Next weekend my husband & I our going to visit our 18 yr old son in prison for the first time since he's been gone (this past January). He's been in a "boot camp" since the beginning of September & is only allowed visitors for 1 hr every other weekend. I am excited about seeing him, but also very nervous about seeing him in his current setting. Even though I know he's in prison it's almost like in the back of my mind I've been telling myself he's just away at a camp or school or something! I haven't really even allowed myself to picture what it's like where he is. This is even when I hear people screaming at him & him answering "yes sir" while we're on the phone (he gets one phone call every other weekend). He asked today during a call when we're coming to see him & I said I wasn't sure yet because I didn't want him to get his hopes up in case things don't work out. It looks now like things will work out & we'll see him next Saturday. I'm wondering if any of you have any advice that will help me to stay calm & collected, at least while I'm there with him. Thanks in advance.

I think once you see him that will outweigh any discomfort you may feel about the surroundings. As far as emotions go and holding yourself together,I personally think tears are okay. he may have some too! The first visit may be hard not knowing exactly what to expect, but the apprehension beforehand will in all likelihood be much more nerve-wracking than when you actually get there. Good luck!

SHARON: SO GLAD YOU ARE GOING TO SEE YOUR SON!!!!!!! I DONT THINK THERE REALLY IS ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO KEEP FROM BEING NERVOUS! TO ME, ITS JUST THE IDEA OF HAVING TO GO TO A PRISON TO SEE YOUR KID, BECAUSE IN MY SITUATION, I FEEL LIKE I AM IN A NIGHTMARE AND CAN NOT WAKE-UP. SO I WISH YOU THE BEST ON YOUR FIRST VISIT. HOPE YPU GET A CONTACT VISIT. SHERRON

Sharon, so glad to hear you are going to see your son, that is so wonderful! I know that you are nervous right now, and that is very normal. But trust me when I say as soon as you see him, you will most likely not have a quiet moment during your visit. I found it amazing that over the past year, visiting my boyfriend, first at county (2 hour visit) then at the prison (6 hour visit) - not a dull moment will pass, you will be amazed at how much you talk and how quickly time flies by. And yes, tears are natural during a visit, I can't imagine what a mother must go through, though i can imagine it is somewhat the same as if you have a loved one locked up. I don't have any great ideas to stay calm, I still get all worked up before a visit and its been over a year already. I hope your visit is all you expected and then some! :p

Sharon, that's wonderful that you are finally going to be able to see your son. My boyfriend was in a boot camp type setting, and I know that in order to talk to one of the guards, he had to say his last name, and then say "permission to speak sir!" I couldn't even IMAGINE my boyfriend actually asking permission to speak! I mean, really, what a joke! lol
Anyways. I went to see him in county when he first got locked up. (first and only visit so far, that was back in June)
I was definitely nervous, but I thought I could handle it. When I sat down on the other side of that glass, it was my boyfriend whose eyes started tearing up first. That I did NOT expect, and it really was like a punch to the stomach. So, be ready for that.
I know what you mean about not really wanting to know where he is. I haven't visited my boyfriend in "prison" yet (only because I wasn't allowed) but, a part of me doesn't really want to have a visual of where he is. That will scare me even more. But, I guess we all do what we have to do to see our loved ones. Either way, I am glad you are going, and keep us posted! Good luck and we are all here for you!

just a few suggestions, find out how much$ you can take into viso per person (for sodas,food--my son can eat $20 easy and the food in the machines are much better than at the chow hall), can you bring him cigs?( he smokes and i can bring in a sealed pack and clear lighter no BICS but he can't take it back with him) , dress code (don't let those shoulders show or have anything slightly reveiling you could get turned away) one hug and kiss at begining of viso and leaving, can't hit him (even if you want too! or no more viso--dads tend to want to smack to snot out of them also viso seems to be harder for men than women my option just observation)
Buy yourself a clear purse ( zippered makeup container from the dollar store works great) it keeps your $1's, quarters, a few dimes, nickels --for when the machines say exact change only!! also for your viso id (get it laminated! walmart sells the pre cut sheets) you'll also need it for your license and your one car key your allowed in. EVERY PRISON IS DIFFERENT CHECK WITH HIS BEFORE VISO. ALSO GIVE A CALL TO HIS CLASSIFICATION OFFICER LET HIM KNOW YOUR COMING. ( IT SUCKS TO DRIVE FOR 4 HOURS ONE WAY TO FIND OUT YOUR SONS IN LOCKDOWN FOR FIGHTING- HAPPPENED TO ME! NOT A HAPPY MOMMY!)
yes you might tear up at viso hey it's natural It's actually a relieve to see them ( you'll see) just when you leave swallow hard and Don't Cry Until Your in Your Car!! BECAUSE you don't want the last thing they remember when you leave is you crying!!!! Smile, wave, blow kisses whatever but don't cry! Have a box of tissues in the car the drive home SUCKS! If your driving alone it really sucks. My suggestion is get books on tape from your library to keep you from crying it's difficult to drive when you can't see.Remeber your mind will paint a worse picture than reality-- Don't worry- it doesn't help it never has, never will; hard to do! But pray instead much more constructive (for me anyway again my option).
Everyone was there once first visos are a learning experience for everyone involved. You'll be fine, yeah if I can get thru it anyone can! :) Hope I helped and didn't bore you. PEACE.

SHARRON221


LET HIM VENT. LET THE HURT AND ANGER COME OUT AT FIRST BECAUSE HE WILL BE HARBORING SOME. THEN, THINGS WILL SETTLE DOWN AND HE WILL REALLY BEGIN TO ENJOY YOUR VISIT. TALK ABOUT GOOD THINGS. KEEP THE VISIT UPSCALE. LET HIM KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM. DON'T LET HIM MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ANYTHING. SOME THINGS YOU CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT, HE MUST DO THEM HIMSELF.

I FINALLY GOT TO SEE MY SON ON SUNDAY THE 17TH. THIS WAS MY FIRST VISIT IN 6 MONTHS BECAUSE HE HAD BEEN IN SEGREGATION AND HAD HIS VISITATION REVOKED FOR 6 MONTHS.

ALWAYS TOO, REMEMBER TO GIVE HIM GOOD ADVICE. KEEP HIS HOPE UP. DON'T LET HIM GIVE UP HOPE AND FAITH. THIS IS A NECESSITY TO SURVIVE IN PRISON. YOUR LOVE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH THIS FIRST VISIT. YOU WILL BEGIN TO LOOK FORWARD TO ALL YOUR VISITS.

MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU
DONNA