The first thing I noticed at the female prison I work at was the rampant lesbianism versus the male yards.

At the male prison there were just a handful of men who were gay and they were extremely discreet due to the incidence of violence perpetrated against them.

Yet, at the women's prison I dare say at least half or more are lesbians.

We also have a phrase we use for many of them.. "gay for the stay". These are women who are normally straight but are gay in prison.

You just wouldn't believe the number of women there who are carrying on a relationship on the outside with a man yet have a woman behind the fence.

I was just curious to know if anyone else had an experience with this. It doesn't really apply in my situation as the inmate I am involved with isn't a lesbian.


NOTE: This thread is not intended for gay bashing so please keep it on track.

I do not have a loved one in a women's prison, nor have I been in one, but if I had to venture a guess as to the why there so much lesbianism it would be this: Women tend to be more affectionate towards each other as friends and perhaps the affection turns into a closeness that turns into lovemaking. That would be my guess.

Hope that helps!

Denise

Well actually I have asked a few and they pretty mucvh all say the same thing...that as women they need relationships in times of trouble.

I think some of them use the lesbian relationships as a source of strength...I guess they feel they can't make it on the inside alone.

My daughter and her partner as well as a family friend are all lesbians who have been in prison. They've all told me that women's relationships on the inside aren't about sex as much as about emotional bonds with each other.

Question: My friend was not into women on the outside. Now she has a "wife" that she made on the inside. Her wife does not like me and has made my friend stop writing me and asked me to not visit her because they are "in love".Does this mean I should give up on my friend?

Personally I would not give up on your friend. You have to be sensitive to the fact that these are not natural circumstances - I only hope your friend values your friendship enough to fight for it. I would not give up a friendship for my partner unless there was something hidden in that friendship.

Im somewhat in the same situation.I have a girlfriend whos locked up in the Ventrua Youth Facility whos is 18. I'm 22. My world has turned upside down eversince she's been locked up. It's been 10 mths. SHe has 2 more years to go. We keep in touch by writing eachother,and lately, she hasnt been replying to my letters. Her recent letter she did mention that she had a "fling" in there, that grew close to her, and she started to have feelings for her. all i want is for her to be happy. I didnt agree with it,but I wanted her to be "okay" in there, so i told her that it was alright i guess, as long as IM the one she loves. I miss her so much. Does anyone know any info @ the Ventura youth facility? I miss her dearly and i would love to visit. SHe says that she has to get me approved to visit, but it's been forever. How long does that take? someone help.

Just a comment - I am have not been inside but if i were to go inside more than anything my relationship would be for security, comfort compashionetc. "Gay for the stay" not too sure about that to be honest. Is there a version for Bi people on the outside?

I feel there is less stigma around women geting close rather than men. I have had both m/f partners on the outside, going inside would not deter me from either - but i would like to think i could acheive a relationship with someone regardless to the length of my stay.

Not sure if my post is relevant - probably makes no sense but just thought id say you know : )

When I was locked up I swore I would NEVER get involved in girl/girl relationships. I was involved with someone at the county, and it hurt when she left. So I didn't want to get involved. I was short timing it anyway (only 2 year sentence). Well about three months into my stay I met a girl and we became friends, and well it was hard watching everybody else have relationships, and not me. So we became a couple...we had sex...and when I was released it was over. I did love her, but it was a love of convienience. I always wonder what happened to her but I don't want to go looking for her. I would say that 90% of the women I was locked up with have been or was at the time involved with another female. Seriously the number has to be that high.

I think a lot of men do the same , they just hide it better. Prison is more critical of a man with his arms wrapped around another publicly , women have always been able to get away with showing affection with other women. We go to the bathroom with each other, hug, kiss and it is all accepted. I would imagine many many men who are locked down with another male in that tiny cell and in some prisons locked down 23 hrs a day, horny as hell are doing something but would never ever admit to that.

Shhhh I don't want to think about it. My husband is locked down 22! I have thought about it but I don't know if I want to know. He's doing a big sentence. What can I say I did it. LoL I have the same stereotypical thoughts though.

LOL My lips are sealed, Vanilla flayme .

Well it's almost time for her to get out, and nothing from her. I have had a third party try to keep me informed,and tells me that she asks about me, but as I told her, I'd rather hear from Maria :(

But I guess I'm just needing to "let go", or at least that's what I keep being told.
I'm part of her past, and she just wants to forget about her past.:cry:

*sigh* I guess it's for the best, but what do about my feelings? And no matter what I will still have thoughts of her from time to time :broken:

I guess all I can do is be there if she wants me as a friend, and as a friend leave her be if that's really her wish :banghead:


Personally I would not give up on your friend. You have to be sensitive to the fact that these are not natural circumstances - I only hope your friend values your friendship enough to fight for it. I would not give up a friendship for my partner unless there was something hidden in that friendship.

Well I'm going on twelve years of celibacy and I'm on the outside, so I guess it all depends on the person and the place I guess.

Michael:o
I think a lot of men do the same , they just hide it better. Prison is more critical of a man with his arms wrapped around another publicly , women have always been able to get away with showing affection with other women. We go to the bathroom with each other, hug, kiss and it is all accepted. I would imagine many many men who are locked down with another male in that tiny cell and in some prisons locked down 23 hrs a day, horny as hell are doing something but would never ever admit to that.

