Everyone I need some advise.
Mike was at a work release, appertanly he was all stressed out from mainly me telling him I wanted a break from the realtionship for a while. His nerves got the best of him, he said he coudn't eat, or sleep, he would throw up if he ate and he just coudln't sleep. He would wake up crying and cry in the middle of the day or anytime of the day and he didn't know why. So well he used again, he got ahold of a joint and smoked half of it to help him sleep or some crap, and he said he slept fine that night the next day I guess he got in a fight with another inmate (mainly yelling and shoving) and got handcuffed and sent to the warrdens office, and of course they searched him and guess what he had that half smoked joint on him. So now he is in lock up and being sent back to prison.

He talked to his mom, and she wants him to be checked for bi polar cause his bother has it and she thinks her dad had it. She says being depressed like he was is a sign of it and going back to the drugs. I am sending him a lettr tomorrow and tell him, that I am no doctor and yes he needs to be checked but that from what I hear about addiction it does crazy stuff to your mind, and with him always going to drugs or drinking when he was stressed (he has used since he was 14 yrs. old) that when he was stressed from me wanting a break it trigged that addiction all over again, it was the only way his mind knew how to deal with the stress. Like I said I am not saying he is not bi polar I just want him to understand that addiction is a tricky thing and sometimes you can show signs of one thing but it really be the addiction. And also I told him his mom may not want to accpet the fact that he is an addict, she wants it to be he has something else wrong with him, so that is why she is wanting to see the signs so badly. I reallydon't know if he is bi polar or not, but I want him to understand that the doctor may tell him he is not bi polar and just an addict that has messed up his train of thoughts and ways of dealing with stress. He said he is getting a counsler and SAP classes when he goes back to prison.

This is my problem I told Mike if he used again I was done. This makes about 4 times he has went back to drugs in 2 years we been together. When is enough enough. He is begging me in his letter today to not stop writting him and he wants help and he knows that he can't do it alone he must get help and take classes. The problem is I have heard all this again and again. I love Mike so much and want the best for him and know he can recover from addiction if he tries to. The problem is I don't know when that will be how many more times he will relapes before he is clean for good.

Please help me, give me some kind of advise, do I stick to myword and walk away forever? Do I stay by his side AGAIN, do I walk away for awhile and come back when he says he is clean again? I have never delt with al this before I don't know what will be best. I am praying about it, and want all the advise I can get cause I know so many of us here have either loved ones that are recovering or are recovering themselves. And I am so at a loss right now. I appericat any advise or comments. Thank you so much for always being here when I need to vent or get support thanks so much.

Hugs
Brandi

I am so sorry to hear this. I have had this battle of should I stay or should I go in my head all night. As a matter of fact I just got done writing my boyfriend a letter telling him that I will leave him if I find out that he has anything to do with drugs again. Beleive me I have probably heard just as many excuses from Dave as you have from Mike. I have given Dave plenty of chances and although I know he never intended on breaking any of his promises he did, and that only helped my trust float further away. I know that he wants to recover and I too have thought that maybe he could be bi polar or manic depressive, or........... The point is they have an addiction and we both know that they can beat it, but how many stories are we going to have to hear before they can beat it? And then after they have there addiction under control how long is it going to take for us to trust what there saying again? I have been through stress, turmoil, emotional breakdowns, etc all because I do love him so much and I do want to be with him, but I know that this will be his last chance with me. I do not have the strenghth to do this again. And I don't want to. If you feel that you can stick with him give him ONE more chance, and make it clear to him that it IS his last chance. I thought to myself tonight that what if when he gets out he uses again. I have waited this long it would be a waste to walk away, but I will. In a way we are addicts ourselves when we tell them this is your last chance and we don't walk away. Sorry this is so long I have just been dealing with the what ifs tonight and it looks like your experiancing my worst thoughts. I hope other opinions will come along that will aid you in an answer. Good Luck and my best thoughts are with you.

If you stay with him, then what you've taught him is that he can use and you still won't leave, even though you've said "one more time and I will leave". He won't believe you'll leave him next time, either, even if you say you will.

Your decision has to be whether you'll stay with someone who is a drug addict. His saying he used from the stress of you saying you wanted a break is a manipulative ploy and a sign of shifting blame and denial on his part. He used because he's a drug addict. Period.

If you really want to continue with him and have a life with him, then you'll need to become a member of Naranon and learn how to take care of you if and when he still uses. The truth of the matter is, he's evidently not ready to admit his addiction and take serious steps to recover. Your staying with him when you say you won't isn't going to accomplish anything except that you'll continue dealing with the consequences of his using as long as he doesn't get into recovery, and there's no telling when he'll do that.

I agree with Flecky.I have to deal with the what ifs and I have decided and told him I will leave if he goes back to drugs.It would be very,very hard to do but I would have to do it,it is a promise I made to myself.Only you know what you can put up with.You have to do what is right for you.I know it must be a very tough decision and I wish you all the best!

Thanks Flecky and Sunshine for the best wishes. I do appericate it and I really hope neither of you have to go through this it is awful I don't know what to think all I do is cry and cry and pray and pray. I just don't know what to do. As for thinking he is bi poloar or anything I have always just decided he is an addict plain and simple I was not in denial about Mike being just an addict his mom thinks differnt though. She don't wnat her son to be addict she wants something else to blame besides him just being an addict. I have accept it and trying to move on and learn more about the addiction. So I am trying and now he messes that up. I just am so lost I don't know if i want to give it one last chance or not. I just don't know. Thanks though for the help.

toi ama, Mike is not saying that my wanting a break is why he did it, he just said he was stressed from it, which I am too. I have heard him shift blame before and that is not what he was doing. I could tell. He just simple said that he was stressing from what was going on with us and couldn't eat or sleep. I said he used because of the stress of it, because I know that Mike can't deal with stress without drugs he never has been able to. He don't even know that he uses because he cant deal with stress at least I don't think he has figured that out yet. But thanks for the advise I do appericate everyones thoughts on this.
Love
Brandi

My boyfriend said that the only reason he used drugs was to escape stress and situations, but when you mature into an adult you have to learn to deal with stress in an adult manner. How many times are these men going to have to be locked up because they refuse to deal with there emotions in a healthy way? It is so irritating sometimes. He needs therapy, and Dave to said he was going to get into an SAP program and he is still waiting. An SAP program wont magically cure the problem. I'm sorry I'm venting, but I just can feel what your going through. It hurts.

I know it hurts, and it is awful this is my worst feeling. I have worried about Mike going back to drugs, now he has and I thought I would know what to do but I don't. It was so easy to say "I am leaving next time" and hoping it never happened now it is happeninga nd I don't know what to do. Mike has told me he uses pills cause it helps him do faster work and stay up or at least he thought it did andd eachtime he said he goes back he thiks"this time it won't be an addiction I will have it undercontroll" well of course that dont happen. The smoking pot he has always told me it helped his nerves out , which I guessif you smoked it regularly for like 12 years 14-26 yrs old, then you think you have to have it. I don't know how many times it will take for them to get it together and wake up. I am sorry you are going the thoughts and now I have brought all thiis up and making you wonder more.

Your not making me wonder more. We all need support and you starting this thread about Mike is help. An addict has to stay away from everything, and I have heard I can keep it under control. They CANT.

I just got done with a crying jag myself...and I too have said I won't stay with you again if you go back to prison(always due to a crime committed while on the drugs)...but I do and I have...again and again...my best friend cannot believe how I stay and stay and stay...sometimes I don't believe it myself...it is true he's an addict but so am I...addicted to him for some reason or other...wonder when I'll get better...I wonder more about that than him getting better...maybe that's a good sign...can't say I'll leave, although I called a lawyer yesterday and erased his voice from the message machine (I've kept those on there forever for times like now when I can't hear his voice) ..I totally understand where you are and am thankful you shared...and I am so thankful for this site. Someone always understands..I pray and cry too. Someday maybe we'll get a breakthrough...God Bless!