Hey ladies - Can you believe this???? My man was locked up on December 18, 2003. I just found out today that he is talking to his ex. What is wrong with men? Why do they feel the need to lie over and over and over again?!?!? It doesn't make sense. What is so hard about telling the truth and why would anybody let somebody stop their lives for them if they weren't being honest with that person. If he wants her why does he hold on to me? Why won't he let me go? Why does he feel the need to pure his heart out to me and tell me how much he needs me when he has her too? We were suppose to get married in February. He's locked up and I'm out here holdin sh*t together for him, for us and planning our wedding all the while he is making plans with her too? I just don't get it. Thanks to all for letting me vent!!

Men definitely do not think like women, period. I'm not saying one way is better than the other, but never assume they are on the same elevator as you are. Maybe she initiated the contact from the start and he just doesn't know how to tell her to stop. He probably loves you today just as much as he did the day he went behind the walls. I'd be angry & curious all at the same time, but proceed with caution. Try to get the whole story from him then put it all together.
If it doesn't sit right with you....kick his ass to the curb.
Good luck.

I refuse to be played by a man in prison. When I go and see Joe there are so many women who are holding it down for their man and these fools have the nerve to have other women coming to see them. Please don't let this man hurt you. It's better to know now than later. We have to stand up for ourselves and refuse this kind of treatment.

I got this poem and it makes such sense, it's called The Power of A Man

The Power of a Man

A man has the power to love a woman in ways that she has never been
loved, and yet hurt her in the same.

A man has the power to treat a woman like a Queen, then turn around
and
make her wish she was never born.

A man has the power to make a woman cry from happiness and joy, turn
around and make her cry from hurt and anger.

A man has the power to let a woman feel free and wanted, but also feel
disgusted and unworthy.

A man has the power to look a woman in her face and tell her he loves
her, but then turn and have sex with her best friend.

A man has the power to make you fall in love with him in days, and
hate
him within minutes.

During sex, a man has the power to make a woman feel like she's in
heaven, and afterwards make her feel like a whore.

A man has the power to change a woman from having goals to living out
his goals instead of her own.

Why is it that men have such power?

They have so much power because us as women give it to them. The
power
of a man wouldn't mean anything without a woman. So Ladies, when
times
are hard between you and your man and you realize that he treats you
bad, remember that he can only do what you allow. Never underestimate
your power because with it you achieve much, but without it you are
stuck with the power of a man.

Love yourself before you love anyone else.

I would be so angry at him at the same time I would have to know if it me he wants or her. He would have to choose because there is no way I would even think about putting up with that kind of mess handle your business and do what is best for you. Keep your head up and stay strong.:confused:

Ladies - Thank you so much! At least I know I'm not crazy for feeling this way. I'm packing all his things tonight and I called the other girl and told her to come and get it. I told her to tell him tonight when he calls. I've been there for him for 5 years, I'm done. I WILL NOT allow him to do this to me. I've heard I'm sorry, I'll never do it again one two many times. The last time was the last time. I'll be fine - better - without the him the drama, heartache, and headaches anyway. Thank you all again for your support!

Hmm sounds like you're thinking with your head rather than your heart.. good for you!!!!
If he has done this before and is doing it again now.. chances are good that he will continue to do it.... ANd obviously he has been lying to you for six months (at least).

So you are giving her his clothes.. You are a better person than me... I would have donated them to Goodwill...

That's actually not a bad idea! :D I just might do that!! Half the stuff I bought anyway - so technically. . . I guess I could donate it all! Thanks for the great idea!!!

ok i have to ask - did you get this information from him or from this other woman...because you know there are women out there that can't stand to see their ex's succed in another relationship -

you said she would tell him tonight when he calls and that he has done this before - the fact he has done this before and he is calling her makes me think you've made the right decision but just be careful and make sure you KNOW what you KNOW

Good luck and hang in there and remember everything quoted in the post of 4myjoe - shes onto the real issues

I say kick his ass to the curb before you get your heart broken even more. You have plenty of time to heal and get used to the idea before the marriage was supposed to take place.

