Hi, everyone,

Toni has sent her first letter to be posted on PTO in while, and I am so glad to post this one, for it will be her last that will be posted through me.

She will be home on September 28, 2004 and her next post will be truly her own.

Toni, is a great friend and a wonderful soul, and I can say that for those of you who will be heading to the camp at FMC Carswell in the future, she will be a great source of information.

Letter from Toni:

7/27/04

Dear Patti and PTO folks,

Hi everyone! How are all of you doing?

Since I can't hear you answer please feel free to write and tell me - hint, hint!

I really would like to hear how everything is going in your lives. It's sure has to be more interesting than min at the moment! :D

Here's the update on my life - for those of you that are truly bored, have nothing more interesting to do than read my ramblings. :)

Let's see...well, the women are all still wearing green and uh, uh,...hmmm. That would about cover it, I guess! :D Not much changes here and when it does it is not for the better.

Okay, boys and girls, thoday's lesson will be on the "short & Sh@tty" Syndrome. Escuse the language, but that is what it is called here. 98% of the women that are leaving here with less than 30 days to go usually suffer from it. In the past I just couldn't understand it. If you were leaving this place, soon to go back to the real world, why would you suffer from "S & S"? Well, now I do know as I have joined he ranks. :)

It's fear, nerves, worry. Lots of unanswered question? What will I wear out of here? Is there anyone that can send me an outfit or do I have to leave looking like a clown? (If you have to wear the donated clothes here you can pretty much count on looking like a clown). What will the halfway house be like? Will anyone bring me clothes, hygene items, money-whatever is needed to make it through? What is needed to make it through? What are the people like that run the place? How do I get around to look for a job? When can I go look for a job? Who will hire me with a felony conviction?

That's just the beginning of the unanswered questions! There are so many! Then you have all of the questions about leaving the halfway house. One step at a time though.

My 10% date is August 5th. For those of you that may not know your 10% date is usually the date that you go to the halfway house.

I'm not going on August 5th though. My paperwork was delayed. I am relocating Ft. Worth, Texas.

I have been so depressed and worried about my chances of going to halfway house. It's something that I really need. I need tose 7 weeks to earn some money - if I can find a job to hire me that is!

It's scary. I am 42 years old - no home, no car, single & I am starting my life all over again.

I really do try to find the positive aspects of a fresh start. Once I am able to roll this huge boulder of fear out of the way maybe I will see it then!

I did receive some good news on Saturday (7/24).

The home visit at my Grandfather's was done on Friday. My Case Manager told me on Saturday that she thinks she can get me to halfway house by August 15th - Bless her!

That really takes a huge weight off of my shoulders. It's 10 days later tan my original date, but I can live with that!

It's not long before I can do it in person, but I really do want to thank Patti, Linda, and Ivory for helping me get through this time. You ladies have sure made it a little sunnier in my world.

A big Thanks to David - if you had not started all of this (PTO) I would not have had the pleasure of meeting the three aforementioned women.

Hey Phil - you still out there? Can't leave you out! Thank you for the beautiful Paris postcard and the wonderful lightshouses. Oh yeah - and Happy Belated birthday!

Good memory I have, huh?

There's been a few of you that have also helped make it easier for me. Lack of funds may have stopped me from writing to thank you, but please know that my thanks were there. I'll mention eas of you when - I am able to post again. That will be after Sept 28. That is my release date.

So, hopefully I'll leave here mid August, go to halfway house, get a job, release on 9/28 and begin my life over. Piece of cake - right?

Oy! No wonder the women get Short & Sh@tty!

I think of you guys often and can't wait to post again.

This should be the last time I ask Patti to post something for me. Are you doing cheers yet Patti? :)

I hope she realizes how much I appreciate her. In case you guys didn't know, she is a very special person. But you all already know that, huh?

One last thing before I close.

Did anyone who went to the PTO gathering take pictures? Would anyone that did be willing to share them with a tall, slender, beautiful woman? Better yet -since she has all that going for her, share them with me instead!

These last days are really, really draggingnow. Please take pity on this poor child. Ummm-can 42 still gualify as a child??? Everyone write!!

Help me stay sane and for the sake of my roommates help me kick the short and sh@tty syndrome. Write a leter send a postcard, print jokes, or interesting things (for example, PTO stories) from the internet and send it my way.

Okay, Okay - now I am done with my ramblings and my begging!

are any of you still there? Patti your Still awake?

Good night everyone - or day - Bless all of you.

Love,

Toni

I am so glad to post this letter, for now I know for sure that Toni is coming home.

She has become a dear, sweet friend since the time we spoke the night before she left to self report.

Toni,

You do not know what you have done for me, that night when you called I had not been home from prison long myself. Things were hard, I was scared, I did not know which way to turn. Then you called.

Your courage, humor, and positive outlook on life has helped not only me, but many of us on PTO. Because of you, Linda, Softheart, Chrisa and many others I am still free, becoming content in life, at peace with my past, and now share the positive outlook that you so easily have.

I know you are scared now, as you were before you went, as we all were and are.

Just hang on to your humor, positive outlook on life and us, and we will all make it through this life, with laughter, good friends and giving our experience and a helping hand to those who travel this road after us;

and like you I wish to Thank David, for without PTO I would not have known the exceptional woman you are or the wonderful people on PTO who everyday, whether they know it or not, do so much to help those who follow us down this rocky road.

Thank You, Toni, I love You.

Patti

Patti

I'm gonna write her a note later on today. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that one of our own who left us alittle over a year ago, will again be returning home and returning back to PTO!

Patti...you can feel through Toni's words how you have touch her heart! It shows again how beautiful you are! Bless your heart!

And thanks for always sharing her letters to PTO with us over the past 13 months! I can't wait to see her back on PTO!

Diane

Thanks for sharing a beautiful, hopeful letter.

Remember Hope is a good thing, it springs life eternal.

Thanks for sharing another letter from her... I can't wait til she's back and posting again herself...

Deb

Thanks for sharing Patti, it brought tears to my eyes she remembered my b-day.

I will send her another card. :)

Phil