Hey, you all. :rolleyes: My name is Chanda and I got this friend that I really care a lot about; his legal name is Richard. But he goes by the names: Whisper and/or Jim. Whisper is his prison and street name. Jim is who I knew him as back in school until he changed into Whisper in his teen years... (sighs)
He had been in juvenile halls in and out before, so this wouldn't be exactly his first time behind bars... He got three counts of UUV and one count of Burglary 2 with 23 months' sentence with a release date of April 14, 2004. Just now, I found out that he had been rearrested on July 31, 2004 and went back to the county jail on August 1, 2004. He is awaiting trial and sentence ordered by the judge on his one count of UUV and one count of Assault 3. :mad:
Anyway, I'm thinking of sending this letter that I wrote. But I needed to know if it sounds good... I don't want it to sound unimportant and meaningless but I also don't want it to sound whippy or bitchy. But I want it to make points and make him remember lessons and break through his hard head! Here I go... I'll check back on this thread frequently until I modify and send this letter out to him.
Some explanations before you read so you'll understand the letter throughly. He must have his ears examed by an audiologist to verify his deafness at the audiology clinic to have his Social Security started due to his disability. Bill is my step father who raised me since age 3 with my mother and he also knows my friend. Francisco is my friend's parole officer upon his release on April 14, 2004 and the probation will end on June 27, 2005.

---start---
Hello. Here you are. How are you doing? I hear you got another UUV and one count of Assault 3. Mind explaining? How is your family doing? I got 3 envelopes for you from the audiology/plastic surgery clinic, what would you want me to do with them? I didn’t know what to do exactly so I enclosed them with this mail.
I’m extremely disappointed and despiteful of you now that you made choices to inapporpriate language removed per PTO Policy.. please review them once again me over and mess yourself up again. I pray that you find some decent respect for me in your dark heart. I see that you say you are all about respect, but the ironic thing is that you want everyone to respect you... what about respect and compassion for yourself and us in return? You said you can promise me our money wont go toward drugs? I find it appalling that you ask me for money at your own convenience while you did not comply with your words to return the money back to me on May 7. I worked for that money. I feel angry that I worked 9 days for nothing. It is very hard to trust you completely again.
But I can say one thing for sure, I can trust you like how drivers trust traffic lights. A lot but not completely right away, ‘cause I have a scar in my mind when we were teens, I let you drive my car on Commerical Blvd. and the car swerved into the left side of the road with cars passing by us at night. Fear came over me like nothing I ever felt and I’m scared of feeling that amount of fear again. You are capable of doing a such thing like that and scaring me like that, so I say you’re capable of pretty much anything else. I want to trust you 100% so bad without any hesitation but when I start to hesitate, I want to cry.
You told me often that you’d never shoot up again and be there for people you love. I separated you from my parents because I had a pride issue. I wanted us to prove ourselves to each other so my parents will be proud of you and accept you as their future son-in-law. Bill said you surely are one hardheaded bull. He insists on seeing a lot of improvement in you and positive actions. Bill is so edit when he learned that you chose another women over me and did these things all over again to end up right back behind bars. You are not a man of your words after your release in April and those special buddies wouldn’t be proud of what you’ve done to yourself. I feel pity for you because I did not like what you said to me and other people. It really hurts me to see you talking that way.
“Taking care of my edit is what an addict says as an excuse to continue their drug habit. Accept that your edit is already severely edit up and nothing you can do to fix it, all you can do is do over again from scratch and start from there!
Whether you choose the treatment or move away, you’ll do better. I see that you say Francisco is playing game on you. But no, its really your game. You need to realize that its YOUR own fault that you got yourself in jail. Be responsible and put the game aside for a change. You must find virtues to assist you in refocusing your life.
We had our chance to be together earlier this year and we blew it. Its agonizing for me to adapt my love to love you as Whisper on the outside. I fell in love with you as Jim, the inmate whose the guy I knew back in school. However, I want Jim back. In a way, I’m thankful that you dumped me because I realize I do not need to suffer with a man like Whisper. Though, please recognize that I feel like Im always your girl. You know you have the room in my heart but the door is ajar, and its about to close. Its up to you to catch the knob before its locked. I say you just have to fix some issues of your own then you’ll be ready for your next relationship with real TLC. Anyway, I have my mind all set to be a single mother for a very long time.
Are you refocused and you wont fail this, this time? I apologize for being a pest. I feel like I’m in a battle with the devil and I won’t stop until he lets you go. I just care about you too much to just give up.
What do you say to all this?
---end---

