I want to know about the experiences that we as spouses and girlfriends have had with our loved ones as prisoners. I could go on and on and I am glad that there is a place here for me to do it. How do your friends treat you? Family? Others in your life? How is it going to the prisons to visit? How often do you cry? How do we cope day to day? I can talk about all of that for hours...let me hear from you.

My husband has been locked up 4 months - 3 months in a local county jail and one month in prison, so this is all pretty new to me. Some of my friends and most of my family have their doubts about him, us, the fact that we love each other. I've made a choice not to listen to their discouraging words. Instead I focus on my husband, the time we've spent together and the time we'll have when he comes home. I know him - they do not. When he was in the county jail, I saw him a lot, but since he's been in prison, I haven't got to visit with him. Hopefully the next time I see him will be when I pick him up to bring him home. He was notified on a Wednesday afternoon that the DOC would pick him up on Thursday morning and I cried all night long and then I cried the day he left and I've cried a couple of other times since then. I miss him like crazy, but mostly I think I get overwhelmed with the responsibilities that we used to share. Daily I cope by writing him and keeping myself busy. I've also started a journal that helps me deal with anger, fear, and other issues that rack my insecure brain. In a sense my life has stopped since he's been gone, but in another sense, I have to go on living. Somebody has got to pay the bills, feed the dog, and keep a home waiting for him to come back to.

Mostly, I believe it's taking it all one day at a time. When Wayne was first locked up, I'd feel guilty for laughing. Crazy, huh? I thought, "How can I be having a good time and my husband is in jail?" I have come to realize that him being locked up is not the same as him dying, that time, distance, friends, family, the department of corrections, none of that can interfere with us unless we let them. It's okay for me to laugh, to continue living, as long as he is still a part of my life.

I don't know if this made any sense at all...like I said I am still new at all of this.

Monica Danielle

I have had some good reactions and some non positive ones too. What really matters above and beyond all of that is how you feel. Do not let someone's opinion change how you feel. I have seen it happen more then once. So I causion you to listen to your heart and not always what other people are saying...

Danielle I am new to this too my husband Stephen is still in the county jail and it has been 2 months...I just wanted to say that reading your words brought me to a realizaion..evertime I laughed or slightly enjoyed myself..I felt this terrible guilt and bad feeling come over me--nice to know I am not alone....well I just wanted to say thank you..reading what you said really made me feel better on a day when I miss him alot...thank you :)

I'm also kinda new to this. Been writing with prisoners for over 2 years, but fell in love with one over 6 months ago. I don't tell the people close to me about how I feel about him, because I'm still involved in a relationship and first want to take care of that before informing anyone about my love for a prisoner. Therefor I'm very happy I found this forum. Finally I can talk about my baby boy with someone, and the great thing is these people understand.
I know that I'll probably get some weird and rude reactions when I'll tell the people around me I love a prisoner, but I don't care. Love conquers all

It is sad that we have to hide our emotions from people.. You now that it is nice to have such a great group of people us to talk to.. This has been such a great stress relief for me..

that is so true Shortie. I tell everybody about this forum. Well I mean everybody I know who has a relative or friend in prison. I always tell them how much support I find here, how great it is to be able to talk to such nice persons that know what you're going throught, that don't judge you. And how addicted this forum is! :rolleyes: :D

Normally I don't really like forums,because a lotta people are rude on it, but not here!!

Yes, it is sad that we have to hide our emotions. I love my boyfriend very much and we have a strong relationship. People ask me about him and I tell them that he is in prison. They automatically assume the worst. No, he's not a bad person. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't care what others think about me or our relationship. No one has to live with it except Billy and me.

For instance, I was renting a place for a while and when my landlord found out that Billy was in prison the first thing he told me was that Billy couldn't live there with me. Yes, it's discrimination, and I didn't live there another day. As soon as he told me that, I told him that I was moving. I won't let anyone tell me how to live my life.

Billy's been locked up for almost 2 years now and he has little over 2 years left. We've endured everything so far and we have no problems.

Anthony and I are about the same as you and billy.. 2 down 2 to go.. It has been really good and we have only had one minor problem but we got it resolved quickly with out any damage to our marriage, friendship or partnership.. I really love him and thank god for all the time I have had with him.

I don't have many friends actually and the ones that I do count as friends support me, the few that I call family understand, I cry most every day for a little bit but that's ok at least I care enough about someone to feel intensely, I don't like visiting prison lots of nasty energy there, and I cope by trying to laugh as much as possible and I write, letters, essays, poems you name it and the rest of the time I spend tryin to get published. <Grins>

Morrigan

"at least I care enough about someone to feel intensely"

I saw a nice quote about this yesterday:

"Tell me how much you know of the sufferings
of your fellow men and I will tell you
how much you love them."
~Helmut Thielicke, German theologian and preacher~