:D :D :D Well, I haven't seen him for a month and a half after I got upset about our last visit. But I think staying away for a while was good -- I've calmed down and changed my expectations (well, I just stopped having ANY, given his situation).

But we stayed friends, kept writing a lot, and he called and asked me to come visit... so who am I to say no?

I feel lucky that we have contact visits even if the guards are breathing down our necks. It will be so good just to see him and sit and talk and tell jokes.

So here I go again! Jumping back into the ol' visiting game... Wish me luck.

luck and love and laughter be with you!

Good Luck Q!...and enjoy yourself for goodness sakes!...Gosh how can anyone not want to visit?...I wish I could visit today too!...

Thats fantastic news. :)

Good luck and i hope you have a good day at the visit...

Dawn

Hey everyone, thanks for the good wishes! :) But unfortunately, it didn't go so well... :( I don't learn too quick I guess. Well, thank goodness for PTO, y'all are sweet! :)

I am sorry to hear it didn't go well, Q. Try enjoying your evening, or what remains of it.

I did my best to enjoy my evening anyway, thanks lorna.

Well, we finally talked about everything, and he's been saying for a while that we should just be "friends." However, I've been kind of confused because his version of "just friends" is pretty darn friendly!

Long story short, a couple months a go, we had that classic "first contact visit" which was heavenly... I already knew him well, we'd been friends for a while, but I fell more for him that first visit.

But since then he backed off and I thought I could visit and keep it light and friendly. He says we will last a lifetime this way, because he has a hard time with girlfriends and they don't last. I know in my heart this is true and is the best route for us, but...

I guess I can't just swing right back into "just friends" mode -- I'm resenting him for reaching out to me when he's lonely and then pushing me away when he's not. :mad:

The only thing is, I promised him I would take his son for a quick visit, since I'm the only one who's been approved for visiting...

But other than that, I just can't deal with visiting him anymore, it's too crazy!!!!

Should I write and tell him I'm not going to visit anymore?

Sounds like he's sending you mixed signals Q. And yes, it is wrong for him to call on you when he's lonely then pull away when he's not. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. I'd back off until he knows for sure.

Yas, I believe you are right about the mixed signals... and to top it off, I'm not sure what I want either! So I will back off...

I am sad, though...

Awe..QWERTY, I feel bad for the both of you! I wish I had some words of wisdom to say to you but I can only say that I wish you the best and I hope that you both can at least remain friends.

Thanks, penwife... i hope we can too. i have a lot of doubts right now.

Q: i can't relate. my man is a lifer and has wanted to marry me for awhile. your "friend" sounds like he is grappling with issues but he isn't communicating with you WHAT they are! How do YOU feel? write him a hearfelt letter and then watch his reaction. He might be afraid you are going to leave him one day.

I Hope You Have A Wonderful Visit!!!!

Aw thanks honey... we're doing good now, kind of grooving along in "friends" mode, and after some consternation I'm feeling good about that.

Hope you and yours are doing good, too!

QWERTY!!I am glad to hear that you are doing good with your friend!

Q, Santiago hit the point. Maybe he feels that if he gets too close he's only setting himself up for a heart break. My husband is a lifer and he's had his woman while in there (hand full) But when we met he was a bit scared. He came to me with the I love you but till this day he looks at me as if it's the last day. I hope you both the best and remember love conquers all.

traviesa, it's so true. I've seen him push people away before so he won't get hurt. That's one reason I am still around, I kinda know his MO now... Bottome line, he always respects me and responds when I call him on his s***. :) Anyway, it's better for both of us right now to be friends, it doesn't mean we care any less, it's just easier to have fewer expectations. He's going through a lot of BIG changes since he's just starting his sentence and I can see the rollercoaster ahead.

I'm still not going to visit for a while cause it gets confusing to say the least... I figure if I'm going to be there for the long haul with this lil meathead, I better save some emotional strength for the future. ;)

Thanks Penwife for the good thoughts!!!