Hi Chandra,

I will take a shot at replying to your request to review the note you want to send to your friend. My background is working with teenage males ages 12 to 17 who are in an alternative school type placement so my advice may reflect my experience with emotionally disturbed teenagers (oppositional-defiant, ADD/ADHD, or bipolar) so my suggestions may not "fit" you or your friend, but I'll try anyway! :)

First, ask yourself exactly what it is that you want to communicate to Jim. Is the purpose of this letter to remind him that he owes you money? Is it to ask him to explain the circumstances of his crime? Is it to encourage him to take advantage of an opportunity to get services for mental health/drug abuse/alcohol abuse, etc? Is it to remind him of your break-up, or for him to explain why he cheated on you? You make good points in your note, but be clear about what you want him to get from what you say.

Start the letter off with positive words. If you start off with negativity, he'll probably stop reading after the first sentence and never see the rest of your letter.

Next, decide what issue is the most important. Do you want to get back together with Jim? If so, tell him what he needs to do to get you back and stick to it-- for example, let him know that trust is something you value and let him know what he can do to earn back your trust. Tell him that he scares you sometimes with his out-of-control behavior and that you don't want to be afraid of him. If you want to get back together with Jim and if he wants to get back together with you, it's important to let him know how to do that. Be clear about what behaviors (of his) scare you or disappoint you or anger you and then tell him what he can do to take away your fear, disappointment, anger, etc. Be firm, but also be encouraging and supportive in his recovery (if he chooses recovery, that is). Again, be clear!

As for the money thing, it's good you want him to know that you are disappointed and angry that he took advantage of you by borrowing money from you and not paying it back. Don't be anyone's sugar mama, Chandra! :)

Finally, at the end of the note you wrote: "I have my mind all set to be a single mother for a very long time." Do you and Jim have a child together? If so, there are entirely different considerations you should address. If not, what do you mean? You don't have to answer that question here on a public forum, but answer it in your head and express it clearly when you write to Jim.

When you end your letter, end it with positive words; let him know that you will support him if he wants to change (but make sure he knows that you will support him if he actively DOES something to change, like take part in programs while he's inside, for example). If he doesn't want to change, you have to make a tough decision, Chandra -- let him keep hurting you and taking advantage of you or let him go. YOU can't change him. HE has to change himself. Value yourself enough as a woman to make him earn back your love and trust (if that's what you want) then tell him how to do that. Remember, take small steps, don't overwhelm him all at once.

Hang in there, girl! :thumbsup:

I hope I was of some help :)

Ruffian

Chanda,

I am sorry, I could not read the whole letter. Is this the same guy that left you for the other woman and went back to his Meth habit? I thought you were over him and cutting all ties with him.

I am so upset that you would take the time to even write him a letter? He is just going to hurt you again.

Let him go.... get on with your life. You are a wonderful, beautiful person. Why bother with someone like this?

JJT

JJT, I ditto that. Sorry ChandaMija but you need to let go and let God.

If this were Chanda's first, second, third try with this guy, My advise would be entirely different. But Richard has proved himself over and over again that he has no intention on making things right with Chanda or giving up his drug habits. And I love Chanda too much to beat around the bush anymore.

If I seem harsh, or uncaring....... Please understand that there is alot more than what is posted here. Thank you.

JJT

Ah, I had no idea of Chandra's history with this guy.

Listen to your friends, they give you good advice!

Ruffian

Well, good news: This letter wasn't sent at all. Instead, it's saved in a hidden file in a remote location in my hard drive.. I found out that he's released on 08/13/04 from the county jail and the charges were dropped. I need to get over him for real and cut all ties! JJT, you're right. I keep saying that I need to cut ties with him but I need help with that. Forgetting him and have no part in his life altogether is very hard for me.