I just wanted to share my feelings about my little brothers situation.He has been feeling pretty sad lately. I sometimes wonder how he stays strong but I do know our prayers help.Everything that didn't bother me before (when he wasn't locked up) bothers me now.Like that he has a 13" black & white T.V. That makes me so sad.I'm constantly feeling sad to the point where I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack.I know this sounds crazy but it's true.I once cryed because I heard he ate a fish sandwich(which wasn't true).The reason was because I know he can't stand fish and I thought if he ate it he must of been starving.This is truly killing me.The simplest things make me cry.I often cry so much that I end up having a bad anxiety attack.My brother is such a kind person that it kills me to know that someone lied and ruined his life.I'm afraid that by the time he gets out I'll be dead from a heart attack or stroke.I never knew pain like I know it now.I think I'm driving myself nuts.But all I can do everyday is imagine the pain he must feel and that really upsets me.I don't really like to celebrate the holidays anymore.I'll buy gifts but rather not attend any events because I know on those days my brother is sad so I'm sad as well.I try not to let him know how truly broken hearted I am cause I don't want him feeling any extra pain.The thought of seeing his friends makes me want to cry because seeing them reminds me of how happy my brother was when he was with them.I feel so sad and I can't control mine or his pain.I miss and love him so much words can't explain how I feel.Well thanks for being my shoulder to cry on.Much Love!
Sincerely,mlynnm

MLYNN....I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please consider seeing a doctor for your depression. When you are feeling such despair, he might recommend an anti-depressant for you to take for a while to help you make it through the really rough periods. All of us here at PTO can relate to your pain. Although it isn't my sibling that is in prison it is my son and I have experienced every emotion you have just expressed. Finally this week my doctor told me he was putting me on an anti-anxiety medication for a while because my blood pressure was through the roof. What I have tried to do is not keep my thoughts on what my son is doing every minute of his day. I for example know that he is very hot because in Alabama where he is they have no air-conditioning and I know that he is miserable a lot of his day. Instead I try to occupy my mind with other things I can do either for myself or things that I can do to try to make his life better there. I try to see that he has plenty of books, lots of mail, that kind of thing. One thing I recommend is to add his name to the pen pal list that PTO sponsors, the Lost Vault and any other free pen pal sites you can to where he will get lots of mail. My sister and mother send my son the USA TODAY subscription. I took Nettie's advice on here (another parent of an inmate that is a PTO member. She gave lots of great tips about sending crosswords, comics, etc. I don't know how long your brother is sentenced to, but encourage him either way. If he will be released short term or has a long sentence, give him hope. I tell my son that this has been a life's experience that he can learn so many things from and use it in a positive way when he comes home. Honey my heart aches for you. Please seek help for yourself, because the stronger you are for you, the stronger you will be for him....

mlynnm- I know exactly how you are feeling- I too have experienced every emotion you have including the anxiety attacks- worse in the middle of the night. Please PM me anytime you 'need a shoulder to cry on'- we are all here for you.

MLYNNM - Keep your head up. I know it is hard, but you have to stay strong for your brother. He needs you now more than ever. I am here for you. PM me if you need a shoulder. ((((((HUGS))))))

My God but you struck a hard cord with me. I know and feel exactly what you're going thru.Not being able to allow yourself to enjoy anything because you know that he's not able to and you probably feel guilty when you DO feel relaxed and maybe at ease. My husband is in and has already done 10 in the heat of Texas...no a/c, he was just moved to a different unit so of course his property didn't follow which means no fan,no hotpot, no radio...which is hurting him the most. I can only continue to do what I've always done...write that man every single day, send him silly and fun cards so he always knows he's loved and never forgotten...that helps me to know that I've helped him and you need to do the same MLYNNM. Help yourself as you help him. Your happiness is obviously tied into him and there's nothing wrong with that. Love is a powerful emotion and we should embrace it. He needs you and your strength. You draw from him whatever he can offer you...words, love,hugs...whatever it is. I miss my husband like I would miss breathing. Not an hour has passed that he wasn't on my mind and heart. Keeping strong for them makes them feel better...when they know you are ok, they're ok. Hope you feel some better. You are welcome to send me a message back anytime. I have lots of experience in this Texas system and a lot of it has been not so good. I have a son and a husband there. Type away!!! Lynne/Alamos partner

One thing we all have to learn and understand is that we can't to the time FOR them. By allowing this situation to eat at you and make you miserable you aren't helping your brother, your family or yourself.

PTO is a great place to come and vent, but you have to learn some coping skills to get thru this. If that means getting some counseling, whether it be professional or spiritual, then run to the nearest help center as well as coming here where there are others who understand.

Hang in there.. you will find the strengths you need!

mrsd

THANK YOU ALL! Really thank you for all the advice.I am gonna look for some counseling ASAP.Love,mlynnm

mlynnm,
I am glad that you have chosen to go for counseling. I am sure it will help you. Your brother is very lucky to have such a wonderful and loving sister like you.

*HUGS* if okay.

Peace,
doe

continue to stick by your brothers side

peace