View Full Version : Keeping our hopes in check...

07-25-2004, 10:17 AM
In an attempt to prepare ourselves for some possible rejection, I need some guidance. This may sound like a crazy request; but I am trying to keep my husband on an even keel about his upcoming parole hearing in 32 months. He is so excited, hopeful and prayerful about it and God knows that I want him home just as much as he does; but I don't want him to get his hopes up too high only to be shot down at his first hearing. I don't want to sound pessimistic when he speaks about this but at the same time I have to be realistic.

Any suggestions? If not, just please pray for our strength and endurance.


07-25-2004, 12:29 PM
Wow, that is a tough one... Hope is a very important thing, and even if he knows better, I bet it's impossible for him not to be excited about his first bid for freedom. But I think you are wise to try to stay realistic. Not a lot of lifers are granted parole at the first hearing... maybe you can gently remind him that he may need to keep his strength and spirits up for the next few rounds of hearings, when he will have a better shot at it. As they say, hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

I wish you both strength and also the best of luck!! My guy isn't up 'till 2030, when I'll be a little old lady! :)

07-25-2004, 08:08 PM
Thanks. I agree with you. I have to be strong for him as we progress towards this.

07-26-2004, 04:01 PM
I dont even know how to answer this all I can do is offer u my payers. I know how hard it is to get your hopes up high! I did that when my husband put in his first appeal, I just knew he was gonna come home! But he didn't and I was strong so I commend you on staying grounded. His first parole hearing wont be until the year 2021 I guess if his appeals dont work out i his favor then we will be dealing with this in 17 years!

07-26-2004, 06:13 PM
You've posed a question here that all of us ladies have had to deal with ..or will deal with at some point. My husband went to prison as a 20 yr old and is now going on 46 years old...I met and married him in prison in 1984 and have visited him every single week for the past 20+ years now. We have been thru 8 parole board hearings thus far and were due for another this April that has been delayed due to the Boards 18 month backlog. The first time up for parole, it was hard for both of us to NOT get our hopes up...And the emotional "crash" that followed when he was denied parole was so very hard to deal with. It seems that now...after all these years and set-offs we've been forced to accept that God's "timetable" and ours are definitely not the same! We are both devout Christians and so we believe in God's hand in the affairs of our lives and that he is ultimately the one in we try our best to accept the turn downs and continue on one day at a time. We try our best not to let go of all Hope...and yet realistically, we know from experience that it is best to not get our hopes too high...the greater our expectation, the greater the let-down afterwards. I think you are wise to try and strike a "balance" between optimism and pessimism... Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worse...Talk together about what you will do and how you will handle it if he makes parole as well as if he does not. Not that we are ever going to be totally prepared for the turn-down of parole...After all the times we've faced it, it still takes a very hard emotional toll on me!!! But, I have found that God is Faithful to pick me back up each and every time and He fortifies me and strengthens me so that I can continue on. One of the "fruits" of God's Spirit the Bible tells us is Perseverance....He has certainly produced a lot of that fruit in our lives!!! LOL
I wish you and your honey the very best at his upcoming hearing! I will be praying for you guys from a heart of genuine love and concern! God Bless you both!


07-26-2004, 06:20 PM
Thanks so much. The words you express were just what I needed to hear. I am going to share these thoughts with my husband. We are Christians also and believe that the Lord knows what is best and he does what is best.

Thanks again. Be Blessed!

07-30-2004, 02:35 PM
I absolutly hate getting mail from our attorney. I know that it will probaby be just another letter saying - we tried but no go - my husband is now at the the habius stage and the first 2 tries have failed. I pretty much have resigned myself to the thought that it will be at least 2015 before he comes home and that is if he gets parole the 2nd or 3rd time he comes up. The first will be March of 2012. My youngest child will be a junior in high school. Just hang in there - you know the worst - he stays in. It can only get better. That is the way I deal with it but with each letter I still cry.

07-30-2004, 04:01 PM
The light bulb went on for me when you said "it can only get better"! WOW!!!

Keeping that in mind will help us to keep our perspective. Thank you so much txwife!!!

08-01-2004, 07:14 PM
I have been thinking about the parole board also. Ours is next summer and it's the 5th time for my husband but only the second one since we have been together. The first one I was more than hopeful, I couldn't see any reason why he wouldn't get out. So you see, I was blind. He was the one trying to tell me it wasn't going to happen and I refused to believe it. Talk about crash and burn! This time I am hopeful but I also want to be prepared. I checked out the prisoner assistance web site and found out about a thing called a Parole Packet. It explains how to make sure all your paper work is in order when you go to the board. They will do it for you for a fee but I believe you can do it all yourself also. I feel that if we are going to have to do this thing we should do it in a organized fashion. If it still doesn't work out we know we did everything we could and just have to try again. Txwife hit it on the head, we know the worst and we are already handling

08-02-2004, 03:30 AM
I just spent some time on ( What a great site. The site contains a wealth of information. Thanks.