Don't let him hurt you anymore. If you don't break it off now, you might not ever go through with it, and you'll regret it someday.

Good luck, keep us posted as to his "explanation", I'm interested to see what he has to say for himself!

I will definitely let you all know his 'explanation'. To make a very long story short about how I found out. First, I knew she was writing to him (big deal right), he told me plus he would send her letters home to me, I guess to prove he wasn't doing wrong. I figured he was being honest with me and it didn't bother me. Then yesterday his MOTHER called to let me know the deal. She ran into this girl and was told the whole story. She called me to let me know and to find out if it was true. So I called the girl - said that I knew they were writing each other but I needed to get a message to him and I thought maybe he was calling her and she could forward on the message. She says 'Sure no problem, he calls me EVERY NIGHT'. Plus this girl knew stuff about our relationship that NOBODY knows but him and I. What more proof do I need? You know?

like i said i had to ask - youre right what more do you need - im interested to see what she tells him though. good luck sweetie and remember were here for you

For those that replied to my last posting - here is his response. Hold on to your seats you're not going to believe this one. His explanation/justification/reasoning/whatever - he needed money sooooo he called this girl and started telling this girl that he wanted to come home to her, that he wanted to marry her, that he wouldn't be happy unless they were together. So, this all happened Wednesday, and by Saturday I had three letters in the mail from him. Saying I'm so sorry, I don't want to be with this girl, I just did it because I needed money, please don't leave me, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, blah, blah, blah......He must really think I am stupid to buy this crap! Anyway, just wanted to keep you all posted and let you know how the drama ended. I packed his things up Thursday, dropped them off with his other girlfriend Friday night. Men - I still don't understand even after he tried to explain!! :angry:

Girl.. he's playing you like your a game show or something and he thinks the other girl is the 'wheel of fortune'!! Tell him he better stop playing 'Dialing For Dollars' or you will 'Elimidate" his a$$!!!

Its all good - He sent another letter home today - I opened it and mailed it right back to him. I think the thought of him getting a letter from me and getting so happy and then opening it and realizing its his own letter!!! :D

No Longer Kings Wife,

I'd first like to say that my heart goes out to you for what he has put you through but I'd also like to say that by no means should you use this as a measuring stick when dealing with other men that you meet.

I'm a man and will be the first to admit that we as men do very stupid things with wreckless abandonment, not even taking the time to look past what we're doing long enough to see the long-term effects that may arise.

I've been down that road several times and it took me sometime to get myself together but I finally did and can honestly say that I'm a much better man than the little boy I was then at the age of 25.

So with all of that said, I'll close now but always remember that noone is perfect not even you and there will be times people do things that absolutely make no sense at all. For this is the way of the wrold, but we have to be strong enough to understand that not every person we meet will treat you that way and at the same time guard your heart but not so much that you miss the blessing God is sending out to you. We have all been blinded by what we thought was love that turned out to be bad, I like to say that it was just the beginning of a learning experience that God saw no other way to teach me than that. Before many misunderstand that, I'm not saying God hurts because he is a loving God, but sometimes when we think we are near him we stray and he allows us to fal in our own holes before we realize that we need to make a change.

Respectfully Submitted,
Helpful_Insight

P.S. I was in no means trying to preach to you but once I get started it is hard to stop, I hope I haven't offended you or any of the others who gave you advice and opiinions.

No offense taken - You are correct in saying that no one is perfect - however after making the same mistake over and over and over again that leaves me with two conclusions - He's stupid or I am for forgiving him over and over and over. I hope that he realizes and learns from this. I don't regret our relationship because overall it has taught me so much and I can move forward wiser than I was. Thank you and I'm trying my best to not let this bother me, I really do not want to think every man is like this - I guess its just mine!! ;) Congrats on changing your life around. He's 30 and still hasn't realized he's not 18 anymore. :eek: