astralmistangel
01-28-2002, 03:51 AM
‘Footprints’ is my favorite biblical reference, Mother Therasa’s quote ‘ Lord, I know you don’t give me anything I cant handle but sometimes I wish you didn’t give me so much’.
What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
‘Amazing Grace’, is a favorite song of mine.
It is not normal for people to NOT be depressed – how healthy would it be to not get down about our struggles in life? There is a reason for depression – to learn.
Nobody is without sin.
I didn’t think my life could get worse than when I was growing up but at one point it did but this time I did it to myself. When I was 19, a year after my fathers death; I had a job as a ‘shampoo girl’ in a small salon. I had new friends whom were the kids of one of the mothers I worked with everyday. They were almost 18 years old but hadn’t turned by that point. One weekend I went with them to their hometown but with no plans in mind. It was more out of boredom that I agreed to go to kill time. We were supposed to go play pool and maybe see a movie and we agreed I would return the boys to their home after. Unfortunatley it didn’t work that way. They wanted to stop at another friends house and when we did I found out they had plans to break into a home. The home was that of people on vacation and the girl across the street was taking care of the animals and plants. She was the girlfriend of the boy I had just met. I wanted no part of it and chose to stay at the boys house I had just met until their return. While they were away I thought of my choices but didn’t think there was a direct rush. I didn’t want to be a ‘nark’ and possiably tick of the mother I worked with by being the one responsiable for putting them in jail without telling her first. I figured it made common sence to wait until Monday to let her know so she could take care of the problem and I thought she would be grateful for this. When they got back they changed their plans again and wanted to go to the mall. When we arrived there they told me they intended to use the stolen credit cards they had gotten. I didn’t like it and told them I was going to walk around since I was feeling sick and needed a place to rest. At one point I started walking back to my car and had intentions to leave them there stranded. If I had done so my life might have been different after that. Unfortunately I felt sorry for them and wanted to believe their mother could help them so I went to retrieve them. When I found them I started telling them I was leaving one way or the other which was when a security officer came up behind us along with a few others that panned around us. We were taken in and charged in the county they stole the cards from and charged a second time for them using the cards in a separate county. Since they charged it twice it went on my permanent record – even though this was my first time getting in trouble concerning the law. Had they used the cards in the same county I would have been able to go without it on my permanent record. I spent 1 day in one county jail and two days in the other county jail. At my court date I received two years probation. I was lucky and grateful but still didn’t realize the depth of how serious this would affect the rest of my life. I detested seeing the probation officers every week, it made me feel embarresed. I was lucky to find jobs at first as back then there were few companies with policies that prevented a convicted felon and not many did background checks. I didn’t put it on my applications that I had been convicted. A few times the companies checked from a week after my hire to over three months after and then I would be asked to leave. Not all companies did background checks but with those who did not I generally didn’t keep those jobs. I was in a state of denial and confusion and didn’t know what I wanted to do in life so I was drifting. I had already cut all ties to prior friends that anything to do with drugs or any other non lawabiding activities and thought very little of myself. So little I still couldn’t see any new friends I seemed to come around were also not the type I shouldn’t be around. I didn’t care about myself so I didn’t care who I attracted either. Didn’t think I was good enough for a good friend , mate or any other type person. I was dating total losers that thought nothing of me and almost killed me at one point. I got pregnant at this point with my first born at this point and was starting to mend my differences with my mother that Id never given enough credit to in life. It wasn’t perfect by any means but it was a start. While pregnant I felt a new determination to do right by my child no matter what and provide for her no matter how much persistence it took. I had new renewed faith in myself. I didn’t know what my future held but I didn’t care anymore and was happy. I think if it hadn’t been for my daughters conception I would never have found that faith in myself again and most likely would have commited suicide not long after that point. I was lucky in so many ways. A few years later I married my husband and I loved him all the more knowing he knew all there was to know of me and he excepted me in every way. He didn’t look down upon me and gave me even more strength to face life to. Years have passed and I still do not work, I try every now and then to find work so I can relieve some of the burden my husband carries financially. Sometimes it gets depressing not getting excepted for jobs based on my screwup over 10 years ago. I try not to judge people based on their mistakes or what they seem and feel very frustrated over the fact that all potential employers do this to me when looking at my applications. Somebody told me once not long ago that perhaps maybe since things happen for a reason that we cant see going through is that perhaps there is a greater need that I cant see at this point for me to be at home with my kids right now and when the time is no longer nessacary that maybe then I will find a job. Who knows. Maybe.
