I recently found an old friend from High School after a few years of searching the DOC sites. (Now that Im a PTO member Im much more effecient at it). He would have been an Ex boyfriend of mine but we missed our first date on account of him being arrested. He is in on life with no chance of parole. I have not talked to him in years. I was wondering if I should write to him. He and I were pretty good friends before all of this happened. The love of my life now, who is incarcerated, was telling me that usually within a couple months, everyone except really close family and friends stop writing. I know my old friend doesnt have any close family to begin with. I just dont know if I should write or if Id be bugging him, LOL!:)

I would write to him, as long as it is fine with the love of your life. If it is, I would write to your friend. It doesn't hurt to have an extra person in someone's life care about them. You will do more good than bad by doing so. Keep us updated. Good Luck!

I'm sure he'd be happy to hear from you! :) Just knowing someone is thinking of him would really make his day.

i think your man is right ... soon the writing and visiting will slow down. i would prolly write to him also... good luck :)

The only truly bad mail is NO mail.

Writing him will make a good mail day.

If you can send in a SASE (self-addressed --to you--stamped envelope) and some blank paper in your note/letter/card... you'll probably hear back from him.

Incoming mail is a good thing,... Make sure that he's got a way to reply to you.
Would be a shame if he got it, and wanted to reply but was stamp/supplies impaired.

For the Record, it takes 2 people to write, but only one to stop writing. I couldn't tell if the eariler replies were saying that it was the outsiders or the lifers who stop. What drives away outsiders can be a lot of things. Lifers are always where you left them.
What keeps some lifers/prisoners from continuing to write are circumstances/moodswings/personalities/martyrdom/seq time and/or stamp supply issues. If thats the only contact you have with them the silence is deafening or construed as a hint that they are done having the conversation.

Shame really.

Life2, you are right about the imagined hints... it's so hard to know when the silence is or isn't meant to be a message. That goes for both of us. My inmate ran out of stamped envelopes, was on lockdown, couldn't make phone calls, AND hasn't gotten my letters for a month. We both had to try our best to keep from imagining the worst. But even though I was worried, I've had enough experience now to keep the faith and so did he, anyway he called today so we finally connected again! Yay!! And Whew!!! :D

Write him, I believe it will definitely boost his spirit. Sounds like you have a secure, caring man since he suggetsed you write as well.

Very true what was said about friends and family STOPPING writing...we have experienced this ourselves. I especially liked life2's words...interesting point about the reasons for inconsistancy in letters. I was always told that the best way is to be real. Writing about REAL life helps them to feel life outside the walls...

Dawn

If you really want too, and your open about writing to this friend with your love .. then go ahead. I am sure your friend would love to hear from you.. and LOVE getting some mail .. like life said: Mail is very welcomed and needed when my man sometimes acts up and out. I say your lucky you have a few people in your life.. me and your dad who are always consistent with writing and visiting there are some guys and girls that have NO ONE!!! very lonely

Donna

Qwerty i am glad you got to speak with your man.. you must be feelin happy ..
:)))

Donna

Thanks to everyone for the advice. Checked again with my man today and he said "of course I wouldnt mind, thats so cool of you" So I will be writing my old friend this weekend. One question about Life2's comment. I think its a great idea about the selfaddressed stamped envelope, but I dont want to get him in trouble and I have heard some places dont let you send stamps. Would I be better of just sending $5 or $10 money order for commisarry money? Besides if he dont want to write back then hell at least be able to get some goodies, LOL!!!!

Donna C -- i AM happy! ;)

LeftHere, i think everywhere they take the envelopes that have the stamps pre-printed on by the Post Office. That's great your guyt said that's cool -- your man sounds like HE is cool (and secure)!

Cool querty!!! LOL, didnt even know they existed! Im glad you got to talk to your man! I dont know what I would do with no phone call in a month! God love ya hon! :)

I see no harm in writing him if you are serious about maintaining a friendship with him for a long time. Too many lifers go through the experience of old friends tiring of the novelty of writing an inmate and eventually are forgotten about. Also if you should decide to write him becareful to let him know that your intentions are strictly platonic. He may think that he has a chance with you otherwise.

Me, I would write, I always send notebook paper and and several stamps (they can be traded for envelopes). I tried sending envelopes, but it is too humid in fl, and the envelopes arrived stuck together and the stamps are unusable then.

I write 3 lifers, my son, a DR inmate (an idea I get from prisontalk) and a brother of a friend of mine. The first 2 write frequently, and the brother of a friend well.....that hasnt gone so well, the first couple of letters were ok, then he started with requests for money (I am quite clear the I cant provide that when I start writing) and then just got plain dirty.

My son is a lifer, and I know he is thrilled when he hears from someone he hasnt heard from in a while. He always writes back, and hears from several pople he thought were lost to him. They dont write him regulary and just fade in and out, but thats ok with him, he is happy to be thought of and remembered.

Hi!,
I have several close high school buddies I write to they are all serving very long sentences. My man had the same response yours did. The letter writing is once in awhile and they DO APPRECIATE it so much and have been in there long enough to understand the times it takes me awhile to write back. Any form of communications brightens there day so much gives them a chance to escape mentally from the day to day stuff they go through. Cheers for you!

Donna C -- i AM happy! ;)

LeftHere, i think everywhere they take the envelopes that have the stamps pre-printed on by the Post Office. That's great your guyt said that's cool -- your man sounds like HE is cool (and secure)!
Actually, there are a lot of places that don't allow any type of stamped or non-stamped envelopes in or out. Federal is one example..

You should always check with the policies prior to sending. You would think that they all would allow this but they don't... They have to have their petty pleasures.

Thanks to everyone for the advice. Checked again with my man today and he said "of course I wouldnt mind, thats so cool of you" So I will be writing my old friend this weekend. One question about Life2's comment. I think its a great idea about the selfaddressed stamped envelope, but I dont want to get him in trouble and I have heard some places dont let you send stamps. Would I be better of just sending $5 or $10 money order for commisarry money? Besides if he dont want to write back then hell at least be able to get some goodies, LOL!!!!
Sending money is always an option but keep in mind that if he really wants to write you, he won't require any money. Believe me, if someone wants to get in touch with you and it will cost them a tray of food, they will do it happily. Don't ever feel like you have to pay for mail. Only in the worst of circumstances will a prisoner be so bad off that he cannot get a letter out if he really wants to.

This may sound bad but that $5.00-$10.00 will go to something else beyond stamps. If the prison allows stamps and envelopes, I would send SASE's unless you just want to help him out, which is OK also. :)

What Holly (Life2) said about mail is right on the money too..