Is it enabling if I offer to take my man's paycheck every week and take care of the bills? My man's "drug trigger" is money , I know it's better to let them take care of their own affairs, and budget their on their own, but I also have heard through several post of recovering addicts that if a person knows their trigger is money, they should give it to someone they trust before they make poor choices with it. :confused:

It's true that they should, but if they're still having a drug problem, they're not going to give you control of the money. You can offer, but whether or not that works will remain to be seen. Good luck, though.

I agree with toi ama. I am a recovering alcholic and addict. So is my husband who is sitting in jail my I add. (hahaha) I had to open my own checking account so I could pay the bills. His trigger is stress and money(sometimes) but he knows when he comes home one of the new rules is I keep my checking account and I get his paycheck to put in my account to pay the bills. He will get spending money for the week just like I do but he won't be allowed in the checking account. To many bad check I am having to pick up this time around and I am tired of the bills not getting paid. For my husband if he wants his own its because he is or wanting to use. Jeanne

He does give me $ occasionally. It's usually $100 bills at a time. This past Saturday, he gave me $200 to hold for groceries. The week before that, he gave me $120 dollars to take and hold onto, this was while he was high. I guess he didn't want to spend it on more drugs. (Does this say alot for him or am I reaching at false hopes?):confused:

My boyfriends trigger is money and stress as well. I have taken over his finances while he has been away. He had a credit card both in his fathers name and his as well, but I told his father to close the account because he wasn't responsible enough to have a credit card. If he wants one he can get one in his own name and handle the bill. I don't beleive it is enabling him if you handle his finances, but I am not a professional. Hopefully somebody will come along with the correct answers.

NO you will not be an enabler if you take his money and pay the bill--you will be an enabler if you allow him to spend his money on drugs and you are left to pay the bill. By the way it takes lots of money;USUALLY to do drugs. i know there are other means of getting them so if he doesn't have the money then he will have to do less drugs.
Proud grannie

That is a tough question. Ask yourself what you are getting out of the act. If you are getting some kind of satisfaction and you are getting more out of it than he is then it's enabling. Now...if he has asked that you help him...don't take the money...sit down together and pay the bills. Do this when the money first hits the household. If money is a trigger for him he will have to learn how to defeat this trigger. What happens if you are not around in his life? He's going to have to learn to do these things on his own.

No its not enabling but i can tell you from experience. If he wants drugs he can get it without money. When my husband and i were still married he gave me his check each week and I deposited it into MY account I would give him money for gas and lunch---a small amount of money. And he still found a way to get meth and thc!

ONE

No its not enabling but i can tell you from experience. If he wants drugs he can get it without money. When my husband and i were still married he gave me his check each week and I deposited it into MY account I would give him money for gas and lunch---a small amount of money. And he still found a way to get meth and thc!

ONE
I'm finding that out 1day. It's crazy, just when you think you have set up a road block, they go down a different road to get to the same place. Just a little frustrating.

i totall feel fo you..i am in the same situation as far as the addict finding a way, and they will to get drugs..

but, no you are not enabling him...it sounds like he is still using i wouldn't have him involved with the bill paying...even once he stays clean...the first few years are rough for many..

they say in A.A. you don't have to be in a roomful of alcohol, and not drink, to prove our recovered..

actually, understanding your triggers is critical to staying clean...and learning coping mechanisms...also, going to 12-step (aa, or na or both), and get a sponser!!!

al-anon for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if you ever want to talk pm me...
i've been on both sides
much peace to you and yours
francis

I think that would be the right thing to do. As long as he goes along with it, why not. Better to have the bills paid first and foremost.

Enabling is allowing them the opportunity to continue using - meaning you take care of them after runs, lie and make excuses for their behavior, try to clear their reckage, take over thier financial obligations (meaning you pay their portion of the bills)

By helping them to budget and paying their bills IMO isn't enabling.

You hit the main point impoohbearsgirl...helping them...not doing for them...not fixing for them...not blocking them...not taking responsibility for them or their actions...that's why I said to do it together...


cj

It's not enabling, it's proactive and smart. I use to pick up my exes checks before pay day came, just so we wouldn't have any financial mishaps. But that was after I spent hundreds of dollars, catching return checks. Now if you are doing this to financially stay afloat, and not to stop him from using then you definitely have the right idea, because that is the only thing it is going to accomplish. FYI: it is going to bring about more issues than you think, so you got to be strong and be prepared to deal with the outcome.
mm4ever