Well I'm going on twelve years of celibacy and I'm on the outside, so I guess it all depends on the person and the place I guess.

Michael:o
Ah, you are a rare exception and it is so refreshing to here that .
I was celibate 13 yrs by choice. I have always been choosy and just could not give it out..
More power to you Michael:)

I don't think you should have to give up your friend going back to your question, unless your friend wants you to leave her alone.

Hehe :help:
I never claimed it was by choice, but early experiances tought me that if I going to "intimite" encounters then it's going to be by Mutual consent and with not only persons of My choice but that I don't want it to be "something" I'm ashamed of.
Really does narrow down the field, I have tried to find women, hell I've even looked into the Poly thing. But in the end I find many assumptions, and many nights alone :cry:
Funny thing is, when I'm honest, it normally makes people pull back. Go figure
Thanks for the comment none the less

Peace

Michael :shrug:


Ah, you are a rare exception and it is so refreshing to here that .
I was celibate 13 yrs by choice. I have always been choosy and just could not give it out..
More power to you Michael:)

*sigh* I will respond to that with what I told another person :(

That's the thing that gets me :confused: I "knew" her before she went in. I thought that if nothing else we could be friends. Yes I was basing this on our past, but it's not as if I asked anything of her, other than to be honest with me. One month she's just fine with me, but then after one visit, which I admit that I was sitting there looking at her and thinking of past fantasies and the woman I knew. I get a letter from her telling me that she was hoping we could be friends but that she sees that I want more and that her wife is upset with her and she can't risk losing this relationship because it means so much to her. And her "wife" writes me telling to leave Maria alone because I'm part of her past and she just wants to leave her past behind. It just seems so wrong, and trusting the wrong person is the reason she's in there, I don't know, and I guess I never will. I guess that's the worst part. Honestly if I knew that this was the best for her, and that she was Honestly happy it would be fine. *sigh* I guess it's just wrong to care about some things, cause in the end it does not matter. :broken:

Peace

Michael


I don't think you should have to give up your friend going back to your question, unless your friend wants you to leave her alone.

My moms has been in and out of prison and I know she was lesbian before she ever went in so I am not sure that she was really effected. i do know she had a relationship with a female the last time she was there.

I don't think you should have to give up your friend going back to your question, unless your friend wants you to leave her alone.
OY! Well low and behold Maria has written me after a year of no contact. She's almost out, and of course having a hard time. I won't go into detail as to what she said, hell most of it confused me. if anyone really feels the need send me a message and I'll type it up for you. *sigh* So now it would seem that part of her reasoning for cutting all contact was that I was "messing with her head"? Of course she says she's sorry for doing that to me and that she appreciates my keeping up sending her cards and stamps? God why do I have such strong feelings for people that have so many problems? :(
I've already answered her letter to me, but I'm still confused, and just scared that I'm being set up to be used. :confused:

And yesterday I got a letter from her. She says she doesn't want a relationship, but that she will always be my friend? I'm confused? I do not know what to do? She says she wants to get her life together, but that I'm in love with the person she used to be?
So now what?:confused:

*sigh*
What is there to say? So according to her the woman I loved no longer exisits? But she will always be my friend?
:confused:
Well it's almost time for her to get out, and nothing from her. I have had a third party try to keep me informed,and tells me that she asks about me, but as I told her, I'd rather hear from Maria :(

But I guess I'm just needing to "let go", or at least that's what I keep being told.
I'm part of her past, and she just wants to forget about her past.:cry:

*sigh* I guess it's for the best, but what do about my feelings? And no matter what I will still have thoughts of her from time to time :broken:

I guess all I can do is be there if she wants me as a friend, and as a friend leave her be if that's really her wish :banghead:

mojodog,

It looks like it is time for you to move on. Find someone that is sure of their love for you --- you deserve it! You sound like a very caring person.

LOL,
Angie

Im somewhat in the same situation.I have a girlfriend whos locked up in the Ventrua Youth Facility whos is 18. I'm 22. My world has turned upside down eversince she's been locked up. It's been 10 mths. SHe has 2 more years to go. We keep in touch by writing eachother,and lately, she hasnt been replying to my letters. Her recent letter she did mention that she had a "fling" in there, that grew close to her, and she started to have feelings for her. all i want is for her to be happy. I didnt agree with it,but I wanted her to be "okay" in there, so i told her that it was alright i guess, as long as IM the one she loves. I miss her so much. Does anyone know any info @ the Ventura youth facility? I miss her dearly and i would love to visit. SHe says that she has to get me approved to visit, but it's been forever. How long does that take? someone help.


She would have to send a form to you to fill out and you would send it back just as though you were writing her a letter and then they would tell her if you were approved and it would be her responsibility to let you know. But sweetie it kind of sounds like shes getting through her time in her own way and may have moved on, at least while shes locked down. Considering that you say shes got feelings for someone else and is not returning your letters and all. She is young so its possible shes just not ready for the commitment-- especially a long distance one in her situation. The visiting and everything she would have to take the first and final step on, if shes renigging she's probably trying to tell you something. Write her and see if you get a response, but if not I wouldnt wait 2 years for someone thats' not even giving you the time of day hun. No offense but not everybody wants an outside love. In womens prisons they're looking for emotional support on a daily basis, and it is true there are a lot of lesbians inside. Words arent always enough for some.