decided to just continue being there for him no matter what. And I let him know that last night. I asked that he just call so that we know that he is alive. Thank you again for your advise.

Oh wow- I wasn't even thinking about the bond money!
Well, it sounds like things are ok right now. I hope that you don't lose out in the end of all of this though.
Hopefully this is what it finally took for him to get himself together-
Truthfully, I don't think I could leave a loved one locked up either if I had the funds or had a way of getting the funds to get them out. It's a tough situation to be in!
Again- keep us posted!