:p :)
What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
‘Amazing Grace’, is a favorite song of mine.
It is not normal for people to NOT be depressed – how healthy would it be to not get down about our struggles in life? There is a reason for depression – to learn.
Nobody is without sin.
I didn’t think my life could get worse than when I was growing up but at one point it did but this time I did it to myself. When I was 19, a year after my fathers death; I had a job as a ‘shampoo girl’ in a small salon. I had new friends whom were the kids of one of the mothers I worked with everyday. They were almost 18 years old but hadn’t turned by that point. One weekend I went with them to their hometown but with no plans in mind. It was more out of boredom that I agreed to go to kill time. We were supposed to go play pool and maybe see a movie and we agreed I would return the boys to their home after. Unfortunatley it didn’t work that way. They wanted to stop at another friends house and when we did I found out they had plans to break into a home. The home was that of people on vacation and the girl across the street was taking care of the animals and plants. She was the girlfriend of the boy I had just met. I wanted no part of it and chose to stay at the boys house I had just met until their return. While they were away I thought of my choices but didn’t think there was a direct rush. I didn’t want to be a ‘nark’ and possiably tick of the mother I worked with by being the one responsiable for putting them in jail without telling her first. I figured it made common sence to wait until Monday to let her know so she could take care of the problem and I thought she would be grateful for this. When they got back they changed their plans again and wanted to go to the mall. When we arrived there they told me they intended to use the stolen credit cards they had gotten. I didn’t like it and told them I was going to walk around since I was feeling sick and needed a place to rest. At one point I started walking back to my car and had intentions to leave them there stranded. If I had done so my life might have been different after that. Unfortunately I felt sorry for them and wanted to believe their mother could help them so I went to retrieve them. When I found them I started telling them I was leaving one way or the other which was when a security officer came up behind us along with a few others that panned around us. We were taken in and charged in the county they stole the cards from and charged a second time for them using the cards in a separate county. Since they charged it twice it went on my permanent record – even though this was my first time getting in trouble concerning the law. Had they used the cards in the same county I would have been able to go without it on my permanent record. I spent 1 day in one county jail and two days in the other county jail. At my court date I received two years probation. I was lucky and grateful but still didn’t realize the depth of how serious this would affect the rest of my life. I detested seeing the probation officers every week, it made me feel embarresed. I was lucky to find jobs at first as back then there were few companies with policies that prevented a convicted felon and not many did background checks. I didn’t put it on my applications that I had been convicted. A few times the companies checked from a week after my hire to over three months after and then I would be asked to leave. Not all companies did background checks but with those who did not I generally didn’t keep those jobs. I was in a state of denial and confusion and didn’t know what I wanted to do in life so I was drifting. I had already cut all ties to prior friends that anything to do with drugs or any other non lawabiding activities and thought very little of myself. So little I still couldn’t see any new friends I seemed to come around were also not the type I shouldn’t be around. I didn’t care about myself so I didn’t care who I attracted either. Didn’t think I was good enough for a good friend , mate or any other type person. I was dating total losers that thought nothing of me and almost killed me at one point. I got pregnant at this point with my first born at this point and was starting to mend my differences with my mother that Id never given enough credit to in life. It wasn’t perfect by any means but it was a start. While pregnant I felt a new determination to do right by my child no matter what and provide for her no matter how much persistence it took. I had new renewed faith in myself. I didn’t know what my future held but I didn’t care anymore and was happy. I think if it hadn’t been for my daughters conception I would never have found that faith in myself again and most likely would have commited suicide not long after that point. I was lucky in so many ways. A few years later I married my husband and I loved him all the more knowing he knew all there was to know of me and he excepted me in every way. He didn’t look down upon me and gave me even more strength to face life to. Years have passed and I still do not work, I try every now and then to find work so I can relieve some of the burden my husband carries financially. Sometimes it gets depressing not getting excepted for jobs based on my screwup over 10 years ago. I try not to judge people based on their mistakes or what they seem and feel very frustrated over the fact that all potential employers do this to me when looking at my applications. Somebody told me once not long ago that perhaps maybe since things happen for a reason that we cant see going through is that perhaps there is a greater need that I cant see at this point for me to be at home with my kids right now and when the time is no longer nessacary that maybe then I will find a job. Who knows. Maybe.
:p :)