View Full Version : Child Custody When You're Involved with an Ex-felon

06-25-2004, 06:40 AM
I hooked up with my man a month after he was released. I left my husband for him. I have a 4 year old with my soon to be ex. We are going through a bitter
custody battle right now, and his main reason of why he wants custody of our daughter is because my boyfriend did time. I am a good mother and drug free. My boyfriend has a daughter of his own, who he has visitiation with. And whom he loves very much. He is awesome around my friends kid. His crime had nothing to do with children or domestic violence. My boyfriend and I are very serious about each other. Right now, we have a temporary joint custody arrangement. My soon to be ex, has asked the judge to put an temporary order in to me that I can't bring my daughter around my boyfriend. (I have chosen on my own, before the judge put the order in anyways that I wouldn't bring my daughter around him anyways until the divorce was final, not because I don't trust my boyfriend, but because I don't want to confuse my daughter right now, she's going through enough as it is.)Any tips or advice about this subject?:confused:

06-25-2004, 11:51 AM
You may be in for a fight on this one. But in my opinion you're doing the right thing by not bringing your daughter around until the divorce is final. Dont give your ex any ammo to use against you in court. I am about to start going through the same thing as my ex just found out that my daughters are calling someone other than himself, daddy. He hasnt been in their lives since my oldest was 18 months, she is now 8.

Because your guys crime had nothing to do with children or domestic violence, a judge may not give him what he's asking for. Good Luck...!


06-26-2004, 09:40 PM
That situation is exactly what I am worried about. My ex has no idea that my boyfriend is in prison, but I have a feeling I will be right there with you when he does find out! Good Luck!! I am praying for you!!!

06-29-2004, 01:37 PM
Oh man I know what you are feeling. I already have the divorce but when he finds out my man is in prison, if he hasn't already figured it out, he will be so out of control. I can see it in my ex's eyes that he is curious as to who this new love in my life is. Just 2 weeks ago he came over to drop off my son after a 2 hour visit. He looked into my room and I have a few pictures of me and my man on the mirror so I think he might be putting 2 and 2 together. So I just wish us all the luck and that we get through this with our sanity intact.

06-29-2004, 11:06 PM
Me too! I hope someone that has gone through this situation enlightens us with what the outcome was.

Good luck to all!

06-30-2004, 09:29 AM
My soon to be ex-husband has put a court issued restraining order against my boyfriend from having any contact with my daughter, but I think if my boyfriend and I eventually got married. There is nothing he can do about it. That is what I have heard.

07-01-2004, 02:10 PM
I will move this to the legal forum so you can continue to get some more suggestions. Good luck!

07-02-2004, 09:05 AM
iznam -

From what you've said, it seems that you have nothing to worry about. New York Family Court is known for not being very "father friendly" when it comes to issues like this. Also, your soon to be ex would have to prove that your relationship with your boyfriend is detrimental to the health, safety and well-being of your child. Since your boyfriend has a child of his own and has visitation, that doesn't seem to be the case.

The only way the Family Court would outright deny custody is if you or your boyfriend were convicted of first degree murder (or anyone in your home is convicted of murder) or a "family offense", meaning domestic violence against the child, or your ex. First and foremost, the family court will do what is in the best interests of the child, not what is in the best interest of your ex-husband.

In order for your ex to successfully get a restraining order he would have to prove that you being with your boyfriend is an "unreasonable risk to the health, safety and welfare of your child."

If you choose to keep your boyfriend away from your child for your own reasons, that's fine, but I sincerely doubt the court will make you do it.

Good luck :)

07-02-2004, 09:37 AM
Thanks NG,

I hope the court sees it that way. Do you know of any court precendence(sp?) that were set that I can refer to when going to court?

You wanna hear something ironic? My soon to be ex just got a job as a CO.

07-02-2004, 11:55 AM
Wow...that is ironic...LOL.

I'll look up some case law and see if I can find anything. If I do, I'll PM you with it.

