I started on this journey last falll...a trip I would never wish on anyone. My son made some mistakes that will end up changing his life forever. He has been in prison for 5 months and has a few more to go. This whole experience has changed my family forever. I was one of those..."let them rot in prison" type folks. Maybe having a father that was a DA might have given me that attitude. Now that I see/ feel/ live the other side, I see things less in black and white but more in color...with a whole lot of gray.

I have done my homework and have learned as much as I can...I have done non contacts visits, contact visit, and the collect calls. I know what you can and can't send through the mail. Something I would like to know... when does all this erase from your mind and you don't dream of people in orange or walls around you? Does this ever get beyond being a part of your life? Have I hurt my younger children by taking them to see their brother and all that that involves?

Hope to get support here....this is a different world than most know and if you aren't living it, you really don't know it.

Quiltermom

Hi there I don't have children so can't answer some of your questions but I did want to say WELCOME to PTO,you will find a lot of great people and support here

Welcome to PTO - I wish I had some answers for you but we're just at the start of our journey, too. I know there are lots of people here that can help you and believe me, you are not alone in how you feel.

Best,

Jessica

Welcome to PTO! I'm new here myself and wish I had some answers for you. My son is also in a Ca. prison, has been off and on for 10 years. He is now doing life. So I know I will never forget any of it. You go ahead and take the other children to see him. If it does nothing else, maybe they will never end up there. God Bless

Quiltermom:

Sorry to hear of your situation. You are in the right spot for help, in allowing you and yours to put the nightmare behind you.

There are some changes you'll have to accept, but it needn't cripple your son (or you) if you don't let it.

best to all of you

abner

Something I would like to know... when does all this erase from your mind and you don't dream of people in orange or walls around you? Does this ever get beyond being a part of your life? Have I hurt my younger children by taking them to see their brother and all that that involves?

I too have a son in prison and I do know what you mean....

When does it all erase? Not yet for me and it has been a year and a half...it does kind of become a dull ache that you learn to live with...if that is any help. But it's always present...
Does it ever get beyond being a part of your life? I don't know...it hasn't mine yet. It remains a part of my life every waking moment of every day, and most nights when I dream....I'm hoping that maybe when he gets out it will...
Does it hurt the kids? I don't know...I wonder that every time I take his kids to see him...I really don't know....

Just hang in there...you will get through this. I can say that one positve thing has come of this: my previously immature son who made some bad decisions has grown up in the last year and a half. He thinks clearly now and is making good decisions. A rough way to do it, but that's the way it is. And yes, it has altered his life in ways he can't even imagine yet. But it is done. All I can do is continue to support him, let him know that he is loved and not abandoned in there, and continue to try and direct him towards clear thinking and good decisions.