After worrying for days on end about my boyfriend possibly playing in the drug scene in prison because I have heard barely a word from in these last several days I have decided to reach out for help. All of this constant worrying about him possibly breaking my trust and messing with drugs again is taking over my life. I called around this afternoon to find out if my community offers Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings. Due to the budget crunch they only offer Al-Anon meetings one day a week from 12:00 to 1:00. That is perfect because that is my lunch break. He said the advice they offer on dealing with an alcohalic and also be used when dealing with a drug addict. He asked if there was anything he could help me with and I told him that I have a loved one with a drug addiction and I want to learn how to deal with it the right way. He the meetings go over enabling and taking things personally. Then he asked if I tend to excessively worry, and I said YES! That is the basis of this phone call. He said the meetings will help to deal with this. I felt better after that phone call, but a thought crossed my mind. Since my boyfriends father and I are really the only ones in his life I thought it might be a good idea if his father attended the meetings with me. He is a huge enabler and has enabled Dave his whole life. He feels he his helping, but he is also in denial of his problem and isn't very aware of drug behaviors. I want to ask him to attend with me, but I am not sure on how I should go about doing it. Any advice?

Well, my advice would be to just go ahead and tell him what you are doing and ask if he would like to join you, but don't be disappointed if he defers. The thing is those of us who go to Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, in that regard we are the same as the addict and alcoholic - the loved one of an addict or alcoholic can only get the help they may need when THEY want it and when THEY are ready. Hopefully if you bring it up to him and mention that you thought this might be beneficial to the both of you, he might be interested, but again, don't let yourself get disappointed if he is not...

You are right Lysbeth. I will mention to him what I am doing. Just because I am ready dosen't mean he will be. I just don't want him to feel that he has to do this because I bring it up to him. I only want him to go if he wants to go. If anything I will put the thought into his mind and he can think about it at least. The addict isn't the only one with the problems.

Print out your post and show it to him! You said it perfectly! At least he realizes there is some form of a problem. He THINKS he's helping when he's not. I think your best bet is to just talk to him about your concern openly and honestly.

AA & NA meetings are awesome! I've been to a few just to observe while in college. The dynamics of support are so wonderful. I'd also suggest going to one by yourself so you can tell him what it's like before taking him along for the second one.

Some people aren't aware how many friends/family members go to AA/NA meetings. It's NOT all drunks & druggies at the meetings. Quite a few support people go to the meetings simply because they care. I hope he won't not go because of the possible stigma attached. He seems like a father who tries to care, however...so half the battle is over! Good luck!

I went to my first Al-Anon meeting today. I already feel like I understand my feelings better. I would suggest Al-Anon to anyone. I also was given al ot of brochures on th program so I am going to show them to Daves father. He can decide if the meetings are for him or not

We do not have Narcanon either, only Alanon. It's not for me...my son incarcerated at SCDC is a drug addict. I attended some meetings, hoping for help to deal with his addiction. They informed me that "MY SON" would not be discussed, they were there for ME (the family member affected by his addiction). In other words, the hell with my son....I should just do the Tuff Love. Sorry, I'm not good at that.
I'm very glad that it is helping you. You hang in there.
C Mom