07-04-2004, 02:37 AM
:cool: Sux - it is all a control game is what it is.... They can't handle losing you - much less to a felon so they do what they can to control you and make themselves feel better without regard to the children. I am going through a similar situation. My ex is having a fit and he took All my kids and left my 3 older ones at a grandparents house without calling. I thought he was going to visit family and bring them back. I got my 3 older ones back because he has no legal right... Sad thing is the law doesn't consider what he did abandonment because I gave him permission to take them up there... doesn't matter that he just decided to not come back!! My 2 youngest ones have been kept from me for over 2 months now - and he will only call my cell phone when I don't have the minutes to talk - so I haven't talked to them in about a month either - they are 4 and just turned 3 a week ago. That is ok - though - he's making my case for me and he doesn't even know it. Brooks may be in jail - but he's of no harm to me or my babies and what my ex has done is far worse than what Brooks is sitting in jail for. Stay strong, have faith, and get an aggressive attorney and you will be ok!! Good luck!:thumbsup:

07-27-2004, 02:21 PM
In work with legal aid, I can tell you this: do NOT count on the judge being friendly. You'd better find out what kind of judge you have before making the mistake of putting ANY boyfriend before custody of your kids, especially if you don't have a lawyer and he does. I've seen counsel go to the extent of making something bad up because once something gets said, the judge may act on it whether it is true or not, provided he does not "abuse his discretion."

You might have the best man in the world, but if your judge has a problem with his Ex-con status, you could very easily find yourself at the losing end of a custody battle. The only thing you have to trade on with a divorce judge is your credibility. if your man loves you, he will allow you to put your kids FIRST while the divorce is going on. Once you have a solid number of months (if not years) of an established custodial environment then think about finalizing your relationship.

Above all, make sure you have a well-defined custody arrangement that gives you the right to make all major decisions involving your children. Do not leave any issue open that your Ex can use as a wedge to get back into court and start talking about your choice of boyfriends.

Make friends with the Friend of the Court and have on standby a family counselor. If this relationship is a good one, consider taking yourself and the kids to see the counselor NOW (maybe once a month or so), so that an independent professional can help validate that your man is good for your kids if it comes up LATER. That tells the judge that you are being responsible and looking out for your kids, not just getting into a relationship for selfish reasons.

It's the 21st century, except in the courtroom.

09-07-2005, 09:58 AM
ok, hope people still read this... I broke it off with my boy friend (we have a kid together) and am now dating an ex-con/felon who could get up to 92 years (court date in nov) for non violent non drug related crimes... my ex went out of state to be with friends... no written custody arrangements... not sure the proper way on that since we were never married anyway! sooo... any advice? he already tried to get him thrown in jail early and doesnt approve of him/thinks he's bad for our son... my new honey is exactly that (a honey)! hes sweet, loving and kind...

09-08-2005, 06:59 PM
Here's my humble take on the situation. If you and your new man are not living together, its not even an issue. What you do on "mommy time" is NO ONE'S business. Worst case scenario for this is: joint custody, possibly something in the order about no overnight visitors while the children are sleeping. Once you're married, nothing at all he can do about the latter part.

If you are living together, that brings in a whole slew of things. Your ex will have to prove that this new man poses a danger to your child(ren). He'll have to provide specifics, not just a "feeling." A lot of judges know things like this happen because of hurt feelings, and hopefully, yours will see through the BS. If he's going for sole custody, he'll have to prove it that much stronger. If you're okay with joint custody, I wouldn't sweat it too much. If I were you, I'd look up your states statutes regarding "best interst of the child." If you can go into court and say "I can do all of these things with flying colors" you'll have nothing to worry about.

I agree with whoever said "don't count on the judge." I was told my family court judge is the nation's leading advocate for prevention and sentencing of domestic violence offenders. After a two year battle, my ex-husband still got unsupervised visits with my toddler because "he obviuosly cares about the child." I never questioned that. Just the violent outburts. (Oh yeah, he never did a single SECOND in jail for anything at all!) Don't count on ANYthing. Make your case and fight with all of your might.